He glanced up at her. ‘No. She would never have asked me that.’
She didn’t realise she’d been holding her breath until she let it all out in a rush.
He didn’t seem to notice though as he continued. ‘It wasn’t until last night, when I woke a number of times and you were sitting there and I watched you dozing, so determined to look after me and care for me despite what I had said to you, how I’d used you and then pushed you away, and I remembered how Anna had been the same. And then I thought about what you said and that you weren’t asking me to forget my love for Anna. You would never do that, and neither would she. She would never have asked me to give up my happiness in some kind of twisted shrine to her, to our love. I was doing her such a disservice by thinking that she’d asked me that, turning her last words to me into that.’
‘Why did you?’
‘Fear. Just like you said when you were talking to yourself earlier.’
‘I said that out loud?’ Oh god. Why couldn’t she stop saying her personal thoughts aloud? She waited for the heat of embarrassment to flood through her, but instead, all that happened was a sense of waiting, of expectation, because he was smiling, not looking like he wanted to run far away. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were awake?’
‘I wanted to hear what you had to say. You owned up to your fear and I realised then, I needed to do the same. If I don’t, I don’t deserve your love. And I do. Want to deserve it.’
Oh, he’d heard everything. She didn’t know what to say to that. There were no words. She’d already, apparently, spoken them. He knew everything about her. She’d laid herself bare. And it was fine. And good. And wonderful. She leaned down and kissed him, the sweetest kiss, lips lingering, soft, and hopeful. A kiss that hit her in her chest and thrilled through her entire body. Before she let it deepen though, she pulled away—he was recovering from heat stroke after all. But he pulled her back down, hands holding her face, lips searching for hers, and there was no pulling back, no denying. She didn’t have the strength to resist him as he pulled her down to lie against him and kissed and kissed and kissed.
He was trembling against her, just as she was against him, but not from weakness. From wanting. From giving. From the exhilarating thrill of giving up control and trusting completely that what you offered was to be treasured and returned. She’d never imagined it would be like this. Scary and yet so wonderful, she never wanted to come down from the high of it.
His hand slid under her top and she wanted more, wanted all, but was aware of the noises that said Diarmuid wasn’t the only one up. Their sons might run in at any moment. Not to mention he was recovering and needed to rest. She pulled back, smiled when he groaned and tried to pull her back to him, let him kiss her once, twice, three times more, but then, exerting the will that had got her through so much in her life, pulled away from him. Not so far that he’d think she was denying him, but enough to look down at him, so that she could stroke his silken hair back from his forehead. ‘You need a haircut,’ she said, smiling in a way she was certain looked goofy.
‘If you get my clippers, I’ll shave it off.’
‘You don’t go to the barber at Wilson’s Bend?’
‘No, why would I when I have a perfectly good set of clippers?’
She smiled. ‘No reason.’ Although it explained a lot about his hairstyle choice of going from super short to it growing out curly and unruly until he did an almost buzz cut again. It was so him, that complete lack of self-consciousness about how he looked. Haircuts were just for getting hair out of your eyes, not for looking good. But he did look good, regardless of the state of his hair. She’d always been frustrated by how good he’d looked, until now, when she could look her fill and not feel guilty about it.
‘So, you don’t mind that I love you?’
‘No.’ His hands clenched on her back, as if he wanted to pull her back in for another kiss, but she stayed firm where she was, needing to say the words she should have said earlier.
‘And you will get some help to deal with your trauma.’
‘If you’ll come with me.’
‘Of course.’ If her heart hadn’t already been a melted puddle on the floor, it would have been right then. He trusted her that much. It was more than she’d ever imagined. ‘I have some things I need to talk about too.’
‘We’ll do it together.’
‘Yes.’
‘You’re not scared?’
‘Of course I am.’
‘Me too.’
They smiled at each other and then were kissing again. There was so much more to say, but they didn’t have to say it all now. They had time. She couldn’t believe she’d almost given up yesterday and had been going to tell Chandra she’d go home with him. What an idiot to think that was the conversation she needed to have with him.
Flynn pulled back, gaze steady on her face. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Are you worried about losing Carter?’ His fingers tightened on her back.
‘Yes.’ It was something she couldn’t admit to her papa, but she was terrified. ‘I can’t lose him, Flynn. I just can’t.’
‘I know. The thought of losing Aaron—’ He shook his head, his expression tightening. ‘I’d kill anyone who tried to take him away. I wish I could do something so you didn’t have to go through that.’
She touched his face. ‘You’ve already given me the cottage and helped me to restart my clinic. It’s enough.’
‘It’s never enough. I’d do anything. God, you must be so worried and here I am trying to drag you into helping fix my crap.’
She put her finger over his mouth, stilling his words. ‘It’s not crap. It’s important. To me as much as you.’
‘I appreciate you saying that, but—’
She put her entire hand over his mouth this time, laughing when he scowled at her. ‘You can’t take every burden on your shoulders, Flynn. Share some with me.’
‘I like the sound of that. As long as you share your burdens with me.’
‘It’s a deal.’
‘Then tell me what I can do to help with Carter.’
‘Nothing for now. We have to wait to see what the paternity test says, but if it is positive, I’ll need you then.’
‘I’m not going anywhere.’
‘Good.’ What she’d said was true. It was pointless worrying until paternity tests were done. It was best she put her energies into starting up her clinic and whatever needed to be done to start rebuilding everything they’d lost in the fire. And who knew what her papa’s buddy might find out about this Keith Blake that would bolster their case.
Things weren’t all bad. In fact, they could be quite good. If only they could figure out who was coming after her and why.
‘Hey, what’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’ He gave her a look and she laughed softly. ‘Nothing that can’t wait until you’re up and around. For now, I just want to forget my worries and be here with you, enjoying this moment, okay?’
‘Sounds good to me.’
She leaned in and kissed him softly, before leaning back and looking at him. ‘I love these freckles,’ she said, tracing a pattern over the dark golden flecks on his nose and cheeks. ‘I could play join the dots with these freckles and the ones on your chest and back.’
‘You can play join the dots on me anytime you like.’
‘Can I?’
‘Yes, you can,’ he said, his smile lighting up his face as he ran his fingers up and down her back.
Mm, she liked that. She stroked the hair off his forehead. He really did need a haircut. She loved the feel of the curling silken strands on her fingers, but she also rather liked the idea of running her fingers through the spiky buzzcut he’d give himself. Maybe she’d help him do it. Yes. She’d have him take off his t-shirt and sit down in a chair and she’d stand between his legs, the heat of his body enveloping her, and she’d run her hands through his hair, her fingers pressing into his scalp as she kept him
still and ran the clippers over his head, the buzz an echo of the desire rushing through her veins.
‘I like the sound of that,’ he said softly, fingers playing with the heavy ends of hair that had fallen loose over her shoulder, a sexy smile playing on his lips.
She wasn’t even surprised she’d said it out loud. ‘It’s a date.’
‘It’s a date.’
He pulled her down for a kiss, but was interrupted when her phone rang. She ignored it, letting it ring out. It rang again. ‘Sorry.’ She pulled away, aware of his gaze following her as she walked to where she’d plugged in her phone. It wasn’t a number she recognised. Was it him? The person who was threatening her? She wanted to put the phone down, back away, not hear that hatred aimed at her again. A hand snaked over her shoulder and plucked the phone from her numb fingers.
‘Hello?’ Flynn said.
She watched him, expectantly, half afraid, half angry. But his expression didn’t change and then he handed the phone to her. ‘It’s the insurance agent.’
‘Oh.’ Her knees almost buckled in relief, but she managed to take the phone and stay standing—helped by Flynn who wrapped his arms around her and held her against his warm strength. ‘This is Doctor Brennan.’
‘Doctor Brennan. I’m Kevin Sanderson, the insurance agent dealing with your claim.’
‘Oh, hello.’ It was about time they called her back.
‘I’ve done a review of the property and have spoken to the fire inspector and police and now need to get you to sign some documentation re your claim. Are you able to meet within the next half hour?’
‘You’re up here?’
‘Of course. I had to view the site.’
‘Oh.’
‘I have to head back to Melbourne today but it would be good to meet up before I leave.’
‘Of course.’ This was good news, a step in the right direction. ‘Where do you want to meet?’
‘How about I meet you at the site of your house?’
‘That sounds good. In about twenty minutes?’
‘Okay. Fine. I’ll see you in twenty.’
She turned in Flynn’s arms. ‘I have to go out for a little while, to meet the insurance agent.’
‘I don’t like the idea of you going out by yourself.’
She stroked down his shoulders, down his arms to take his hands in hers. ‘I’ll be fine. We’re meeting at my house and there’s a street full of shops and houses. And I’ll be with the insurance agent.’
‘I should go with you.’
She glanced down at his knee—he was standing with it raised, balancing on one foot. ‘You really shouldn’t be up on that yet.’
‘I feel fine. I need to come with you. Someone’s after you and you shouldn’t be alone.’
‘I’ll get Reid or Mac to come with me then if that makes you feel better.’
‘It does. Although it would make me feel better if I came with you.’
‘Not a hope in hell,’ she said, lips quirking at the disgruntled look on his face. ‘Dehydration and heat stroke are serious and you’re not fully recovered yet and I am worried about your knee. Please don’t make me do the heavy and pull the doctor card.’
He caressed her lips with his then rubbed noses. ‘Fine. Reid’s probably out on the ride with your dad, so make sure you get Mac.’
‘I will.’
He settled himself in the bed and then looked up at her. ‘What?’
She took a deep breath and brushed her hands down her front. ‘I should be only an hour with the agent, but then I think maybe I should go and speak to Chandra.’ He and Vivaan had gone back to the B&B last night after having dinner with Barb, Mac, Ben, Diarmuid and the kids. Something had changed between them. He hadn’t looked at her with so much panic in his eyes. She wasn’t sure if she could make him see a divorce was best for both of them—she wouldn’t force him to come out, not in that way—but she had to let him know the stakes had just changed for her. Hopefully, he’d listen. Hopefully, he’d see that it wasn’t him against the world. That he was surrounded by those who loved and cared for him, who would be there even if his family turned their backs. ‘I need to tell him things have changed for me. Truly changed.’
Flynn’s gaze darkened. ‘Is that necessary now? You’ve already got enough stressing you out.’
She smiled up, warmed by his worry. ‘It’s time to start the conversation.’
He threw the bed covers back. ‘Then I’m definitely coming with you.’
‘Flynn.’ She made a sound of aggravation and walked over to push him back in bed—he went too easily. He was still weak. ‘I appreciate how you feel you need to protect me, but I’ve been looking after myself for years. Besides which, this is a conversation I have to have with Chandra myself. You and he haven’t really got along. He told me of your “chat” when you went to find Maccy.’
He looked at her for a moment and she thought he was going to protest, then mouth twisting ruefully, said, ‘Okay. But promise me you’ll get Mac to drive you. And know that I’m here if you need to talk.’
The smile that rushed over her face was too big, but she couldn’t stop it. ‘I will.’
‘Come here.’ He reached his hands out for her and even though she knew she shouldn’t, she went to him. He pulled her down gently and the kiss he gave her was a gift, a trust, a promise. ‘Come back to me ASAP.’
‘I will.’ She forced herself to get up, to back away one step at a time. He looked too good. She wanted too badly to touch him, kiss him, lie next to him and take comfort from him again. Everything that was bad just went away when she was in his arms. She swallowed hard and picked up her phone. ‘Do not get up while I’m gone. In fact, I want you to try to get some more sleep.’
‘What do I get if I’m good?’
‘If you’re very good, me.’
His mouth quirked into a wolfish grin as his gaze raked over her. ‘Then I better be good.’
‘You better.’ She gave in to the need and kissed him, short and hard and full of the anticipation of more. ‘I’ll be back,’ she said in her very worst Arnie impersonation.
He laughed. ‘You better. There’s still a lot to say.’
Yes, there was, and she was so glad he was open to saying it. ‘See you soon.’ She ran out the door before she could stop to take another kiss and another and another and miss her appointment with the insurance agent altogether. But first, before she left, she just needed to go and hug her son who she could hear was in the kitchen making breakfast with the others. It was such a cheery sound. A homey sound. One she wanted to hear every morning for the rest of her life.
Chapter 28
Aaron and Carter brought him breakfast in bed. The boys chatted about yesterday and looking after the horses and how much they liked Chandra and Vivaan and how funny Diarmuid was. But Aaron kept glancing at Flynn, a pensive look on his face. Swallowing a mouthful of bacon, Flynn reached over and ruffled Aaron’s hair. ‘I’m fine, A-man.’
Aaron smiled. ‘I know.’
‘Then why the worry?’
Aaron sighed and looked sideways at Carter. Carter nodded. Aaron sighed again then turned back, face pensive, serious. ‘Carter and I just wanted to say that we like the fact you and Doctor Prita are together.’
‘What?’ He couldn’t have been more shocked if an alien had landed in the paddock outside. ‘What makes you think we’re together?’
Aaron rolled his eyes. ‘We’re not stupid, Dad. You’re all funny around each other. Like Uncle Reid and Nat.’
‘Huh.’ So much for thinking they’d kept it a secret. ‘So, you don’t mind?’
Carter shook his head, a bright smile on his face. ‘Mummy needs someone to love her.’
‘And so do you, Dad.’
Well, huh. ‘Okay then. That’s good. Thanks for letting me know.’
‘Our pleasure.’ Aaron stood.
‘You’re going?’
‘Uh-huh. Gran said after the excitement yesterday, we can stay home f
rom school today. So, Carter’s going on a ride with Reid and Grumpy, and Mac asked me to help Ben bring the horses down from the upper paddock so he could take Doctor Prita in to meet the insurance person. Besides, Doctor Prita said you needed to eat and then rest and told me to make sure you do.’
‘Of course she did.’
Carter grabbed the tray and Aaron gave him a hug. As they walked out of the room, Carter whispered loudly, ‘See, I told you they’d want our approval.’
Flynn couldn’t help but chuckle as he lay back in bed and tried to rest as he’d been instructed.
He must have dozed off, because he woke up with a start sometime later, blinking at the empty room. The house was silent. What time was it?
He looked at the clock on his bedside table. He’d slept for a couple of hours. A bit surprised Prita wasn’t back yet, he got out of bed despite his promise and picked up his phone, wondering if she’d left a message.
Nothing.
He called her, but the phone rang out. He called Mac. No answer there either.
Maybe they were on their way back and were in one of the areas with no signal.
He tried again.
Her phone rang and rang and then went to message. He hung up. Tried Mac again. Nothing.
He waited a few minutes then tried again.
Still nothing.
Worry started to chew at him with larger bites.
Despite the fact he never did it, he decided to text. Maybe she couldn’t answer her phone if she was in the middle of a difficult conversation with Chandra, but she might see and answer his text. Although, that didn’t explain why Mac wasn’t picking up.
Where are you? Is everything OK?
He pulled his jeans on, having to sit on the bed to do it because his knee was aching like a bitch. His phone dinged before he had a chance to do up the zipper. He frowned as he read her answer.
Cant talk now. Busy.
Are you with Chandra?
There was a brief pause before she returned a one-word answer. Yes.
Everything okay?
A thumbs up appeared on the screen. He frowned at it. A thumbs up emoji didn’t seem like Prita. Was something upsetting her? What wasn’t she telling him? If she was trying to spare him from worrying, it wasn’t working.
Blazing Fear Page 31