Sasha didn’t back away. Her eyes looked into his. Seeing herself there. “You can’t outrun it.”
“It?” he mocked, his manner meant to get her to back away.
He knew perfectly well what she was talking about, she thought. “The pain. You have to come to terms with it and move on.”
He hated people who thought they knew what was best for you. Even beautiful people. “Have you?” he challenged, turning the tables on her.
She surprised him by saying, “To some extent. Doesn’t mean I love Adam any the less,” she added quickly, “just that I didn’t shut down my heart. All systems are still up and running.”
“Good for you.” The response was meant to be dismissive.
“Yes,” Sasha said quietly, “it is.”
She was still standing near him, so close that their breath was mingling, that her words could have fit into his. He needed only to reach up, to cup the back of her head and bring his mouth down to hers. The debate raged hot and heavy for a few moments. He managed to refrain, but it wasn’t easy.
She could almost read his mind. Or was that wishful thinking on her part? Anticipation laced fingers with a jittery panic. Finally, Sasha stepped back. “Dinner’s ready.”
He wanted to say the hell with dinner. He wanted to act on this feeling that was suddenly surging through him before he could think better of it. Before he could stop himself again. There was a tiny part of him that ached to feel again. To recapture what he’d once had.
But that was impossible and he knew it. He wasn’t one of those men who fell easily into love. He was one of those men who had to be ambushed by it, to be captured and taken prisoner. It had happened once. He damn well doubted that it would ever happen again.
“This is good.”
The compliment was almost grudgingly given, following several minutes of silence while they both sat at the counter.
“Thanks.” She wanted to ask why he looked so surprised, but she decided to hold off. Maybe he’d actually offer a little more conversation on his own.
And he did after another two minutes had passed. “Where you’d learn to cook like this?”
“It’s in the genes,” she told him with a grin. “My mother can almost literally create something out of nothing. When I was growing up, there was no money for things like prepackaged meals and frozen entrées. Mama would come up with meals using whatever she could find at home in the pantry.” A fond look came into her eyes. “Mama was right up there with the miracle of the fishes and loaves. I think, if I hadn’t gone into medicine, I might have opted to start my own restaurant.”
He had her pegged right. She was a dreamer. “Most businesses fail in their first year,” he told her, his attention devoted to his meal. He hadn’t realized he was this hungry until he’d begun to eat. “Those that don’t usually fold in the first five.”
Sasha blew out a long breath. “You have got to be the least cheerful person I have ever met,” she commented. And that bothered her. “Don’t you ever see the upside of anything?”
“I did, once,” he admitted in what he felt, in the next second, was a moment of weakness.
He didn’t make it a habit of admitting things to people, of letting them into his head. Not even his brothers. But there was something about this woman, something that warmed him. That tempted him. That stood at the door of his self-imposed prison and threatened to splinter the wood.
“So what happened?” she asked, her voice low, coaxing. Understanding.
He knew she was asking about his wife. About the circumstances that took her from him. This was where he slid off the stool, said something like thanks and went on his way.
Except he didn’t.
“She died,” he heard himself saying. “In a hit-and-run accident. Whoever hit her just left her there, on the side of the road. When she died,” he said heavily, feeling the ache all over again, “everything else did too.”
Sasha placed her hand over his, one grieving soul touching another.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
When he raised his eyes to hers, he knew that she was serious. That she wasn’t just mouthing empty words. And that spoke to him.
Her eyes still on his, Sasha brushed her fingers along his cheek. He felt as if something broke loose inside. Rising, he drew her up to her feet with him. The next moment, he took her face in his hands and kissed her. Kissed her because something inside of him hurt so badly, he could hardly stand it. Kissed her because he wanted to put an end to that ache.
As he brushed his lips against hers, something rose up from the depths of him and seemed to explode. The sweetness he discovered on her lips caused him to deepen the kiss. To fall headlong into it.
And with each passing fraction of a second, the power increased. The pull drew him into the very center of this unexpected hurricane that had suddenly risen up all around him.
She felt soft against him.
Her body seemed to fit right into his, so much so that it was as if they had been created as two complementary puzzle pieces.
What the hell was he doing? Another second and he’d drop off the face of the earth, go plummeting over the side of the abyss that he hadn’t even suspected was there. Kissing her wasn’t just a pleasurable experience, it was an experience that defied description, defied being pigeonholed. And he wanted to take it to the next plateau.
With a burst of superhuman energy, Tony forced himself to pull back. He felt shaken. The air that he sucked into his lungs didn’t steady anything.
“I’m sorry. I had no right to do that. I’ll go. Thanks for the meal.”
She felt as if the short sentences were attacking her, one after another, as Tony drew back making his way toward the door. Away from her.
Snapping to, Sasha quickly caught up to him before he could leave.
She began at the end and worked her way to the beginning. “You’re welcome for the meal. You don’t have to leave. And you have every right to do that. There’s no reason to be sorry.” She looked at him pointedly. “I wanted you to kiss me.”
“Look—” He felt as if he was stumbling over a tongue that had somehow gotten to be five feet long and incredibly unwieldy. “—you’re vulnerable—”
There was no denying that, Sasha thought. Today marked five years since she’d gotten engaged to Adam and maybe, in between all the patients she had seen today during her hectic schedule, she’d been feeling sorry for herself.
But she’d meant what she’d said. It was time to move forward. At least a little. Denying herself the right to feel was cruel and unusual punishment. It was time to stop beating herself up because she was still alive and Adam was not.
Adam wouldn’t have wanted that.
“Yes, I am,” she agreed, wrapping her arms around Tony’s neck and once again drawing herself closer to him than a soft whisper. “But don’t worry,” she added, rising up on her toes, bringing her lips close to his. “It’s not catching.”
He didn’t know about that, he thought, taking what was offered.
But, catching or not, he had no choice but to do what every fiber in his body begged him to do.
He brought his mouth down on hers and utterly shattered every promise he’d made to himself about keeping his distance and remaining uninvolved.
Chapter 11
Sasha made him feel strong and weak at the same time. Powerful, invincible and yet completely vulnerable and exposed. Had he been able to think, Tony would have said that the woman in his arms had turned him inside out and spun him around until he wasn’t sure which end was up.
But thinking was the last thing he was capable of right now. Not with this myriad of sensations bombarding him from every conceivable direction. And at the very center of the emotional hurricane that was raging within him was desire. Desire, fiery and strong and so unrelenting that he couldn’t even manage to draw a complete breath without every fiber of his being shouting that he wanted her.
Where had all this come from?
Had it been hiding in the wings, waiting to capture him while he was still unaware?
But that was just it, he was aware, aware of every nuance of her body, every movement, every curve that called to him. He hadn’t felt this vibrant, this alive since Annie had been in his life.
He felt like exploding.
It took everything he had within him not to give in to what was happening, not to quickly take this woman who stirred him so much. The hunger that seemed to have risen out of the shadows and taken him prisoner begged to be satiated.
With extraordinary effort, he banked it down as best he could. He wasn’t some rutting pig, some soulless, lusting beast who suddenly had an appetite that needed satisfying. He was a man, a man who could think, who could reason. Who could exercise control over himself.
The last thing he wanted was to frighten Sasha. Or offend her.
So he caressed her, kissed her and gave up part of his resistance. He found himself lost in the taste of her. In the feel, the scent, the softness of her. From where he stood, it was a good bargain.
Tony hardly remembered how they managed to get from the stool to the sofa. All he knew was that the second he’d begun kissing her, he couldn’t pull himself away, couldn’t stand back and create that small, necessary distance he’d always been able to maintain. There’d always been a part of him that could observe, that could separate him from what was going on. Even with Annie, he was able to maintain that small, uninvaded space.
That space didn’t exist any more. He couldn’t find it, couldn’t take refuge in it. He was hopelessly lost in her.
Tony kissed her mouth, her face, her throat and all the while his hands roamed over her body, memorizing every subtle curve, every inviting dip, every single hollow that he found.
And even while he was losing himself in her, Tony could feel her fingers as they worked the buttons from their holes on his shirt, heard her deep intake of breath as she dragged the shirt from his waist, then pushed it from his torso. Felt his own breath catch in his throat as her fingertips moved along his chest, his skin. Branding him.
This was wrong.
He shouldn’t be letting this happen, his mind argued silently. Shouldn’t be with her like this. And yet, he wanted nothing more. Even though it shattered every single promise, broke every rule, tore him out of his solitary cell where he’d been bathed in darkness.
She made him feel alive. Feel glad to be alive. He didn’t even have time to feel disloyal to Annie.
Everything seemed to be happening in some sort of warm haze. And yet, he was aware of everything. Aware of the feel of her lips, the silkiness of her skin, the zipper as it flowed down her back. Aware of her dress as it floated away from her body and to the floor.
He was supposed to stop now. It had gotten out of hand.
He hadn’t meant for this to happen when he’d taken that right turn down the street that led to her apartment building. He’d only meant to offer his apologies for neglecting to call her earlier and then go. That was all. Nothing more.
Liar.
The word vibrated in his brain, mocking him. And then it disappeared, burned away in the heat of his desire.
She was naked and beautiful and, for this single, precious moment in time, his. And he wanted her with a need that was almost uncontrollable.
A small kernel of feeling that was deeply rooted within him demanded that he hold off taking her, hold off from the ultimate moment. It demanded that he do his very best to place her needs before his own. It wasn’t a conscious thought, more like a sense of order. Of how things had to be, to be right.
It wasn’t until Tony’s lips touched hers that she realized just how much she had ached for this. How much she’d truly missed the physical aspects of a good relationship. Since Adam had died, there had been no one to take his place, no one to turn to. To escape the grief, the pain, she had buried herself in her work. Pretending that it and her family were enough. That she had no other needs, no great desire to savor the physical pleasures that came from loving and being loved by a man.
There’d been men since Adam had died, men who had been interested in her. But she’d refused any attempts on their part to get closer. She’d become celibate because making love had always been just that to her, making love. Not having sex. Adam had been her first, her only. It was because she’d loved him that she’d made love with him. It had been a natural outpouring. Her love had just spilled out, impossible to contain or manage any longer without an outlet.
That couldn’t be the case here, she thought, even as her body heated in response to Tony’s touch. She didn’t love this detective. She felt for him. Related to him and was drawn to him because of the similar circumstances in their backgrounds. And because of the life-and-death situation they found themselves on the edge of. Tony was a protector and she appreciated that, but it wasn’t as if she actually needed protecting.
What she needed, she realized, was to feel like a woman again. A desirable woman. And if she were being honest with herself, he made her feel just that. From the first covert look of interest in his eyes when he’d slanted a glance in her direction, something electric had telegraphed itself to her, slicing through protocol, through logic. Through all the barriers she’d constructed around herself. She’d wanted Tony long before she’d given in to him.
His tenderness surprised her. Touched her. More than she could ever say. She’d thought to get lost in the wild rapture that would overtake her the moment they came together, but he somehow managed to be tender within the frenzy that seized them, the frenzy that sent clothes flying, along with any lingering inhibitions she might have possessed.
But it wasn’t a wild flash in the pan, a simple wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. It was so much more.
The taste of his lips inflamed her. His breath sent her pulse racing even faster than it already was, stirring every dormant thing inside her. There was an overwhelming need to be swept away and another, equally great need not to drown within the tidal wave that had been created.
She needed to make Tony feel something as well, needed to leave a mark, an impression on his soul that would make her different in his eyes, different from all the other women she assumed he had had over the years.
Grasping his arms, she caught him off guard and reversed their positions before he realized what she was doing. She scrambled up, moving until she was on top of him. The flicker of surprise in his gray eyes pleased her to no end.
Sasha lost no time. She dusted his chest with kisses, snaking her body along his. Succeeding, she thought triumphantly, in arousing him to an even greater level. She knew she was on borrowed time, that any second, he would be taking over again. He was already making her head spin and there was a rushing noise in her ears that continued to grow louder. There was no doubt that at any moment, she was going to lose control and she wanted desperately to bring him up to as high a plateau as she could before that happened.
And, just as she had come to both her own limit and his, Tony suddenly reversed their positions again. And then he was the one looming over her. He laced his hands with hers, holding them overhead and then to the side as he worked his mouth slowly down her torso.
Electrical charges shot through her. Sasha twisted and wiggled both into the sensations and away from them. Trying to savor, to sustain. Trying to forestall the ultimate detonation, keeping it back for just a little longer.
He was smiling, as he raised himself back over her again. Her whole body was humming like a newly tuned generator, but it was his smile that registered most of all. His smile that had the greatest effect on her.
And then he was inside her and they were one. One and racing together to the final destination. The final summit before they plunged back down to the earth that was waiting for them.
The sound of Sasha’s growing agitation, released in small gasps and garbled words that completely defied understanding, excited Tony to a point he was completely unfamiliar with.
And then the explos
ion came, wrapping itself around them both. Sealing them together in desire and sweat. They hung suspended in midair.
Sasha felt part of Tony’s weight against her. Felt her heart hammering so hard, she was certain it would pop out of her chest and into his. She wrapped her legs around his, unwilling to have the moment end, even after it had.
The descent was slow, but inevitable. When she felt him roll off, the emptiness hovered on the brink of her consciousness, threatening to oppress her. She held it at bay as best she could.
What felt like a hundred years later, Tony propped himself up on his elbow and leaned his head against his hand. She could feel him looking at her for a long moment. When she finally turned her head toward him, she couldn’t read his expression. Was he angry? Pleased? As blown away as she was?
“Why?” he asked.
“Why what?” Sasha managed to push the words out after one failed attempt. Her throat was so dry, it felt as if it was sticking to itself, sealing off almost all of her air.
He didn’t explain, didn’t enlighten. All he did was repeat the question. “Why?”
She didn’t know why. All she knew was that if she hadn’t, she would have burst into flames on her own. Until it had happened, she hadn’t known how much she had wanted it to happen. But that was all too serious, too much to burden him with. There were no strings here.
So she forced a smile to her lips and said, “I didn’t have any dessert to offer you.”
Her flippant response surprised him. He didn’t think she was capable of flippant answers. But then, he wouldn’t have thought her capable of what had just happened here, either.
No, that wasn’t exactly right. He’d felt, sensed really, that beneath her cool exterior there was a passionate, vibrant woman. What he hadn’t been prepared for was the degree to which that was true. And was unequally unprepared for his own reaction to her. Granted he’d been attracted to her, maybe even from the very start, but the degree to which he’d found himself responding had caught him completely off guard.
Her Lawman on Call Page 12