A Gift of Grace

by Amy Clipston

  The door clicked open, and Lindsay and Jake walked in carrying cans of soda and small bags of chips.

  “Is everything okay?” Lindsay asked, lowering herself into a chair.

  “Yeah.” Jessica wiped her eyes. “I’m staying here. I’m going to live with Trisha.”

  Lindsay gasped. “What?” She gave Rebecca a questioning glance.

  Rebecca nodded. “It’s true. I decided it would be best for Jessica to stay and finish high school. You can stay too, if that’s what you want. All I want is for you girls to be happy.” She held her breath. Losing Jessica would be difficult, but losing them both would be devastating.

  Lindsay turned her gaze to her sister. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to stay with Aunt Rebecca. I’m happy there.”

  Jessica gave her a weak smile. “I understand. But we’ll visit each other as often as we can. I’ll even leave you the phone so we can text each other.”

  Lindsay nodded. “How about you learn how to write a letter?” She popped up and hugged her sister. “I’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you too.” Jessica wiped more tears.

  Jake placed his drink on the floor and moved over to her bed. “You’re leaving me, huh?”

  Jessica nodded, wiping more tears. “But we’ll still be friends.”

  “Of course we will.” He kissed her cheek. “I expect you to use that new phone and call me at least once a week.”

  Rebecca hugged her arms to her chest and smiled. Although it hurt to see Jessica leave Lancaster County, she knew in her heart that she’d made the right decision.

  Rebecca stepped into the guest room at Trisha’s home later that evening. After placing her clothes on the dresser, she turned to find Lindsay standing in the doorway.

  “Hi,” Lindsay said. “Can we talk for a minute?”

  “Come in.” Rebecca motioned for her to enter the room. “I was just heading to bed.”

  “Me too.” Her niece sat on the edge of the double bed. “It’s been a long day. Jake already went to bed. I heard Trisha say that Jessica is coming home, I mean here, tomorrow.”

  “That’s what I heard too.” Rebecca ran a brush through her long hair.

  “I’m going to miss her, but I’m glad that she’ll finally be happy. She’s been so miserable since Mom and Dad died.” Lindsay bit her bottom lip. “Have you called Uncle Daniel?”

  Rebecca sighed. “No. I was thinking about leaving a message at the shop.”

  “You should.” Her niece nodded toward the phone. “Do you want me to dial?”

  “I guess so.” Rebecca sat on the bed.

  Lindsay dialed the phone and handed it to her.

  Rebecca cleared her throat while the answering machine picked up and Eli spoke, telling the caller to leave a message after the beep. Once the beep sounded, Rebecca spoke.

  “Hello. This is Rebecca. I wanted to tell Daniel that Jessica is fine.” She closed her eyes and searched for the right words. “We’re planning on leaving to come home tomorrow. We’ll see you sometime tomorrow night.” She then disconnected and replaced the phone in the cradle.

  When she turned to her niece, she found the girl staring at her with her eyes wide with confusion.

  “Why didn’t you tell him that Jessica is staying here?” Lindsay asked.

  “I’ll tell him when the time is right.” Rebecca turned the covers down on the bed.

  “Why are you afraid to tell him?” her niece asked.

  “I’m not afraid.” Rebecca lowered herself onto the bed. “I just feel it would be best to tell him in person.”

  Lindsay fingered the cuff on her plain white gown. “Can I stay in here?”

  “Of course.” Rebecca patted the space next to her. “Turn off the light and get in.”

  Her niece flipped off the light switch, climbed into the bed next to her, and snuggled down.

  Rebecca shifted in the bed until she found a comfortable spot. Her thoughts swirled, wondering if she’d made the right decision and how Daniel would react when he learned that Jessica wasn’t returning with them. She pondered if he’d ever open up to her and accept her back into his heart. She prayed their marriage would heal and their family would return to normal.

  Her thoughts then turned to Lindsay and her happiness. Would Lindsay regret her decision to stay in Bird-in-Hand? She wondered if separating the girls was what Grace would truly want.

  Rebecca sighed as confusion and doubt overtook her. She needed her husband’s support. Making these decisions alone was a mistake.

  “Aunt Rebecca,” Lindsay whispered through the dark.

  “Ya?” Rebecca asked.

  “I want you to know I think you did the right thing by letting Jessica stay.”

  Rebecca was speechless for a moment while she considered if her niece had read her thoughts. “Danki,” she finally said. “I appreciate that.”

  “I’ll miss my sister, but I think it’s best for her to stay here.”

  “What about you?” Rebecca turned toward her, wishing she could see the girl’s expression through the darkness. “Are you certain you want to come back to Bird-in-Hand with me?”

  “Ya.” Lindsay said. “I’m sure. I want to be with you. I feel like the Kauffmans are my family now. Besides, I’ll see my sister plenty. I’m sure she’ll come to visit to see Jake. I think they belong together, but they haven’t figured it out yet.”

  Rebecca smiled and touched Lindsay’s arm through the dark. “I think you’re right. You’re wise beyond your years, young lady. Now, get some sleep. We have a long ride home tomorrow after your sister is settled here.”

  “Good night.”

  “Good night.” Rebecca closed her eyes and smiled. She looked forward to getting Jessica settled and then heading home. Turning her thoughts to prayer, she thanked God for helping her see the answers that had been there all along.

  1/2 cup butter (Judges 5:25)

  2 cups flour (1 Kings 4:22)

  1/4 tsp salt (Leviticus 2:13)

  1 cup figs (1 Samuel 30:12)

  1–1/2 cups sugar (Jeremiah 6:20)

  2 tsp baking powder (Luke 13:21)

  1/2 cup water (Genesis 24:11)

  1 cup raisins (1 Samuel 30:12)

  3 eggs, separated (Isaiah 10:14)

  1/4 tsp each—cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves (1 Kings 10:10)

  1 Tbsp honey (Proverbs 24:13)

  3/4 cup almonds (Genesis 43:11)

  Blend butter, sugar, spices, and salt. Add beaten egg yolks. Sift in baking powder and flour then add the water and honey. Chop fruit and nuts and flour well. Fold in stiffly beaten egg whites. Bake 50 minutes at 375 degrees.

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  Rebecca breathed a sigh of relief as Jake’s truck roared past a sign declaring their entrance into Bird-in-Hand the following evening. It was good to be home.

  The day had been long, beginning with getting Jessica settled in Trisha’s house. Although she was sore from the accident, Jessica looked well. Rebecca’s heart ached at the thought of leaving her niece in Virginia Beach. However, despite the pain, she knew it was the right choice.

  Jake and Lindsay had been quiet most of the six-hour ride to Lancaster. After asking Rebecca’s permission, Jake had turned on a country music station and hummed most of the way back. Rebecca assumed Jake missed Jessica almost as much as she did. A smile crept across Rebecca’s lips at the memory of Lindsay’s words last night. Maybe Jessica and Jake did belong together. They’d promised to keep in touch, so only time would tell.

  Lindsay and Jessica had cried when they said good-bye. Rebecca hoped that the separation wouldn’t be too hard on the sisters. Rebecca had asked Lindsay several times if she was sure she wanted to remain in Pennsylvania. Each time, Lindsay had said yes. Rebecca was happy to have her niece with her; however, she wanted to be certain it was Lindsay’s decision.

  Rebecca’s stomach clenched as Jake’s truck bounced up Beechdale Road toward her homestead. A mixture of panic and anger surged throug
h her at the thought of seeing Daniel and telling him that Jessica had stayed in Virginia. She was nervous about his reaction and also angry that he’d been right about Jessica. She’d desperately wanted him to be wrong. She’d wanted Jessica to adjust to living in Lancaster County, and she’d hoped that the community would give her the love and patience she’d needed.

  Now she was arriving home with only Lindsay, and she wondered if she and Daniel could work things out. The truck merged onto Gibbons Road, and Rebecca sucked in a deep breath. Anticipation of seeing Daniel surged through Rebecca when Jake steered into the dirt lane leading to her home.

  “Well, here we are,” Jake said, nosing his truck to the end of the driveway. “Home again, home again, as my grandmother always says.”

  As Rebecca glanced at Jake, he gave her a wide grin.

  “Corny, I know.” His smile faded while he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.

  “You miss her already?” Rebecca asked, touching his hand.

  “Yeah.” He leaned back, letting his head smack the headrest on the seat. “Who’s going to sponge a charge for her phone off my truck battery?”

  “It’s okay.” Lindsay leaned over the seat and touched his shoulder. “I made her promise she’d visit before school starts in August, so we’ll see her before the summer is over.”

  He gave her a weak smile. “Good.” He held up his phone. “I’ll call her in a few days. Let me know if you want to talk to her too.”

  “I will. Thanks.” Lindsay grabbed her bag. “Well, I’m tired. I’m ready to grab a bite to eat and then call it a night.” She cut her eyes to Rebecca. “How about you?”

  “Ya.” Rebecca wrenched open the door on the truck. “I’m tired too.” Her stomach twisted as her eyes fell on the back door. She assumed Daniel was sitting in his favorite chair reading the Bible. She absently wondered if he’d missed her and if he’d worried about their safe arrival home.

  Rebecca climbed down, and Jake met her at the back of the truck with her bag over his shoulder. “Thank you for driving us. You’re very generous.” She pulled her money from the pocket deep within her apron. “This should cover the gas.”

  “No, no.” He waved off the offer. “It was my pleasure.”

  “Please take it.” She put the money in his palm and closed his fingers over it. “I insist.”

  “All right.” He slipped the money into his pocket. “Thank you.” He nodded toward the house. “I’ll walk you in.”

  “Would you like something to eat?” Lindsay asked while they walked toward the back door.

  “No, thanks,” Jake said. “I want to get home and get to bed. Work comes early in the morning.”

  Rebecca led them in the back door. Her body trembled at the thought of seeing Daniel. She wondered if he’d be happy to see her. Would he even speak to her?

  Jake placed her bag on the floor and scanned the kitchen. “I’ll say hi to Daniel and then head out.”

  “I bet he’s in the living room.” Lindsay gestured for him to follow her. “Hi, Uncle Daniel. We’re home.”

  Rebecca remained cemented in the doorway while Daniel stood from his favorite chair and shook Jake’s hand.

  “I’m glad to see you made it home safely,” Daniel said, idly pulling on his beard. “Thank you for your help. You’ve had an exhausting couple of days, no?”

  “Yes, we have.” Jake chuckled. “You sure can say that.”

  “I’m going to head upstairs,” Lindsay said. “Thanks for the ride, Jake. I’ll see you around.”

  “Good night.” Jake waved. He turned back to Daniel. “I guess I’ll see you at the shop tomorrow. Have a nice evening.”

  “You too, Jake. Thank you for bringing the girls home safely.” Daniel shook his hand again. “Good night.”

  “Good night, sir.” Jake smiled at Rebecca as he passed through the doorway. “Good night.”

  “Thank you, Jake.” Rebecca watched him disappear through the back door. When the door clicked shut, she cleared her throat and faced her husband. She hoped he would greet her with a hug and kiss and then welcome her home.

  However, he frowned and the tension radiated through her. Part of her wanted to rush over and kiss him in an effort to change his mood. Instead, she stood glued to the same spot, her pride holding her back from making amends. They studied each other in silence for what felt like an eternity.

  “Where is Jessica?” he finally asked, folding his arms across his chest.

  “You got your wish,” she whispered, her voice wavering.

  His eyebrows careened toward his hairline. “What do you mean?”

  “You won,” she whispered, heaving her bag on her shoulder.

  He stepped toward her. “I don’t understand.”

  “She stayed in Virginia Beach.” A tear trickled down her hot check, and she impatiently swiped it away. “You won, Daniel.”

  He stared at her, his expression impassive. “That is probably for the best.”

  Disappointment twisted around her heart. He hadn’t changed. He was still the cold, stubborn man she’d left at the shop yesterday. Their marital problems remained despite everything.

  “Good night,” she whispered before she turned and slowly made her way upstairs. Closing the door, she dropped onto the bed and sobbed. She’d lost her niece and her husband.

  She’d listened to God and let her niece go. However, the distance between her and Daniel remained.

  “Please God, guide me in how to save my marriage,” she whispered. “Show me how to reach Daniel’s heart.”

  Lindsay rushed into the kitchen of the bakery a week later. “Are we out of molasses cookies? A woman came in and requested two dozen.”

  “Two dozen?” Sarah’s eyes widened with shock. “I’ve got a dozen in the oven, but I haven’t even started rolling out the next dozen. Can she come back in a couple of hours or does she need them right now?”

  “I’ll ask.” Lindsay dashed back to the front, the ties of her prayer Kapp bouncing with her fast pace.

  “It’s amazing how quickly Lindsay has become a part of our family,” Sarah said with a grin.

  “Ya, I know,” Rebecca said, standing by her youngest sister-in-law. “I feel as if she’s always lived with Daniel and me.” She rolled out the dough.

  “How are things?” Sarah asked, studying Rebecca as if she could see into her soul. “I mean, how are things really?”

  “Not much has changed. Daniel still refuses to speak to me unless he’s reading to us during our devotions, asking what’s for supper, or asking if I’ve checked the mailbox.” Rebecca bit her bottom lip, hoping to stop the threatening tears. His silence cut into her soul like a razor.

  “Rebecca.” Sarah touched her arm and gave her a sympathetic frown. “I know my brother is stubborn. He’s the spitting image of our father, both physically and emotionally. Have you tried speaking to him?”

  Rebecca wiped her hands on her apron. “I’ve made a few attempts to make conversation by asking about his day, but I only get one-word answers. He’s been like this since the bishop came to see him about Jessica.”

  “Just give him time,” Sarah said. “You two will get through this. It’s just a bump in the road as Mamm says.”

  “But if I wait too long I’m afraid I’ll lose him.” Rebecca blew out a frustrated sigh. “I told him that he got his wish since Jessica stayed in Virginia. I don’t know what else to do.”

  “It’s because of us, isn’t it?” Lindsay’s voice was meek behind Rebecca. “Me and my sister ruined your life with Daniel.”

  “No, no!” Rebecca spun and hugged her niece. “It’s not you. The problems Daniel and I have are of our own making. You and Jessica did nothing wrong.”

  Her niece nodded, but her eyes glimmered with evidence that she wasn’t convinced.

  “Listen to me, Lindsay.” Rebecca cupped her niece’s face in her hands. “You and your sister are two of the most important people in my life. I love you both dearly. Daniel is just being s
tubborn. This is about Daniel and me, and you don’t have anything to worry about. Do you understand?”

  “Ya.” Lindsay nodded. “I understand.”

  “What did the woman say about the cookies?” Sarah asked.

  “She said this afternoon was fine.” Lindsay snatched a knife. “Can I help you cut out the cookies?”

  “Ya.” Sarah smiled. “I’d like that.”

  Rebecca stepped over to the counter and stopped short when a wave of nausea suddenly crashed over her. Groaning, she lowered herself onto a stool.

  “You okay?” Sarah asked, rushing to her side. “You look a bit green.”

  “Ya.” Rebecca placed a hand on her clammy forehead. “I suddenly don’t feel too great.”

  Sarah raised her eyebrows. “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t know.” Rebecca hugged her queasy stomach. “I feel kind of uneasy. It came on quickly.”

  Lindsay filled a glass with water and brought it to Rebecca. “You look like you could use this.”

  “Danki.” Rebecca took a long drink.

  “You sit.” Her niece rubbed her shoulder. “Me and Sarah will take care of the cookies.”

  Rebecca contemplated Sarah’s words while her sister-in-law and niece cut out cookies. Waiting for Daniel to open up to her didn’t seem like a wise plan. She worried that if she waited too long, the distance between them would grow to an irreconcilable chasm. She craved the close marriage and friendship they’d once enjoyed.

  Rebecca missed the intimacy, the comfortable camaraderie, the friendship. She prayed that somehow they would renew their love, but it seemed impossible. She’d never known Daniel to carry such a grudge. He was so cold to her that she wondered if any love for her remained in his heart.

  Despair surged through her veins as another wave of nausea overtook her. She hoped God would give her the guidance she needed to reach out to her husband and find the love they once had.

  Go to him. Apologize.

  The words sang through her veins. She bit her lip and held her breath. Yes, she needed to apologize.

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