“I’m popular.” He shrugged. “Give me your plate and I’ll dish out the eats.”
“You’re probably as popular as my dad. When he runs for reelection, you should run with him,” I joked.
“Nah. Public office isn’t for me.” He wagged the serving spoon at me. “It’ll be you in a few years.”
There was a lot to point out how wrong he was with his statement. The most obvious was my age, but the biggest factor was that my immediate future was still up in the air. My name was well known and not because of my parents. I was attached to an event and a person who now defined me. If I decided to go into politics or some type of public office, the people’s assumptions and opinions would be set in their minds because of my involvement in the shooting at NCU. I would be haunted by it for the rest of my life.
Benny moaned, bringing me out of my thoughts, not realizing he had set a full plate of food in front of me, and he had begun eating. He chowed like someone would take it from him.
“You’re either starving or you really love artichokes.” I picked up my fork and speared one.
He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “How about both? I didn’t eat enough today.”
“Same with me.” I bit the artichoke and chewed slowly to become accustomed to the taste. I had been on autopilot whenever I ate. For this meal I would engage the senses, not just to prove to myself I wasn’t as numb as I had been but to impress Benny.
“Dinner will make up for it.” He dug into his food. “Tonight is for us to enjoy good food and each other. No stress or drama. Understand?” He held out his fist.
I bumped his with mine. “Sounds good to me.”
“Mangia!” He nodded at me and then ate. I did the same, enjoying each bite mainly because of the person I sat across from.
“I MAY end up in a food coma.” I leaned against the wall near the entrance of Felicite and covered a burp. The amount of food Benny and I had scarfed down was abnormal.
He chewed on a toothpick. “I should have warned you when you dine at Felicite, you come hungry. Elio treated us too well. He also gave us a nice discount.”
“I wish you would have let me pay some of it, or at least the tip.” The dates I’d been on before ended up with me paying half the bill. Benny was the first one to pay for everything.
“I asked you out, so it’s my treat. Next time you pay.” He relaxed into the wall next to me, his arm pressing mine. “It’s still early, only eight thirty.”
“We could always go to a café, but we had dessert already.”
“I need to burn off the two cups of espresso I drank.” He took out his cell and held it to his ear.
“I don’t think I’m in the mood to box.” I assumed he meant going to his gym.
“There are other ways to burn off my energy.” He winked at me as he listened to a voice message.
“How about your place?” I did want to see what his apartment looked like. I also wasn’t fooling myself into thinking that ending up at his place meant something more than just talking would happen. We could burn off a lot of energy together in his car.
“We could, but I have another idea.” He lowered his cell and faced me. “One of my customers told me about a gay club called Paradise that opened last month. He knows the head bouncer there and can get us in free.”
“What type of gay club?” Clubbing wasn’t my thing. Plus my age was a strike against me.
“Dance club, but there are pool tables and a back room with couches and chairs like a coffeehouse.” He took my hand. “It’s over twenty-one, but I don’t think we’ll have any problems getting you in. Want to check it out?”
I was slowly growing comfortable with crowds again, but going to a dance club might be too much. Benny acted as if he didn’t care by the way he held my hand. The excitement in his voice also told me he wanted the night to continue. I could convince him easily I’d rather go someplace quiet with just the two of us, but I didn’t want him to think I was still vulnerable and couldn’t handle a few hours of loud music and large groups of people. I had handled the party at the fitness center pretty well, so something like Paradise shouldn’t be too much of a strain.
“You like to dance?” I pulled him away from the wall and toward his car.
He hung his arm around my shoulder and tucked me against his side. We walked together as if we had been like this all our lives. He made me feel safe, something I always felt when I was with him.
“I like playing pool better, but I wouldn’t mind dancing with you.” His bearded cheek brushed mine.
I kissed the corner of his mouth. “I’ll give you two for one—a game of pool and a dance.”
“You’re on.” He unlocked the passenger door for me and gave me a kiss that promised more than just a game of pool and dancing. It was something I would be more than happy to claim from him before our night ended.
Chapter Thirteen
“YOU HOLDING up okay?” Benny knocked the eight ball in the corner pocket and won our second game of pool.
“You mean me losing a second time to you or the vibe here?” I rolled up my sleeves and sat on the stool at the table we chose. Music from the front traveled to where we were. Paradise had a nice setup, especially the back room with pool tables and couches and chairs scattered throughout. It was busy for a Monday night, but I didn’t have any type of panic attack or have to leave to get air outside. We still hadn’t danced, but I enjoyed playing pool with Benny, even though I sucked at it.
He joined me and finished his beer. I sipped my ginger ale and chewed on one of the melting ice cubes. I spread my legs for him to stand in between. He lay his hands on my upper thighs, and his front bumped mine, which he did on purpose based on his slick smile of satisfaction.
“You going to kiss me?” I stuck out my tongue with the ice on it.
He chuckled and ran his fingers up and down my thighs, the friction on my pants making me want to drag him to me.
“I bet we could find a nice dark corner somewhere here so I can get to know your tongue better.” He ran his nose up the side of my throat.
“Or we could go to your place. I don’t have a curfew.” There was no way I’d spend the night with Benny. At the very least I would have to call Dad to tell him I was running late.
“I wanted to take things slow with you. That’s why I suggested we come here.” His mouth brushed under my ear.
“I don’t need slow. I won’t break. I’m tougher than I look.” I was out of breath, not because my statement might have had a double meaning, but because he moved his hands to rest in between my legs, making me want to lock them in place.
“It’s been a while since I’ve… dated. I don’t want to ruin whatever we have between us.” He kissed the spot under my ear that made my vision darken and an electric sensation zap my stomach and crotch. This teasing was making me light-headed and anxious, but in a good way.
I clasped him by the neck and kissed him hard on the mouth. He tried to continue what I started, but I broke away. I loved the kissing and touching, but I also preferred privacy to public displays of affection, even in a place like this, where I had seen more than a few lip-locks and embraces like we were currently doing.
“Let’s dance for a few songs, and then we’ll leave.” He kissed me and then stepped back.
“How about we leave now?” I stood and tugged on my shirt to get rid of any wrinkles in the fabric.
“Patience, grasshopper. It helps build the anticipation.” He claimed my hand. “Someone your age doesn’t understand that yet.”
I poked him in the side. “Like you should talk.”
He laughed and drew me around the couches and tables filled with people. As we passed the bar, I spotted Theo talking to the bartender. I would have called out to him, but Benny tugged me along. Right as we walked into the hall, Theo saw me and he shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe I was here.
“Hey, Benny.” I tugged on his hand, but he didn’t stop until we were halfway on the dance floor.
He must have not heard me because of the music and some sort of wailing siren raining down on our heads. All around us people danced, bumping and swaying into one another.
He wrapped his arms around me. “You cool?”
“With you holding me? Yes,” I nearly shouted and curled my arms around him. I forgot about Theo and held Benny, who circled around.
I let him lead, swaying and rocking from side to side. Our arms remained around each other, and I pressed my mouth on the side of his neck and sucked his skin. His arms tightened and his knee slid in between my legs. I let him rock his knee up and down, making a nice friction that made me suck him harder.
When the song changed, he grabbed me by my head and kissed me hard. I kissed him back, dragging my fingers in this hair and clutching him. The passion I had for this man, the ballooning lust inside me, was unlike anything I’d experienced before. What I wanted from him was far from the snatch-and-grab I had with others before him. This attraction would be long and deep, exactly like the kisses we gave each other.
I inhaled, snagging his tongue and flicking it with my own. Benny moaned and broke away. He rested his forehead on mine and exhaled. “God, Marshall, I want to f—”
“Benny!” A guy wearing a red beanie and sunglasses practically jumped on Benny’s back.
I had enough space to step back while both men hugged.
“Van! When did you get back in town? I thought you were in Australia for the documentary you’re filming?” Benny cupped the guy’s face and smiled.
“We finished early.” Van curled his arms around Benny and boosted him off the ground. Benny clapped him on the back and then reach out for me. “Van, this is Marshall.”
Van took my wrist and squeezed. “Any friend of Benny’s is a friend of mine.”
“We’re on a date,” Benny shouted as the music grew louder.
“How about we do a shot at the bar?” Van asked. I don’t think he heard Benny because he curled his arm around his shoulder and made his way off the dance floor.
I snagged Benny’s arm as Van hurried in the direction of the bar. By the time we got there, sweat stained under my arms, and the humid air of too many bodies hit me in the face. Van wiggled his way to the front of the bar with Benny next to him. I lost Benny’s hold, but it didn’t faze me. I would wait for the two to grab their shots or whatever.
Benny lifted up on his toes and said my name. I waved and mouthed “bathroom.” I would let him catch up with his friend for a few minutes. As I searched for the bathroom, I texted him I would meet him out front in ten minutes.
I kept my cell out for his text as I walked to the men’s room. Spotting a neon green sign with an arrow and a flashing male figure near the back, I went in that direction, but slowly because of the number of people loitering. I finally made it the bathroom entrance but paused when a familiar voice said my name and someone tapped my arm.
I turned to face Theo, who grabbed my hand and moved to the side.
“What the hell are you doing here, Marsh?” His angry tone made me pull away from him.
“I can ask you the same thing. Here for work or trolling for guys?” I started to cross my arms over my chest.
He drew my arms down. “Don’t get defensive. This isn’t like you.”
“Like what?” I tried to break off, but he wouldn’t let go.
“Making out with some older guy who’s a poster boy for poor white trash.” He shook me. “If your dad knew you were here and with whom, he would lose it.”
“How dare you!” I thrust him away and pressed my fists to my sides. “Where do you get off making assumptions about the person I’m with. That’s Benny, one of the owners of Cutting Fitness and Astral Body Tattoo.”
He winced and pulled on his chin. “Shit, I didn’t recognize him. I thought—”
“You thought I was hooking up with some random guy I met here?” I rolled my eyes. “You know me better than that. You think I’d do something that stupid?”
“You don’t want me to answer that. I thought….” He folded his fingers behind his head and rocked on his heels. “After you read the Times article, you would blow off some steam and find a guy to—”
“You thought I would act like you?” I turned away before I saw his expression and settled against the wall since there weren’t any chairs around to sit on.
My cell buzzed and a text from Benny came through—ten minutes and then we’re out. Meet you outside. He ended with a wink emoji.
Theo joined me but left enough space between us. “I’m worried about you, Marshall.”
“You’re not worried as much as you’re upset. You wanted me to call you to see if you would come clubbing with me.” I laid my head back farther on the wall. “Would you have come if I called? Would you have danced with me? What if I said I wanted to go home with you for the night to help me forget all the shit in my life. Would you have said yes?”
His stunned expression made me laugh, but it was one of sad realization that I never had a chance with him. While I recovered from my gunshot wound in the hospital, I dreamed how he would finally wake up and realize we should be together, like some cheesy romantic comedy. He hadn’t seen me until a few days after when I was home, and with his mom, who wanted to be there for Dad.
I expected him to crack a joke or brush off what I said. I swore if he ruffled my hair, I would punch him. I wanted him to treat me like an equal, an adult, regardless if his opinion of me was less than I wanted.
“This is not the right place to have this type of discussion.” He stared ahead instead of looking at me.
“It never is. When you visited me at my house after the shooting, I wanted to tell you what happened and why I was shot. You were the first person I wanted to talk to, not my dad or any of my other friends. You!” I moved to stand in front of him so he would see me. “But it’s not for the reason you might think. I wanted your sympathy and was greedy for you to comfort me. Then maybe you would finally see me as the man I was.” I hit my chest with my fist. “A man you’d want like all those other guys you’ve fooled around with.”
He held out his hand. “Marsh, I—”
“It’s Marshall, not Marsh. And I hate it when you play with my hair like I’m some dog who wants to play fetch with you.” I wiped away the sweat beading my forehead and side of my face. The air suddenly became thick and gluey, making it hard for me to breathe. Or maybe my anger and frustration at Theo and the loss of what might have been between us affected my senses, along with my emotions.
At least I still saw clearly, even with the annoying fake mist every time a siren went off and people cheered. Theo looked wrecked, the pain of my words hitting him hard. He stared at the floor, scraping his heel on the wall.
“Hey, Marshall.” Benny came to my side and nodded at Theo. “What’s up?”
“Just catching up with Theo. His mom is dating my dad.” I took Benny’s hand.
“Whoa, really? There’s a story there.” Benny chuckled.
“I’ll have to tell you about it. Ready to go?” I kissed him on the corner of the mouth, just enough of a show for Theo, who continued to study the floor.
“Yeah, I’ll drive you home.” He let go of my hand to pat my butt.
I could say his move wasn’t for show. He did it because he liked touching me. I wanted more of the same, but away from prying eyes, especially Theo’s, who didn’t deserve what I was willing to give to Benny.
Benny hugged his arm around my waist, and with a goodbye to Theo, drew me away. I glanced over my shoulder at Theo, who finally looked up, but his face was difficult to see from the strobe lights swirling around. Even if I did notice his pain, it wouldn’t have stopped me from leaving with Benny.
Chapter Fourteen
“DID YOU text your dad about being late?” Benny asked from his kitchen.
“Yeah, I told him I would be home by one. He’s okay with it.” I stood in Benny’s living room, which was similar in size to mine at home. His furniture was all dark wood
and leather. Not really my style, but he did have a sweet 50-inch HD television and a current Xbox with a ton of games.
He came out of the kitchen with two bottles of water, one he tossed to me. “I’m glad I had the sense to ‘tidy up,’ as my mom says, before I took you out tonight.”
“Just the living room? What about the bathroom or bedroom?” I was more than tempted to check out his bedroom.
Smiling, he sat on the couch and drank his water. “Take a load off. I still have enough time to give you a tour of my bedroom.”
I sat beside him, scratching the label on the bottle. He spread out his legs and melted into the cushions like he didn’t have a care in the world. I wished I felt the same way he did, but I was more on edge. It’s why I wanted to check out his bedroom, hoping I would be able to relax there.
But then again, here could work. I took a swig of water and then set my hand on his thigh, leaning toward him for a kiss.
He blocked me by pressing his palm to my mouth.
“Huh?” My tongue swept the middle of his palm.
He lowered his arm behind me to the top of the couch. “We should talk.”
“We’ve talked the whole night. I thought the reason we came here was to do other things than talk?” I squeezed his thigh.
“You want something from me but not because it’s me but because you have a need to fill.”
“What? I don’t understand what you just said.” Why was he teasing me like this?
He placed his hand near the back of my neck, so at least he wasn’t blocking me. I was getting mixed signals here, and I really didn’t like it.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this because God knows how much I want to lie down on the couch and kiss you until we both can’t breathe, but I’d be taking advantage of you—”
I pushed his hand away and vaulted up from the couch. I stepped away, needing space. It was that or shutting him up by kissing him, but that wouldn’t convince him to let it go. He was too stubborn and strong-willed, which I respect most of the time. But now, I didn’t.
Let Me Live Page 13