by Lori Foster
He looked down at her hands, which were tightly pressed together in her lap, then covered them with one of his own. “Is that why you’ve isolated yourself?”
“I haven’t.”
His gaze snapped back to her face, as if struck that she would deny such an obvious thing. “Of course you have. You keep to yourself, don’t date, don’t form long-standing friendships. You put everything you have into the lingerie shops. It’s almost like you’re afraid of getting involved.”
“I am not afraid.” She didn’t know what else she could say. She felt defensive, as if she had to explain her choice of lifestyle, but that was impossible. She would never be able to give Tony the truth.
“It’s not natural for a woman like you to still be single, to not want some kind of commitment.”
Despite herself, she stiffened. “A woman like me? What exactly is that supposed to mean?”
Tony closed his eyes and made a sound of frustration. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. It’s just that… I never thought of you as you are. You always seemed pleasant enough, but so businesslike and…well, detached. And here you are, a very warm, caring woman, wearing sexy lingerie that makes me go a little crazy and looking so damn sweet and vulnerable at the most surprising times.”
“Tony…” She didn’t like being labeled vulnerable any more than she liked feeling defensive.
“I don’t understand you, Olivia, and I want to. I really do.”
“But why?”
He quirked a smile. “Don’t sound so panicked. I promise, I’m not asking for orange blossoms and golden rings. I just… I guess I like you more than I thought I would.”
“Sex has a way of making a man feel like that. Believe me, it will pass.”
He reached out to wrap a lock of her hair around his finger, then gently pulled until her face was closer to his. His tone was low, his expression heated. “Honey, you don’t know enough about men and sex to make that assumption.” He laid his palm warmly on her thigh, gently squeezing. “And I’d say that nasty little comment deserves some form of retribution, wouldn’t you?”
Olivia tried to pull away, but she couldn’t get very far. She wasn’t afraid of Tony, but she didn’t trust the look in his eyes. He was pushing, and there was too much she could never tell him.
“I didn’t mean it to sound nasty, exactly.” She was beginning to feel cornered, and that made her so very nervous. Then she went on the attack, hoping to force him to back off. “Dammit, Tony, we agreed not to get personal, right? And this discussion is getting very personal. You want a baby from me, not my life history. Why don’t we talk about sex instead?” Trying to be subtle, she leaned into him, allowing her breasts to brush against his chest.
He allowed her closeness, but his expression didn’t change. “Since I do want a baby from you, and you don’t appear to be the woman I first thought you to be, I think your family history is very relevant.” He continued to maintain his gentle hold on her hair as his hand left her thigh and curved around her waist.
She drew in a sharp breath when his fingers slipped upward to tease against the outer curves of her breast. She tried to squirm, to get his hand exactly where she wanted it, but he only grinned and continued to tease.
It was enough to set off her temper, and without thinking she jerked upright again. But Tony only pulled her back, using her hair as a leash.
Olivia gritted her teeth. “I’m not going to sit and let you practice your intimidation tactics. This isn’t a boardroom.”
“No, and it’s not the bedroom, either. So stop trying to distract me with sex—believe me, we’ll get back to that as soon as possible. Just tell me a little about your folks.” He was still speaking in that soft, determined tone, and she could feel his stubbornness. The man had it in buckets.
It was apparent he wasn’t going to give up, so she did. She just wasn’t practiced enough to play this kind of game with a man. “Never say I don’t know when to restructure my plans.”
“And your plans were to run the show?”
“Something like that. But it’s not important now.”
Tony laughed softly, then turned her head toward him so he could kiss her mouth. His quick, soft peck turned into a lingering kiss, and he gave a low curse when he finally managed to pull himself away. “You’re a fast learner, but I’m afraid I’m too curious to let you get away with it. Go ahead now. Tell me about your parents.”
Her sigh was long, indicating her reluctance. “They were poor, not overly educated, and they worked harder than anybody I know.” Speaking of them brought a tightness to her chest that always wanted to linger. She tried clearing her throat, but the discomfort remained. “Our furniture was usually tattered, but it was always clean. My mother kept an immaculate house.”
“You were close with them?”
She simply couldn’t remember—and it pained her. There were too many other memories in the way of the good times. “We didn’t have much daily time to do things together. Whenever possible, my mother would make me a special cake, and my dad always kissed me good-night, no matter how late he got in. But they weren’t always happy, which I suppose makes sense seeing how poor we were.”
She drew a deep breath, the tightness now nearly choking her, and before she knew she would say the words, they tumbled out. “My parents loved me, they really did, and they tried to do the best for me that they could, but…sometimes they made mistakes.”
Easing closer, Tony twined his fingers through her hair and began massaging her scalp. His nearness touched her, made some of the hurt from the memories fade.
He leaned down and placed a kiss on the bridge of her nose. “All parents make mistakes, honey. It’s a built-in factor that you can’t be a perfect parent.”
Olivia only nodded, since she had no idea how other parents did things. But he had questions, and she wanted to give him his answers quickly, to get the telling over with so she could forget it all again. “I was an only child and we lived on the riverbank in a tiny little nothing town called Hattsburg, Mississippi. My mother worked at the local market, my father at the one factory in town. Sometimes…sometimes he drank too much. It was the way he escaped, my mom used to say.”
Tony leaned into her, giving her silent comfort. She drew a deep breath and rushed through the rest of the story. “They died on the river, using a boat that couldn’t have passed safety standards on its best day, but was especially hazardous in bad weather. The river had swelled from spring rains, and the boat capsized. My father was drunk and didn’t use good judgment, the deputy said. He was knocked out when he went overboard and died before they reached the hospital. My mother had tried to save him, but the water was still frigid, and she suffered exposure and multiple injuries. And grief. She died in the hospital not too many days after my father.”
She drew a deep breath, knowing the unwanted feelings would crowd her if she let them. She shook her head at herself, denying the feelings, the hurt. “I don’t really miss them anymore, because I can hardly remember ever having a family. You’re really pretty lucky, you know.”
He was silent over that, and Olivia wondered if she’d said too much, if he was again having second thoughts about allowing her around his family. But then he tipped her chin up and without a word began nibbling lightly on her lips. She exchanged one set of concerns for another. “Tony… Don’t tease me anymore. I swear, I don’t think I can take it and there’s no way we can do anything about it now.”
“No, we can’t. But I just like touching you. Don’t deny me that.” He slipped his tongue into her mouth, holding her head steady with his hand still on the back of her neck.
“When…” She gasped as his head lifted and his hand covered her breast, then she started over. “When will we be able to try again?”
“My mother will pick the kids up in the morning. Do you have to be at work early?”
His fingers found her nipple, encouraging her to give the right answer. After a breathless moan,
she said, “I can take the morning off.”
“Good. I have to go in for a while in the afternoon, but I want you to go with me. There’s something I want to show you.”
Olivia would have questioned that, but he suddenly tunneled both hands into her hair and leaned her into the padded back of the couch, his mouth ravenous, moving over her face, her throat.
“God, I think I’ve been wanting you forever.”
Olivia thrilled at the words. It was such a pleasant alternative, going from the distressing memories of her childhood to the newfound feelings of adult desire, her mind simply accepted the change with no lingering remorse. Then a small, outraged voice intruded, and she practically leapt off the couch.
“Sheeesh! You guys are gross.”
Luke stood there, his hands on his narrow hips, his skinny legs braced wide apart and a look of total disgust on his face.
With a sigh that turned into a laugh, Tony asked, “What do you want, squirt?”
“I wanted you to come out and toss with me. Maggie can’t catch nothin’.”
Tony considered it a moment, but his gaze kept going to the baby. She could tell the idea of a game of catch was enticing for him, and yet he was going to refuse. Olivia rolled her eyes. “Go on, Tony. If the baby starts fussing, I’ll come get you.”
Cupping her cheek, Tony drifted his thumb over her lips and whispered, “I don’t want to leave you alone.”
Again, Luke complained. “You two are worse than Mom and Dad!”
Olivia couldn’t help but laugh. “Will you go on, before Luke gets sick? He’s starting to turn a funny shade of green.”
That had Luke laughing and looking for a mirror so he could see for himself.
Olivia pushed at Tony’s solid shoulders. “Go on. I’ll be fine. I’ll just watch a little television.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m positive. Now go.”
It was a cool November day, and Tony pulled on his down jacket before stepping out the back door. Olivia went to the window to watch. The kids laughed and tackled Tony as he tried to throw the ball, and they all three went down in a pile. Tony began tickling Luke, while at the same time he managed to toss Maggie in the air. Olivia felt something damp on her cheek, and when she went to brush it away, she realized it was a tear.
Why the sight of Tony’s gorgeous, healthy body in play with two kids should make her cry, she didn’t know. It wasn’t as if he wouldn’t eventually get the child he wanted—and obviously deserved. He’d make a remarkable father, and she envied him the opportunity to be a parent. But she wasn’t actually hampering him, only slowing him down for a few weeks. And what was that when compared with a lifetime of having a child of your own?
She would have stood there watching them forever, but the baby started to fuss, and since Olivia assumed he couldn’t be hungry, not after Tony had just given him a bottle before putting him down, she decided he might just want to be held.
She knew she did.
Being very careful, she lifted the baby in her arms, and like a small turtle, he stretched his head up to look at her. She grinned at his pouting expression. It was almost as if he were disgruntled at waking to unfamiliar surroundings. She cuddled him close and patted his back and listened to his lusty little yawn.
Sitting in the large padded chair not far from where little Shawn had been sleeping, she settled them both there. It was easy to relax while inhaling his unique, sweet baby scent. And Shawn seemed to like her, resting against her in a posture of trust, with his little head against her breasts, his legs tucked up against her belly. By instinct alone, she hummed a melody she knew and gently swayed in the chair, lulling him. Before long, she was yawning as well, and thinking that if she could never have a baby of her own, at least now she’d know what it was like to hold one.
*
TONY CAME IN carrying Maggie and listening to Luke tell him all the things he wanted for Christmas. It was an impressive list, and he was thinking Luke might be just a bit spoiled, then decided he’d buy him the expensive remote-control car he wanted. Grinning, he knew John would have a fit, but it didn’t matter. That’s what uncles were for—to indulge their nephews.
He stopped cold when he walked into the family room and found Olivia curled up in a chair with Shawn sleeping in her arms. Immediately he hushed Luke and Maggie, not wanting Olivia to awaken. In fact, he could have stood there for hours just looking at her.
It was such a revelation, discovering her like this and having his heart suddenly acknowledge all the things it had been denying. It seemed as if all his strength had just been stripped away, leaving him raw and unsteady.
This was what he wanted.
He wanted to come in from playing with the kids—his kids—and find his woman resting with his baby in her arms. He wanted to coddle her, to love her. He wanted an entire family to look after, not just a single baby. He wanted to share all his love, and have it returned. He wanted it all.
With his heart thundering and his stomach tight, he set little Maggie down and pulled Luke close. Speaking in hushed tones, he told the children, “I want you to get the bag your dad brought and find your pajamas, then go into the bathroom and wash up.”
“Carry me.” Maggie reached up again, but Tony shook his head.
“Not this time, munchkin. Luke, can you help Maggie with her clothes?”
“Sure. She sometimes puts her stuff on backwards.”
Maggie frowned. “I’m only a little girl, so it’s okay. Mommy says so.”
Tony grinned. “And your mom is right.” He gave Maggie a quick squeeze. “You can leave your clothes in the bathroom and I’ll pick them up in a bit. Get ready for bed and I’ll get the tent set up, okay?”
Luke sidled close to get his own hug. “Can we have marshmallows and chocolate?”
“I think I have some cocoa left. We’ll check when you’ve finished up. Put your toothbrushes in the bathroom, though, so we don’t forget to brush before we go to bed.”
“It’s not bedtime yet.”
Tony patted Luke’s head, hearing the touch of anxiety there. “Nope. We still have to read a story, too. But when it is time, I promise to sleep close by you, okay?”
Trying not to look too relieved, Luke nodded. “Maggie’ll like that.”
“Carry me.”
Again Maggie lifted her arms to Tony, and he almost gave in. Then he shook his head. “Go on, imp. Luke will give you a hand.”
She didn’t look happy about it, but she let Luke take her hand and lead her down the hall. Tony felt a swell of pride at what good kids they were. He hoped, when Olivia finally conceived, that he’d be half as good a parent as his brother, John, was.
That thought had his stomach roiling again, and he went back in to look at Olivia. She hadn’t moved a single muscle. He’d never thought it before, but looking at her now, relaxed with a small, content smile on her face, she was a very beautiful woman. He swallowed the lump of emotion in his throat, then carefully crept toward her chair.
She was obviously exhausted, the past two days wearing on her. He knew he’d slept little, and she’d confessed to the same problem. What they were doing, what they planned, it was enough to rattle a person’s thoughts.
Seeing her in sleep, though, with all her pride and stubbornness and the attitude she generally affected wiped away by total relaxation, proved to be a great insight. He’d always seen Olivia in one way, as if any woman could be one-dimensional. He should have known Olivia would be more complex than most.
Talking about her family had upset her, had left her struggling for words in a way he’d never witnessed before. Her pain had become his, and he’d found himself wanting only to distract her, to ease her. When he’d kissed her, it had been with the intent to console, but as always with Olivia since starting this strange bit of business, one touch had left him wanting another, and for a brief moment, he’d actually forgotten Maggie and Luke outside.
It was a good thing Luke had walked in when he
did, because Tony didn’t want her thinking everything between them was about sex, or even about getting a baby. As she’d told him earlier, they were friends. Certainly they were closer friends now than he’d ever envisioned them being, but he liked it, and he sensed a need in her to be reassured. He planned to do just that.
Little Shawn wiggled, then snuggled into her breast, and without opening her eyes, Olivia gently patted his back and made soft shushing sounds. Tony reached out and laid his hand over hers, hoping to convey so much with that one small gesture.
Olivia’s eyes snapped open, but she didn’t move or jar the baby in any way. It took her a moment to reorient herself, then she smiled. “Hi.”
That one whispered word had his chest squeezing again. “Hi.”
“He wanted to be held.”
Her voice, pitched low and husky from sleep, rubbed over him like a caress. “So I see.”
“He sleeps a lot, doesn’t he?”
“He’s still considered a newborn. I suppose,” he whispered, staring into her dark eyes and wanting so much to hold her, “we should get a book on babies, one that tells you what to expect so we’ll be prepared when ours is born.”
A look of such intense pain filled her eyes he reached for her without thinking. “What is it, Olivia? Are you okay?”
She swallowed twice, then took a deep breath. “I’m okay. It’s just… Tony, will you be very disappointed if I don’t conceive? I mean, what if we try the agreed two weeks, and it just doesn’t happen?”
“We’ll keep trying.” He was positive. He didn’t want any other woman to birth his child. He wanted this woman.
“I… I don’t know if that’s a good idea. We agreed—”
He bridged his arms around her hips and laid his head against her thighs. Her hand touched his nape, then she threaded her fingers through his hair. “Tony?”
“Shh. You’re borrowing trouble. Let’s just wait and see what happens.” He continued to hold her like that until he heard the kids start out of the bathroom. With a sigh, he sat up. “I guess I’d better get started on that tent. Will you camp out with us tonight?”