by Bijou Hunter
“What’s a business man to do in this new world?” Joe continues when no one says anything. “We have this latest fucker beating on his woman in the grocery store. He gets picked up by the cops, and they pressure him to give us up. He doesn’t budge the first time around, but the cops won’t give up. They nail him for possession with intent to distribute. He was looking at a decade at least, and no way does a meth fucker like him keep his mouth shut. So we kept it shut for him, but now we have to keep looking over our shoulders for cops.”
Ned picks up Joe’s whining and runs with it. “The cops have their fucking arrest quotas and the prosecutors are all looking for big cases to make their careers. If they get a whiff of trouble from Tumbling Rock, they’ll be up our asses until they drag us down. Used to be you could pay off a cop here and a judge there. We didn’t spill blood in front of the civilians, and the law stayed out of our way. Everyone was happy, but today we need to worry about everyone being a snitch. I have to scan every fucking room I go in for some kind of device. Can’t even take a shit without worrying someone is listening in.”
“So what do you want us to do?” Jared asks when Joe just goes silent.
“What can we do?” Ned says. “We don’t want to end up like our partner club in Deacon who got wiped out after pissing off the cops. Half are in jail. The other half are in the ground. We can’t expand. Not with a crew of old timers like us. None of the guys growing up around here want to join the club. They’re soft these days. None of them can take a punch. Oh, they’ll join if it’s all pussy and good times, but they’re pathetic fucks. Seems the Rawkfist MC is going the way of the dinosaurs.”
Stress scratching at his head again, Joe nods. “Look at my son with his fucking hand cream and emotional baggage talk. He’s a bitch. Hell, his sister has more balls, and she cries at the drop of the hat. Kids today don’t have the stones to make the tough decisions and keep their mouths shut. Do you think any of those fuckers playing bikers around the Tavern lately could keep their mouth shut like Court did if they got snatched up by the cops on some trumped up charge?”
“We could try bringing in new talent from outside the area?” I offer.
“How?”
“I don’t know, but there’s got to be a way to bring in fresh blood. This area has established ties and money to be made. It’s a nice fucking town. Seems like people might be interested in coming here.”
“Yeah, but if we can’t find those people, they ain’t coming. Besides, who knows what kind of psycho bullshit they might bring with them. I don’t want the Rawkfist name being connected to kiddie porn or dog fighting. Hell, I heard down in Bateman, they got kids fighting fucking dogs. The world’s gone mad. No place for honorable men like us in this new scheme of things.”
I don’t know if I’m the only one feeling as if this meeting was called so Joe and Ned could complain to an audience. Casually, I glance around to see if anyone looks irritated or bored. Instead, the other men nod in agreement at everything Joe and Ned say.
Yes, the world is bad. No, a criminal can’t make money in an honorable way these days. Yes, we’re fucked. No, we don’t know how to fix anything. Yes, we were once great.
By the time the meeting ends an hour later, I’m sick of listening to their bullshit. They were once the kind of men who told indecisive fuckers to crap or get off the pot. Now they’re the ones unsure how to handle a world that didn’t change overnight. While I’m not smart enough to lead the club, I’m beginning to think they aren’t either.
Walking outside, I wonder how Daryl Rose would have faced the changing landscape of crime. Would the drunken playboy wish for the old days or would he have already embraced the ugly new realities?
“Hold up,” Jared says when I reach my Harley.
Watching him walk to me, I wonder why Jared never wanted to run anything. He’s smarter than most guys and level-headed when other men’s tempers rule them. I know Jared was in prison when Daryl fell off the ladder, so maybe he never had a say in who led the club. Or maybe Joe was a super badass in the day, and I can’t see it anymore after an hour of listening to him whine.
“I think we need to discuss some shit.”
“I thought you weren’t going to involve yourself. Now you want to discuss.”
“Look, I got to get this off my chest.”
“Then do it.”
Even standing away from the other men, Jared still glances around to make sure we have enough privacy. When he returns his dark gaze to me, I search for something about his face that reminds me of Justice.
“I’m saying this as someone who thinks of you as a son,” Jared begins, and I know he’s about to cut off my balls. “I don’t think you’re good enough for Justice. There it is. I know it’s fucked up, but it’s how I feel. You’re a good kid, and I want you to be happy, but not with my daughter. She’s got a future, and I think it’d be better without you in it.”
“I won’t pretend I can read your mind, but I think you look at Justice and see Christine. You think you messed up with your ex, and now you’re saving me from doing the same shit with Justice.”
Jared’s face shows no reaction to my accusation. He glances around again and then suddenly frowns.
“Christine had big plans before meeting me, but I didn’t care. I wanted her, and I took her, and she seemed happy, but women lie to your face. I don’t even think they know they’re lying. I doubt Christine figured she was lying when she said she was happy, but as soon as I had my back turned, she took off. The fact is she made the right decision, and now she’s got a business, and she’s happy.”
“Justice isn’t Christine. She already has her career, and I ain’t doing anything to steal that from her.”
“You come with baggage.”
“Don’t call my kid baggage, Jared,” I growl, ready to throw down.
“I’m not. I meant Becca and the club and being an ex-con. Justice has a clean record and a solid career. Hooking up with a criminal can ruin that.”
“I’m not breaking things off with your daughter. No matter what you say, it’s just not happening.”
Sighing loudly, Jared is clearly frustrated I didn’t immediately bow to his will. “You know why I never chased Christine down after I got out of prison? I could have forced the issue and made the girls visit me here, but I always let Christine have us meet in Turbo. I did that because this town is a dead-end. Once I got out of prison, I knew the right thing was to let Christine have her freedom so she could raise the girls somewhere better. I know you want the same for Felix.”
“While you make great points, we both know if someone had made the same fucking points to you when you hooked up with Christine, that you’d still have married her.”
“What happens if you and Justice have kids and then one day you end up back to prison for the club?”
“Justice isn’t stupid. She knows what she’s getting into. If you think she’s making a mistake, tell her. Don’t come to me and say I ought to fuck up the only easy thing I’ve had in my life. With Felix, I need to deal with Becca. With the club, I gotta worry they think I’ve got too much of my rat father in me. With Justice, it’s been easy. We click like fucking magic, and I won’t walk away. Then again, if you think you’re right, tell her the shit you’re telling me and make her see your side of things.”
Jared scowls hard at me. “You know she won’t listen.”
“Of course not. She does what she wants, and she never regrets anything. We regret all kinds of shit so we can’t understand her, but I don’t need to understand to know I’m falling in love with Justice. She’s a gem in a pile of coal, and I can’t lose her. She’ll need to kick me to the curb because I won’t do it myself.”
“Love don’t pay the bills or raise the kids or make life livable. It only holds people back.”
“If you had listened to your advice with Christine, you’d never have Justice or Journey. I happen to think the world is better off for you making that mistake. I think your ex is hap
pier having given life with you a chance. You ought to respect your daughter enough to let her make her mistakes.”
Jared sighs long and loud “There’s no talking to people when they’ve got stars in their eyes at the start of a relationship. I still needed to have my say.”
“And I respect that, but you need to get over being weird about Justice and me. She senses it, and that makes her distrust you. The thing I noticed about Justice, her sisters, and mom is how they fight and rag on each other, but they also accept each other completely warts and all. If you don’t trust her judgment, it makes her not trust your judgment. So you need to get past this, or you’ll make things tense between you and your kids. I suspect Justice and Journey are a package deal. If one of them gets upset, the other follows.”
“You're not wrong, but I’m not afraid of pissing off Justice. If I think you’re fucking with her, I’ll tell her.”
“Do your dad thing. I’m leaving now so I can pick up Felix. We’re visiting Justice at work so he can meet her.”
Jared shakes his head, but I don’t know why he’s surprised his words didn’t affect me. He couldn’t have really thought I’d dump Justice, and he knows she won’t dump me on his say so. Whatever he wants won’t happen, and I see him working out a way to adjust to this new reality. Unlike the old men inside, Jared isn’t the type to wallow in self-pity about a world he can’t control.
20 Black Sheep
Justice
Weeks into my new job, I still love coming to work. I want everything in the store to run perfectly. I even double check other managers’ paperwork. Nothing bothers me at work, not rude customers or lazy employees. While Rite-Rock Mart is no Burger King, this place feels like home now.
Like many afternoons, I reorganize the potato chip bags a couple of dumbass teenagers rearranged during their stoned munchies quest. Even with my mind focused on this important task, I notice Court walking toward the front door.
He’s so much more beautiful than anyone else in the entire world. My whole body reacts to the sight of him. I remember caressing his hot skin and licking his plump lips. Edgy with need, I’m startled to notice Court open the door for a kid.
A foot shorter than his dad, Felix has a mop of dark hair similar to Court’s. While not the spitting image of his father, the similarities are eerie. They walk in stride, and I would guess they were brothers if I didn’t know the truth. Suddenly, I’m very aware Court isn’t just my boyfriend. He’s an honest to goodness grown-up responsible for a kid.
“Hey,” he says, leaning down to kiss me quickly. “This is Felix.”
Court hides his anxiety about this forced meet-up. I look into Felix’s dark eyes and see too much resemblance to the guy I want to hump. Freaked out, I only mumble, “Hey.”
“Hi,” Felix awkwardly replies.
I know Court wants us to get along, so I shake out my arms and calm my anxiety. “Look, Felix, I don’t know anything about kids. The only kid I know is my fifteen-year-old sister, and she’s more of a raging nut-job teenager than a kid. So I’m going to go ahead and talk to you like you’re an adult since I doubt you want me to talk to you like a baby. I only have those two modes.”
Felix gives me a lopsided smile that is so frigging adorable I can instantly picture Court as a boy. I want to both hug him for being so cute and hump Court for growing up to be so sexy. Doubting Felix wants a hug, and certain Court would prefer I didn’t feel him up in front of his kid, I keep my hands to myself.
“Um,” I say, afraid to make an offer I might regret, “this weekend, my family has backyard grilling party thing. If you want, you could come. Though I should warn you that we don’t know how to cook raw meats, and my mom always puts way too much mustard in her potato salad. You’ll probably want to eat before coming over.”
Felix looks at his dad to see if they can go. I can’t imagine being so docile to my parent. When I was ten, I told Christine I wanted to buzz off my hair and whined until she took me to the salon. Once I was bald, I whined until she bought me a wig to cover my peanut shaped skull. Felix, though, passively waits for his dad for approval.
“Want us to bring anything?” Court asks.
“No. Well, you could bring food, but that’s probably asking too much.”
“Dad knows how to grill,” Felix says, shoving his hands in his pockets and perfectly mimicking Court.
“That I do. I could make sure the meat is edible.”
“My hero,” I coo, forgetting for a second how his kid probably doesn’t want to see me swooning. “I mean, I would really appreciate any assistance in this matter.”
Court rolls his eyes and leans down to give me another kiss. I wish I could wrap my legs around one of his and then hump the hell out of it until I find relief from the heat he creates by simply existing.
“Felix, go grab us a few sodas while I talk to Justice.”
Grinning at his dad, the kid looks like he’s dying to laugh. I felt the same way when Christine brought her boyfriends home to meet us. She only did it twice and ended up marrying the second weenie. Both times, I barely kept a straight face. Having sexually active parents is one of the most disgusting concepts ever.
Felix walks to the refrigerators to get them a drink. The second he’s out of sight, I grab Court and kiss him hard. He responds with the same gusto, but we quickly pry ourselves apart.
“He’s so gorgeous, Court,” I whisper. “You did good. In fact, I want you to make one of them with me right now.”
“In front of the security cameras and Ali Smith?”
I glance at Ali standing behind the front counter and realize she’s struggling not to gawk at her horny manager.
“You’re right. Time and place. Appropriate work behavior. All that stuff. Still, Felix is so handsome.”
Court gives me a look somewhere between proud papa and relieved boy-toy.
“Did I do okay?” I ask. “Was I too likable? Should I hold back next time?”
Court gives my cheek a quick kiss right before Felix returns with the drinks.
“What are you two boys doing this afternoon?”
“Shooting hoops at the park,” Court says.
“Sounds boring. I’m glad I’m not coming along.”
Felix smiles at me. “Dad told me you have no filter.”
“Wait, what? I have a filter. Trust that I don’t say a lot of inappropriate crap floating around in my big head.”
Court’s smile fades when he spots someone entering the store. Felix follows his father’s gaze and loses his smile too. I’m assuming the person at the counter isn’t a friend of theirs.
“She’s tight with Becca,” Court says in a quiet voice.
“Do you like dogs?” I ask Felix as a way to distract from the redhead at the counter.
“Yeah.”
“We have a stubborn dog who loves little kids. You’re not so little, but I think he’ll still want to follow you around at the barbecue. You should prepare for that.”
Felix smiles again, and I realize I have a natural knack with kids. Or he’s just easy to please. Probably the latter.
Court waits until the redhead leaves before paying for their drinks. I wish I could run off with them to the park even if shooting hoops really does sound horrible. Court makes me feel even needier when he mentions Felix is sleeping over at his place tonight. I try to hide my disappointment when hearing this announcement. I really do, but Felix still worries I’ll cry.
Shrugging off my weepy self, I walk them outside to the Harley. I watch them ride away, and my fingers wipe away a hint of moisture from around my eyes.
Court is my guy, and I want to have him with me twenty-four seven. Unfortunately, the real world of grown-ups doesn’t allow for much possessive stalkerish behavior.
21 Black Sheep
Justice
Waking up early on a weekend makes Journey a bitchy bitch. She growls everything she says while we work on food before our guests arrive. Even playing the Fratellis on blast in the kit
chen doesn’t improve her mood.
Meanwhile, Christine is a ball of nerves, but her frazzled demeanor is the complete opposite of her first born. Where Journey growls, Christine sings everything.
Either way, they’re obnoxious.
Poppy and I work silently next to our insane sister and mother. I’m thinking of Court and how I haven’t seen him naked in two days. He needed to stay overnight at Felix’s grandmother’s house while the woman dealt with a medical issue. I thought to ask why couldn’t Becca stick around and watch her children but remembered what Court said about his ex partying on the weekends.
“This is good practice,” I say to no one since I make this announcement before realizing I’m suddenly alone in the kitchen. Focusing on Louise nearby, I pretend as if I always intended to talk to our least friendly cat. “If Court and I were always naked and having fun, I wouldn’t be able to see what we’d be like in real life. It’d all be lust and party times. No, this is much better. It’s a grown-up relationship. Yeah, much better.”
“You’re an idiot,” I hear from the hallway.
“You better not be talking to me!” I yell at Journey, though she remains busy elsewhere in the house.
“I’m not,” she yells back. “Thelma tried to climb my leg, and I wasn’t wearing pants. She’s lucky I didn’t punch her in the whiskers.”
“Violence is never the answer,” I tell Louise, who gets fed up with me bugging her and walks away.
I finish peeling potatoes and put them on to boil. Once the food is under Christine’s overly-happy care, I take a shower and pick out a blue and white sleeveless flannel style shirt to go with my jean shorts. Slathering sunscreen followed by bug repellent on my skin, I am officially ready to meet and greet people in the hot, insect-infested outdoors.
Journey showers off her bad mood and ends up smiling a lot as we finish up the food. Christine is positively radiant as she dumps an obscene amount of mustard into her potato salad. Poppy claims she googled how to grill meat properly, so no one needs to die today. Everyone is ready for our first West Virginia house party.