by Monica James
“Please, Maddy. Believe me. I did this…I did all of this…for you. I wanted to tell you so many times. I was just so afraid you’d leave me. I couldn’t risk losing you,” I pathetically confess, searching her face for answers.
“You should have been honest.” She lowers her gaze and looks at her sneakers.
“I know that. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” I take a small step forward, my hands desperate to touch her. My arms desperate to hold her.
But her broken reply reveals that I’ll never hold or touch her ever again. “No,” she whispers, her hair shrouding her face.
The wind gets knocked from my lungs. “No? What do you mean, no?”
Slowly meeting my eyes, her lower lip trembles as she cries, “I’m…b-breaking up with you, Dixon. I n-never want to see you again.”
My heart skips a beat, and I doubt it’ll ever return to its normal rhythm ever again. “Madison? No. Please God, no.”
She ignores me and continues to crush me. “I can’t be with you. I don’t trust you. And I don’t think I ever will.”
Thump…
Thump…
…Thump
“Please give me a second chance.” I drop to my knees, surrendering everything I am to her. “I was going to tell you everything tonight.”
She shakes her head, closing her eyes. “I just…I can’t. How can I believe you?” As she reopens them, I begin to commit to memory everything about her because I know it’ll probably be the last time I ever see her. “Too much has happened. I could have got over the fact you slept with Beth. Maybe even the fact you’ve slept with your patients. But you lying to me for so long. You doing this to ‘protect’ me, I can’t ever forgive.”
“Madison, please.” Normal, coherent words have escaped me. All I’m capable of is begging.
But she doesn’t want to hear any more excuses. “Beth may be a bitch, but she’s sick and you totally exploited that. That’s a cruel thing to do to someone who trusts you.”
“How is she the victim here?” I ask, interlacing my hands over my brow.
“She’s not.” Clawing at her shirt, she says, “The only victim here is my heart. Goodbye, Dixon.”
“Maddy, no.” A single tear rolls down my cheek. “You said that whatever I had done, you wouldn’t care. You lied, too. Maddy, you lied, too.” I thump my fist into the ground, unable to process what is happening.
She bursts into tears, covering her face and wailing. “I sh-should have l-listened to you…I shouldn’t have used words I don’t understand.”
I reach out desperately, grasping onto any last hope that this is all a bad dream. But when she sobs hysterically and jumps into her car, I know this nightmare is really happening. She starts the engine, puts the car into gear, and she doesn’t look back as she speeds off into the night.
I’m left on my knees, watching the taillights of her Fiesta get smaller and smaller. I stay this way for how long, I don’t know. It’s long enough for the crowd to disperse and I’m left alone, staring into the night where Maddy’s beautiful face once was.
She’s left me and I know it’s for good. I always knew it would come to this. But knowing something doesn’t make the reality any easier to digest. My lies have unraveled and now I’m left with the consequences of the mess I’ve made.
Fisting the stones underneath my fingers, I dig them into my palms until I draw blood. The feeling is an instant relief and I wonder what’ll happen if I open up a bigger wound and bleed myself dry.
Instead, I pull it together. I tell myself to man up and deal. With nothing further to lose, I slowly stand tall as I know what I have to do.
25
We’ll Always Have Paris
DIXON
Nothing else matters anymore. I stopped caring the moment Madison said goodbye.
If this were a movie, the heroine would eventually forgive the asinine hero and both characters would live happily ever after. But this isn’t a movie, nor am I the hero. This is real life. This is my life. And I intend to start living it.
Carpe diem, motherfuckers.
This mindset has me pounding on Juliet’s door, not caring if she’s asleep or in the middle of something important. I can hear the TV humming softly in the background, and two voices, one asking the other who might be knocking at their door.
“Pizza,” I say, disguising my voice as I step aside, avoiding the scope of the peephole.
“Did you order pizza?” Juliet asks as her voice gets closer and closer to the door.
“No. You probably did and forgot,” the cesspool of filth replies.
“We didn’t order any—” I don’t let Juliet finish, however, because I charge forward the moment she opens the door and shove her out of the way. I focus my fury on Dylan, who quickly stands as he sees me stampede through the living room.
“Dixon!” Juliet cries, running after me and latching onto my arm. She knows that the proverbial shit has hit the fan and there is no stopping me now.
I shrug her off and continue my rampage toward the scum of the earth. “Hey, you’re Sunny’s boyfriend,” he says in surprise. “What do you want?”
Just the mere mention of Madison has my already uncontrolled temper boiling over and I know things are about to get ugly real soon. “I want you to catch necrotizing fasciitis and die a slow, painful death, but we can’t have it all. So in that case, I’ll settle for anything…just as long as you’re dead.”
I don’t give him a chance to move, duck, or breathe because I swing out and punch the motherfucker right in the jaw. His head snaps back with a loud, satisfying thwack. The sound and sensation of hurting this bastard has me advancing forward and connecting with his nose in quick succession. He staggers backward, his hands flying up to protect his face, but this proves futile—I raise my leg and knee him straight in the balls. He drops to the floor with a deafening thud, a pained, anguished wail following soon after as he cups his balls.
“Dixon! Stop!” Juliet screams, her tiny hands attempting to hold me back as she clasps my bicep.
But there is no stop in this equation. The only stop is when Dylan is dead.
I push her away, not even bothering or caring where she ends up. All I can focus on is hitting Dylan some more. Dropping to one knee, I violently throw him onto his back and jab out my palm and connect with his shoulder joint to hold him down. He’s squirming and attempting to fight back, but he doesn’t stand a chance. I slam my fist into his face over and over and over again, feeling his lip, eye and nose bust open with each strike I inflict.
During my possessed attack, Juliet attempts to restrain me by any means that she can. She jumps on my back, screaming like a wailing banshee, but I fling her off, snarling, “So help me God, if you touch me again, I will tell him everything.” My words have the exact effect I was hoping for, and she stays on the sidelines, sobbing and threatening to call the police.
I curl my bloodied fists in Dylan’s shirt and yank him up, thrusting his limp body against the sofa. His face is a bleeding mess, and I’ll celebrate that sight for the rest of my life. “Listen to me, you fucking son of a bitch,” I spit, tightening my hold and shaking him brutally as I lean inches from his face. “I know what you did to Madison.”
His right eye hasn’t fully swollen over, and it widens. “You leave town, tonight. You forget you have a sister, and you crawl back into whatever hole you came out from. And take your whore with you. If you go anywhere near her, I will kill you next time. This isn’t a threat, it’s a promise.”
“Dixon, no!” Juliet screams, running over. She knows what’s about to happen. Just like she did with me, I lied. I plan on divulging all her secrets.
“She liked it. She begged for it,” Dylan slurs, his bloodied spittle running down his chin.
I gnash my teeth, resisting the urge to rip off his fucking head. “Just like your fiancée begged for my cock.”
I can see the moment Dylan processes what I’ve just said. He jumps forward, attempting to strike me,
but I push him down, grinning sinisterly. “That’s right. I doubt anyone was begging for your cock because if they were, your fiancée wouldn’t be begging me to fuck her every chance she got. And I did. I fucked her and she liked it.”
“You motherfucker!” I’m actually stunned that he gives a shit, but I guess misery does love company.
“I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you’re unarmed,” I sarcastically quip.
“It was only twice, Dylan. I swear it!” Juliet yells, trying to fight me off of him.
I laugh malevolently. “C’mon now. You know it was more than twice. Off the record, Dylan, your fiancée has a mouth like a damn Hoover.”
“Why?” Juliet sobs, pounding on my arms.
“Did you really think I wasn’t going to say anything? Did you really think that you’d break me? All you did was push me into doing the right thing,” I reply, pinning Dylan down harder, as he’s fighting like a caged dog.
“I can still ruin you,” Juliet reveals, but there is no gravity behind her threat.
“No, you can’t. I plan on telling everyone about what I did, just like I should have done from the very beginning. You’ll have nothing over me. You…lose.”
Juliet is delusional if she thought I wouldn’t go down fighting. But that’s why she fabricated the story of being the victim. That was her backup plan. What she didn’t count on was no one believing her innocent act.
I know Dylan believes me. The fury in his messed-up face reveals he believes every single word. He once again attempts to lunge out and hit me, but he’s trapped with his back to the sofa. I resist the urge to place my forearm across his windpipe and choke the life from this piece of shit because I have one final piece of information I wish to share with him.
“By the way, that baby is most likely mine. Or it could be half of Manhattan’s, considering your beloved can’t keep her legs shut. But believe you me, if it is mine—” I turn to stare at a bawling Juliet. “I will do everything in my power to make sure it has nothing to do with either of you.”
Juliet slumps onto the floor, threading her hands through her hair as she yanks at the snarled strands. “The honeymoon is over, sweetheart,” I smugly say, turning to look back at Dylan, who is pushing forward with all his might. “I know everything. And rest assured, so will your mom. And so will Sebastian.” The moment I mention her father, Juliet howls. “I may not tell them, but Madison will. And when she does, you’ll wish I had killed you.”
I have no doubt that, ironically, this situation will make Madison stronger. It’ll give her the strength to finally tell her mom the secret which has been weighing her down for over ten years. She’ll want every part of this tangled web to be exposed, and she’ll also want to move forward. And to do that, she’s got to let go of her past.
Dylan pales, as I believe he too can see that I’m not joking. But that’s all the pondering he deserves. I propel my head forward and headbutt the motherfucker straight in the nose. It squishes under impact and I know it’s broken.
The apartment is filled with anguished wails and screams as I stand, fasten the buttons on my jacket and coolly wipe down the blood from my lapels. I’m pretty certain I’ve broken my hand, but the bedlam I’ve left behind is well worth the pain.
I turn to look at a sniveling Juliet, who has curled in on herself. Walking over, I bend forward and brush a piece of matted blonde hair from her brow, leaving behind a smear of red. “You’ll be hearing from my attorney.”
“Why?” she weeps, tears running down her cheeks. “You don’t even want this child.”
“Why?” I question. She nods. “Because…payback’s a bitch. Just like you.” I may not want this child, but Maddy was right. It’s time I dealt with the consequences of my actions.
“This wasn’t supposed to end this way!”
Shaking my head, I snicker, “Yes, this is exactly how it was supposed to end. This is what we both deserve! Goodbye, Ms. Harte. I do hope you have the most miserable, most dissatisfied, loveless life you deserve. Oh,” I add, holding up my finger. “Remember when I said I was sorry for destroying your life? No? Neither do I.”
I rub my bloodied fingers on my jacket and smile as I leave behind the carnage that I created. It’s a sight I’ll never forget.
Once out in the hallway, I take a minute to calm my ragged breathing and stop my racing heart from exploding out onto the carpeted floor. When I’m composed enough to walk, I press the call button and hope like hell no one is in the elevator because they’ll think I’ve just slaughtered a family. Thankfully, the cart is empty and I ride it to the seventeenth floor.
The moment it stops, I step out and march down the hallway with one final stop in mind. A door shouldn’t hold any sentimental value, but it does, though it’s what lies just beyond this door that has me leaning my forehead against the wood grain and bracing my palms above me.
I don’t even alert Madison that I’m here. I simply close my eyes and imagine she’s standing on the other side, listening to my confession. The confession which is the first step to living this new life.
“Madison,” I croak, sounding weak and pitiable. “I’m so sorry, angelo. I know you’ve heard it all before, but I’m selfish and I need to keep saying it just in case you can find it in your heart to forgive me. You once told me you were weak and afraid, but you’re not. You’re the strongest person I know. I know that you’ll get over this, and that you’ll move on. And…I want that for you. I want you to be happy. I wish that could be with me, but I know that it can’t be. You go find yourself a good man, Madison. One that’ll treat you right. One that’ll treat you how you deserve. We’ll always have Paris. Or, in our case, Rome,” I say, wishing this was Casablanca. “Goodbye, angelo. Never forget to smile. The world is a brighter place because of it.”
I can suddenly feel Madison. Her entire presence surrounds me and before long, I’m drowning in the memories of what we once had. I can smell her sweet vanilla scent, hear her soft, shallow breaths, and taste her warm, tender kisses.
But my recollections of her will slowly fade, and eventually I know that my memories will wither into blackness and she’ll be gone. I’ll question if what I’m remembering is actually true because the mind does amazing things to cope with grief.
But for now, I’ll cherish every single memory I have. It’s the only thing that’ll get me through this. It’s the only thing that’ll stop me from breaking down this door.
I stay pressed against the wood, knowing that when I pull away, I’ll never come back. I know that Madison is better off without me. Doing the one selfless thing I can, I push off the door and say goodbye to the love of my life for good.
On the drive home, I can’t help but think that seizing the day isn’t what it’s cut out to be.
26
Tainted Love
MADISON
I don’t know how many hours I’ve been sitting here, slumped against my front door. Four? Maybe five? It doesn’t matter, however, because if I rise, I don’t know what to do.
I can’t believe tonight actually happened. I can’t believe Dixon and I are actually over. I never thought I could hurt more than I have in the past, but tonight proved me wrong. Dixon’s words tore through me and I doubt I’ll ever heal. Nothing could ever have prepared me for what he confessed, because I would have never believed he was capable of such sin.
But he is.
When Beth called and spewed out her lies, I didn’t want to believe, but a part of me knew she was speaking the truth. I think I always knew there was more. But love really is blind, and I chose to believe that Dixon was the person he claimed to be. But I don’t even know who that is anymore.
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel betrayed, deceived, but most of all, I feel numb. I fell for someone who was too good to be true because that person doesn’t exist. I fell in love with a fraud.
Thinking of Dixon in this light turns my stomach and I place my hand over my mouth to stop myself from bein
g sick. My body is fighting me, and so is my mind, but I have no other choice. This is my reality. I can never forgive Dixon for what he’s done.
How can I?
I can’t trust him. And what’s a relationship without trust?
I’m not totally naïve and I don’t buy Beth’s innocent act for one second. Dixon may be a lying asshole, but he’s right. What does he have to gain by telling me what he did? Every single disgusting detail he revealed I believe, but every word from Beth’s mouth I do not. I know who she is. I have known from the moment she watched my brother rape me and did nothing.
I know I’m in no frame of mind to be making any decisions, but funnily enough, after tonight, I think I’m ready to tell my mom and Sebastian the truth. I need them to know who their son and daughter really are because my silence is protecting them.
Beth will never change. Lying to me to save her own ass shows that her telling me the “truth” was her way of pegging this entire mess on Dixon. She was hoping I’d fall for her lies, but I’m done being played for a fool.
Raising my weary body slowly, my muscles feel as if they’ve gone five rounds with Mike Tyson. My legs are like Jell-O as I try and stand without falling down. I place my arms out to the side, attempting to regain my balance. It takes a couple of minutes, but when I think I’m able to move, I take my first step and go in search of my phone.
My bag is on the other side of the room; I vaguely remember throwing it there in rage as I stormed through my home, not knowing what to do or where to go. So many emotions were and are still charging through me, but once the reality of what happened hit home, I fell into a sobbing hysterical mess and stayed that way until I heard, no, until I felt Dixon at my front door.
My traitorous body somersaulted in delight, so happy to hear his voice, so happy to have him near. I wanted him to tell me it was all a dream, but when I heard his solemn confession, I knew that nothing had been more real.