by Alexa Davis
My body got hot and tight just thinking about how it felt to have him inside me again. I let me fingers make wet trails down the places he’d kissed me until I slid them between my legs, rubbing the sweet nub at my apex while I reminisced about his muscles under my hands and the thickness of him inside me.
I jumped as the phone chirped next to me, tipping the pinot and when I overcorrected while catching it, dumped it into the bathtub. “This is a sign,” I groused at Slinky, who barely raised her head at the commotion.
With a sigh, I let the water out of the big clawfoot tub and turned the running water on to rinse the burgundy-stained bubbles off my body and down the drain. I drained the dregs of wine in the glass and checked the phone. Of course, it was George, checking in to let me know he was grateful for the ride and support in the morning.
If it had been anyone else, I would’ve expected a quick text out of respect for my time. When it came to George, though, I preferred that he just not talk to me at all unless it was during training, either his or Xavi’s.
They were good together, I had seen it plain as day. I mentally patted myself on the back as I refilled my glass with the lovely, dry wine and carried it and my robe to the bedroom. I was not nearly ready to be physically close to him again. I figured that was the only upside to him not wanting me. I didn’t have to depend on my own will power to stay away.
My dreams were filled with him that night, tall and confident, jumping down from the back of one of his mustangs and kissing me the way he had long ago. When the jangle of the alarm jarred me from sleep the next morning, my body ached like I had ridden with him across the plains and spent the night beneath him as we camped under the stars. It was going to be a long, long day.
I got texts from both my Dad and Nell, his bookkeeper, before I’d even had time to shower. Dad wanted an extra coffee for the road because my mom had been rationing his caffeine lately. Nell was double-checking that George was going in, since my dad hadn’t bothered to get her his contact information.
It was irritating that he treated us like he was cupid and we were just two dumb kids he could bring together after some time apart. Not that it was his fault.
I had told him we both felt it best if he focused on combat and not home while he was gone. I’d even made it seem like I needed to play the field after so many years with George. My dad probably did a two-step when he thought he could get us back together. And, a war-hero in the family? Crud, the old man would offer to trade me to the Hargraves in exchange for their son when he found out we were never, ever getting back together.
Just thinking that one line from Taylor Swift was enough to get me singing the song over and over to myself as I got ready for the day. Slinky even sang along, howling like a tiny wolf baying at the moon, which made me wonder what I sounded like outside my own head. With a last, quick check that I looked more confident and strong than I felt, I texted George to let him know I was on my way to the address he’d given me for his new place, which was uncomfortably close to both home and the shop.
It was only a few short minutes before he and Xavi walked to the car. I gaped at the sight of him, walking with a limp, but standing tall. He looked like what had been nearly impossible for him a couple of weeks before was easy. The crutches he carried with him were the only sign that he wasn’t completely well.
“I thought long and hard about how I was supposed to do a good job for your dad. After all, he didn’t even hesitate to get me back on the payroll, no questions asked,” he explained, gesturing with the metal supports. I didn’t tell him I suspected why he’d been hired back with no trouble. There was no need to undermine him when he was looking so much more like the man he had been, instead of the wreck he’d become in Afghanistan.
“Dad will be thrilled that you can walk the site a little. He always loved hearing what you had to say about new projects. He said there were men who’d been in the business for decades who didn’t have your eye.”
George smiled and colored a little. The smile stuck all the way to the coffee shop, where we picked up pastries to go with the coffee and even picked up a small sack of white-chocolate-dipped milk bone treats for Xavi.
Dad hugged an embarrassed George right in front of all the guys and introduced him to a few that had joined the crew after his departure. There was a lot of respect in the men as they looked at a real, life-saving hero, and I saw mirrored in a couple the haunted look George sometimes wore.
I filed them away for later. It hadn’t occurred to me that guys in need might not come to the TAWSAD program out of fear of reprisal. I made a note to talk to my father about some support when he had time and resigned myself to following behind the two men as my father did exactly what I thought he would and took George on an abbreviated tour of the condominium he was building, with a promise to finish as soon as there was a working elevator for George to use.
The men weren’t at all upset that George needed the crutches to compensate for the weakness in his left leg, and he received several requests to show off his scars, to which he laughed and promised to wear shorts someday so they could all see his war wounds. Their frank acceptance of his condition washed my worries away.
I hung back with Nell, not too eager to see Dad’s steel-framework fetus of a building yet again. She asked a few questions about what I thought of George’s skills toward the business side of things and avoided asking me anything that involved the relationship we no longer had.
I had no idea if he could accomplish the tasks my father had planned for him. But, I told her that if anyone could walk in and just figure it all out, it would be George. She seemed satisfied, and we were sitting on either side of her desk, happily drinking our overpriced coffee when the men returned and Dad set Nell on poor George to help him figure out what was required of him.
The most important task among his responsibilities was to audit the worksite and account for any missing material. When he heard that, he glanced in my direction, as if to say, “Well, there goes Xavi’s dream house.” I shrugged and smiled at my dad, informing him that Xavi needed a dog house.
He immediately shouted out the door to his guys to grab some scrap material and make a proper doghouse big enough for a good-sized, grown, male Pit bull. It made me laugh to see all those hardened, calloused men scurrying around for odds and ends they could use to build a Pit bull castle.
“These guys really love their dogs, don’t they?” I peered out the window, ignoring the mundane tasks George was being trained to complete. If I had to, I could help him. It had been my job for years, growing up. However, if he was willing to do the work, it meant that I didn’t have to go back and do it myself.
“It’s good to see you both here, like it used to be.” My dad placed his hand on George’s shoulder, puffed up with enough pride that you’d think he was George’s father, not mine. After another hour of training, Dad and George were both ready to take a break and my dad was more than ready for lunch. Sitting with them both, eating, it felt like George had never left, like if we picked back up, we’d be right where we were supposed to be.
George had to have felt me staring at him as I thought about us. He looked across the table at me and stared right into my eyes. He was so confident as he stared me down that I dropped my gaze first. I knew I had to tell my father the truth before George started thinking that we could just pick up again. Or worse, before he told my dad the truth first and made sure Dad understood that he would never love me.
My appetite lost, I picked at my food and worked at being more cheerful. After all, today was George’s day, not mine. If I picked a fight or got moody in the middle of lunch, I’d only embarrass myself, my dad, Nell, and even George, who didn’t deserve to be treated like the enemy just because he’d made a choice of loyalty and the country had won.
I begged out of spending the afternoon with them, claiming that I needed to at least go and check on the store while they worked. I promised George I’d stay close for when he was ready and prayed th
at I had a chance to talk to my dad about our past before George could do it himself and possibly ruin the best opportunity he would find this side of Arkansas.
Slinky and Xavi bid each other a sad farewell, my little mutt climbed up next to me in the car, and we escaped for my shop, my Zen space and sanctuary. Whatever came next, I would be ready to handle it.
9. George
Time passed in a blur. I had never taken part in any of the business of construction, content to show up and build things. Now, I was learning more than I had ever thought possible about liens and contract law and the ins and outs of money. Nell was patient and went above and beyond her duty in making me feel less like a mindless soldier, and instead like I could be a real businessman.
I was disappointed that I couldn’t get any real free time to remind Callie that I was still around, but by the time I finished work most days and got dropped off at home, I had just enough energy to give Xavi some much-needed one on one attention before passing out. My legs ached and burned from all the time I was spending on them and a couple of nights, I didn’t make it out of the wheelchair and into the bed. Those nights were the worst, unfortunately. I was waking up a trembling mess and by the time I got to work, been up for hours.
On top of my residual stress from deployment, I needed to see Callie so bad it was haunting my waking hours as much as Afghanistan was haunting my sleep. By Thursday, I was a complete mess, forgetting simple computer commands at work, erasing a spreadsheet I’d worked on for hours, and forgetting to let Xavi out until Nell saw him begging at the door of the trailer I used as an office and let him out for me.
The disappointment on her face was the last straw. I called Tom and asked him to meet with me, so I could respectfully quit. He agreed to see me and told me he’d pick me up for lunch so we could talk there.
I almost missed him when he arrived in a truck I’d never seen before. It was gorgeous. The flame-red Dodge Ram Rebel was top of the line, from the tow package to the cargo and bed; it made the cowboy in me drool.
“Hey there, Tom. Almost missed you in your new ride. I gotta say thanks for the step; a gimp like me needs a little help.” Tom laughed and juggled the keys.
“How is that leg doing, anyways? I hear you’ve been up and about like a real sport, and no one’s seen your wheelchair ‘cept that one time when the inspector came around. Good idea, by the way.”
“Uh, yeah. Well, I was pretty sure we were on target with the EPA and the metal struts, but it never hurts to give people a chance to be nice. She was, too. Even offered to buy me dinner sometime.”
“How was that?” My boss raised an eyebrow at me, making me chuckle.
“I’m taken, sir. No fancy dinners with county employees for me.” Tom nodded and shuffled his feet, kicking up the dirt in front of him.
“Well, I don’t want you working so hard that the woman in your life comes after me for being a slave driver. And believe me, she will. No one can pull a guilt trip on their old man like Callie.” Her name chased the grin off my face and Tom didn’t miss the change. “Boy, you two need to figure your stuff out. Maybe you can start while we chow down on a steak. You feel strong enough to drive?” Eyes wide, I held out a hand for the keys.
“My right leg passed a driver’s test two days ago, thank you kindly. I will be your chauffer today. Though, you might not get your truck back ‘til we’re in Florida.” That won me a guffaw and a slap on the back.
“Glad you’re back, son. I hope you know that.”
I did know it. That was the hardest part: knowing I was just letting him down again. Callie and I had made plans. We’d been family in every way but the rings and “I dos.” Now, I had to tell him I couldn’t handle being welcomed back into the family despite my transgressions, and it sucked. I loved Tom and Kathy Drake almost as much as I loved my own parents. I had to tell him the truth about this job and about Callie. Suddenly, I had no appetite.
I was thinking and following the directions Tom plugged into the navigation on the truck’s gleaming, black dash. It saved me from the need to make conversation on the road, and I needed the time to figure out how to cause the least damage on my way out. Again.
The area started to look familiar, and before I knew it, we were pulling up to Shelly’s place. It had been four years, and the only difference between today and the last time I’d been here was the “S” that had finally fallen off (or been removed by a prankster), leaving the sign to welcome all patrons to “helly’s.” Knowing the old lady who owned the place, the tough as nails daughter of the original Shelly who ran it, it was even kind of funny.
Tom ordered us beers as soon as we sat, and poured over the menu like there were lunchtime choices beyond nachos or a burger. I got a burger, despite the lurch of my stomach. Neither of us spoke once Mandy, our server, had walked away. I slowly drained my beer, trying to put off the inevitable.
“Look, George, I can tell something is eating at you. Whatever it is, you got my full attention now.”
I sighed. I waited another moment for a hole to swallow me. When it didn’t, I accepted my fate and went all in.
“I suck at my job. I’m really, really, bad at it. I think you’re better off with someone else in the position.” He nodded, but didn’t respond. He just motioned me to continue. “Tom, I feel like I’m just a dead weight. You have easier ways to make a charitable contribution. I’m still learning all the money side of the business and it’s been a couple of weeks. I’m going crazy and I’m taking Nell with me.”
“Well, I have to tell you, Nell says you’re picking things up faster than she expected. She’s more worried that you’ll burn yourself out. Is she right that you won’t even take breaks, sometimes even when your pup needs one?”
“Yeah. I had a bad day and forgot about poor Xavier. Thank God Nell was paying attention. I felt really bad about that.”
“Son, no one expected you to pick it up in a day, so slow down a little. Enjoy the work, if you can. That’s why I do what I do. I still love it, even after all these years.”
“I appreciate that. But, I should talk to you about something else, too.”
“My daughter?”
“Wow. Yeah. Dang, I thought maybe I was a little more mysterious than this.”
“Now then, when it comes to my daughter, you really are mysterious. I thought the two of you might be talking about wedding dates by now.”
I nearly choked on my beer. “Wait, what? I mean, we didn’t get a chance to speak before my last deployment, but I thought you at least knew we weren’t together anymore.” I wiped my face with a paper towel and brushed beer off my collared shirt.
“Yeah, Callie told us that you guys had decided that since you were headed somewhere dangerous and wouldn’t be able to call home, that she shouldn’t work too hard at waiting for you. Seems to me like it wasn’t all that much work for her, though, since I’ve never once seen her with or heard about another man. I just figured since you were home, you’d picked back up where you left off.”
“Oh, that we did. Too bad really, since where we left off was me being a selfish jerk. I chased her off and told her she couldn’t handle my problems. What I meant was she shouldn’t have to, but in the end, it was the same thing, right? I told her I preferred being alone.”
I spun the empty beer bottle between my palms. “The truth is, I want her to be happy. But, that she’d be happy with me. Even mad at me, she still checks in on Xavi and offers to help. She’s the one who drove me to my driver’s test and forced me to find a local physical therapist.”
Tom nodded and drank, watching people enter the bar from behind me. He waved at a couple of locals, but when I turned, it was no one I recognized. Our lunch arrived, but neither of us touched the food. My palms got sweaty, and I picked at the limp French fries while I waited for him to process the shit ton of baggage and disloyalty I’d dumped on him.
“Was there anyone else?” he finally asked, staring me down.
“Of course not. I don’
t trade down, sir.” He barked out a laugh. “No, I didn’t cheat on her. I did suggest that I had, though. I just wanted her to hate me and make a clean break.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“I know it, sir.”
Tom chuckled and squeezed his ham fingers down around his sandwich. He hadn’t used the words, but I felt like I was on okay ground with the old man, and suddenly, the burger and fries looked like the best food I’d ever been offered. We chowed down as Tom ordered two more beers.
Mandy brought us one last beer each, and I explained to my boss how I planned to win back his daughter. When we were finished, it was after what passed for the lunch rush at Shelly’s, and since he’d convinced me to give it another go, I told him I was ready to go back and give work another stab before Xavi and I went home.
As much as I would’ve preferred having my canine savior with me while I talked to Tom, I was glad I’d managed it without him. We hadn’t tried a sit-down restaurant kind of meal yet, and with how hard it was to talk to Tom, worrying about Xavi would’ve made it worse.
“Well, son, you can go back to work for a couple more hours if you think that’s best. Or, you can go get Xavi and make some time for my daughter, before she forgets that you are the one she wants. It took me almost four years to get used to you. I’m not keen on having to go through all that again.”
“I don’t think it would set to well with me either, sir.” He grabbed my shoulder and shook it. I held the truck keys out to him. He laughed his quick, barking laugh, and waved them off.
“No, son, those are yours. The wife and I talked and decided that a returned war hero should have a set of wheels he can rely on, especially if he has to stow his other set of wheels in the back. I stopped mid-step and gaped like a fish on the bottom of a fishing boat. I glance down at the keys and back at Tom.