The man glanced at me over his shoulder and smirked. “Some of them are Vice President Saiz’s security detail.” Stopping at two wide double doors with more suited men guarding it, he opened it.
It took me a few seconds to understand what he said. The vice president was here? Whoa. I nodded at the guards, but they didn’t do the same, and I entered the huge ballroom where too many people to count stood, talking and drinking. Music played at the front of the room, and there were streamers and balloons with a long banner that said—HAPPY ONE HUNDRED RUBY.
I tugged on my shirt collar even though the top button was undone and I wasn’t wearing a tie. There were many men in suits and ties, and women in dresses and high heels. I scanned the room, taking it all in. As I went to take out my cell to text Benny, I caught him near the bar talking to an older couple. The woman, a few inches shorter than him, laughed at something he said and patted his arm.
The woman was his aunt and one of the most powerful people in the United States next to the president. The man with a beer in his hand was her husband, a lieutenant general who had worked in the Pentagon for more than twenty years.
They looked totally normal and relaxed with Benny, whom they had a contentious relationship with. Did I go up to them and introduce myself? Did I tell them I was gay to get it out of the way? Oh God, why did I sound so stupid?
The decision was taken out of my hands when Benny saw me. He called my name and hurried to my side. I waited for him to come to me instead of running to him and taking him in my arms.
He met me, and before I said hello or anything else, he gave me a big hug and kissed my cheek.
“It’s good to see you. I wasn’t sure you would be okay with me visiting even after our phone call.” I kissed him under his ear, enjoying his shiver in response.
“Talking to you on the phone last night for a few hours and you explaining why you needed the time to think things over made me get over my anger. I was too happy hearing your voce. I missed you too much. I’m glad you came.” He shifted back but still held my arms.
“Just my voice? What about the picture of me in only my briefs and lying in bed with a winking, smiley-face emoji over my face?” It was the first time I had ever sent that type of picture to anyone.
He chuckled and clapped me on the back. “I fell asleep smiling. It’s good we can tease one another. We needed it.”
I exhaled and finally relaxed knowing things were okay between us. I wanted to keep talking, but I kept looking at the bar where his aunt and her husband remained, watching us with much more interest than everyone else.
“Ah, that’s the vice president and her husband you were talking to?” I indicated them with my chin.
He smiled and took my hand. “I’ll introduce you.”
I dug my heels in the floor. “But she won’t like me—”
He leaned in to whisper in my ear. “She knows about you. She’s set in her ways and beliefs but she adores me. Since I care about you, she’ll treat you with respect, as long as you do the same to her. It will be good practice for when you’re a congressman or senator and have to reach across party lines.”
“Maybe you should run for office instead,” I said under my breath and let him tug me toward two people I never thought I would meet, let alone interact with.
“It will be okay.” He rubbed the inside of my wrist with his thumb as we made our way to the bar. When we got there, he kept me near his side, still keeping my hand in his.
“Aunt Lorena and Uncle Walt, this Marshall Caryll. He’s a big deal where I live,” Benny said.
“Not just in Pennsylvania but in the entire United States.” The vice president held out her hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, young man.”
“Ah, nice to meet you, Miss Vice President, or is it Madam?”
She gripped mine in both her hands and gave me a warm smile. “Please call me Lori. For a few hours tonight, I’m off duty.”
“Honey, you’re always on call.” The general set his hand on her shoulder. “It’s not too often we meet a hero.”
“I-I’m not a hero. You are,” I said in awe of the man who’d served my country for longer than I had been alive.
“We could use more men like you in the service,” the general said, so serious that I couldn’t tell if he was joking.
Benny sighed. “Uncle Walt says that all the time. When I turned eighteen, he tried to convince me to sign up for boot camp at Fort Irwin.”
“You’d look great in uniform.” I nudged him in the side.
The general laughed. “I don’t think I have ever seen Bernard blush.”
“I need another drink.” Benny tried to flag down the bartender.
His uncle moved to Benny’s side, and I found myself closer to the vice president, who sent me a warm smile. “This is the first time Benny has brought one of his friends to a family affair.”
“We’re more than just friends, ma’am, I mean Madam… God, this is embarrassing.” I felt my face warm.
She never lost her smile. “From the way my nephew talks about you, you’re very special to him.”
“You don’t care?” I could have pressed her on her vocal opinions about how her nephew and me live our lives, but I didn’t want to be too much of a jerk.
She leaned in close to me, much like Benny would do. “Tonight is to celebrate life and family. I’m off duty no matter what my husband may say.”
I glanced at Benny and his uncle, who saluted each other with shots of clear liquid.
“I’m honored to be here to celebrate both those things. The past few months have taught me how family and living the best life possible is very important.” I grinned and waved Benny over.
He joined me by curling his arm around my waist and holding me close, proving to the world how much I mattered to him.
“MY GRANDMOTHER wants to adopt you.” Benny sank into the lounge chair and stretched his arms over his head.
I straddled the other chair while I stared at the lake. Benny had taken me to one of the two lake houses his grandmother owned. Instead of going to my hotel room tonight, we would spend the night here. The next morning we would have brunch with his parents and his grandmother Ruby, who had told me I was such a nice boy multiple times during her birthday party.
“Your grandmother is very sweet. Hopefully I’ll look as good as her at one hundred.”
“My gramps lived to be ninety-five.” He shifted on his side to face me. “The Monteros and Hayes have good genes.”
I ran my finger down his nose, making him smile. “My grandparents live in Florida. Maybe we can visit them.”
“We?” He took my hand and linked our fingers together.
I wanted us to be a we so much I tasted it. “Perhaps for spring break next year?”
“You’re thinking about going back to college?” He squeezed my hand.
“I think I’ll go back in the second semester. I still need a few months to get my head together.” I glanced up at the sky, fascinated by the multitude of stars that looked close enough to grab.
“You’ll go to school in DC?” He got up and sat next to me. I made room for him as he settled down and slipped his arms around me.
“I’ll transfer to a school in Pennsylvania. I want to be near my family, and friends… and you.” I pressed my palm to his bearded cheek, wondering if I should replace my hand with my mouth.
He closed his eyes and hugged me tight. “Someone else might say you should do what’s best for you and not sacrifice other possibilities just because you want to be near your boyfriend.”
I jerked up in disbelief. “Boyfriend?”
He opened one eye. “Yeah. Want to be mine?”
“I’ve never had a boyfriend.” I kissed him.
“I had a few but my feelings for you run much deeper than what I had with them.” He smiled against my lips.
I broke away before we stopped talking. I had a lot on my mind I wanted to tell him. “I want to share so much with you. It was hel
l for me to be separated from you even for a week.” I lowered my cheek to his chest. “I was a shithead to ghost you. I didn’t do it to be mean, I just needed to figure things out.”
He ran his fingers through my hair, making me drowsy. “I figured it out even though I was… upset more than angry. But you’re here now. It’s all that matters.”
“Tomorrow night will you watch my 60 Minutes interview with me? It will explain a lot of what I’ve been going through. After, you can ask me anything you want and I’ll answer.” I had to finally be open and honest with Benny to make our relationship work.
“Sure. But I have one request.”
I glanced up at his face. The tenderness in his eyes made my chest clench, but in a good way. “Anything.”
“Anything is a loaded word. But what I want to know isn’t too much.” He shifted until our noses touched. “Why did you decide on a sun setting into the ocean tattoo?”
I rubbed my nose on his. “Because of what I saw on the beach yesterday. The setting sun means the end of one thing and the beginning of another. It also made me realize how important you are to me.”
“You do understand the tat will be forever. And if you become some bigwig in politics, you’ll get a buttload of questions about it,” he said in a cautious tone.
“I’m going to get a buttload of question regardless because of the shooting and my relationship with you.”
“For when you run for president?” He kissed me.
I glanced at the sky again, and my breath caught in my throat as I witnessed a shooting star. A first for me.
“What’s wrong?” He rested his hand on the back of my head.
“Nothing’s wrong. I think I just made a wish on a shooting star.”
“A shooting star? You saw one?” He peered up at the sky.
I pretended to grab one of the many stars above us and pressed it to his chest near his heart. “Make a wish like I did.”
He placed his hand on mine. “I have. It came true.”
“Mine did also, but I have many more that I’ll try my best to make true.” I cupped the back of his head. “Will you help me do that?”
“We’ll do it together.” He pulled me toward him and gave me a kiss full of promise.
I kissed him back, happy I had lived to have found him, finally with peace of mind.
Epilogue
“HEY, OLD man, you ready to meet your adoring public?”
I turned away from the oval mirror, the only one in the room while I waited to be called, to face my husband of almost twenty-two years.
“You should talk, Benny. How many years are you away from sixty?” I tugged on the cuffs of my suit coat and smiled at my bearded husband, dressed in a tan sharkskin suit, something he rarely wore unless it was a special event. For us, this would be the end-all and be-all of special events.
He approached me, stopping to glance at the mirror behind him. He enjoyed looking at his reflection more than I did. I always found his vanity disarming.
“Marshall, next week you turn fifty. Our kids and their friends probably think you’re old.” He cupped me behind the head. “You may have more gray than I do, but you’ll always look like that nineteen-year-old kid I met that hot summer day in May.”
I gripped his hand, my finger with my wedding band covering his. Forgetting where we were, we stared at each other, lost in our own world. I would have kissed him but knowing our luck, the doors would open and the television cameras waiting outside would catch us in a lip-lock. The country was definitely more liberal than it had been when we married, but I had to keep in mind that today’s event would be watched across the nation. It wasn’t every day a gay man was inducted into the highest court in the United States—the Supreme Court. I’d like to think people would talk more about my legal record and age. I would also be one of the youngest judges on the court in a generation.
Benny lifted my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist. “You’ve been in front of cameras before, so this will be a piece of cake.”
“Same for you.” My husband was also used to the cameras and press, not only because he was my partner but because of his philanthropy and years of generosity as a respected businessman, especially in Pennsylvania where we had resided since I graduated law school.
“Nothing makes me too nervous, but meeting the president of the United States and having lunch with her and her family had me excusing myself to the bathroom too many times.” A light red color covered Benny’s cheeks.
“No one noticed, not even our kids.” The door on the other end had opened and our eldest son, Ronan, appeared with our youngest daughter, Ema.
“Daddy Marshall, are you smooching Papa Benny?” Ema, our ten-year-old, asked with great seriousness, but there was a playfulness in her eyes she got from my husband.
“More like hugging than kissing. Come give your papa a kiss.” Benny held out his arms, and she ran into them.
“You want a hug or kiss? Or are you too old for that from your dad?” I asked Ronan, who slid his hands in his pockets as the corner of his mouth lifted.
“I just spent the last ten minutes kissing and hugging everyone you and Dad invited to your induction ceremony.” Ronan came toward us and patted me on the back. “Felix took over for me. I left him with Grandpa Ford and G-Ma Liana, who are talking to the president’s daughter. I think he has a crush on her.”
“To be sixteen again.” My middle son’s dating record was a typical one for kids his age, so I wasn’t too worried.
“I talked to Grandma Faith on the phone a few minutes ago.” Ema held up her cell. “Can we visit her at the nursing home after the ceremony?”
I was still surprised how well my children got along with Mom, regardless of her suffering from dementia in her advanced age. But she also clicked with Benny, and after the birth of Ema, called him son.
“Maybe tomorrow.” I ran my fingers through Ema’s red curls and smiled at Ronan, blinking away the tears in my eyes. He was training to enter NASA’s astronaut corps in hopes of being part of the third manned mission to Mars. If he did end up on that mission, I would be well into my sixties before I saw him on this planet again.
My son took out his cell to check what I assumed was a text message. “Felix texted. The ceremony is starting.”
I inhaled and closed my eyes. My heart slammed my chest and the nervousness I felt since I woke up this morning intensified. The area where my scar—covered by the tattoo Benny had inked on me many years ago—prickled. It had been a long time since I’d felt this way. I had made decisions on hundreds of cases, some controversial, and confronted my share of special interest groups intent on causing strife in the government I adored, but today was a day I never thought would happen for me. It was surreal.
“You’ve been waiting your whole life for this moment.” Benny kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand.
“Are you fine married to a supreme court justice and not one of the leaders of the free world?” I linked our fingers together.
He grinned, his entire face lighting up, reminding me of the day we married. “A supreme court justice is much more important than the president. But maybe in the not too distant future there will be a president in our family.” He winked and glanced down at Ema. “Imagine if your older brother becomes the first president to have gone on a mission to Mars and back.”
She stuck out her bottom lip and nudged Ronan in the arm. “Daddy, I’m gonna be president, not Ronan!”
Ronan swung an arm around Ema’s shoulders and whispered something to her to make her laugh. Together they opened the door to the next room. They walked out to a sea of people. Flashes of light went off around them.
“I’m so proud of you, Marshall.” Benny squeezed my hand. “Love you, Judge Caryll-Hayes.” He then stepped ahead to exit the room.
“Wait, Mr. Hayes-Caryll. You’re walking with me. I’m not doing this alone.” I linked his arm with mine and smiled as everyone rose to their feet to meet us.
“You
’re about to make history.” Benny exhaled deeply and wiped his damp forehead.
“We both are. Let’s do it together like we’ve always done.” With my unbelievably supportive husband and soul mate by my side, I moved forward, ready to take one of the most important oaths of my life.
Ode on Solitude by Alexander Pope (1700)
Happy the man, whose wish and care
A few paternal acres bound,
Content to breathe his native air,
In his own ground.
Whose herds with milk, whose fields with bread,
Whose flocks supply him with attire,
Whose trees in summer yield him shade,
In winter fire.
Blest! who can unconcern’dly find
Hours, days, and years slide soft away,
In health of body, peace of mind,
Quiet by day,
Sound sleep by night; study and ease
Together mix’d; sweet recreation,
And innocence, which most does please,
With meditation.
Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.
More from Shirley Anne Edwards
Finding the Strength: Book One
Can a young woman reveal her traumatic past to the woman who wants her to release the bubbling rage inside… her rage to live?
An act of violence tore Charlie’s existence, and her family, apart. In an effort to reclaim something like the life she enjoyed before, Charlie moves in with relatives in a different state. Charlie might be damaged, but she isn’t going down without a fight. With the help of her cousins, who attend the local college, she steels herself to repeat her final year of high school. On the university campus, she meets Arielle Forest, president of a popular sorority, daughter of the dean, and bisexual. Charlie is drawn to Arielle’s sunny outlook, but she can’t banish her doubts as romance blossoms. Does Arielle know what she’s getting into with Charlie and her unhealed wounds? Will she want to deal with the complications?
Let Me Live Page 17