She stepped back as if she’d been stung.
He shook his head. ‘You have no idea what they’re like, Katsuko. After ten minutes my father would probably be trying to date you, my mother would probably be trying to date Don, and my sister would be trying to con you into giving her a credit card.’
He threw up his hands. ‘I mean, what am I even doing here—with you? No one in my family has ever had a relationship that worked out. My father has been married four times—each marriage more ridiculous than the one before. Any day now he’ll reach number five. My mother just looks for the next rich, eligible bachelor and my sister is going exactly the same way. Uncle Stuey was the only person who gave me hope—and now I wonder why. He didn’t even have any relationships with anyone that I knew about.’ He stopped dead and looked her straight in the eye. ‘I can’t give you what you want, Katsuko. I can’t give you what you need, or what you deserve. My family track record says it all. I’ll be gone soon and you have a career to build. You can do better. You can do better than me. Go and find him.’
The words were out. He didn’t want to mean any of them. But he had to be honest with her. He had to tell her what he was. What type of family he was a part of. What could he really offer her?
He wanted to be so much more than the sum of what he thought he was. Did genes really play a part in who you were? Could he ever hope to have any kind of loving, normal relationship?
She worried so much about fitting in. The truth was, it was the other way round. His family would never fit with the beliefs and ideals she had in her head.
He wasn’t good enough for her. His family wasn’t good enough for her.
Katsuko looked away. It was clear she was still upset. Her hands were shaking.
He hated himself right now. He wanted to put his arms around her and promise her that he would do his best for her. But would that ever be good enough? Right now, he wasn’t sure.
She stared at the ground for a few seconds, then spoke quietly. ‘I guess you’d better get back to work.’
Silence filled the air between them. He’d been too blunt. He hadn’t meant to hurt her. His mind flew back to that first night when she’d run her finger over the picture of her mother and father.
He ran his fingers through his hair. ‘Look, I’m sorry.’
She gave a nod. ‘So am I.’ And turned and strode away.
* * *
The words played on his mind for the rest of the day. He was mad with himself. It was almost as if he was trying to push her away. Why would he do that?
No matter what he did, he couldn’t get Katsuko out of his head.
She was there. She was there to stay.
He’d met her grandmother. She was impossible. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t speak Japanese. The language she spoke was pretty universal.
There was no love or compassion in her eyes for her granddaughter. And Katsuko certainly hadn’t acted like the faiyakuraka she was nicknamed after at work. In her grandmother’s presence she was meek.
Some people might call it respectful, and in a way it was. But she shouldn’t need to hide her personality and nature from her grandmother. He’d hated the expression in her eyes as she’d run after her grandmother. She was a nurse, caring was in her nature, being downtrodden was not.
He wondered if he’d experienced a little of what Katsuko’s father and then Don had. It lit a little fire inside him.
His fists clenched as he sat at the computer screen at work. He shouldn’t be wearing green scrubs, he should be dressed as a Neanderthal. That was how he felt. He wanted to protect her. Let her know how much she was valued. Let her know how much she was loved.
His hands sprang apart—the fists lost. His skin prickled and he looked down. This was the first time he wasn’t looking forward to the end of a posting. In fact, he was secretly dreading the fact he didn’t even know how long he’d be here. The commander of the medical service had already let him know that because of his willingness to step in at the last minute with no fuss or complaint, his next posting was his call. But did he really want to leave at all?
Katsuko had already spoken about looking at other postings. He should be excited for her—some of the places she was considering he’d already worked in. Now he was doing something he’d never done before. Instead of thinking about facilities and new experiences all the different bases had to offer, he was thinking about miles. And the distance that could be between them. And that was brand new for him.
He’d never tried a long-distance relationship. He’d never wanted to. But now, all of a sudden, it was definitely on his mind. Lots of colleagues in the forces had long-distance relationships. They had to. Families couldn’t go to some bases. If husbands, wives or children had certain medical conditions it could mean they were deemed unsuitable to live in some bases with restricted facilities. Husbands, wives and families could be apart for months—and with his family history, what made him think he could even be cut out for that?
He hated these doubts. He hated feeling like this. He hadn’t even sat down and had this conversation with Katsuko yet—the What about the future? conversation. It terrified him.
He’d proved that earlier when he’d blurted out the most stupid words he could possibly have said.
He thought about the expression on her face, the foolish words he’d said to hurt her. Why do that to someone that you loved?
Love. The thing that his father claimed to be permanently in or out of. Love. What he’d seen in the eyes of Jay Lim’s parents when they’d seen each other again. Love. It practically emanated from the photo that Katsuko had of her parents.
He’d always assumed it would never work for him. He’d never really had a reason to think differently.
But now he did. And that reason was Katsuko.
He leaned forward and put his head in his hands and groaned. How on earth could he make things right?
He had to make a phone call. He had to deal with things back home—things in the past—if he could ever hope to build a future.
He stood up quickly, making his wheeled chair skid across the floor. He had to try and take some control back. And he knew where to start.
Seiko, one of the aerospace medical technicians, was restocking the emergency trolley. He walked over. ‘Seiko? Have you got a minute?’
She looked up and nodded. ‘Do you need help with a patient?’
He shook his head. It didn’t matter that this news would probably spread like some crazy infectious disease around the department. ‘I need some help with some Japanese words. If I tell you what I want to say, would you write it down for me and help me with the pronunciation?’
She gave a nod. ‘No problem.’
Wait until I tell you what I want translated.
It was time to make a start—and the sooner, the better.
* * *
He dialled the number and waited impatiently for the phone to ring.
After the longest time his father picked up. ‘Dad, it’s Avery.’
There was a silence. ‘To what do I owe this honour?’
He winced but wasn’t really surprised. After the last visit he’d kept contact to a minimum. There was no point in trying to make small talk. ‘I’ve been contacted by a firm of attorneys.’
‘What have you done?’
Avery sighed. ‘I haven’t done anything. Have you heard of a Mary Elizabeth Flynn?’
‘Who?’
Avery hesitated. He wasn’t quite sure how to say this. ‘She claims to be Uncle Stuey’s kid.’
His father let out a raucous laugh. ‘Another one? Well, they’re all coming out of the woodwork now.’
Avery shifted uncomfortably. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘So where’s this one from, then?’
‘She
’s from Brazil. But the attorney letter was sent nearly a year ago. It seems to have ping-ponged around every air force base trying to find me.’
‘A year ago? She’ll long since have given up. Bet she’s changed her name to something else by now.’
‘Dad, what are you talking about? What did you mean, they’re all coming out of the woodwork?’
His father made a strange slurping noise. Great, he was drinking again. Avery glanced at his watch and tried to work out what time it was back in the US.
‘How long has it been since you were home?’ his father asked.
That didn’t require much thought. Even though his father’s reference to home and Avery’s reference to home were two different things. ‘More than a year ago. More like sixteen months.’
‘Ah, you missed all the fun, then.’
‘What fun?’
‘One of the crazy cable TV stations made a documentary about Stu. It was one of those hunt-the-artefact kind of things. Some of what they said was true and some of what they said was complete and utter rubbish. They interviewed me. I think they wanted to interview you too at the time but you weren’t around.’
Avery was getting impatient. ‘Dad, what happened?’
His father laughed. ‘You know television. They made it all mysterious. Lots of mist and references to lost treasure. They made out that Stuey had stolen a whole host of artefacts from all around the world and had been a secret billionaire. About two weeks later the letters started pouring in.’
‘What letters?’
‘Like the one you got. Lost children, some of whom had mysteriously changed their names by deed poll two days after the show. It was all a lot of hocus pocus.’
‘So none of this is true?’
‘Of course it’s not true.’
He should feel reassured but he couldn’t be. He’d never heard of this TV show. Plus his father was obviously drinking. ‘How can you be sure? Uncle Stuey spent his life wandering the globe. There is a chance he could have children he didn’t know about.’
His father’s tone changed. It was almost as if he was looking over his shoulder to see who was listening. ‘I know there’s no possibility that Uncle Stuey could have kids. He had mumps as a child. There was no chance of children. Why do you think he left your mother and went halfway around the globe? He couldn’t stand the fact that she married me instead. You were the son he always wanted.’
An arctic breeze swept over Avery. ‘Uncle Stuey went out with Mom?’
‘Of course he did. But your mom wanted a family and after he had mumps there was no chance of that. He decided that exploration and archaeology were his new profession—got a job with the museum and never looked back. He only ever really came back to see you.’
Avery’s head was swimming. He’d never heard any of this. He’d never noticed anything weird between his mother and uncle. How could he have missed this?
‘Why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?’
‘What did it matter? Your mother and I were never really suited.’
Avery leaned back against the wall. Part of him felt relieved that his Uncle Stuey wasn’t some old-fashioned kind of cad and part of him felt sorry for the man who’d had to watch the woman he loved marry his brother.
‘So, none of this is true? I can just destroy the letter?’
‘That’s what we did with all the rest. We did have one persistent attorney who decided we must have secretly hidden all of Uncle Stuey’s artefacts. He tried to serve us with something or other.’
Avery shook his head. ‘What was it?’
‘Who knows? Who cares?’ His father kept talking but Avery stopped listening. Other thoughts were flooding through his mind. How must his uncle have felt?
It was bad enough that mom had married his father. But when their marriage had failed and she’d immediately zoned in on any man with money it must have made him feel even worse. First she’d wanted kids. Then she’d wanted money.
His parents had ping-ponged from one bad relationship to another. And for the first time in his life he could finally understand why.
But that was them.
That wasn’t him.
His sister might be following their example, but he didn’t have to.
Uncle Stuey was still exactly the person he’d thought he was. In fact, he was more. He’d loved someone and walked away to let her have the life she’d thought she’d wanted.
And he’d stayed away to ensure he didn’t influence the relationship any more than he should. Avery’s heart gave a squeeze. His memories of his uncle were even more precious than before.
‘I have to go, Dad,’ he said quickly. ‘I’ll call you some other time.’
He sat down for a second, the battered envelope still in his hands.
It was amazing what some people would do for money. He was mad. He wanted to ring the legal firm and tell them exactly what he thought of them and their client. But that would achieve nothing.
He had too much else to think about.
He pulled another piece of paper from his pocket. The scribbled words that Seiko had written for him. She’d only slightly raised her eyebrows when Avery had asked her to translate a few things for him.
The question was—what would he do with them?
* * *
Katsuko was sitting at the table with a whole host of printouts in front of her. Every base. Every hospital. Every facility.
There was a whole world of opportunity out there. She just hadn’t had the chance to explore it. She’d made herself a checklist, narrowing down what specialities were listed.
Then she pulled up a blog site for air force personnel. This way she could find out the more informal things. Where did other staff recommend? Were there places that had difficult reputations? What were the chances of having her request accepted at particular bases?
She put down her pen. Avery. He’d told her to go ahead. To make plans without him. The words had been awful, but the pain in his eyes had been worse. Did he really think he wasn’t good enough for her?
She wasn’t even sure if she should be thinking this way. But Avery Flynn had managed to creep under every defence system that she had. She’d known his position here was temporary. They’d never really discussed anything long-term. But she’d never really wanted to discuss anything long-term before.
She stared down at the papers. If she could just live her life in the bubble that was Okatu base, that would be fine. She’d still have Don. She’d still have the place she’d grown up in and she’d still have her friends.
But life was changing around her. She wanted more. She wanted to sit down and look at her career and see what should come next. She wanted to think about the future.
What had hurt most were his words today. They’d affected her in a way she hadn’t expected. How could so few words make her feel like her feet had just been swept away from her?
It had been a simple squabble. She knew that. She just hadn’t been ready for the impact.
It had been their first argument—and it hadn’t even really been that. All couples argued. That was normal. And it didn’t matter that he’d apologised by text a little while later, telling her he wanted to see her. He wanted to talk to her. The topsy-turvy feeling in her stomach hadn’t shifted.
And it wouldn’t shift until she saw him again and he put his arms around her.
She kind of hated the fact that another person had the ability to affect her feelings and emotions. Her grandmother had done it on a regular basis since she’d been a child. But never had a man.
Her grandmother. She gulped and stared at the papers again. She could only imagine what her grandmother would say if she told her she was being posted elsewhere. What would happen if her grandmother messaged her while she was on another continent, telling her
that something was wrong? Who would help her?
She could hardly ask Don. He couldn’t bear to be in her grandmother’s presence. Was this really the right time to go?
Wine. She needed wine right now.
The doorbell rang and her heart gave a little leap. Was it that time already?
Avery opened the door with a bottle of white wine in one hand and the biggest bunch of flowers she’d ever seen in the other. ‘I’m so sorry.’
He didn’t wait for her to speak. He just stepped forward and put his arms around her. ‘I should never have said anything. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of it.’
She pushed him back a little. ‘What? I’ve not to go and conquer the world? I’ve not to look at my career options and decide the best place I should be?’
He cringed. ‘Well, yes. Yes, of course you should.’ He held up the flowers and the wine again. ‘But could we maybe discuss how we can still be friends, even if we’re on different continents?’
She folded her arms across her chest. She didn’t plan on making this too easy. ‘I thought you couldn’t do that. I thought you weren’t cut out for that?’
He held up the wine again. ‘I’m hoping that maybe you could teach me. Maybe we could teach each other?’
There was a long silence. The clock ticked loudly in the distance.
She licked her lips. ‘How about we go back a little? How about we drink the wine and let’s take it from there?’
His sigh of relief was audible. She was prepared to give him a little leeway. But just a little. She still had to sort out in her head what she actually wanted to do.
He glanced at the table. ‘Wow. Did you kill a tree?’
She groaned. ‘I know. But I like to spread everything out in front of me. It makes it easier to compare.’
‘Next you’ll tell me you have a spreadsheet.’
Heat rushed into her cheeks and she turned the laptop around. ‘Maybe.’
He held up the bottle. ‘Should I open the wine?’
‘I think you’ll have to.’
She brought two glasses down from the cupboard while he uncorked the bottle. ‘You don’t mind doing this with me?’
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