The Tinted Venus: A Farcical Romance

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by F. Anstey


  DENOUNCED

  XI.

  "There's a new foot on the floor, my friend; And a new face at the door, my friend; A new face at the door."

  Leander sat at the head of the table as carver, having Mrs. Collum andBella on his left, and James and Matilda opposite to them.

  James was the first to open conversation, by the remark to Mrs. Collum,across the table, that they were "having another dull Sunday."

  "That," rejoined the uncompromising lady, "seems to me a highly improperremark, sir."

  "My friend Jauncy," explained Leander, in defence of his abashedcompanion, "was not alluding to present company, I'm sure. He meant thedulness _outside_--the fog, and so on."

  "I knew it," she said; "and I repeat that it is improper and irreverentto speak of a dull Sunday in that tone of complaint. Haven't we all theweek to be lively in?"

  "And I'm sure, ma'am," said Jauncy, recovering himself, "you make themost of your time. Talking of fog, Tweddle, did you see those lines onit in to-day's _Umpire_? Very smart, I call them; regular witty."

  "And do you both read a paper on Sunday mornings with 'smart' and'witty' lines in it?" demanded Mrs. Collum.

  "I--I hadn't time this morning," said the unregenerate Leander; "but Ido occasionally cast an eye over it before I get up."

  Mrs. Collum groaned, and looked at her daughter reproachfully.

  "I see by the _Weekly News_," said Jauncy, "you've had a burglary inyour neighbourhood."

  Leander let the carving-knife slip. "A burglary! What! in myneighbourhood? When?"

  "Well, p'r'aps not a burglary; but a capture of two that were 'wanted'for it. It's all in to-day's _News_."

  "I--I haven't seen a paper for the last two days," said Leander, hisheart beating with hope. "Tell us about it!"

  "Why, it isn't much to tell; but it seems that last Friday night, orearly on Saturday morning, the constable on duty came upon twosuspicious-looking chaps, propped up insensible against the railings inQueen Square, covered with blood, and unable to account for themselves.Whether they'd been trying to break in somewhere and been beaten off, orhad quarrelled, or met with some accident, doesn't seem to be known forcertain. But, anyway, they were arrested for loitering at night withhousebreaking things about them; and, when they were got to the station,recognized as the men 'wanted' for shooting a policeman down atCamberwell some time back, and if it is proved against them they'll behung, for certain."

  "What were they called? Did it say?" asked Leander, eagerly.

  "I forget one--something like Bradawl, I believe; the other had a lot ofaliases, but he was best known as the 'Count,' from having lived a gooddeal abroad, and speaking broken English like a native."

  Leander's spirits rose, in spite of his present anxieties. He had beengoing in fear and dread of the revenge of these ruffians, and they weresafely locked up; they could trouble him no more. Small wonder, then,that his security in this respect made him better able to cope withminor dangers; and Bella's animosity seemed lulled, too--at least, shehad not opened her mouth, except for food, since she sat down.

  In his expansion, he gave himself the airs of a host. "I hope," he said,"I've served you all to your likings? Miss Parkinson, you're not gettingon; allow me to offer you a little more pork."

  "Thank you, Mr. Tweddle," said the implacable Bella, "but I won'ttrouble you. I haven't an appetite to-day--like I had at those gardens."

  There was a challenge in this answer--not only to him, but to generalcuriosity--which, to her evident disappointment, was not taken up.

  Leander turned to Jauncy. "I--I suppose you had no trouble in findingyour way here?" he said.

  "No," said Jauncy, "not more than usual; the streets were pretty full,and that makes it harder to get along."

  "We met such quantities of soldiers," put in Bella. "Do you rememberthose two soldiers at Rosherwich, Mr. Tweddle? How funny they did look,dancing; didn't they? But I suppose I mustn't say anything about thedancing here, must I?"

  "Since," said the poor badgered man, "you put it to me, Miss Parkinson,I must say that, considering the _day_, you know----"

  "Yes," continued Mrs. Collum, severely; "surely there are better topicsfor the Sabbath than--than a dancing soldier!"

  "Mr. Tweddle knows why I stopped myself," said Bella. "But there, Iwon't tell of you--not now, at all events; so don't look like that atme!"

  "There, Bella, that'll do," said her _fiance_, suddenly awakening to thefact that she was trying to make herself disagreeable, and perhapsfeeling slightly ashamed of her.

  "James! I know what to say and what to leave unsaid, without tellingsfrom you; thanks all the same. You needn't fear my saying a word aboutMr. Tweddle and Ada--la, now, if I haven't gone and said it! What astupid I am to run on so!"

  "_Drop_ it, Bella! Do you hear? That's enough," growled Jauncy.

  Leander sat silent; he did not attempt again to turn the conversation:he knew better. Matilda seemed perfectly calm, and certainly showed nosurface curiosity; but he feared that her mother intended to requireexplanations.

  Miss Tweddle came in here with the original remark that winter had begunnow in good earnest.

  "Yes," said Bella. "Why, as we came along, there wasn't hardly a leaf onthe trees in the squares; and yet only yesterday week, at the gardens,the trees hadn't begun to shed. Had they, Mr. Tweddle? Oh, but I forgot;you were so taken up with paying attention to Ada----(_Well_, James! Isuppose I can make a remark!)"

  "I'll never take you out again, if you don't hold that tongue," hewhispered savagely.

  Mrs. Collum fixed her eyes on Leander, as he sat cowering on her right."Leander Tweddle," she said, in a hissing whisper, "what is that youngperson talking about? Who--who is this 'Ada'? I insist upon beingtold."

  "If you want to know, ask her," he retorted desperately.

  All this by-play passed unnoticed by Miss Tweddle, who was probably toofull of the cares of a hostess to pay attention to it; and, accordingly,she judged the pause that followed the fitting opportunity for a littlespeech.

  "Mrs. Collum, ma'am," she began; "and my dearest Miss Matilda, theflower of all my lady lodgers; and you, Leandy; and Mr. Jauncy; and,though last mentioned, not intentionally so, I assure you, MissParkinson, my dear--I couldn't tell you how honoured I feel to see youall sitting, so friendly and cheerful, round my humble table. I hopethis will be only the beginning of many more so; and I wish you all yourvery good healths!"

  "Which, if I may answer for self and present company," said Mr. Jauncy,nobody else being able to utter a word, "we drink and reciprocate."

  Leander was saved for the moment, and the dinner passed without furtherincident. But his aunt's vein of sentiment had been opened, and couldnot be staunched all at once; for when the cloth was removed, and thedecanters and dishes of oranges placed upon the table, she gave a littlepreparatory cough and began again.

  "I'm sure it isn't my wish to be ceremonial," she said; "but we're allamong friends--for I should like to look upon you as a friend, if you'lllet me," she added rather dubiously, to Bella. "And I don't really thinkthere could be a better occasion for a sort of little ceremony that I'vequite set my heart on. Leandy, _you_ know what I mean; and you've got itwith you, I know, because you were told to bring it with you."

  "Miss Tweddle," interrupted Matilda, hurriedly, "not now. I--I don'tthink Vidler has sent it back yet. I told you, you know----"

  "That's all you know about it, young lady," she said, archly; "for Istepped in there yesterday and asked him about it, to make sure, and hetold me it was delivered over the very Saturday afternoon before. So,Leandy, oblige me for once, and put it on the dear girl's finger beforeus all; you needn't be bashful with us, I'm sure, either of you."

  "What is all this?" asked Mrs. Collum.

  "Why, it's a ring, Mrs. Collum, ma'am, that belonged to my own dearaunt, though she never wore it; and her grandfather had the posyengraved on the inside of it. And I remember her telling me, before shewas taken, that she'd left it to me in he
r will, but I wasn't to let itgo out of the family. So I gave it to Leandy, to be his engagement ring;but it's had to be altered, because it was ever so much too large as itwas."

  "I always thought," said Mrs. Collum, "that it was the gentleman's dutyto provide the ring."

  "So Leandy wanted to; but I said, 'You can pay for the altering; but I'mfanciful about this, and I want to see dearest Miss Collum with myaunt's ring on.'"

  "Oh, but, Miss Tweddle, can't you see?" said Matilda. "He's forgottenit; don't--don't tease him about it.... It must be for some other time,that's all!"

  "Matilda, I'm surprised at you," said her mother. "To forget such athing as that would be unpardonable in _any_ young man. Leander Tweddle,you _cannot_ have forgotten it."

  "No," he said, "I've not forgotten it; but--but I haven't it about me,and I don't know as I could lay my hand on it, just at present, andthat's the truth."

  "_Part_ of the truth," said Bella. "Oh, what deceitful things you menare! Leave me alone, James; I will speak. I won't sit by and hear poordear Miss Collum deceived in this way. Miss Collum, ask him if that isall he knows about it. Ask him, and see what he says."

  "I'm quite satisfied with what he has chosen to say already, MissParkinson; thank you," said Matilda.

  "Then permit me to say, Miss Collum, that I'm truly sorry for you," saidBella.

  "If you think so, Miss Parkinson, I suppose you must say so."

  "I do say it," said Bella; "for it's a sorrowful sight to see meeknessall run to poorness of spirit. You have a right to an explanation fromMr. Tweddle there; and you would insist on it, if you wasn't afraid (andwith good reason) of the answer you'd get!"

  At the beginning of this short colloquy Miss Tweddle, after growing veryred and restless for some moments, had slipped out of the room, and camein now, trembling and out of breath, with a bonnet in her hand and acloak over her arm.

  "Miss Parkinson," she said, speaking very rapidly, "when I asked you tocome here with my good friend and former lodger, I little thought thatanything but friendship would come of it; and sorry I am that it hasturned out otherwise. And my feelings to Mr. Jauncy are the same asever; but--this is your bonnet, Miss Parkinson, and your cloak. And thisis my house; and I shall be obliged if you'll kindly put on the ones,and walk out of the other at once!"

  Bella burst into tears, and demanded from Mr. Jauncy why he had broughther there to be insulted.

  "You brought it all on yourself," he said, gloomily; "you should havebehaved!"

  "What have I done," cried Bella, "to be told to go, as if I wasn't fitto stay?"

  "I'll tell you what you've done," said Miss Tweddle. "You were askedhere with Mr. Jauncy to meet my dear Leandy and his young lady, and getall four of you to know one another, and lay foundations forFriendship's flowery bonds. And from the moment you came in, though Ipaid no attention to it at first, you've done nothing but insinuate andhint, and try all you could to set my dear Miss Collum and her maagainst my poor unoffending nephew; and I won't sit by any longer andhear it. Put on your bonnet and cloak, Miss Parkinson, and Mr. Jauncy(who knows I don't bear him any ill-feeling, whatever happens) will gohome with you."

  "I've said nothing," repeated Bella, "but what I'd a right to say, andwhat I'll stand to."

  "If you don't put on those things," said Jauncy, "I shall go awaymyself, and leave you to follow as best you can."

  "I'm putting them on," said Bella; and her hands were unsteady withpassion as she tied her bonnet-strings. "Don't bully _me_, James,because I won't bear it! Mr. Tweddle, if you're a man, will you sitthere and tell me you don't know that that ring is on a certain person'sfinger? Will you do that?"

  HER HANDS WERE UNSTEADY WITH PASSION AS SHE TIED HERBONNET-STRINGS.]

  The miserable man concluded that Ada had disregarded his entreaties, andtold her sister all about the ring and the accursed statue. He could notsee why the story should have so inflamed Bella; but her temper wasalways uncertain.

  Everybody was looking at him, and he was expected to say something. Hismain idea was, that he would see how much Bella knew before committinghimself.

  "What have I ever done to offend you," he asked, "that you turn on mein this downright vixenish manner? I scorn to reply to yourinsinuations!"

  "Do you want me to speak out plain? James, stand away, _if_ you please.You may all think what you choose of me. _I_ don't care! Perhaps if_you_ were to come in and find the man who, only a week ago, had offeredmarriage to your youngest sister, figuring away as engaged to quiteanother lady, _you_ wouldn't be all milk and honey, either. I'm doingright to expose him. The man who'd deceive one would deceive many, andso you'll find, Miss Collum, little as you think it."

  "That's enough," said Miss Tweddle. "It's all a mistake, I'm sure, andyou'll be sorry some day for having made it. Now go, Miss Parkinson, andmake no more mischief!"

  A light had burst in upon Leander's perturbed mind. Ada had not brokenfaith with him, after all. He remembered Bella's conduct during thereturn from Rosherwich, and understood at last to what a mistake herpresent wrath was due.

  Here, at all events, was an accusation he could repel with dignity, withtruth. Foolish and unlucky he had been--and how unlucky he still hopedMatilda might never learn--but false he was not; and she should not beallowed to believe it.

  "Miss Parkinson," he said, "I've been badgered long enough. What is ityou're trying to bring up against me about your sister Ada? Speak itout, and I'm ready to answer you."

  "Leander," said Matilda, "I don't want to hear it from her. Only youtell me that you've been true to me, and that is quite enough."

  "Matilda, you're a foolish girl, and don't know what you're talkingabout," said her mother. "It is not enough for _me_; so I beg, youngwoman, if you've anything to accuse the man who's to be my son-in-lawof, you'll say it now, in my presence, and let him contradict itafterwards if he can."

  "Will he contradict his knowing my sister Ada, who's one of the ladiesat Madame Chenille's, in the Edgware Road, more than a twelvemonthsince, and paying her attentions?" asked Bella.

  "I don't deny," said Leander, "meeting her several times, and beingconsiderably struck, in a quiet way. But that was before I met Matilda."

  "You had met Matilda before last Saturday, I suppose?" sneered Bella,spitefully--"when you laid your plans to join our party to Rosherwich,and trouble my poor sister, who'd given up thinking of you."

  "There you go, Bella!" said her _fiance_. "What do you know about hisplans? He'd no idea as Ada and you was to be there; and when I told him,as we were driving down, it was all I could do to prevent him jumpingout of the cab."

  "I'm highly flattered to hear it," said Bella. "But he didn't seem to beso afraid of Ada when they did meet; and you best know, Mr. Tweddle, thethings you said to that poor trusting girl all the time you were walkingand dancing and talking foolishness to her."

  "I never said a word that couldn't have been spoke from the top of St.Paul's," protested Leander. "I did dance with her, I own, not to seemuncivil; but we only waltzed round twice."

  "Then why did you give her a ring--an engagement ring too?" insistedBella.

  "Who saw me give her a ring?" he demanded hotly. "Do you dare to say youdid? Did she ever tell you I gave her any ring? You _know_ she didn't!"

  "If I can't trust my own ears," said Bella, "I should like to know whatI can trust. I heard you myself, in that railway carriage, ask my sisterAda not to tell any one about some ring, and I tried to get out of Adaafterwards what the secret was; but she wouldn't treat me as a sister,and be open with me. But any one with eyes in their head could guesswhat was between you, and all the time you an engaged man!"

  "See there, now!" cried the injured hairdresser; "there's a thing to goand make all this mischief about! Matilda, Mrs. Collum, aunt, I declareto you I told the--the other young woman everything about my havingformed new ties and that. I was very particular not to give rise tohopes which were only doomed to be disappointed. As to what MissParkinson says she overheard, why, it's very
likely I may have asked hersister to say nothing about a ring, and I won't deny it was the verysame ring that I was to have brought here to-day; for the fact was, Ihad the misfortune to lose it in those very gardens, and naturally didnot wish it talked about: and that's the truth, as I stand here. As forgiving it away, I swear I never parted with it to no mortal woman!"

  "After that, Bella," observed Mr. Jauncy, "you'd better say you're sorryyou spoke, and come home with me--that's what you'd better do."

  "I shall say nothing of the sort," she asserted. "I'm too much of a ladyto stay where my company is not desired, and I'm ready to go as soon asyou please. But if he was to talk his head off, he would never persuademe (whatever he may do other parties) that he's not been playing double;and if Ada were here you would soon see whether he would have the faceto deny it. So good-night, Miss Tweddle, and sooner or later you'll findyourself undeceived in your precious nephew, take my word for it.Good-night, Miss Collum, and I'm only sorry you haven't more spirit thanto put up with such treatment. James, are you going to keep me waitingany longer?"

  Mr. Jauncy, with confused apologies to the company generally, hurriedhis betrothed off, in no very amiable mood, and showed his sense of herindiscretions by indulging in some very plain speaking on their homewardway.

  As the street door shut behind them, Leander gave a deep sigh of relief.

  "Matilda, my own dearest girl," he said, "now that that cockatrice hasdeparted, tell me, you don't doubt your Leander, do you?"

  "No," said Matilda, judicially, "I don't doubt you, Leander, only I dowish you'd been a little more open with me; you might have told me youhad gone to those gardens and lost the ring, instead of leaving me tohear it from that girl."

  "So I might, darling," he owned; "but I thought you'd disapprove."

  "And if she's _my_ daughter," observed Mrs. Collum, "she _will_disapprove."

  But it was evident from Matilda's manner that the inference wasincorrect; the relief of finding Leander guiltless on the main count hadblinded her to all minor shortcomings, and he had the happiness ofknowing himself fully and freely forgiven.

  If this could only have been the end! But, while he was still throbbingwith bliss, he heard a sound, at which his "bedded hair" started up andstood on end--the ill-omened sound of a slow and heavy footfall.

  "Leandy," cried his aunt, "how strange you're looking!"

  "There's some one in the passage," he said, hoarsely. "I'll go and seeher. Don't any of you come out."

  "Why, it's only our Jane," said his aunt; "she always treads heavy."

  The steps were heard going up the stairs; then they seemed to pausehalfway, and descend again. "I'll be bound she's forgot something," saidMiss Tweddle. "I never knew such a head as that girl's;" and Leanderbegan to be almost reassured.

  The steps were heard in the adjoining room, which was shut off byfolding doors from the one they were occupying.

  "Leander," cried Matilda, "what _can_ there be to look so frightenedof?" and as she spoke there came a sounding solemn blow upon thefolding-doors.

  "I never saw the lady before in all my life!" moaned the guilty man,before the doors had time to swing back; for he knew too well who stoodbehind them.

  And his foreboding was justified to the full. The doors yielded to theblow, and, opening wide, revealed the tall and commanding figure of thegoddess; her face, thanks to Leander's pigments, glowing lifelike underher hood, and the gold ring gleaming on her outstretched hand.

  "Leander," said the goddess, in her low musical accents, "come away."

  "Upon my word!" cried Mrs. Collum. "_Who_ is this person?"

  He could not speak. There seemed to be a hammer beating on his brain,reducing it to a pulp.

  "Perhaps," said Miss Tweddle--"perhaps, young lady, you'll explain whatyou've come for?"

  The statue slowly pointed to Leander. "I come for him," she saidcalmly. "He has vowed himself to me; he is mine!"

  Matilda, after staring, incredulous, for some moments at the intruder,sank with a wild scream upon the sofa, and hid her face.

  Leander flew to her side. "Matilda, my own," he implored, "don't bealarmed. She won't touch _you_; it's _me_ she's come after."

  Matilda rose and repulsed him with a sudden energy. "How dare you!" shecried, hysterically. "I see it all now: the ring, the--the cloak; _she_has had them all the time!.... Fool that I was--silly, trusting fool!"And she broke out into violent hysterics.

  "Go away at once, hypocrite!" enjoined her mother, addressing thedistracted hairdresser, as he stood, dumb and impotent, before her. "Doyou want to kill my poor child? Take yourself off!"

  "For goodness' sake, go, Leandy," added his aunt. "I can't bear thesight of you!"

  "Leander, I wait," said the statue. "Come!"

  He stood there a moment longer, looking blankly at the two elder womenas they bustled about the prostrate girl, and then he gave a bitter,defiant laugh.

  His fate was too strong for him. No one was in the mood to listen to anyexplanation; it was all over! "I'm coming," he said to the goddess. "Imay as well; I'm not wanted here."

  And, with a smothered curse, he dashed blindly from the room, and outinto the foggy street.

 

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