by Amy Clipston
“It’s not our way.” Rebecca smoothed her apron. “You’re living in an Amish home now, and our scholars stop at eighth grade. You both are beyond that age, and you will be given responsibilities, which we already discussed last night. I hope you understand and respect that.”
“It may not be your way, but it’s our way.” Jessica pointed to her chest. “It’s my way to go to school and get my diploma. I want to go to college and become an accountant. And I want to get my own place and save money to take trips and see the world.” Jessica focused her gaze on her sister. “Lindsay, don’t you want to graduate from high school?”
Lindsay glanced between her sister and Rebecca, looking caught between them.
“Jessica,” Rebecca reached for her, but she stepped back.
“But I need to go to school.” Jessica’s eyes shown with desperation. “I need to get an education. I’m not going to want to live here forever.” Her voice rose. “Don’t you understand that? You’re not thinking of what I want. Besides, my mother got her GED and went to college. If my mother did it, then why can’t I?”
Rebecca sighed with regret for the pain the rules were causing her niece. She briefly wondered again if being their guardian was a mistake and then shoved the thought away.
This is what Grace wanted.
This is God’s will.
“I know that this is difficult for you,” she began, “but you have to learn to respect the rules of this home.”
“But my mother—” Jessica began.
“Your mother left the community to pursue her English life, but you’re not in an English home anymore. It was your mother who chose this life for you and your sister.” Rebecca shook her head, hating having to be so harsh with her niece. “Jessica, please just listen to me. The sooner you learn to respect our ways, the easier it will be for you.”
Jessica shook her head in disbelief. “This is unreal.”
Rebecca gave her a weak smile. “You said you wanted to be an accountant. You’ll get experience balancing the ledger at the furniture store.”
Jessica pursed her lips. “I don’t exactly see the connection between my dream to be an accountant and working in your little Amish furniture store,” her niece snipped.
“It’s the best we can do for you,” Rebecca said with as much patience as she could muster.
“Whatever.” Jessica threw her hands up. “I guess I’ll unpack my boxes and just forget my dream of having a decent education. Apparently when my parents died, I also lost all touch with reality.” Jessica slammed the door, the force vibrating the wall around it.
Rebecca stared at the closed door in front of her, the sound of its slamming echoing in her head. Turning to Lindsay, she grimaced. “I guess she’s really upset.”
Her younger niece nodded. “Yeah, but she’ll calm down soon. She’s always had a short fuse.”
“Like your mom.”
Lindsay’s eyes widened in surprise. “You remember that about Mom?”
Rebecca gave a soft laugh. “Oh yes. I remember it clearly.”
“I’ll try to talk to her for you. Maybe I can get her to calm down.” Lindsay knocked on the door with her fist. “Jess, please open the door.”
“Let her be.” Rebecca touched her shoulder. “I’ll try to talk to her later.”
“You’re not going to discipline her?” Lindsay’s eyebrows knitted with confusion. “Mom and Dad never would’ve let her get away with that.”
“It’s okay. I can’t expect her to welcome me into her life and accept me as her guardian in just a matter of a few weeks. This is difficult on you both.” Rebecca folded her arms, studying Lindsay. “You’re handling this much better than she is.”
Lindsay’s expression softened. “I was never very good at school. I worked hard but still got crummy grades. I think I kinda let my parents down because I never seemed to get ahead no matter how hard I tried. I’m honestly not heartbroken about not having to go back to school. I like to bake, so I think working with you will be fun.”
Rebecca shook her head in amazement. The girls were night and day, just like she and Grace once were. She looped her arm around Lindsay’s shoulder. “Would you like me to help you unpack?”
Lindsay shook her head. “It’s okay. I’m fine.”
“Well then, I’ll be in my sewing room if you need me. I’m working on some new trousers for Daniel.” Rebecca took one last look at Jessica’s door and then started down the hall.
As she sat down in front of her sewing machine, she hoped Daniel was right about the girls. She prayed that giving the girls the proper guidance would lead them to find their place in the community and understand God’s plan for them.
Suddenly a calm filled Rebecca, as one of her favorite verses, Romans 15:13, filled her heart and her mind: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
She smiled. Yes, she trusted the Lord. The girls would adjust. She just had to have faith.
Lindsay knocked on her sister’s door again. “Jess, let me in.” She blew out a frustrated sigh. “Come on … This is ridiculous! You’re acting like a baby.”
“Acting like a baby?” The door swung open, and Jessica glared at her. “How can you say that? You act like your life hasn’t been turned upside down!”
Grinning, Lindsay folded her arms. “I knew that would get you.”
Jessica rolled her eyes. “You know me too well.” Shaking her head, she crossed the small room and flopped onto her bed, slouching with her gaze fixed on the ceiling.
“Can we talk?” Lindsay asked, leaning on the doorframe.
“Who’s stopping you? Talk.”
“How about we go sit on the porch?” Lindsay said. “I’m itching to get out of the house for some fresh air.”
“Sure, if you like the smell of horses.” Jessica dragged herself up and followed her sister down the stairs and out the front door.
Once outside, they sat side by side in the porch swing and gazed toward the long dirt driveway.
Lindsay clasped her hands and waited for her sister to say something. She could’ve cut the tension between them with a knife. She was nervous about saying the wrong thing and setting her off yet again.
Jessica had become so touchy since their parents’ accident, and Lindsay dreaded another screaming match. Yet, she’d felt she had to say something to try to calm her sister down and to help make the transition a little easier on them both. Lindsay smiled to herself, wondering how she’d suddenly become the older sister.
“How come you didn’t stick up for me earlier?” Jessica asked, breaking the thick, awkward silence.
Lindsay gave her a sideways glance. Her sister always got right to the heart of the issue. “Because I didn’t agree with you completely. You already know my feelings about school. I’m not good at it.”
“I know you don’t like school, but how can you not want to graduate, Linds?” Jessica faced her, leaning back against the arm of the swing. “Don’t you want to make something of yourself?”
“Of course I do, but—”
“But?” Her older sister sat up straight and gestured with her hands. “There’s no ‘but’ when it comes to your education. Mom and Dad always said the only thing that mattered was finishing school. Without an education, we’ll wind up flipping burgers or waiting tables.”
Lindsay nodded in agreement. She remembered her parents echoing that lecture many times when her grades had slipped. “I know, but Mom and Dad are gone now. I never liked school much. I wasn’t good at it like you. I can’t say I’m sad that I don’t have to go back.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that we need to finish school. Rebecca can’t just show up and decide our futures for us.”
“You’re right, but you can’t walk into our aunt’s house and slam doors and talk back. How do you think Mom would feel if she knew you were nasty to her sister?” Knowing her comment about their mother wou
ld upset Jessica, Lindsay braced herself for an explosion.
“Don’t throw Mom in my face,” Jessica hissed through gritted teeth. “We both miss her, and we both know she’d never want this for us.”
Lindsay folded her arms across her chest in disagreement. “So then why did she make Aunt Rebecca our guardian? Mom included that note with the will saying she wanted us to experience life in the Amish community. This was Mom’s decision, not Aunt Rebecca’s.”
Jessica’s expression softened as she sighed. “I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Well, I’d like you to stop fighting with Aunt Rebecca. Give her a chance.” Lindsay patted Jessica’s warm hand. “I talked to her a lot while we were packing up back home, and she’s really sweet. In fact, she reminds me a lot of Mom.”
Her older sister’s eyes narrowed to a glare. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.” Lindsay glanced over toward the road as a horse and buggy clip-clopped by. “And who knows, Jess. Maybe we’ll actually like it here.”
“I just hope we aren’t here long.” Jessica sat back in the swing. “I hope Aunt Trisha can get custody of us somehow. She promised she’d try.”
“Maybe we’ll find out we love living with the Amish.”
“Just what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, dress like a nun and work in a furniture store,” Jessica deadpanned.
“You might like it here.” Lindsay glared at her. “Just give it a chance. That’s all I ask.”
Her sister shook her head. “When did you suddenly become my big sister?”
“I was just thinking the same thing a little while ago.” Lindsay gave her sister a quick hug. “Try not to be so negative, and go easy on Aunt Rebecca. We’re her first and only kids.”
Her sister sighed. “Fine. But I will go back to school somehow. Rebecca isn’t going to hold me back. Ever.”
Lindsay nodded. She didn’t expect any more than that from her stubborn older sister.
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Saturday night, Rebecca yanked a chocolate oatmeal cake from the oven to serve for dessert after their roasted chicken meal. Voices speaking Pennsylvania Dutch swirled around her. She placed the cake on the counter to cool and spun to face the other female members of the Kauffman family fluttering around her kitchen.
Her mother-in-law sidled up next to her and examined the cake. “Oh, Rebecca, you’ve outdone yourself.” Elizabeth inhaled deeply. “That smells heavenly.”
“Danki.” Rebecca lifted her glass of iced tea and took a long gulp. “I guess the men are converging at the barn, ya?”
“Don’t they always?” Kathryn, the oldest of Daniel’s three sisters, asked while cutting a piece of chocolate cake. “They have their secret male talk away from our curious ears.”
“I’m sure all they talk about are their horses and the weather,” Beth Anne said, while placing a plate full of crullers on the counter.
“Beth Anne, why are you leaving the crullers over there?” Elizabeth asked her namesake. “Bring them here, so we can enjoy them with the rest of our lovely desserts.” She gestured toward the goodies lining the table.
“I thought we’d give them to the men,” Beth Anne said with a grin. “They didn’t come out quite right. The men can enjoy the dry crullers while we keep the moist cakes to ourselves.”
The women burst into cackles. Seven of Rebecca’s young nieces and nephews chased each other through the kitchen, grabbing handfuls of butterscotch cookies on their way out.
Elizabeth patted Rebecca’s back. “If that isn’t the highest compliment of your cooking, Rebecca, I don’t know what is.”
“Ya, it is.” Rebecca smiled. She adored all of her nieces and nephews, but she always felt a pang of regret for not being able to give Daniel a child of his own.
Footsteps pounded down the hallway and Sarah Troyer, Daniel’s youngest sister, burst into the kitchen. “Mamm! Mamm!” Sarah leaned on the counter, taking deep breaths.
“Sarah Rose!” Her mother rushed over and looped her arm around her youngest child’s shoulders. “Are you okay?”
“Ya.” The blonde beamed, her blue eyes sparking in the light of the kerosene lamps. “I’m wonderful gut!”
Rebecca wiped her hands on a rag. “Wie geht’s?”
Sarah’s eyes filled with tears. “Peter and I are going to have a baby!”
“Sarah Rose!” Elizabeth clapped her hands and then pulled her daughter into her arms. “Oh, Sarah Rose. You’re going to be a mutter.”
“Ya!” Sarah squeezed her eyes closed and bit her lip. “Can you believe it? The Lord has blessed Peter and me.”
“Oh, daughter.” Elizabeth framed Sarah’s face in her hands. “My heart is bursting with joy for you!”
Rebecca swallowed, fighting tears of joy mixed with a stab of envy. Although she was happy for Sarah and Peter, the news meant that Rebecca and Daniel would be the only married Kauffman offspring without children. Perhaps not children of her own—but they now had Jessica and Lindsay. Their home would finally be blessed with children.
“Sarah Rose is going to have a baby!” Elizabeth swiped the tears splattering her pink cheeks. “My baby’s going to be a mutter.”
“Oh, sister!” Kathryn exclaimed.
“You’re gonna be a mamm!” Beth Anne added.
While the sisters exchanged hugs, Rebecca forced a smile, wishing her twinge of jealousy would dissipate. She’d long ago accepted the doctors’ assessment that she couldn’t conceive. Yet, sometimes the knowledge nipped at her.
She mentally berated herself for her negativity. Stop, Rebecca! The baby is a wonderful blessing to our family.
Her mother-in-law squeezed Rebecca’s hand as if reading her thoughts. “The Lord has plans for you and Daniel,” she whispered. “You’ll see. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Remember the Scripture Romans 12:12—‘Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.’ ”
“Ya.” Rebecca smiled. She loved when Elizabeth recited that verse. “I know.”
While Sarah and her sisters continued to hug and cry joyful tears, Rebecca silently prayed Sarah would have a happy, healthy pregnancy.
Rebecca scanned the kitchen for her nieces. Lindsay had stopped in earlier to see what Rebecca was baking, but she’d disappeared soon after. She wondered if Jessica had ever left the confines of her room.
Rebecca stepped over to her mother-in-law and touched her hand. “I’m going to go check on the girls.”
Elizabeth patted her hand. “Don’t be too long.”
“I promise I won’t.” Rebecca motioned toward the living room. “I just want to be sure they’re okay. We have such a large family, and it’s a huge adjustment getting to know them all.”
Stepping into the living room, Rebecca spotted Lindsay on the floor surrounded by several of Rebecca’s young nieces and nephews. A smile formed on Rebecca’s lips. She, too, had loved playing with the little children in the community when she was a teenager. When she was growing up, the best part of friendly visits was spending time with the children.
Rebecca couldn’t help but think that she and Lindsay were very much alike. Perhaps her younger niece would adjust to this life. She couldn’t help but wonder if Grace also had seen this potential in Lindsay. Maybe that was part of the reason why Grace had wanted her girls to live with Rebecca and not Trisha.
Lindsay’s gaze met Rebecca’s, and the girl smiled, causing Rebecca’s heart to swell with hope. Oh how she loved getting to know her nieces and having them with her.
If only she could get through to Jessica. She needed to find a way to get that girl to open up and give Rebecca a chance.
The front door creaked open, wrenching Rebecca from her thoughts. Daniel’s older brother Robert and his family filed in.
“Wie geht’s?” Rebecca greeted Robert and hugged his wife, Sadie.
“Gut. Danki.” Sadie smiled. “Do I smell Blitzkuchen?”
“Ya.” Rebecca laughed. “Please go help your
self. It should be cool enough to cut.”
While Robert, Sadie, and their seven children headed into the kitchen, Rebecca gazed at fifteen-year-old Katie near the back of the line, and an idea flashed in her mind. Since Katie had always been such a sweet, thoughtful girl, maybe she would be able to get through to Jessica. Katie could be the friend Jessica craved.
“Katie!” she called.
“Ya?” Katie possessed the same Kauffman blue eyes and blonde hair as Daniel and the rest of his siblings.
“Would you like to meet your new cousin?” Rebecca asked. “She’s your age.”
“Ya.” Katie’s eyes lit up.
Rebecca led her up the stairs and down the hall to Jessica’s room, where they found her laying on her bed with her ear buds stuck in her ears and her feet bouncing in time to music only she could hear. Her eyes were closed and she hummed to herself.
Katie gave Rebecca a sideways glance, her eyes filled with surprise. “She’s English?”
“Ya.” Rebecca nodded. “Her mother was my sister. She left our community many years ago and married an English man.”
“Oh.” Katie turned back to Jessica, her eyebrows knitted with suspicion.
Despite Katie’s apprehension, Rebecca held on to a glimmer of hope that the girls could somehow become friends. Taking a deep breath, Rebecca touched Jessica’s foot, and the girl jumped.
Popping up to a sitting position, Jessica yanked out the ear buds and stared at Rebecca, her brown eyes wide with surprise. “Oh, hi. I didn’t hear you come in.” She smoothed her hair and glanced at Katie.
“Hi.” Katie gave a tentative wave.
“Jessica, this is my niece, Katie Kauffman. Her father is Daniel’s older brother, Robert.” Rebecca gestured between the girls. “And Katie, this is my niece Jessica Bedford. I thought you girls might like to chat, since you’re the same age.”
“Oh. Cool.” Jessica crossed her legs and patted the thighs of her jeans. She gestured toward the end of bed. “Have a seat, Katie.”
“Okay,” Katie said, her voice soft and unsure. She glanced around the room, scanning the sea of photos. She pointed to a portrait of Jessica’s parents on their wedding day. “Who’s that?”