by Cassie Mae
“What, what? I didn’t say anything.”
“You didn’t have to.” I tug at the pen in his pocket. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“Don’t get mad.”
“I make no promises.”
“Brea…”
I laugh and turn back to the blackening sky. It’s overcast, so no stars tonight. “As long as you don’t call me stupid, I won’t get mad.”
“I’d never call you stupid.” He chucks a piece of grass into the air. “Jay’s your boyfriend.”
“Yeah…”
He yanks more grass from the ground, his knuckles hitting my hip. “Boy… friend.”
I raise my eyebrows. “O… kay?”
“Friend is the root of that word, Brea.” His fingers run over one of the blades in his hand. “So why isn’t Jay your friend?”
I open my mouth. Close it. Open again. Then stare off into the sky searching every recess of my brain for the answer. But I can’t find one.
Adam pinches his eyes shut. “Sorry. I should mind my own shit.”
I nod, but I don’t agree with him. He makes sense. Like total, complete, holy crap he’s one-hundred percent right on this, sense.
“So, when you ask someone out,” I ask, my voice suddenly soft as a whisper, “you look for a friend first? Girlfriend second?”
“Someone who can be both.”
Something buzzes down the street. A piece of air dust tickles my nose. I scratch it. His arm brushes mine. Tingles rush through my skin. I sneeze. He says, “Bless you.” And my stomach becomes a hive of bees making honey. Warm, busy, much too confusing.
“That hasn’t exactly worked out for me though,” he says through a garbled laugh. “Maybe I shouldn’t be so high maintenance.”
“What do you mean ‘hasn’t worked out?’” I know Adam hasn’t been in any serious relationships. But there was that one girl… crap, what was her name?
“When I fell for my friend,” he says. “You know the one who drugged Sierra.”
“Yeah, I remember.” I can’t stop from scooting closer this time. He doesn’t need to retell that whole story since it took a lot out of him the first time around. And honestly, it almost made me kick that girl in the lady junk the next time I saw her at school. Who drugs their friend at a party—especially since the drugged girls were taken advantage of shortly after? Thank the best friend gods Adam was there to pull Sierra out, but I know it wrecked him far more than he lets on.
The air tickles around us, and I feel bad for this coming up when he was already feeling like shit. And I think, so what that I have a boyfriend? This is my best friend. So I twine my fingers with his, ignoring the pings and pops I get from the small touch, and rest my head on his shoulder. He squeezes my palm, wrist making contact with my hip and staying there.
“Maybe I’ve got it all wrong,” he says to the sky. I close my eyes and focus on his voice, on his breathing. “Maybe it’s just a bad idea to be friends first.”
“You can’t base it off of one girl.”
“She was, like, my best friend. Before you.”
My tummy jumps. “She was certifiable.”
He laughs, making my head bob a bit. “Good point. Still, it kind of… broke me.”
My heart races through my chest, warmth pulsing through my entire body. I want to bitch slap that girl. I want to pull every hair from her head. How dare someone hurt Adam to the point where he thinks he’s broken.
And I want to fix him. I want to keep him here with me forever. I don’t want him to move or to graduate or find some other girl to put him together. All these thoughts jolt me, like I wasn’t aware of their existence. I had shoved them so far away, or I’d never acknowledged them.
My eyelids pinch tighter together, because I can’t say all of that. He’s going to graduate. He’s going to get into a good college. He’s going to find a girl and live his own life far away from me.
I take in a long breath, squeezing his hand to calm my thoughts. It takes way too long to shove them all away, to remember what we were talking about before this. But I finally get a grasp on it.
“I’m counting that as a yes.”
He shifts and mumbles, “Huh?”
He was totally sleeping. Forcing all the thoughts away took longer than I thought.
“You’re going to be my date for the wedding.”
“Oh!” He nods and tucks his free hand under his head. “Deal. But you have to go all out. I want to be picked up, have my door opened for me, my chair pulled out… Sweep me off my feet.”
I punch him lightly in the stomach then keep my hand there. My mind drifts off as I relax into his warmth and listen to his steady breathing. The last thought that goes through my head is what it would be like to fall for a friend.
Chapter 16
When did I become a fire hydrant?
I’ve clenched my biology quiz so hard it’s getting damp. Weaving through the gazillion people standing in the pizza line in the cafeteria, I finally spot Adam, nose in a non-fiction book as he pays for his lunch.
“Adam!” I shout, making about ten other people who are not Adam look over. As soon as I get through the crowded lunchroom, I launch myself into his arms.
“Oomph!”
“Look,” I say as I release my hold on him. I’ve smashed the book he was holding to his chest, but I’m too excited that I only mutter a half-assed apology. “89! I got an 89!” My feet bounce as I wave the quiz in front of his face, and he laughs as he grabs my wrist to keep me still. I barely register the goose bumps that zing up my arm.
A smile breaks out on his face when he looks at the beautiful B+ on top of the page. Then he pulls me in for another hug. He laughs as I bounce in his arms. I never bounce. I never squeal. But that’s all I seem to be capable of doing right now.
“Hell yeah!” he says over my shoulder, and I seriously could kiss him. I never understood that expression because I’ve never been so excited that I want to kiss someone. But I totally could…and the problem with that is if I did, I’m not sure I’d stop. And suddenly I’m leaping from his hold like he’s on fire.
“Let’s go brag to Sierra and Jolie,” he says as if my spastic behavior is completely normal. Maybe for Sierra, but no way in hell is this my usual thing.
“O-Okay.” My smile reappears when he hands my quiz back and snatches his lunch up. B+ B+ B+, agh! Seriously, just a couple more correct answers and I would’ve had an A.
I follow him through the lunch crowd, staring at my quiz and nearly hugging the crap out of it, when arms circle around my waist and a quick kiss plants on my cheek. My stomach hops to my throat, and I almost turn around and slug Jay in the face for scaring me to death.
“Gosh, warn a girl when you sneak up on her.” I laugh and spin in his arms. Adam disappears to our table as Jay’s yummy grin greets me.
“Hi,” he says, and I slam my lips with his. I wanted to kiss someone. All these endorphins and no outlet.
“You’re in a good mood,” Jay gasps when I pull back.
“I got a B on my biology quiz.”
“Awesome,” he says, and I almost say it with him since I knew it was coming the second he opened his mouth. His lips come down on mine again for a quick peck. “Hey, will you sit with me and my friends today?”
He gestures over to the table he usually sits at, full of sophomores, mostly people in his neighborhood. I’m instantly self-conscious in my thrift store tee and Sierra’s old pair of jeans.
“Um…”
“Come on. We should sit together. I want to sit with you.”
My brow crinkles, and I look up at his blue eyes that are totally pulling the puppy dog thing. Sitting together at lunch hasn’t been an issue before, but then again, we’ve only been “official” for a week. Or has it been longer? I don’t even know. But the fancy pants table isn’t the only thing making me hesitate.
“Then come sit with me and my friends.” I grab his wrist and start tugging toward Sierra, Jolie, and Adam.
“They’re seniors,” he says like it’s a valid argument.
“Exactly. I’ll only have the rest of this year with them.”
The corner of his mouth twitches, and he takes a glance at his table, then my table, then back to me.
“All right. I’ve wanted to meet them anyway.” He lowers his face to mine and gives me a sweet kiss on the cheek. “But can we sit with my friends next week?”
Seems fair, even though I don’t want to. He’s obviously doing something he doesn’t want for me.
“Deal.”
We lock fingers, and I drag him through the lunch lines and to our table. Jolie and Sierra’s mouths are wide open, Sierra showing off some nasty “see food.” Adam doesn’t look up from the book he’s stuffed his nose into.
“Hey guys.” I greet them with a grin, slamming in the chair across from Adam. Jay takes the spot between me and Jolie, and Sierra nudges Adam in the side.
“Uh… I hope it’s okay I sit with you,” Jay mumbles. The cafeteria buzzes like a hive of gossipy bees, and Sierra shoves her arm across the table, a little too eager to shake my boyfriend’s hand.
“We’ve already sort of met, but I’m Sierra.” She gives him one hard shake then pulls her arm back. “And of course you can sit with us.”
“I’m Jay.” He flashes his drool-worthy smile that melted nearly every girl’s insides when he first moved in and turns to Jolie—who audibly sighs.
Adam “pfft”s, but I think I’m the only one who hears it because Jay says, “Finally I get to meet some of Brea’s friends.”
His eyes flick to Adam for a brief second, then to me, raising a questioning eyebrow. Oh right.
“This book nerd is Adam,” I say, teasingly yanking the paperback down enough for Adam to at least look at us. “And Jolie’s on the other side of you.”
“Jolie, Sierra, and Adam…got it.” His gaze stays trained on Adam. “This the guy who’s helping you out in Biology?”
His question comes out innocent, but it looks like there’s a blaze of fire that shoots from his mouth in Adam’s direction.
“And other stuff,” Adam says, finally closing the book he’s reading. A small smile tilts his lips, but his eyes look distant. “But after today, I’m not sure if she’ll need me much longer.”
“What?” Sierra asks over her Coke, looking directly at me. I shove my quiz under her nose, and she squeals loud enough for all of Orchard High to hear. “Brea this is awesome! We’re totally toasting to it tonight.”
“That’s right,” Jay says, swinging his arm over the back of my chair. “You’re doing that sleepover thing.” He offers me his bag of chips, and I take one even though I’m not a big fan of barbeque. Adam purses his lips in amusement when I cringe at the taste hitting my tongue. I almost chuck a chip at his face so he cuts that out.
Sierra and Jolie start talking about the slumber party, filling my boyfriend in on all the details that he probably doesn’t want to hear. I try to pay attention, but Adam’s clicking the pen in his pocket, and I know something’s bugging him so I lightly tap his ankle under the table.
“You okay?” I mouth, and he nods, taking his hand from his pocket and sliding a Ziplock bag full of red M&Ms toward me. My smile must be permanent now as I grab a peanut butter one and pop it in my mouth.
“Did you do what we practiced yesterday?” he asks, leaning forward. I find myself leaning too.
“Yes, and I totally would’ve gotten an A if I hadn’t second guessed myself.”
“What do you mean?” He hands me his Sobe, and I snatch it up to get rid of the barbeque taste in my mouth.
“I did what you said… covered the answers with my scrap paper and just did the work. I finished the quiz then went back to circle the answers, but started worrying about mixing up cells, and changed three of them. Turns out I had them right to begin with.”
“You gotta stop doing that.” He laughs, taking his Sobe back. “I challenge you on the next test to flip it over, slide it to the corner of your desk, and don’t touch the damn thing.”
“You really think that’s what’s going on?” I pull Adam’s plate to equal distance between us and start eating his pepperoni. “It’s the multiple choice?”
I worry it can’t be that because I’ve failed long answer tests too, but Adam starts pulling at the crust on his pizza and nods.
“Most likely. We can try something different tomorrow if you want.”
“She’s not free tomorrow,” Jay says, making me jump a bit. I had no idea he was even listening to us. But he’s watching me share Adam’s food, his brow is pulled in, and his arm slides off the back of my chair and onto my shoulder. “Remember, babe? We’ve got a date.”
Babe?
“Right.” I wiggle my fingers at Adam to give me the other half of his crust, and he laughs as he hands it over. “How about Monday? I’ve got a book report coming up, and I’ll probably need help with that.”
“I’m good for Monday. Library again?”
Jay tenses and drops his hand to my waist, pulling me a little closer to him. “Hey, if you’re gonna be at the library, I can take you,” he says. “I’ve got to drop off some books, and I don’t mind hanging out while you study. Then I can take you home or you can chill at my place for a bit. You cool with that?”
He says it all really fast, and Sierra starts choking on her Coke while I try to figure out what’s happening in Jay’s brain.
“Sure, I guess,” I say, and I automatically start chewing on my tongue. Adam clears his throat and hands me a pack of Stride from his T-shirt pocket. I smile as I take a piece and start chewing it into oblivion.
“I have to pee,” Sierra announces, standing up so fast her chair slides about five feet across the floor. “Come with me.” She grabs Jolie’s arm and nods at me like I don’t have a choice in the matter.
“Be right back,” I tell the guys, and all of a sudden Jay’s mouth is on mine. I don’t even get a chance to really kiss him back, eyes wide open and cheeks up in flames.
“Hurry,” he whispers as he drops his hold on me. I give him a forced smile and scramble to my feet to catch up with Sierra and Jolie.
Instead of turning to the bathrooms, Sierra veers left to the vending machines. Jolie’s shaking her head because her vending machine stops usually leave her up to ridicule from the jackholes that like to shoot “fat” comments in as many people’s directions as they can. But Sierra ducks into an empty classroom entryway.
“Uh… you going to pee here?” I joke, squeezing in next to them.
“Do you really not know what’s happening in there?” Sierra points back at the cafeteria and I give her a blank stare. She growls. “Jay is going totally territorial on you.”
I bolt out a laugh and look at Jolie, but she’s not laughing with me.
“Um, what?”
“Guys do this. They go all ‘That’s my woman!’ when they see her around other male specimens. I’m surprised he didn’t whip it out and pee on you.”
“They’re not dogs,” I say, but then Josh from eighth period barks behind me, sending me two feet off the ground.
Sierra pulls me in closer. “Jay’s threatened by your relationship with Adam.” She waves her hand in the air. “Levi felt the same way when we started going out.”
“Adam’s just my friend.” Isn’t that pretty obvious? Jolie and Sierra share a look, and I flick Jolie’s black ponytail. “Stop doing that!”
“What?”
“Having those silent conversations whenever I talk about Adam.”
Jolie shakes her head as she leans against the wall. “We’re just saying that you and Adam are close. It doesn’t matter if he’s ‘just a friend,’ he’s a boy. Would you worry if Jay’s best friend was a girl?”
Honestly… “No.” I wouldn’t worry about that. His best friend could be a girl. I have no clue. Should it bother me that I don’t care?
“Well, you need to pacify him,” Jolie says. “And maybe not spend so much ti
me with Adam.”
“Hell no.” I laugh. Jolie winces at my swear, and Sierra smiles as if she agrees with my disagreement. “Adam’s my friend, and I’m going to spend time with him. If Jay has a problem with it he can kiss my rear end.”
They both stare at me as if I’d just flashed them. Warmth rushes through my neck and cheeks, and I pull in a breath, but I don’t take any of it back.
“You’re right,” Sierra says. “You shouldn’t have to drop your time with your friends just because you have a boyfriend.”
“Exactly.” Though, I can already see my time getting erased on their schedules. I feel like I had to ask my boyfriend’s permission to go to Zoe’s bachelorette thing.
Jolie pushes off the wall and loops her arm through mine. “I think we’ve been peeing long enough.”
Sierra and I both roll our eyes and laugh, and we walk looped arm through looped arm back to the boys—who are both doing a good job at ignoring each other.
Maybe a little pacifying wouldn’t hurt.
***
Jay holds my hand on the way to Art. My palm’s a little sweaty, but I keep hold of him because I sort of like having that anchor as I walk through the halls. Usually I’m so invisible. But with Jay, I’m the girl who’s dating the rich guy. I don’t really care about that stuff—I’ve adopted Sierra’s ignore the people who don’t understand philosophy—but part of me wonders if people will think I’m just after him for his money.
Having a strong hold of his hand helps with the evil glares shooting my way.
“Wait for me here after class,” he says when we get to the art room door. “I’ll walk you to History.”
“I can walk myself, you know.” I laugh.
He wrinkles his nose at me. “I know, but I want to.”
“Okay.”
He drops a light kiss to my lips, and it leaves me a little breathless. Sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with my hormones because right now I could kiss him and never stop, but sometimes I’m not in the mood for any lip action. So what’s the difference between this kiss and the others? Same lips, same sort of technique…so what the hell?