by Len Webster
“The one time I want you to say ‘okay,’ you don’t. I’m driving you home,” Sam said. He didn’t give her his attention to argue. Instead, he turned and got back into the Jeep. Sam sat in the driver’s seat, staring at her staring at him. He brought up his phone and texted her.
Sam: I’ll wait.
Meredith glanced down and pulled out her phone. He saw the frown on her face as she texted back.
Meredith: It’s okay, Sam.
He lifted his chin from the message to see her shaking her head at him.
Sam: You said you’d never hesitate when it came to me. You’re hesitating, Meredith Driessen. So one more time … can I take you home?
His eyes met hers.
Meredith: Okay.
Okay.
He smiled at the word.
He frowned at the word.
His heart ached at the word.
His future fell in love with that word.
It took just one word.
chapter six
SAM
Present
Beth: Josh wants to know if you’ll come to the school play? Let me know by Friday, so we can get a ticket.
Sam: I thought his play wasn’t until September?
Beth: No, it’s in a month. You said you’d clear your schedule. Remember, you said Parliament wasn’t in session? Please don’t tell me you forgot that you’d pick him up after school on Thursday, too? It’s your turn.
Sam: No, I didn’t forget. Tell Josh I’ll pick him up on Thursday, and I’ll be at his play.
Beth: He’ll be thrilled! I’ll see you on Thursday.
Sam set his phone on the desk and peeked at the photo of him and Josh. The cheeky grin was a Michaels’ trademark. Josh had just turned six a few months ago. As he grew up, he’d started looking like his mother, Beth Lewis. Each time he’d been around the six-year-old, Sam felt guilty. For a long time after the birth, he had been distant. Josh had been one of the reasons he had lost Meredith. But Josh Michaels had also saved him. Sam couldn’t possibly imagine a life without him.
“Beth and Josh.” He sighed as his hands covered his face.
My Josh.
His Beth.
Someone else’s Meredith.
The ping from his laptop had Sam checking his Facebook chat message.
Phillip Hall: BREAKING NEWS! Meredith is digitally alive.
His heart sped up when he saw her name. His fingers hovered over the keys as he decided on a reply.
Samuel Michaels: What?
Phillip Hall: She’s back online. Dude, she’s been in the Netherlands all this time. Surprised you haven’t seen yet. Margot got a message from her this morning saying she was back.
Samuel Michaels: Don’t really care.
Bullshit liar, I am.
Phillip Hall: If my dick of a boss weren’t looking my way, I’d call you and tell you that you’re such a heartless asshole for what you did. But bros before the perfect girl, right?
Samuel Michaels: Beth and Josh came first.
Phillip Hall: She understood.
Samuel Michaels: She didn’t know everything to understand.
Phillip Hall: And that there, my dear politician, is the problem. You didn’t tell her the truth. You thought that Perfect Meredith was out of your league when all she did was love you.
Samuel Michaels: Well, I didn’t love her.
Phillip Hall: No, you’re IN love with her. You’ve been a mopey fucker for seven years.
The implosion of his heart had been breathtaking. Sam closed his eyes tightly for a long moment. When he opened them, he typed her name in the search bar.
Meredith Driessen. Twenty-five. From Melbourne, Victoria. Lives in Rotterdam, Netherlands.
Sam scrolled down her wall to see her posts throughout the years. She hadn’t deactivated her account. Meredith had blocked him and no doubt most of the students from their year level. He took a deep breath, knowing that as soon as exams had finished, she had left Warren Meadows. She had vanished. Vanished all the way to Europe.
It had been two days since he last saw Meredith. He had waited by the phone. Hoped and prayed she’d call. But if the Meredith he knew was still somewhere within those lost eyes, he knew she’d never sought after him.
Those eyes hadn’t been the eyes Meredith had when she smiled.
Or laughed.
Or when she loved.
Meredith was lost, and the burning desire within him wanted to find her.
And save her.
chapter seven
SAM
Seven years ago
“It’s just left here. My house is the one with the white fence,” Meredith instructed.
Of course, she would have a house with a white picket fence.
Sam turned into the court and pulled up to the large double-story house. It was impressive and set in the older, richer part of Warren Meadows. The plot of land where Meredith’s house sat had to be at least an acre because each neighbour was some distance away.
He cut the engine and gazed out at the rain that continued to assault the windshield. The window wipers weren’t much help. The silence that wrapped around them had become a thick, airless pressure, suffocating Sam.
“Umm, Sam?”
He tore his eyes away from the moving wipers and took in the unsure expression on her face. Strands of her hair no longer stuck to the side of her face; the heater had begun to dry them.
“Yes, Meredith?”
She stared at her hands as she chewed her lip. “You always call me ‘Meredith.’ Most people call me ‘Mere,’ but you don’t. Why is that?”
Calling you Meredith lets me believe you could be mine.
Sam dropped his hand from the steering wheel, and her eyes met his.
That middle blue colour of hers caused wanderlust in him. To explore and travel to every length and shade Meredith’s eyes made. His infatuation had started the moment she looked his way on their first day of high school. It was her smile. An indescribable smile that told him to stay away. Sam had watched countless boys instantly fall in love with her. They had fallen out as easily as they fell in once they realised Meredith Driessen was unattainable.
“I don’t know,” he lied. “It’s a name your friends call you. I’m not your friend.”
Disappointment flashed in her eyes. A sight he didn’t miss. “I guess not. Thank you for the ride home.”
Meredith unbuckled her belt and picked up her bag from the floor. She opened the car door and got out. The rain instantly soaked her blonde hair as she made her way through the gate and eventually inside her home.
Sam breathed out as he dropped his forehead to the steering wheel. It was impossible to be Meredith’s friend. He had known that when he’d first laid eyes on her. He wanted to save himself from the heartbreak he knew she could inflict on him. But now, at eighteen, he wanted even the chance at her breaking his heart. It meant he could feel the things he had denied.
I can’t be selfish.
Beth in my life won’t let me.
The thought hadn’t stuck. It quickly passed him as his fingers were on the door handle. He paused for a second and decided that if Meredith didn’t hesitate, then neither would he.
He opened the door and felt the wind and cold rain droplets hit his skin. The smell of rain on the pavement was one he had loved. Rain washed away the impurities. Drowning them. Cleansing them.
The loud thunder muffled the sound of his car door slamming. Sam walked around the Jeep. When he reached the short white gate, he unlatched it and headed up the path to the front door. Sam pushed his soaked brown hair back and breathed out.
He pressed his knuckles against the cream-coloured wooden door and waited.
“Stay, Dutch,” he heard Meredith command from the other side.
A second later, the door opened. H
e was met with a confused expression on her face. Her hair now free from its tie, blonde curls rested past her collarbones and her chest. Sam sucked in air as he tore his eyes off where her hair ran past.
“Sam,” she said, surprised.
“You seemed disappointed when I said I wasn’t your friend.”
“I was,” Meredith confirmed. A whimper came from inside the house, and she turned around. “Dutch, wait, please.” She then faced Sam. “Sorry.”
His lips formed a tight smile. “You never have to be sorry, Meredith.”
Just as she parted her lips to speak, Meredith looked down. Sam’s eyes followed to see a maroon-coloured dog gaze up at him and release a small cry. Sam bent his knees and smiled at the dog who had sat by the river with him and Meredith.
“Hey, boy,” Sam said as he petted his head. “Mind giving me and Meredith a second?”
“Go sit by the fire, Dutch. I’ll get you a treat in a second,” Meredith instructed, and just like that, the border collie shuffled back and left them.
“Good dog,” Sam commented and stood straight.
“He is,” she agreed. “I’m sad you don’t think we’re friends, Sam.”
He sighed. “Meredith … would you rather know we’re friends because you saved my life or because we have things in common?”
She flinched. Then she pressed her lips into a fine line and allowed silence to consume the air between them. “Things we have in common.”
“Then we’re not really friends, then,” he pointed out.
This time, sadness crept to every inch of her face.
“I guess,” she said softly and then set her hand on the door. “Thank you for the ride home. If you need anything, let me know. I feel awful that you went out of your way to take me home.”
Sam quickly pressed his hand on the door to stop her from closing it. “Let’s find something we have in common.”
Meredith’s eyes widened. “Sam.”
“I want to be your friend. I want us to have things in common,” he added.
To his surprise, she shook her head. “Don’t force this. I want to be your friend. It doesn’t have to be the other way ‘round.”
Against his better judgement, Sam removed his palm from the door and placed his hands on Meredith’s cheeks for her attention. It bewildered them both.
God, this feels so right and so wrong.
“I want to be your friend, Meredith Driessen. Let me have things in common with you.”
Her chest rose heavily, and she had blinked once before she breathed, “Okay.”
Sam grinned. Large and true. The nervous expression on Meredith’s face vanished, quickly replaced with her own beautiful and honest smile.
“Will you take the bus tomorrow?” he asked, letting his thumb brush her soft cheek.
“I take the bus every day,” she replied in a whisper.
He shook his head as he dropped his hands from her cheeks. “Not anymore. Friends give each other lifts, right? I’ll be here tomorrow morning.”
“Sam,” she argued.
“No. I want common ground with you.”
I need common ground.
“As long as you’re not forcing yourself then okay. Tomorrow.”
I am.
I’m forcing this because I want and don’t want this.
“I’m not. I promise.”
Her smile returned. “Then I look forward to sharing that common ground with you.”
“Me, too,” he confessed.
“Bye, Sam.”
“Bye, Meredith.”
He turned around and ran through the rain back to his car. The moment he closed the car door, he leant back against the seat with a smile. The beeping of his phone had him reaching for it to see a new message.
Son of a bitch: Speak to Beth.
Every inch of pleasure and happiness that Meredith had evoked within him had been a waste. Hate seethed through his veins, tarnishing it and replacing it.
Sam: Fuck you.
chapter eight
MEREDITH
Present
“So what do you think of Warren Meadows Primary School?” Assistant Principal Harry Malcolm asked.
Meredith Driessen examined the classroom, taking in the drawings on the pin board. She smiled at the names that marked each picture. She hadn’t ever intended to leave her teaching job in the Netherlands. But when she refused Jean Paul’s proposition to move in together, Margot Hepburn’s offer of employment back home in Australia seemed like her next step. Meredith had met Jean Paul through friends. His French accent had her accepting their first date. Their casual dates became ‘more’ too quickly. Meredith couldn’t commit. No matter how hard she tried to, she couldn’t accept the idea of a future with Jean Paul.
Meredith didn’t have the best luck when it came to men. There had only ever been one person she loved, and that was Samuel Michaels. She had first laid eyes on him at thirteen. All her attempts to gain his attention resulted in failure, and as the years passed, she’d given up. Until she saw his car at the reserve near her house. Sam was different, and she wanted to get to know him. It took her stopping him from drowning for him to notice her, but then she hadn’t seen him since their final exam. Weeks after, she had left for the Netherlands.
Now, she was home, and their paths had met a lot sooner than she thought possible. She had her teaching degree. As for Sam, he got his dream and went into politics. They both got what they wanted. Except for Meredith. She had also wanted a life with Sam. Shaking her head to rid him from her thoughts, she concentrated on the classroom where she’d be temporarily teaching. It wasn’t quite as spacious as the one she had known back in Rotterdam, but it was cosy and comfortable.
“You’re here!” Margot exclaimed.
Meredith turned to spot her high school best friend at the door with a big smile on her face. Margot didn’t look much different from high school. She still had her slim face, dark auburn hair, light brown eyes, and the distinctive mole above her upper lip.
“Miss Hepburn,” the assistant principal stated.
Margot entered the room. “Oh, shut it, Harry! We all know you’re so far from a formality.”
Meredith turned around to see Harry relax, and she shot her friend a confused look.
“I’ve got it from here. I’ll send Mere your way later.”
“Thank Christ. I hate this orientation shit. Welcome to Warren Meadows, Meredith,” Harry said and quickly left the room.
“What was that?” Meredith asked.
“He’s new to the job. He was the laziest maths teacher I’ve ever known. Anyways …” Before she could even blink, Margot had her arms around her. “I’ve missed you so much!”
Meredith returned the hug. “Me, too.”
Margot stepped back and smiled. “You are going to love it here. I’ll let you meet Char, and she’ll tell you everything you need to know about the class you’re teaching. The play’s already sorted, so you don’t have to worry about that at all.”
“Okay.”
“Dammit,” Margot said, squinting at the clock on the wall. “I have yard duty. I need a total catch up about the Netherlands. Everything! Tonight. I’ll text you when and where. Facebook only gave me so many updates about you.” Margot grinned, spun around, and headed towards the door.
“Margot,” Meredith called, and her best friend faced her.
“Yeah?”
Meredith gave her a smile. “Thanks for not telling anyone where I went. I know you kept it from Phil.”
“Phil doesn’t have to know everything. Thanks for not blocking me on Facebook. I wouldn’t have been able to stalk you.” Margot winked as she slipped out of the classroom.
Meredith let out a sigh, and her eyes roamed around the room. She had been a qualified teacher for almost three years, but that had been in
the Netherlands. She’d have to figure out the Australian school system all over again.
“Meredith?” a woman asked.
She turned around to find a heavily pregnant woman at the door. “Yes.”
“I’m Charlotte, but everyone calls me Char.”
“Nice to meet you. Call me Mere.”
“Lovely to meet you, Mere. You’re taking over my class of little devils while I go on maternity leave.”
Meredith’s eyes widened. “Devils …”
Charlotte laughed. “I’m kidding. They’re mostly angels. Since school’s done for the day, I can show you around the grounds before we go to the teachers’ meeting.”
Relief poured through her. She hadn’t known a troublesome class. The kids she had taught back in Rotterdam had been well mannered.
Charlotte led Meredith out of the room and into the busy hallway. Children filled the corridor as they all prepared to go home.
“Bye, Mrs Wilkins,” a boy yelled.
“Bye, Joshua. Make sure you practice your lines tonight for the play,” Charlotte said.
Meredith turned to see the young boy waving at Charlotte.
“Laces are tied, Josh.” Sam’s voice had Meredith’s chest caving in. He turned her way, and their eyes met.
“Okay,” the young boy replied.
“That’s Josh Michaels; he’s one of my students. And as of Monday, he’ll be yours,” Charlotte explained.
Meredith stared at the little boy. Josh smiled as he took Sam’s hand, pulling him for attention. The burning pain in her chest wouldn’t retreat. It was suffocating. Sam stared at her; she could see the pain consume his brown eyes. He then stood up and gazed down at his son. She took her eyes off them and watched Charlotte point out several students.