by T. T. Kove
Glenn didn’t waste any time. He pulled back, his cock almost leaving me, and then he plunged back down, his skin slapping against mine. He didn’t take it slow now. He pulled back again instantly and fucked me so good and hard I couldn’t think.
I was assaulted with pleasure. Everything else in my mind went blank except for the right here and now. Me, him, his dick fucking me hard. Missionary wasn’t quite enough to reach my peak though.
‘Let me turn around,’ I got out in-between my moans. I’d come to terms with the fact I wasn’t as quiet in bed anymore as I’d been before I met Andreas. That was probably a good thing. Neither Andreas nor Glenn complained about me being too loud, anyway.
Glenn pulled out and sat back on his knees, and I scrambled to turn over. On my stomach, yeah, that was my favourite position.
‘Fuck me into the mattress,’ I instructed, turning my head so I could see him. He leant forward, grabbed my hips, and then entered me in one smooth thrust. I moaned, my hands twisting in the sheets. ‘Brace yourself on me,’ I told him in a choked voice. This was how I preferred to do it with Andreas as well. It wasn’t weird at all to do the same position with Glenn too, right?
He did, palms bracing against my back as he continued thrusting in a brutal rhythm.
And now I really couldn’t think. My upper body was pressed into the mattress from his weight and my hips rocked against it on each downward thrust of his. He was hitting my prostate perfectly in this position and I groaned into his pillow, muffling myself. I didn’t want to be too loud, but it was hard to hold back, so a pillow pressed to my face would do.
I came without anyone touching my dick once, body shuddering through my release. I lay boneless after, content to let him have his way with me until he came too. It didn’t take him long. A few stuttering thrusts, then he kept himself buried deep as he groaned. I imagined the condom filling inside me and I so wished he was filling me instead.
But condoms had been Andreas’s one stipulation. I got it. Being sexually active with someone who also was sexually active with someone else... we needed to be careful.
Glenn covered my body with his after he pulled out, lips trailing the back of my neck. ‘You good? I wasn’t too heavy?’
‘No.’ I shook my head into his pillow. ‘I love it like this.’
‘I could tell.’ He kissed a spot behind my ear now. ‘You came without me touching your dick at all.’
‘It’s my superpower.’ I smiled into his pillow now, enjoying his weight and warmth and the slight twinge from a well-fucked hole.
‘You’re fucking super, alright.’ He slid his hands under my chest in a hug. It couldn’t be easy, what with me having his whole weight on me, but he managed. And his palms slid over my nipples, sending ripples through me.
‘So you liked it, then?’ Of course I knew he liked it. But hearing validation was always nice.
‘You really need to ask? I love fucking you, Alex.’
Reached behind me with one arm, tangling my fingers in his hair. ‘Is it different for you? Fucking me, I mean, as compared to Nik.’
‘Mmm, yeah.’ He rubbed his nose against my neck, then settled down, hugging me close. ‘Nik’s smaller than you. Shorter, slighter. He’s got a dancer’s build. And he’s extremely limber. I also like it when he tops me.’
I blinked into the pillow in surprise. ‘You like being on the bottom?’
‘That surprises you?’
‘Yeah. You’re...’ I shouldn’t generalise. Or stereotype, or whatever.
He chuckled, clearly understand me anyway. ‘I like a dick in my arse. Not quite as much as you do, but it feels fucking amazing to be fucked by cock.’
‘Do you want me to top you?’ I frowned now.
‘Not if you don’t want to. I hear you’re not into that.’
I groaned. Not in pleasure, but in mortification. ‘You and Andreas have talked about sex with me?’ It was one thing to text each other about babysitting their depressed mutual boyfriend, or whatever, but sharing sex knowledge? The embarrassment.
‘No, not really. It’s just something he let slip once. Way before we hooked up.’ He laughed quietly against me, shoulders shaking. ‘I think it was Peter who asked him once if you two switched it up from time to time.’
‘Why would Peter be interested in that?’ Peter knew I liked to get fucked. Then again, most people looked at the two of us, and I was clearly the bottom to Andreas’s bigger, fitter, more masculine frame.
‘Maybe he was curious about gay sex. I don’t know. I didn’t ask. I was sort of busy thinking about you and sex.’
‘It was before we hooked up, you said.’
‘Yeah. I’ve been thinking about you and sex since last year at school. Way before Ayia Napa.’
He’s liked me that long. I knew this, really. He’d admitted in Ayia Napa that he did like me. But then he’d ghosted me and all of his friends for a year.
‘I want to kiss you,’ I said since I couldn’t do it trapped under him like this. I could only move my head and not enough to meet his lips. Not that I felt trapped. I felt safe if anything. Safe and content. I had a thing about being pressed into mattresses both during and after sex. All was good.
Glenn rolled off me and I rolled after him, leaning up on one elbow as I leant in to kiss him. Our chests pressed together, and then he hauled me in really close so our spent, sticky dicks rubbed too. He hadn’t even gotten rid of the condom yet.
He seemed to realise that as well because he grimaced and looked down. Then he reached down with one hand, the back of it brushing my sticky, flaccid dick as he took the condom off his. Seeing as he was bracing himself on his elbow as well and only had one hand free, he simply dropped it over to the side of the bed without tying it off.
‘It’s gonna spill.’ But I slid in close again so our entire bodies were aligned.
‘I’ll clean it later.’ He put his sticky hand on my waist, thumb rubbing my skin. ‘We need a shower too.’
‘Later.’ I was not showering yet. I was going to lay here and enjoy the amazing sex we’d just had. And then later... ‘We have more condoms.’
‘I thought you said I was too smug to get laid more than once?’
‘Well, I kind of like you being smug about sex with me.’ I rolled my eyes, palm cupping his neck as I pressed a soft kiss to his lips. ‘And the sex was so fucking good, so I want a repeat.’
He laughed again, whole facing lighting up. He was so damn gorgeous when he was happy. He was always gorgeous, really, but the sullen, angry him didn’t hold a candle to this new, happy him. ‘I’m so going to rub it in Nik’s face that I’m getting not just laid, but repeats, and he’s all alone in bed nine hours away.’
‘You two have a weird relationship,’ I told him. ‘Andreas doesn’t want any details.’
‘Just wait until he gets sexually frustrated enough. Maybe he’ll want some details then and you two can have phone sex. I hear that’s pretty good. I’m so trying it with Nik while I’m here.’
It was so strange to lie here, after having had sex, and talk about sex with our other boyfriends. It should be strange and awkward. I should feel guilt I was having sex with Glenn instead of Andreas. But I felt none of that. I just felt... normal. Or as normal as I ever could feel. This thing between us felt normal even if everything else was shit. It was a mind-fuck, really. I kind of wished I knew anyone else who was in a polyamorous situation, so I could ask them what it was supposed to be like. But I didn’t, so that was a moot point.
I just had to navigate this on my own. We had to figure it out ourselves. And we did have it pretty figured out, didn’t we? That was even stranger still. There’d been no drama, no jealousy, just four people who were open to this kind of situation and who were communicating well.
I reckoned stranger things had happened. But this was still fucking strange. And good. I just wanted us to continue this. For nothing to change. I was happy with Andreas, but I was also happy with Glenn. I liked having both of them
. Maybe other people would think it was like having my cake and eating it too, and maybe it was, but as long as all four of us were good with that, there was nothing holding us back.
Andreas had fucking given Glenn the condoms.
He knew this would happen when he wasn’t around. And clearly, he didn’t mind.
‘When’d you figure we were going to have round two?’ Glenn asked, nipping teasingly at my lower lip.
‘In five minutes.’
His eyes crinkled. ’Why five minutes?’
‘I just need to enjoy this after-bliss a little longer.’ My body always felt so relaxed after amazing sex. It was a good feeling. ‘And I want to snog you for a bit before we get down and dirty again.’
His eyes lit up, clearly liking that idea.
And for the next five minutes, we hardly came up for air. It also gave our dicks time to rejuvenate. Only then, when those two body parts were fully invested, did we move on as well.
Chapter 8
I woke to my phone skittering around on the floor. Still disoriented, I bent over the edge of the bed to scoop it up, brain waking up a little more as I saw Andreas’s name flash on the screen.
‘Hey,’ I greeted, lying back down on my pillow.
I was still in Glenn’s bed. We must’ve fallen asleep after our second round because I couldn’t remember anything after my second orgasm of the day.
‘Hey, you. Sorry I couldn’t answer the phone when you rang earlier. I was in class.’
I stretched and yawned and looked over my shoulder at Glenn, who was fast asleep on his back next to me.
‘Mmm, that’s okay.’ I wasn’t upset at all anymore that I hadn’t been able to get a hold of him.
There was a beat of silence on his end, then, ‘Have you just been fucked?’
‘What?’ I spluttered. ‘You can’t know that. Have you and Glenn been texting again?’
‘No,’ he chuckled. ‘I can hear it.’
‘You can’t hear it,’ I argued, mortified. ‘I don’t sound any different after sex.’
‘Yeah, you do.’ He was still laughing, the arsehole. ‘You sound all relaxed and content, like you do now.’
‘Are you saying everyone can tell when I’ve had sex?’ That was mortifying.
He laughed again. ‘No, babe, just the people who’ve had sex with you. Like me. So yeah, I can totally tell you’ve had sex right now.’
Well, damn. ‘Does that bother you?’
‘Depends who you’ve had sex with,’ he teased.
‘Oh, haha, very funny.’ I glanced over at Glenn again. He was still fast asleep, chest rising and falling slowly. ‘There are only two people in the whole fucking world I want to have sex with. And you both know who you are.’
‘Yeah, we do.’ His voice softened, his laughter fading. ‘How are you?’
‘I’m so sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye.’ The guilt over that ate at me now I was reminded of it again.
‘You weren’t doing well. I get it. I hate that I had to leave you when you were like that.’ There were sounds on his end that I couldn’t quite distinguish.
‘What’re you doing?’ Was he talking to me while watching TV?
‘I’m walking home from school. I rang the minute I saw I’d missed a call from you.’
‘Oh.’ That warmed. I’d been so panicked earlier, after my chat with the doctor. Glenn had soothed that, but the minute I heard Andreas’s voice the anxiety came back. Now he was soothing it. ‘I didn’t think when I first rang. Then I saw the time and I knew you were in class.’
‘You didn’t answer my question, Alex.’
‘What question?’
‘How’re you feeling?’
‘Oh. Right.’ How did I feel? Besides well-fucked. ‘I got put on new meds. I don’t know if you know that? They helped clear up the brain fog and everything, so I’m not a zombie anymore, but I’m not well either.’ The depression was there. But it was currently muted by sex. It would come back to the forefront soon though, I knew it would. ‘My doctor told me today I could leave during the day and do other stuff, but that I should come back to sleep there. And for appointments.’
‘Yeah. I knew you were allowed to leave. I’d hoped you be up to coming home during Christmas, but... yeah, you weren’t.’
‘I lost Christmas and New Year.’ That sucked. I’d wanted to celebrate with Andreas. With Glenn. With all my friends and family. Andreas’s family that was, as I didn’t have any, except for my brother. And we both belonged in Andreas’s family now, what with me being with Andreas and Leo with Thomas.
‘Yeah, you did. We’ll make up for it next year though.’ He was smiling, I could hear it from the tone of his voice. ‘Speaking of Christmas... All your presents are on our bed. Have you been home yet?’
‘No. I’m at Glenn’s house.’ I had presents? Plural? ‘I never got around to buying any presents.’ Guilt weighted me down again. ‘I was going to do go out and buy things on that Saturday, but...’ Then I got admitted to the psychiatric centre on Friday.
‘It’s okay, Alex. Everyone understands. Doesn’t mean we didn’t get presents for you though. And don’t you dare feel guilty.’
‘That’s easy for you to say.’ I swallowed the lump that threatened to climb up my throat. ‘It just makes me feel like even more of a failure. I can’t even get Christmas presents for the people I care about.’
‘Hey, stop. You’re sick. You were in the psychiatric centre. Worrying about presents would’ve just made everything worse.’
He was right about that. Still. It was Christmas.
‘You do sound better. That’s good.’
‘Too bad that happened the day after you left,’ I muttered sullenly, staring up at the ceiling. I so wished I could’ve said goodbye to him. Hugged him. Kissed him. Spent his last night here with him.
‘Hey, we’ll see each other again soon. It’s not like last year when I was in the military.’
Now that I was thankful for. Almost a whole year without him, with only a weekend here and there to see each other. That had been hell. But we’d survived. This year should’ve been better. We were finally together again. Instead, I was ruining everything by being an even worse depressed mess than I’d ever been since I met him.
‘Alex? Are you there?’
‘Yeah. Yeah, I am.’ I sniffled, trying to gather myself. Why did reality have to come back so quickly? I’d been good earlier. Fucked twice by Glenn and it’d been so good. To the point, we’d both fallen asleep. ‘I thought I should go home to see Leo and Thomas soon, actually. If you’re done at school now, it shouldn’t be that long till they’re home from work.’
‘And what’re you doing after you’ve seen them?’
‘Back to the psychiatric centre to sleep.’ That bed wasn’t comfortable at all, not compared to my own bed or Glenn’s. Those two beds were soft and wide, but the one I had in the centre was small and hard. It made my back hurt. But I’d still been asleep for almost two weeks in it anyway because I hadn’t managed to do anything else. ‘Tomorrow it’s back to seeing doctors and therapists and all that.’
‘Good.’ I could picture him nodding to himself at that. ‘You’re finally getting help. That’s good, Alex. You should’ve seen someone back when we first met.’
He was probably right about that.
‘I did see someone after the bashing,’ I pointed out.
‘That only lasted a couple of months. And it was all about the bashing and the resulting anxiety,’ he said. ‘You got antidepressants, but no one really followed up on those, not even your GP.’
That was true.
‘I reckon it’s safe to say that that was a fiasco.’
‘It did help with the anxiety.’ I curled up on my side now, phone pressed to my ear. ‘I can touch you in public now. I couldn’t after.’
‘True.’ A loud sound on his end almost drowned out the word. ‘Sorry, a trailer just drove past me. But yeah, that’s good. I just wish the therapist back then could
’ve focused on something other than the trauma you suffered, as well.’
‘It’s water under the bridge.’
‘Is it though? You did well for the rest of the school year, but then I left for the military and you went to live with Leo, and you didn’t do well for that entire year.’
No, I hadn’t done well. But I had survived. I hadn’t thought about dying.
Maybe this year was just an extension of last. I was studying the same, after all, and not happy about it.
‘What happens if I quit school?’ I clutched my phone so tight I was afraid it would break.
‘I think you might just be a little happier for it.’
‘That’s not what I meant.’ I might feel better without that burden on my shoulder, yes, but... ‘What about the flat? If I quit, I get no student loans. I can’t pay for anything.’
‘Don’t worry, Alex. Thomas and Leo are helping us out if things get tight.’
‘I can’t rely on them. I’m of age. I should be able to do things on my own. Pay my own bills. Hell, if I drop out, I can’t even pay my phone bill.’ Everything was just so difficult. I had to stay in university because that way I had enough money to live. Without student loans, I was fucked. What kind of workplace would hire me? Could I even make it to work when I couldn’t find it in me to so much as step a foot on campus?
‘You can, Alex. They’re well-off. They don’t have many expenses and they’ve both got pretty well-earning jobs,’ he reminded me. ‘If they’re offering to help us, they are able to help us. And you will take that help for as long as it takes to get you back on your feet.’
‘What if that never happens?’
‘It will. We have to believe it will, Alex.’ Another loud sound on his end. Maybe another trailer. ‘Go talk to them. You can see for yourself that they truly want to help. They want you to get better just as much as I do. Leo’s been as worried as me these past two weeks when you were unresponsive to everyone.’
‘And Thomas?’
‘Thomas knew it was likely the meds and that when the holidays were over and they put you on new ones, the side-effects would go away. He’s a doctor, after all. He knows shit like this.’