by T. T. Kove
‘I’ll never forget that. He saved my life.’ If it hadn’t been for Andreas I literally wouldn’t be alive. ‘I would never mess things up with him.’
Ben hesitated with his hand on the doorknob, watching me intently. Then he nodded and opened the door. ‘That’s good to hear. Andreas will do anything for you.’
‘I know.’ I knew that all too well. He’d bloody allowed me to have sex with Glenn before we really grasped any of this polyamory business Nik talked about.
When it turned into so much more than sex, Andreas was fine with that too. No jealousy. At least none that he ever showed me. But he had to feel some, right? He couldn’t not feel jealous? I would be jealous if I knew he was with someone else. And wasn’t that hypocritical?
I followed Ben into the living room after hanging up our jackets and putting away our shoes.
Tarjei, who was sitting on the sofa, watched Ben with apprehension.
Ben, on the other hand, walked straight up to him, dropped down to straddle his lap and then kissed him deeply.
I looked away. This didn’t seem like something I should witness.
‘Let’s get a flat together,’ Ben said brusquely. ‘Then I’ll change my address. When the place we live in is both of ours.’
Tarjei’s lips spread in a hopeful smile. ‘You want to buy a flat together?’
‘That’s what I said.’ Ben frowned now, leaning back away from him. ‘Wasn’t it?’
He was so damn stubborn. Couldn’t he just say it like a normal person instead of being his grumpy, difficult self?
Tarjei didn’t seem to mind though. His smile was wide and happy and I didn’t understand how Ben didn’t simply melt under it. If Andreas or Glenn smiled that happily at me, I’d be goo at their feet.
‘Guess we’re buying a flat then.’ He kissed a not-quite willing Ben—who then finally let go of his grumpy demeanour to answer the kiss.
I looked around for a way to escape. This wasn’t something I should be here to witness. But then Ben swung off Tarjei’s lap and turned to me.
‘Want something to drink? We’ve got soft drinks. Solo and Coke, I think.’
‘Whatever you’re having.’ I finally moved over to the sofa and sank down, giving Tarjei a small smile. He was gazing at Ben’s back as he walked over to the fridge.
Ben might be difficult, but it wasn’t hard to see that Tarjei loved him. That he didn’t plan on leaving anytime soon. And it was also clear that Ben loved Tarjei, it just wasn’t quite as obvious as Tarjei’s adoration. But it was there, deep down under all the stubbornness and grumpiness.
I was happy for them. They’d spent so many years as not a couple, but they were clearly good for each other. Ben had stopped drinking excessively, he’d settled down more, and while I hadn’t known Tarjei before he got with Ben, he sure seemed happy enough now.
I was totally rooting for the two of them.
Chapter 12
‘I don’t want you to leave tomorrow.’ I rested on my side, watching Glenn’s profile as he lay on his back and stared up at the ceiling. ‘It’s been nice, spending time together, just the two of us. Having a place to sleep together without anyone else who needs their sleep too.’
Glenn and I hadn’t ever slept in the same bed before now, after all. This past week was a whole new thing for us. A whole week alone, a whole week of only having sex with each other, and then sleeping next to each other or in each other’s arms. I wasn’t ready for it to end and go back to sleeping in the psych centre in a small bed on my own. I was used to sleeping with someone, usually Andreas—but now I was getting used to Glenn too.
‘Yeah, I know. I don’t particularly want to leave either.’ He hooked his hands behind his head. The movement made his already quite tight T-shirt stretch tighter across his chest. ‘I mean, I’m not going to lie and say I’m not looking forward to seeing Nik again because I am, but at the same time I don’t want to leave you.’
I smiled to myself. ‘You should never lie about that. Nik’s your boyfriend. Of course you miss him. I miss Andreas too.’
He glanced at me. ‘I can’t really get over how strange this is. That I can be with both Nik and you. Usually, people have to choose if they fall in love with someone else. Stay with the person you’re with or take a chance on the new relationship working out.’
‘Most people are monogamous,’ I pointed out. ‘I always thought I was too.’
He grinned now. ‘Yeah, me too. I mean, I’ve written about people like us. Not like us-us, but people who have one partner but also sleep with other people. Usually, it was three people all getting together in a triad relationship. In erotica, I’ve written about more than three people having a gangbang or orgy or whatever you want to call it. I’ve never written anything truly polyamorous though. I’d hardly ever heard that word before, though a menage can be categorised as poly too. I always thought that was what it was.’
‘I always thought threesomes were just adventurous sex, but afterwards, the couple always left the third.’ I scooted closer so I could rest my head on his chest. ‘But I’ve always read mostly fantasy or science-fiction, and most of its young adult, so it hasn’t exactly been big on sex.’
‘My stories are basically written porn.’
‘I know.’ I chuckled, splaying my hand on his stomach. ‘You should let me read more of them. The two I’ve already read were really good.’
He grimaced. ‘I hate knowing people I know have read my stuff. What if you secretly hate it but are too nice to tell me?’
‘I couldn’t hate something you’ve created.’ I inched my hand down his stomach now, towards the hem of his T-shirt. ‘You’re a good writer. And though gangbangs aren’t really my cup of tea, I can appreciate good writing anyway.’
‘I’m not letting you read my ultra smut,’ he commented brusquely.
‘Why not?’ What he’d already shown me was a romance novella. Two of them. They’d been good.
‘Because that’s just shit I wrote quickly to earn money. I didn’t spend time on it. I wrote it and edited it and moved on. It’s nothing like my romance stuff. That’s actually plotted and I’ve slaved over it to get it right.’
‘What’s wrong with writing something quickly?’ His treasure trail tickled my fingertips as I ran them first up his stomach, then down to slip my hand under the hem of his joggers. His dick was flaccid, we’d already fucked once today, but it started showing interest as I wrapped my hand around it and worked it slowly. ‘Are the sex scenes different than the ones in the romance books?’
‘They’re dirtier, I guess. Rawer. Not heavy on romance. Like I said, basically written porn. Over the top. Cliche stuff.’
‘Do you get off when you write them?’ I stroked him slowly, enjoy the feel of his dick swelling in my hand. I’d never really read any erotica before, so I had no idea if I would be able to get off on it. I could probably have a wank, but I didn’t really get off properly unless someone fucked me hard in the arse.
‘Well, yeah. Usually. You can’t help but picture it in your head as you write the scene.’ He spread his legs wide, giving me more room to work his dick.
Thanks to his erection and my hand, there was quite a bulge in his joggers now. Bulges were nice. Hot. Especially when they were there without a hand shoved down the front. Both Glenn and Andreas had fine bulges in their form-fitting joggers.
‘But honestly,’ he continued. ‘I prefer romance books. They’ve got sex scenes too, but they focus more on the romance and the feelings. I like that.’
‘Before I got to know you like this, I never would’ve pegged you for someone who liked romance and feelings.’ I looked up at him.
He rolled his eyes. ‘I’m not romantic in real life,’ he pointed out. ‘Fuck flowers and all that shit. But I guess reading about feelings gets me off better than just reading about sex. It’s deeper, more personal. And I had a lot of feelings bottled up for a long time.’
‘Bottling your feelings is never good.’ He was fu
lly erect now. His slit was leaking pre-come.
‘No, it’s not.’ His face darkened a little bit, but then he licked his lips and glanced down at where my hand was clearly stroking up and down his shaft underneath his joggers. ‘I’m not proud of getting them out the way I did, by trying to kill myself... but I’m fucking glad I’m at where I am now. Where I have feelings for you and Nik and I can be open about it. I’m not ashamed about it. I was ashamed for so many years.’
‘I’ve never been ashamed of my feelings. I’ve never had a problem with being gay.’ That was the one thing in my life I was proud of. My sexuality had never been in question. ‘But I’m ashamed of my scars. I still am. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that completely.’
He stroked one hand down my arm now—the same arm that was attached to the hand down the front of his joggers.
‘I can’t say I like your scars,’ he started, voicing hitching a little as I stroked him faster. ‘I hate that you had to do that to yourself. But I also hate thinking about what you’d resort to if you didn’t have a razor you took to your own skin.’
‘Yeah.’ I didn’t like thinking about that.
‘I never used a razor. I bottled everything in until I couldn’t anymore, and then I swallowed all my pills. I’m lucky I didn’t suffer any side-effects or brain damage or anything. It could’ve gone quite differently.’
It sure could have. I didn’t want to think about that either, so I turned my focus back on his dick. I squeezed it a little, then stroked up, imagining his foreskin wrinkling and hiding his slit.
Imagining wasn’t as fun as seeing though.
’I need to see you.’ I used my other hand to tug at the hem of his joggers, but I couldn’t get them down far enough with the awkward position.
He lifted his hips up and slipped both joggers and boxers down his arse.
‘That’s better.’ I moved my head a little on his chest so I could see better.
One of Glenn’s arms draped over my shoulders, holding me loosely. His other hand rested on his stomach.
I worked his dick slowly, taking my time. We’d already shagged once today, after all, so it wasn’t like he was desperate to come. And I liked watching his cock. He had a good-looking dick.
Glenn’s breath hitched.
‘Close?’ I asked.
‘Mmm, yeah.’
I moved then, down to wrap my lips around him, sucking at the same time as I continued to stroke. We’d just gotten dressed, after all, so I didn’t want to make a mess of his clean T-shirt.
‘Ah, shit, Alex...’ Glenn’s fingers tangled in my hair now. Not too tight, but enough I felt it. Then he came and I swallowed, making sure he was done before I pulled off. He was softening again now and I scooted back up so I could look at Glenn.
‘Good?’ I licked my lips.
He stared at me. More specifically, my lips. ‘Fuck,’ he muttered then and dragged me down into a deep kiss.
Chapter 13
I draped myself on top of him, kissing him eagerly back.
‘Want me to do you?’ he asked when he drew back.
‘No, I’m good.’ I’d come so hard when he fucked me into the bed earlier, I wasn’t sure I could get it up again right now. ‘Tonight.’
‘You’re staying here, right?’
‘Yeah.’ I’d asked the psych centre if I could spend the night away and they were fine with it. It was the weekend after all, so I had no therapy sessions. Glenn was leaving tomorrow and I wanted to spend the precious few hours we had left together with him. ‘Is that okay with your mum and all?’
He scratched his jaw. ‘I actually told her about us last night.’
‘You did?’ I blinked. He’d mentioned he might, but that he wasn’t sure how to or how she’d react. ‘What’d she say?’
‘She didn’t really get it. And she was worried about me and Nik. She didn’t quite understand how I can be with two different people who aren’t also with each other.’
My eyebrows rose. ‘So she’d be okay with it if you were in a three-way relationship?’
‘She’s not not okay with it.’ He grinned. ‘She just really likes Nik and doesn’t want us to break up.’
‘But you won’t.’ I put my chin on his chest. ‘You and Nik are good. And you and I are good, just in a completely different way.’ Just a short while ago I wouldn’t have understood it either if someone told me they had two boyfriends, who both knew of each other and were fine with it.
‘Yeah. I told her that. I still don’t think she gets it, but she’s curious about you.’
‘About me?’ I grimaced. ‘I’m nothing much to be curious about.’
‘Shut it.’ He rolled us over so he pinned me to the bed. Then he kissed me once, hard. ‘You’re pretty fascinating, Alex. And you’ve got two blokes in your life who love you and want to be with you.’
‘I can’t imagine why,’ I murmured, but hearing him say those words did funny things to my chest. It squeezed tightly, but it was a good sort of tight. I couldn’t really describe it.
‘I’m thirsty.’ Glenn sat up and threw his legs over the edge of the bed. He looked down at himself, saw his dick still hanging out, and then he pulled boxers and joggers up as he stood. ‘Come upstairs? Mum’s at work, so you don’t have to meet her until you’re ready. If you ever are. I totally get it if you don’t want to meet her.’
‘This is so strange,’ I muttered as I followed him up the stairs. ‘I never thought I’d meet one person’s family, and now I’ve got two.’
He chuckled. ‘Yeah, I know, it’s pretty strange. But somehow it also works.’
‘That’s the strangest thing of all.’ I hadn’t seen much of Glenn’s house before. We kept ourselves to his bedroom, which we accessed through his window. But now I saw both the living room and kitchen, which were combined in one big, open space. It was all sleek and light and modern, and probably very expensive. It sure didn’t look like anything in there came from IKEA.
Glenn headed over to the big, double fridge. ‘What do you want? We’ve got Coke, Solo, Sprite, Pepsi Max... juice?’
‘I’ll take whatever you’re having.’ I continued to look around at the squeaky clean living room, with a fabric sofa that seemed to just have come out of the shop. Not a single thing was misplaced, everything had a proper spot and there wasn’t even so much as a stack of magazines to break up the feel of this being nothing but a showroom.
‘Mum’s a bit of an OCD freak when it comes to keeping this place clean.’ Glenn handed me a glass of Coke, clearly having read my mind as my attention was diverted. ‘Only when it comes to cleaning though. She’s not OCD about anything else. Except me taking my meds, maybe.’ He chuckled, then his features darkened slightly. ‘Then again, she’s the one who found me, so I can’t really blame her for that.’
I squeezed his hand. ‘I’m glad she did. And that she found you when she did.’
‘I was lucky.’ He bobbed his head. ‘Everyone kept telling me that, but I didn’t feel lucky back then. All I wanted was to come back home so I could do it again, but properly this time.’
I entwined our fingers now and turned towards him. Our glasses clinked together as I stepped close. ‘I’m glad you didn’t succeed. If you had, we never would’ve had this.’ I never would’ve known him the way I did now. If he’d succeeded in killing himself, he would’ve just been Andreas’s friend who I found very confusing. I would’ve never looked past the bad behaviour to the good person underneath.
‘Yeah.’ Glenn gazed down at me. ‘I’m glad I didn’t too.’
He was going to kiss me, I could tell, only the front door banged open and hurried steps came from the hall, then entered the living room. Where we were in full view. And of course it was his mother because who else could it be?
She stopped once she caught sight of us and I got a good look at her. Glenn had inherited her brown hair and maybe her eyes, she was too far away for me to tell. She was impeccably dressed in a fancy jumpsuit, high heels, a
thick winter coat, and a scarf draped around her neck.
‘Hey,’ she said, looking from Glenn to me and back again. ‘I forgot a folder. I need it for a meeting.’
Glenn nodded, seemingly lost for words. I was still standing very close to him and our fingers were entwined. It wasn’t innocent at all. But then again, he had told her.
‘Hi.’ I managed a small smile as I took a step back. ‘I’m Alex.’
She stepped closer and extended her hand. I blinked, surprised, then shook it. She had a harder handshake than I could manage. It kind of hurt, actually, which was probably another sign I should start working out. I didn’t have any muscles on my scrawny body after all and if I couldn’t even manage a simple handshake, there was no hope for me.
‘Nice to meet you. I’m Vivian.’ She smiled back, then looked at Glenn again. ‘I’ve got to get the file and get back to work. The meeting starts in half-an-hour.’
Glenn only nodded again, then he cleared his throat. ‘Yeah, okay.’
‘I’ll see you later.’ Her gaze lingered on me for the briefest moment, then she walked past us out of the kitchen. I heard her heels click on the stairs.
‘That was mortifying,’ I told Glenn, clutching my glass of Coke I hadn’t even taken a sip of yet.
‘Yes, it was,’ Glenn quickly agreed. ‘Let’s go back downstairs.’
I didn’t need to be told twice, so I walked ahead of him back to his room. Once we were safely inside, I finally took a sip of Coke, then put the glass on the bedside table as I sat down on the bed. It was a mess, all rumpled sheets and probably full of certain bodily fluids. We should change it, but we were also probably going to shag again later, so there wasn’t any point of doing it until after that.
‘She seemed nice,’ I offered lamely.
‘She was busy,’ he chuckled. ‘She is very nice, usually. If she wasn’t in such a hurry, she’d probably have stayed back a little longer. She and Nik really get along.’ He sat down next to me. ‘I spent so many years thinking she didn’t care. That all that mattered was her job. That my whole family was shit. And most of it is—dad was a cheating scumbag and Marcus is, well, Marcus. But Mum... I was wrong about her. She does care. She’s just not very good at showing it, I guess. Kind of like me back then. But we’re getting better. She got loads better after my hospital stay.’