by Carrie Gress
3. Go Deeper into Motherhood and Spiritual Motherhood
Our culture will only be able to renew itself if we reclaim both physical motherhood and spiritual motherhood. Jennifer Roback Morse wisely reminds us, “We all need someone who personally, unconditionally cares about us.”4 Not one of us can be the perfect parent, but this is why we have grace, the sacraments, and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to help us parent the children God has given us.
St. Angela Merici speaks about the importance of a consecrated woman’s love for her spiritual children. She writes, “Bear them … engraved upon your heart—not merely their names, but their conditions and states, whatever they may be. This will not be difficult for you if you embrace them with a living love.”
Healing is also an important part of spiritual motherhood. With so many broken people around us, being aware of resources like Project Rachel and other post-abortive ministries is important, as are other outreach groups, like Catholic Charities and solid recourses for psychological help. Our gifts of listening, asking questions, and just being present to others can go a long way—further than many of us believe possible.
4. Fill Up Your Spiritual Tank
As women, we have all felt it: that desire just to go shopping and distract ourselves from our daily struggles, to delight in something new in our wardrobe or some other bobble to distract us. These kinds of distractions are exactly that, distractions keeping us from looking into the real piece that is missing: our longing for God.
The key to keep us on track is always to be mindful that these distractions are signs of something deeper and that we must nourish our prayer lives, nourish the soul, with real food. We must come to understand how much we are treasured daughters of God the Father and that his provision extends to us in every waking and sleeping moment of our lives. When we know that “all things work for good for those who love God” (Rom 8:28) and reject the lie that we are orphans, then envy, greed, fear, and boredom have no hold on our lives. A spirit of gratitude for this relationship with our Maker and for all the many gifts in our lives, no matter how small, can also dissipate envy’s venom, or the restless spirit that can overtake us.
We must make prayer an essential part of our daily lives, finding God whenever we can. There will be obstacles, particularly depending on what season of life one is in, but silence and prayer must become a priority.
5. Be Aware of Satan’s Entry Points
As we have seen in previous chapters, our culture is saturated with the occult, in large ways and small. It’s hard to escape it, but escape it we must if we are going to get ourselves and our families to heaven. Vigilance with the culture has to be constant because Satan will creep in wherever he can.
Avoiding certain obvious places is good, like astrology, tarot card readings, fortune tellers, the enneagram, goddess material, the Sante Muerte cult, and yoga. Satan likes to hide his evil among the sugar, so constant vigilance is important. Also, be on guard about what your children are watching; keep an eye on their screen time and social media accounts. Porn introduction and sexting requests can begin between the ages of eight and nine and get worse as children get older.
Also, being aware of the areas of malcontent in your life is crucial because Satan will use these negative emotions to entrap you. Actively listening for dark lies about yourself, or comparing yourself to others, is a good place to look for his foothold. Rejecting his lies while embracing charity, compassion, humility, and acceptance are great ways to free yourself from his bondage. Like St. Paul reminded the Ephesians, who were under the spell of Artemis:
Therefore, putting away falsehood, speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun set on your anger, and do not leave room for the devil. The thief must no longer steal, but rather labor, doing honest work with his [own] hands, so that he may have something to share with one in need. No foul language should come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for needed edification, that it may impart grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the holy Spirit of God, with which you were sealed for the day of redemption. All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice. [And] be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ. (Eph 4:25–32 NABRE)
6. Kindness and Tenderness
I asked a dear friend of mine, while she was slowly dying from the ravages of cancer, if there was anything in her life that she wished she could change. As a Catholic, I knew she had been to confession regularly and squared away many of the regrets of her life. But the one thing she mentioned that stuck with me was that she wished she had been more kind to others throughout her life. It seemed a rather insignificant thing to me at the time, but ten years later, it has sunk in.
There is a beautiful book by Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik, best known for his children’s books about the faith, entitled The Hidden Power of Kindness: A Practical Handbook for Souls Who Dare to Transform the World One Deed at a Time.5 Kindness is another one of the gifts hidden in plain sight that we often miss; in fact, it’s one of God’s greatest gifts. Fr. Lovasik writes, “The least kind action is greater than the greatest wrong. The smallest kindness can lift a heavy weight.”6 He explains further that “a single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves. … As you become kinder yourself by practicing kindness, so the people you are kind to, if they were kind before, learn to be kinder, or if they were not kind before, learn how to be kind.”7 We all know the burden that comes when someone holds us in contempt, but kindness can lighten that load. “Kindness drives gloom and darkness from souls and puts hope into fainting hearts. It sweetens sorrow and lessens pain. It discovers unsuspected beauty of human character and calls forth a response from all that is best in souls. Kindness purifies, glorifies, and ennobles all that it touches.”8
We have forgotten the power of kindness as a culture and even within our faith. But here again, Our Lady models perfect kindness that comes with perfect love. She is never rude or belittling, always open to trying to bring the stray sheep home instead of offering them contempt. Catholics can sometimes be justly accused of being callus or angry. Certainly, there is much to be angry about in our world today, but contempt, rage, and belittling those we are called to love is not the response that will bring healing to our culture.
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1Morse, Sexual State, 203.
2Noelle Mering, “How Theology of Home Makes Men Heroic,” Helena Daily, October 1, 2018, https://www.helenadaily.com/theologyofhome/2018/10/1/toh-men-temporary-title.
3Ibid.
4Roback Morse, Sexual State, 255.
5Lawrence G. Lovasik, The Hidden Power of Kindness: A Practical Handbook for Souls Who Dare to Transform the World One Deed at a Time (Sophia Institute Press, 1999).
6Ibid., 10.
7Ibid., 11.
8Ibid.
CHAPTER 12
Helping the Walking Wounded
“I therefore … beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling
to which you have been called, with all lowliness and
meekness, with patience, forbearing one another in love.”
—Ephesians 4:1–2
For the past five decades, the painful irony is that women, not men, have been their own worst enemy. Feminism was supposed to improve women’s lives. Unfortunately, feminist responses to the world’s problems have actually further enslaved women in poverty, broken relationships, diseased bodies, empty homes, and so on. Sadly, this new bondage in which women find themselves, rather than being rightly blamed on feminism, has also been turned into a cause célèbre of the movement and a rallying cry to continuing fighting. And so women bind themselves even more tightly in their chains.
Like every good fairy tale, in the end, we know that authentic beauty, goodness, truth, and
honesty can only be hidden, abused, and despised for so long. One day, the flash and fancy of feminist ideology will finally be revealed for what it is and it will no longer be judged the fairest of them all. But this will not happen without a lot of prayer, fasting, and interceding for the women who have come under the anti-Marian spell.
St. Ignatius of Loyola, a master of spiritual direction, drew out for all Christians to see the pronounced interior difference between the soul living in a state of grace and one who is not. The soul who is seeking God is motivated by interior joys, consolations, and encouragements, while the one moving away from God skips from mortal sin to mortal sin. Despite the built-in struggles that come from living in mortal sin (e.g., difficult relationships, self-defeating activities), a turnaround generally doesn’t happen until one hits rock bottom and realizes something has to change. Only then, like the prodigal son (or daughter), are eyes raised to God. And fortunately, Mary will be there to help.
As the Mother of Mercy, Mary spoke directly to St. Bridget about what her mercy means in practical terms. “I am the Queen of heaven and the Mother of Mercy. I am the joy of the just and the door through which sinners come to God.” She continued, “There are no sinners on earth so unfortunate as to be beyond my mercy. For even if they receive nothing else through my intercession, at least they receive the grace of being less tempted by the devils than they would otherwise be.” Even after death, Our Lady explained, “unless the last irrevocable sentence (of damnation) has been pronounced against them, there are no persons so abandoned by God that they will not return to Him and find mercy, if they invoke my aid.”1
Walking With the Wounded
The widespread prevalence of abortion, contraception, lesbianism, and the rest have led us to a place where we are surrounded by the walking wounded. We know that Christ does not want these women left abandoned, but embraced, tended to, and cared for. Doling out this charity is no simple task when they are living with sinful and prideful blindness, and yet, we must not abandon them.
Every now and again, a film will come to the big screen that embodies an important idea for a culture. The Disney film Moana offers an unexpected modern-day parable to help us love women who have been caught in the cultural snares.
The film is about a teenager, Moana, next in line to become chief of her tribe. She is tasked by the sea to hunt down the demigod Maui to save her island and her tribe from death emanating from the goddess of life, Te Fiti. Millennia ago, Maui stole the heart from Te Fiti, and without it, Te Fiti no longer has the capacity to give life, leaving the oceans, fish, island vegetation, and humanity to slowly die. The ocean brought Te Fiti’s heart to Moana so that she and Maui could return it to where it belongs. In short, Moana must save her people.
The largest obstacle to Maui and Moana’s mission is Te Ka, a fiery lava monster that they must conquer to reach their final goal. Even Maui is reluctant to battle Te Ka, having been beaten by it in the past. Maui engages the fiery figure, but in the battle, Te Ka is able to fracture Maui’s hook, the source of his demigod power. Knowing that one more crack would ruin his powers, Maui leaves Moana alone to fight the massive angry beast.
Moana bravely works out her strategy to avoid the fire balls, flaming fingers, and angry wrath of Te Ka. Deftly maneuvering her outrigger, Moana sails to find the vulnerable spots where she can make her way past the monster’s craggy and barren island. She finally gets through, but with Te Ka on her heels. Just when it looks as if there is no escape from Te Ka’s reach, Maui returns, saving Moana. Moana scrambles up the craggy island to her destination where she can finally return Te Fiti’s heart. At the highest point—not knowing where to place the heart—she looks down in the water and sees the silhouette of a woman’s body, but the woman isn’t there. She looks back to the raging Te Ka and sees in the chest of the fiery beast the same symbol that is on the heart stone in her hand. It is then that Moana realizes that Te Ka is really Te Fiti—the fiery beast is really the heartless goddess of life. She must give the heart stone back to Te Ka.
As she approaches the thrashing beast, Moana says, “This is not who you are.” She holds out the heart stone for the monster to see, and suddenly, it is subdued and focused. The monster lowers itself down to look at Moana and the tiny stone in her hand. And then the beast—gentle and sad—allows the heart to be returned to its rightful place. It is only then that the angry, lava-filled beast is transformed into a green, fertile, gentle, and beautiful goddess.
While this is a Disney story drawing heavily from Polynesian mythology, it is an archetype or guide to understanding what happens to a woman when her true heart is removed. The results are dramatic, devastating, and widespread. And yet the antidote is very simple: to remind her that “this is not who you are.” The world of the anti-Mary is not who we are, not what we are made for. It would be wonderful if the solution were as simple as showing women entranced by the anti-Mary a vision of their own heart, but it is not. We have to remind women that radical feminism isn’t who they really are. Striving to be like men isn’t who they really are. Being consumed by rage, anxiety, and malice isn’t who they really are. And living as if there is no God isn’t who they really are. As we engage them, it would be good to remember that our battle, as St. Paul reminded the Ephesians and us, isn’t really with them but with the devil: “For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens” (Eph 6:12 NABRE).
We must be the women and men who courageously go outside of our comfort zones, who are willing to tackle monsters bigger than we are. We, like Moana and Maui, are tasked with giving women their hearts back. Compelled by lies, savvy marketing, and dark influences, women have traded it away for things that will never satisfy, that will never give true life, that will never gain them what they yearn for in the deepest layers of their soul. We must restore the heart or our future, like the islands in the myth, will remain barren, dying a slow death.
As ever, Catholicism is the only antidote left standing to deal with all of these struggles in the feminine heart. Ours is not a trendy diversion, as women from the last twenty centuries can attest, but the most powerful force on Earth when unleashed. Even this lengthy list of obstacles to our faith is nothing compared to the transforming power of God. We can debate all we want about what will appeal to women and try to contort the Church and its message into many things, but the real appeal is what it has always been: Christ. He offers the kind of love that women’s hearts crave—to be known just as we are, intimately, uniquely, and purposefully. It was this love that transformed Magdalene. It is this love that brought us Sts. Helen, Hildegard, Joan of Arc, Bridget, Bernadette, and all the Catherines (Alexandria, Siena, Labouré), to name a few. And it is this same love that can transform the hearts of every woman.
But this kind of love is not currently available in the public square, and that’s where the real work is for Christians. We cannot leave it to someone else to tell women where they can find true happiness, even if they don’t yet have the ears to hear us. Somewhere, seeds of our example, our prayers, and the truth will sink in—if only because it is different from what everyone else says. And when it does, then the soul will be ready to face the God-Man, who fulfills the desire of every living thing.
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1Reprinted in St. Alphonsus Ligouri, The Glories of Mary (Ligouri, 2000), 23.
APPENDIX
Important Prayers to
Combat the Anti-Mary
Marian Prayers
Hail Mary
Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Memorare
The M
emorare prayer was a favorite of St. Teresa of Calcutta. She would say a “flying novena” when she had an intention that needed to be answered quickly. Eight Memorares for the intention and one more in thanksgiving.
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.
Prayers of Other Saints
Prayer to Defeat the Devil by St. Anna Maria Taigi
The Incorrupt Patroness of Mothers and Families, St. Anna Maria Taigi
Prostrate at thy feet, O Great Queen of Heaven, we venerate thee with the deepest reverence and we confess that thou art the Daughter of the Father, the Mother of the Divine Word, the Spouse of the Holy Ghost. Thou art the storekeeper and the almoner of the Divine Mercies. For this reason, we call thee Mother of Divine Compassion.