by Anne Fraser
‘How long has she got?’ Julie asked, her throat dry.
‘Not long,’ Audrey replied gently. ‘A day or two at the most.’
‘Tell her I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’ll get the first flight possible.’
‘I’m sorry, Julie,’ Caroline said slowly as Julie ended the call. ‘Is it your friend at the hospice?’
Julie nodded. She needed to get back. To see her before…She couldn’t bear to think about it. Although she had always known it was only ever a matter of time before Lexy succumbed to her illness, she wasn’t ready to let her friend go. Besides, she wanted to see her, to reassure her that she had at last found the happiness that Lexy so desperately wanted for her.
Seeing that Julie was shocked and distressed, Caroline took command. ‘I’ll call the airport. Book you on a flight. You get packed. Where’s Pierre? I’m sure he’ll be happy to drive you to the airport.’
‘He’s at the hospital. With Alain and Michelle. Please, don’t disturb him. I can get a taxi. If I can get a flight today.’ Julie turned on her heel and sped up the stairs. She started throwing her clothes into her suitcase. After a few minutes Caroline appeared to tell her that she had managed to find her a seat on a plane that was leaving in two hours. Caroline had also called her a taxi, which was on its way. It would give Julie just enough time to get to the airport if she hurried.
She had just enough time to finish packing when the taxi announced its arrival with a blast on its horn. Although she knew it was unlikely, Julie had hoped that Pierre would be back in time for her to at least say goodbye. But he wasn’t back and Julie couldn’t risk waiting even a few minutes. Not if she wanted to be certain of catching the plane.
‘Tell Pierre goodbye for me,’ she told Caroline as she kissed her farewell. ‘I’ll see you both in Edinburgh at the weekend.’ And then with a final brief hug she was in the taxi and heading towards the airport. Julie didn’t know whether it was worry about Lexy or something else, but as she watched the farm recede from the rear window of the taxi, she felt an shiver of dread.
It was almost nine in the evening by the time the plane touched down in Edinburgh. Julie jumped in another taxi and headed straight for the hospice. She didn’t want to waste precious minutes stopping at her flat.
She rushed inside St Margaret’s, almost colliding with the late-shift nurses going off duty.
Arriving at Lexy’s ward, she stopped at the nurses’ station. Audrey was putting on her coat about to leave.
‘That was quick.’ She looked at Julie in surprise. ‘I didn’t think you’d be here until tomorrow morning at the earliest.’
‘How is she?’ Julie asked, praying that she wasn’t too late.
‘She’s holding her own. I think she’s hanging on until she sees you.’
‘Can I go in?’ Julie asked.
‘Of course,’ Audrey replied. ‘She’s drifting in and out of consciousness. Sometimes she’s lucid—other times she seems to be back in the 1940s.’
Julie crept into Lexy’s room.
Her friend had her eyes closed and Julie was shocked by how she seemed to have shrunk since she’d last seen her. Her face was almost as white as the sheets on which she lay, her eyes hollow and surrounded by deep dark circles. She seemed to sense Julie’s arrival because she opened her eyes.
‘My dear, I’m sorry you had to cut your trip short to come and see a dying lady.’ But despite the words, Julie could see the relief in the faded blue eyes.
‘If you think that any trip is more important than being with an old friend when she needs me, then you don’t know me very well, Lexy Dunlop,’ Julie scolded, although her heart was breaking. She could see the end was close.
‘How was it? Did you find what you were looking for?’ For a moment Julie wondered if her friend was confused. But then as Lexy gave her a weak smile she realised that the old lady meant exactly what she’d said.
‘Yes, I did. I found everything I ever wanted,’ she said softly. ‘How did you know?’
‘Because I know you, my dear. Something has changed you. And I know if you let any man get to know you—really know you—he’d never be able to resist you.’
‘I love him, Lexy. And he loves me. He wants us to get married.’
‘I’m so happy for you. Now I know you are happy, I can go.’
‘Please, Lexy, I still need you. Who else am I going to confide in?’ Julie felt her throat tighten. She wasn’t ready to lose another person she loved.
‘Oh, you don’t need me any more.’ Julie had to strain to catch the words. ‘You have Kim and now your doctor. It’s him you need to confide in.’ Lexy closed her eyes and as her breathing deepened, Julie realised she had fallen asleep.
As she sat by the bed in the soft glow from the bedside, holding her old friend’s hand, gently stroking the paper-thin skin, Julie fought back tears. It was typical of life, she thought, to give with one hand while taking away with the other.
She stayed by Lexy’s side through the night. At times her friend came round and mumbled a few words that Julie couldn’t follow but which seemed to relate to her past life. She whispered her dead husband’s name. Just before dawn, Lexy opened her eyes.
‘Promise me,’ she whispered
‘Anything,’ Julie replied.
‘Promise me you’ll always trust your heart. Promise me you’ll never again hide from life—no matter what.’ Eyes the colour of a cloudless sky burned into Julie’s.
‘I promise, Lexy. Just go to sleep now,’ Julie said soothingly.
Julie watched as her friend breathed her last a few minutes later. There wasn’t any point in calling the nurses. There was nothing anyone could do. Despite her grief, Julie knew that Lexy had had a good and full life. If she herself lived her life even half as fully as her old friend then she’d be happy.
Eventually having said her final goodbyes, and after letting the nurses know she’d be responsible for the funeral arrangements—there being no one else—Julie left the hospice.
Outside she switched her mobile back on. It was against hospice policy to leave it on inside the wards. There were no messages. Not even one from Pierre. Tired and distressed, she felt the tears well in her eyes. Then, hearing someone call her name, she looked up and there he was—standing in front of her. He held out his arms and wordlessly she stepped into them, resting her head against his chest.
‘She is gone, your friend?’ he said gently.
She nodded and then tears came in earnest. Soon she was sobbing, deep, racking sobs that came from the depths of her soul. It was as if the grief and hurt of all the years that she had suppressed was exploding from her heart. The hurt of her career cut short, Luke’s betrayal, her mother’s illness and death, her father’s sudden death. It was all there.
Pierre held her, murmuring words in French, kissing the tears from her eyes. Then he picked her up tenderly and carried her over to the car. He sat her in the passenger seat, before climbing in and driving off. The tears were still flowing as they pulled up in front of Caroline’s house. He came round to her side of the car and once again picked her up, and just as he had done in France—had it only been twenty-four hours ago?—carried her past an astonished-looking Caroline and upstairs into a bedroom. He laid her on the bed, gently removing her shoes. Then he lay down beside her and pulled her into his arms. Julie didn’t know how long they lay like that. Her crying, him stroking her, making soothing noises. Eventually the storm of tears passed and she was able to speak.
‘You came,’ she hiccuped. ‘I needed you and you came. Thank you.’
‘Isn’t that what husbands do for wives?’ he said. ‘Even before they are married? Don’t they come to the other when the other is in need?’
‘How did you get here?’ she said. ‘I thought there was only one flight a day?’
‘I have my own plane. I keep it at the vineyard. I have been flying for years. Just like Jacques. We both had our pilot’s licences. I thought Caroline would be too scared to come
with me, but she insisted. She said you had looked after her, and she wasn’t going to let the fact she was even more terrified of small planes than commercial aircraft stop her.’
‘She’s a brave girl.’ Julie sniffed, touched that the girl had made the effort. She knew how much it must have cost her.
‘She has learned to be brave from you,’ Pierre said. ‘You are a good teacher.’
‘How is Alain?’ Julie asked, snuggling into Pierre’s arms.
‘He is doing well. I am hopeful that he will regain almost full use of his hand in time. But we want him to stay in hospital for another day or two so I am sorry, petite, but I need to go back to oversee the vineyard until he leaves hospital. You can come with me.’
‘Oh,’ Julie said in a small voice, desperately disappointed. But she would have the rest of her life to be with him. She understood that in the meantime he had other responsibilities. But she had hoped he would be with her at Lexy’s funeral.
‘I can’t come back. Not with the funeral to arrange. Besides, I am due back at work soon.’
‘Don’t worry about work. I will tell them you will be off for a few days, even a week.’
Julie sat up in bed. ‘No, you won’t.’ she said firmly. ‘I agreed to marry you, not let you run my life. If I don’t go to work some other junior will have to cover my shift and it’s just not fair. Anyway,’ she said, her voice cracking a little, ‘I have to be here to organise the funeral and I will need a day off to attend it and they’ll have to cover for me then.’
‘Okay. I will not interfere. But could you stay here with Caroline until I get back? I would be happier if I knew you were together.’
‘I think it might be difficult for her, going through funeral arrangements so soon…But if she wants me to stay with her, of course I will.’
Pierre was drawing her towards him but, suddenly aware that she must look a fright, Julie got out of bed and stood. ‘I need to wash my face. Then I think we should speak to Caroline. Have you told her our news?’
‘I told her on the plane over here. Naturally she is delighted. She says there isn’t anyone else she’d like better for an aunt. She wants to help plan the wedding, but I told her it will be a small affair and that we both want it to happen soon.’ While he was talking Pierre had also got to his feet. Julie looked at him, puzzled.
‘Doesn’t the bride get a say in the when and where of her wedding?’ she asked.
‘Of course. I just thought you would like a small wedding since neither of us have much family. And I don’t see any reason to delay, do you? I want to be married as soon as possible. I thought you did, too.’
He came up behind her and circled her waist with his arms, pulling her against his chest. ‘I want to make an honest woman of you,’ he whispered into her hair. She relaxed into him for a moment. It was good that he wanted them to be married soon, wasn’t it? Why then did she feel that small flicker of doubt?
CHAPTER NINE
JULIE said goodbye to Pierre a couple of hours later. Although she knew it would only be a few days before she saw him again, she couldn’t help the uneasy feeling she still had. Probably down to Lexy’s death, she tried to reassure herself. That and the fact most women weren’t separated from their fiancés so soon after getting engaged. Once he was back and they had a chance to make proper plans, she’d feel better. She wondered if the feeling of uncertainty was down to not quite being able to make herself believe that Pierre loved her and wanted to marry her. Of all the women in the world he wanted her. But then the feeling of disquiet was back. He hadn’t actually told her that he loved her, had he? And hadn’t he tried to warn her off, saying he would always love Iona? She shook her head to banish the thoughts. These were the imaginings of the old under-confident Julie—not the woman she was now. Of course Pierre loved her. He wanted to marry her after all, and he had flown all the way from France just to be with her for a few hours when she needed him most.
Caroline had expressed her delight and whole-hearted approval of the upcoming marriage. ‘I just knew that you’d be perfect for each other,’ she said. She had told Julie that she’d like it if she could stay, although Julie suspected she was only saying that because Pierre didn’t want Julie to be on her own. Whatever the reason, it made little difference to Julie where she stayed. All she wanted was to get through the funeral.
She went back to work a few days later, spending the time before the funeral assisting one of the other surgeons in Theatre. Although he was an excellent surgeon, he didn’t have Pierre’s deft touch, Julie thought. She couldn’t put her finger on it but there was something that made Pierre stand out from any other surgeon that Julie had worked with. It wasn’t just because she was in love with him, she had recognised that something from the minute she had watched him operate. She missed Pierre, but her work and making the arrangements for Lexy’s funeral left little time for brooding. In the evenings Caroline and Julie shared supper that Caroline prepared then the teenager would go and see her friends for a couple of hours. Pierre phoned to say he’d be back the day after the funeral. He told her that he wanted to be with her, to support her, but he was still needed in France. He said he was missing her, longing to see her, but still he didn’t tell her he loved her. After he spoke to her he would have a few words with Caroline. Julie was able to reassure him that these days his niece seemed more settled and although still sad at times appeared to be coming to terms with her parents’ death. Apart from Caroline, there was no one else Julie could share her news with. Kim was still on holiday with her husband, and although they had spoken on the phone, Julie wanted to tell her her news in person. Whenever someone mentioned Pierre’s name at the hospital, she shivered with delight. How astonished they would all be when they heard that they were to be married.
The day of the funeral arrived. It was to be a small affair with only Julie, Caroline and some of the nurses from the hospital there to see Lexy on to her final journey. There was no one else, Lexy’s husband and friends all having passed way before the old lady.
Clouds hung in an ominous sky as Julie stood with Caroline next to her by the side of the grave. The ceremony at the church had been a brief but moving affair and as she watched the coffin being lowered into the grave, Julie felt her throat close.
She whispered her goodbyes as she and Caroline turned away. Caroline held onto Julie’s arm as if to reassure her. They returned to Julie’s flat so that Julie could pick up some fresh clothes. Caroline put on the gas fire to warm the flat while Julie gathered some clothes together.
‘Uncle Pierre is coming back tomorrow,’ Caroline said. ‘I bet you’ll be glad to see him.’
Julie smiled. ‘I can’t wait,’ she admitted.
‘Then can we start planning the wedding?’ Caroline said excitedly.
‘Of course,’ Julie said. ‘You know I want you to be my bridesmaid, along with my friend Kim.’
‘Just as long as you don’t make me wear some pink, fluffy creation-then I’d be honoured,’ Caroline said with a small bow.
‘Don’t worry you won’t have to wear pink!’ Julie laughed.
‘I think it’s great that you and Pierre are going to live in France,’ Caroline continued. ‘And I have decided to continue my studies in France after the summer, so we’ll all be together.’
Julie frowned. ‘Pierre and I haven’t discussed where we’re going to live after we get married,’ she said. ‘I’m not sure I want to leave Scotland.’
Caroline looked puzzled. ‘He sounded as if it’s all decided. He said there was too much to remind us of Mama and Papa here. He said we will never forget them, but we should start somewhere afresh.’
Julie felt her blood run cold. ‘What else did he say?’ she said grimly.
‘Only that he promised he would always love Mama, and I wasn’t to think he was forgetting about her. He said the three of us would be a new family.’
So he was still in love with Iona. Of course he was. She was such a fool. He’d never said otherw
ise. Why had she ever thought that she could compete with a dead woman’s memory? How could she have been so stupid to believe even for one moment that he had fallen in love with her? But, she reminded herself, he had never actually said he loved her—not once. Had he thought that she was so lonely, so desperate that she would fall into his arms, only too grateful that someone like him wanted to marry someone like her? And this way he could keep his promise to Iona. He would look after her daughter while not betraying her memory by marrying someone he loved. How could she have let herself believe that Pierre loved her? After all, he had tried to warn her he could never love another.
Caroline had stopped talking. She looked at Julie and then covered her mouth with her hand.
‘I’m sorry, Julie. That was a dumb thing to say. He loves you now. He must do. You are so fantastic. Now I’ve gone and spoiled everything. I shouldn’t have told you what he said. Somehow it came out all wrong. Not the way he explained it at all.’
Julie hugged the distraught girl. ‘You were right to tell me,’ she said. ‘Pierre should have told me himself.’
‘He’ll be back tomorrow,’ Caroline said desperately. ‘He can convince you himself then. Please, in the meantime, forget I ever opened my mouth.’
‘Its okay, Caroline. Whatever you told me was only the truth. I should have guessed there was another reason for him wanting to marry me. But I don’t think we’ll be getting married after all.’
It was a subdued evening for the two women. Julie let her mobile ring when she saw Pierre’s number on the screen, and she made Caroline tell Pierre she was in the bath when he tried the landline.
She barely slept that night, wondering what she should do. The thought of facing Pierre was unbearable. Happily it was Saturday and she wasn’t expected at work. Making up her mind, she threw a few clothes into a bag and, leaving Caroline a note telling her not to worry, that she was going away for a couple of days, she drove to her flat. There she collected her skis and boots. As always, when life got her down, Julie headed for the mountains. Thankfully, although it was the beginning of April, there was still snow in the Cairngorms. She would stay in her usual bed and breakfast while she worked out what to do. She had left a note for Pierre, explaining that she’d had second thoughts about wedding and needed time on her own to think. He wasn’t to come looking for her and if he cared about her at all, he would grant her this time on her own.