by Jill Sanders
She did as he said, trying to block from her mind what they must look like to an outsider. Them, standing in the parking lot of a hotel, his arms rubbing up and down hers, while his body heated… Shaking her head, she cleared her mind of him and took a deep breath.
Instantly, she could smell his sexy scent. Leather and muscles. Damn. She tried again, this time blocking Brian completely out of her mind. There, in the cold breeze that floated over them, was a hint of… freshness.
“See,” Brian said instantly, dropping his arms, “you’ve got it now.” He turned around and walked towards their door. Following him, she stepped into their room.
“You’re a hippie,” she accused him, but instead of being offended, he laughed.
“There’s nothing wrong with loving our planet,” he said easily, removing his jacket and tossing it on the bed.
She threw her own purse and jacket next to his, then flung herself down on her side of the bed. He walked over and moved her booted feet off the comforter, so she stuck her tongue out at him.
“What are you, ten?” He laughed at her. “Okay, making the call.” He pulled out his cell phone, and she sat back while he filled Carter in.
By the time he was off the phone, she realized she could have used a nap. They had driven most of the night because they had been in Bismarck finishing up a case.
She’d heard Brian trying to get out of the case, a first. He’d never not wanted a case. She thought about returning to Chicago and her own mother and knew she’d fight it as well.
Still, after seeing him with his mother, she wondered what he’d caused a big deal over. Except for the strip clubs, the little town was straight out of a fifties TV show. It was filled with so much charm and character that it seemed there should be a snow globe cover encompassing the town.
Brian removed his boots and lay down beside her. “You may not want a nap,” he sighed, “but something tells me it’s going to be a late night so I’m going to…” He rested his head on the pillow beside hers.
“Yeah, it was a long drive.” She closed her eyes.
She woke an hour later when her phone chimed. The room had grown darker somehow and when she moved over to the window, she was surprised to see a half a foot of snow on the ground.
“Shit.” She groaned.
“What?” Brian wiped his hands over his face.
“Snow, about six inches of it so far.” She pulled out her phone and glanced down at the text she’d gotten.
She was shocked to see that the text was from her mother.
-If you’re up for it, I’d like to see you this holiday?
She stared at the screen for a long time. She was so consumed by the words that she didn’t hear Brian move to her side.
“Who’s Shelby?” he asked, looking over her shoulder.
She closed her screen and tucked the phone in her back pocket. “No one,” she said, walking over and shutting herself in the bathroom.
When she walked out, Brian was sitting at the small desk, working on his laptop. When he heard her come out, he turned and glanced at her.
“Hey, I get it. We have personal lives.” He closed the laptop. “It’s just… you had a look.” He shrugged. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him. “I was concerned.”
Sighing, she relaxed. “Thanks.”
“Is she an ex?” he asked, causing her to balk a little. She supposed she got it. In the year she’d known him, she hadn’t dated. Hell, she didn’t think he had either. Even though he flirted with women all the time, she’d never known him to be in a relationship.
She didn’t date because, well, keeping men at arms’ length meant not showing them to your co-workers. Sure, she’d had casual sex plenty over the years. But, in the past year, she’d remained work driven.
“No,” she finally answered. “I’m not gay or even bisexual, but thanks.” She leaned back slightly. “It’s personal.”
“Well, this entire case is personal to me.” He ran his hands through his dark hair. “It’s not every day your partner chats with your mother about… his childhood.” He cringed.
She thought back to the conversation she’d had with his mother earlier that morning. His mother had brought up a handful of embarrassing things. Instantly, she realized he was right. He was laying his entire life on the table, and she wasn’t even dropping the fact that the person who had texted her was her mother. Feeling bad, she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.
“It was my mom,” she blurted out, causing his eyebrows to raise slightly. “Shelby is my mother.”
He leaned back in the chair as if he understood now. “Whom you call Shelby?”
“My mother wasn’t, isn’t… like yours.” She felt stupid.
“Mine?”
Feeling frustrated, she finished, “She doesn’t love me. She never has.”
Chapter 3
Mia could have clocked him over the head with a baseball bat and he would have been less shocked.
“I know you mentioned she was a cop…” he started.
“Ex-Marine turned beat cop.” She closed her eyes, but not before he could see the pain behind them.
“Not the motherly type?” he asked.
Her eyes moved to his. “You could say something like that.” She got up and started pacing in the small space between the bed and the desk. “It’s been five years since I talked to her last.” She turned towards him. “Five years.” She waved her hands. “Like, who doesn’t talk to their daughter in five years?”
“I hate to say it, but the phone does work two ways.” He crossed his arms over his chest. The comment earned him a glare.
“I called her and left her a message, five years ago. It was just before Christmas.” She waved her hands in the air as she talked.
“Okay,” he started. “And what? She never called back?”
“Nope.” She shook her head and walked over to open the thick curtains covering the windows. The snow was falling steadily. “She didn’t. I tried calling a few more times, but… I always got her machine.” She sighed, then turned to look at him. “I had bought tickets to go see her. In the end, I canceled because… well, she never called me back.”
“You’re sure she got your messages? Maybe she had a new phone.” He was trying to justify why a mother wouldn’t have reached out to her daughter for so long.
“I even left messages at the precinct.” She walked over and sat across from him on the edge of the bed. “Now she’s texting me like it was just last week that we talked.” She threw her hands up in the air.
“Hey.” He moved over and sat next to her on the bed, then took her hands in his. Seeing the pain in her eyes made him remember just how his father had made him feel. “Take a breath. Just breathe.”
She closed her eyes and started to breathe slowly. He had finally learned years ago how to channel his anger and pain towards something good instead of something destructive.
It was the major change in his life that had saved him from total annihilation. Learning to control his emotions, mainly his temper, had been one of the hardest things he’d ever had to learn to do. But for the past five years, he’d conquered it. After all, he was not his father’s son. Neither of his fathers.
Carl McGowan had been a drunk that had suffered for years thanks to his excessive drinking, drug use, and unhealthy habits. What had finally killed him was a bullet that he’d gotten saving Trey McGowan’s life. Sure, Brian had gained his looks from the McGowan genes, but even Tyler, Trent, and Trey hadn’t accepted their uncle’s health choices.
Gavin Laster had been a bully. Something Brian knew a lot about. He’d grown into one after that day on the bridge. It had been his only way to cope with what had happened.
He’d walked in a dream state for years, allowing his anger to rule him and mold him into what his father had always told him he would be. Shit.
He’d grown up having his grandfather a short distance away from them on the reservation land. When he was young
er, he’d hung out with the elders whenever his mother had to work long hours in the summer.
He’d learned how to hunt, to shoot, to live on the land as a young boy. But, after his father’s… death, his mother had raised him the best she could while he had retreated into the darkness.
Things had turned around the year he’d gotten in with FREE, Friends Respecting Everything Environmental. Working with the group had changed him for the better. Sure, he’d only gotten in with the group because he’d had the hots for Addy Collins, a crush from grade school.
When he’d found out that she was heading back into Haven with her group, he’d joined up, needing to get out of North Dakota. A short-term relationship had turned… bad.
Hanging around that many people who truly cared about the planet and all of the animals on it had made him reassess his life.
Being around Addy and the others in FREE had broken him free and brought him into the light again. Still, after what he’d done to Haven and everyone in it, he’d figured his best bet was to leave and start over.
“Better?” he asked her when her eyes opened again. When they flashed to his lips, he couldn’t help but smile.
How many times had he found himself looking at her full lips, wanting?
Instead of answering, she leaned in and softly placed her soft lips over his. Closing his eyes on a low groan, he allowed himself the perfect moment.
Her hands, which had been balled into fists, now held onto his T-shirt tightly, keeping him where she wanted him. He wasn’t going to move, not if it meant breaking their contact. When her tongue darted out, licking his lips, he raised his hands, burying his fingers into her jet-black hair.
How had he gotten so lucky to be paired up with someone so… on his level? He knew he was screwed up, but Mia had made no attempts to hide the fact that she too was messed up.
When her hands went to his arms, pulling him down over her, his cell phone chimed, and he froze.
Closing his eyes, he rested his forehead on hers. “It’s time.” He sighed.
“Brian.” She shook her head. “I…”
“It’s okay.” He stood up, instantly missing the softness of her body crushed under his. He looked around for his boots, then sat on the edge of the bed and pulled them on.
“I…” she started to say again. He stopped her by glancing over at her. She was biting her bottom lip, looking as if she was going to start making excuses.
“Call your mom.” He stood up, gathered his jacket, and walked towards the door. “I’ll wait in the car.”
He stepped out into the snow, figuring the cold would clear his mind and allow him to reassess the situation. Here he was, stuck with Mia again in some hellhole hotel room for god knew how long. He couldn’t afford to let anything happen between them. They were there to find a killer. Maybe even a group of killers.
Three townspeople lost to the counterfeit pills laced with fentanyl was three too many. If they didn’t find and stop the people responsible, how many others would die?
Taking a moment, he glanced over towards the hills surrounding the small town. God, he’d missed the place. Not the people, really, but he loved the mountains and the view from every angle.
He loved the wholesome smell of country living. Not that Helena was a massive city, but still, it had grown large enough that at times he felt lost in the streets. Glancing up and down the small highway outside the hotel, he doubted he could ever feel lost in Haven.
He could hear Mia talking on the phone inside the room and figured he could heat up the car and clean off the fresh snow from the windshield. By the time he climbed behind the wheel, she was stepping out of the room.
When she got into the car, he waited.
“Thank you,” she said softly.
“For?” he asked, hoping she’d say the kiss, but instead she shrugged and looked out the window.
“For encouraging me to call her.”
“How did it go?”
“She wants to come out and see me for Christmas.” She glanced over at him.
“What did you say?”
She glanced out the window. “I told her that I may not be home. I really thought she would cancel, but she said that she could come to me wherever I am. It sounds like she really wants to spend Christmas with me.” She turned back to him.
“You have four weeks to decide.” He put the car in reverse. “If we can get this case wrapped up by then. If not, invite her here. It’ll just add to our cover.” As he drove, she remained silent.
“Do you think…” She bit her bottom lip. “Do you think we’ll still be here?”
He thought about the possibility of finding and cleaning up the drug ring. Especially since there was a chance that he already knew who was running the show.
Still, if things continued to go the way they were with Mia, he wouldn’t mind a delay.
“I’m not sure.” He shrugged as he headed towards his mother’s house in town.
“What about you?” she asked.
“Me?” He glanced over as he pulled into the driveway of the small house.
“Will you be sticking around after… for the holidays?”
He turned off the engine and thought about it. “I’m not sure. I guess it depends on how pissed my mom and everyone else in town is when they find out the truth about me, about us.”
She sighed, heavily. “Right, I hadn’t thought of how this will affect you. I hope this won’t screw things up too bad.”
He chuckled. “Things were already screwed up before. Come on.” He put his hand on her arm. “Let me get that door.” When she nodded, he climbed out and rushed around the car.
When they stepped up on the front porch, he could hear movement in the house and groaned.
“Sorry about this,” he said just before the door opened and a very crowded room of people yelled, “Surprise!”
Chapter 4
Mia watched as Brian was surrounded by a group of people, including Tyler McGowan, whom she had met earlier that morning.
Two other men approached Brian and were obviously Tyler’s brothers and Brian’s cousin. One of them, named Trey, looked so much like Brian she had to do a double take.
Brian dragged her around the room, holding onto her arm like a lifeline as he walked around the small living room talking to everyone.
She was introduced to so many people, she stopped trying to keep track of names. There was so much food, it filled a large dining table and every space on the kitchen countertop.
She went through the food line next to Brian and sat in a folding chair in the living room with the rest of the group. She was sitting beside a woman named Dylan who was married to Trey McGowan.
Actually, Dylan looked like someone Mia could get along with easily. Her jet-black hair was cropped in a stylish hairdo. She had tattoos, way more than Mia had herself, and she was even wearing the same black pants as Mia was. Instead of a grey sweater, Dylan had on a bright purple one.
While Brian and Trey talked about McGowan Enterprises, she and Dylan talked to the townspeople.
“I never thought I’d like Haven,” Dylan was saying. “I mean, when I first arrived, I was wondering where Beaver lived.” She chuckled.
Mia laughed. “God, it’s been a long time since I’ve watched that show. But I’ve been thinking the same thing all day.”
“It grows on you.” Dylan sighed and glanced around the room. “I was someone else when I arrived. Now, I’m… better.” She smiled and took a drink of her beer.
If only Mia’s issues could be fixed by small-town living.
“What do you do for a living?” Mia asked, hoping to get a little more insight into the town.
“I work for them.” She motioned to the three brothers filling the room with their families. There were Tyler’s two kids along with Trent and Addy’s daughters, Hope and Grace. Both kids were running around the empty spaces on the floor with their cousin, whom they called Wimmy, since neither of them could say Timmy.
“You work at McGowan?” Mia asked.
“Yes.” Dylan set her empty plate down as one of the little girls ran over and jumped in her lap. “Trey hired me shortly after I moved into town. I took over Rea’s job. Kristen and Addy work there as well. Addy works at the new school site, teaching about environmental maintenance and development. Kristen runs the office there when she’s not juggling the kids.” Dylan smiled and laid a hand over her flat belly. “Which I will be dealing with in another seven months.”
Mia’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yes.” Dylan’s smile grew. “We found out two weeks ago.”
“Congrats,” Mia added.
“Thanks. We’d been trying for a while, but I guess the timing just wasn’t right.”
“You’re talking baby again,” Trey interrupted with a smile. “We’re having a kid,” he said to Brian.
“Congrats,” Brian said, shaking Trey’s hand.
The talk in the room changed to babies, and Mia sat back listening to all the women dote on Dylan and the other mothers in the room.
The phone conversation with her own mother played over in her mind. What if she ended up pregnant? How would her mother respond to that piece of news? Would she be a terrible mother like hers had been? Could she see her mother playing the grandmother role as the older women in the room were? Gail McGowan and Kristen’s mother, Trisha, were totally enjoying their grandkids. Even Rea was acting as grandmother to all the kids, giving them all her attention, something Mia’s mother had never done with her.
A powerful sense of sadness filled her so strongly that she stood up suddenly. “I have to…” She glanced towards the front door.
“Fresh air.” Brian stood up as well and took her hand in his. “We’ll be back,” he said to the room and walked her through the kitchen to the back door. There, they stepped out onto a covered back porch.
Once he shut the door behind him, she walked to the railing and took a deep breath of frigid air.