by Mia Ford
Just as I’m about to take my seat opposite Will, his cell phone rings out and the magic of the moment shatters. He tugs it from his pocket, his expression tightening when he sees the number on the screen. That means it’s work which equals an immediate end to our wonderful day. This is why we need a break, to escape all of this. When Will is away from it, when he switches his brain off, he’s a truly incredible man.
“Oh, hold on, this is Andre.” Of course it is. When isn’t it? There’s no point in reminding him that this is supposed to be his day off, he’ll take the call anyway. “Hey, mate, what’s going on?”
I can’t hear what Andre is saying to Will, but it’s obvious from the way that his face is falling it isn’t good news. I still don’t know too much about the case, but it’s obviously going downhill. It’s something drugs related, something that’s unpleasant, and that leaves Will in danger. I want to probe for details but Will just tells me that the more I know the bigger target I’ll put on my head. I guess I don’t want that. I can’t afford that. I’m not just living my life for myself anymore. I have this little man growing bigger and bigger inside of me every single day.
It’s okay, I think morosely as I stroke my belly and communicate with my unborn child. You daddy is just busy trying to make the world a better place, that’s all. It’ll be different when we’re away on our mini break.
Although, realistically, I already know that this weekend away isn’t going to happen. There’s no way that Will can get that much time off work. Even when he isn’t at the station, he’s permanently on call. This Andre, who weirdly I haven’t met by the way which I think is strange since I’ve been with his police partner for months, calls all the time. It’s almost as if the whole place falls apart without him. It’s irritating.
The waitress brings our food over to the table and sets it in front of us, but Will doesn’t even notice. He’s too involved in what Andre is saying to him. I already know that he’ll be on the call for ages now, so I don’t bother waiting before I tuck in. I’m starving, carrying this baby makes me hungry all the time, and I can’t be bothered to wait. Maybe, once this case is over, we’ll be able to start doing things together properly.
I don’t want to imagine my future if all the police cases are like this. I don’t want to worry about a long and lonely life with a man who’s never really there. That’s the last thing I want. I don’t even know if I’m ready to be a mother, never mind virtually a single parent. No, for now it’s much easier for me to live in my own little fantasy world where everything is perfect. In that world, Andre never calls, Will only works when he’s supposed to, and we’re really planning this mini break rather than just talking about it, then forgetting it.
I wonder if this is what happened to Annabelle. Maybe she married Landon on a whim because things were amazing in the beginning, but then real life set in and she realized that things weren’t going to be so picture perfect after all. I don’t want to feel any kind of affinity with her, not after the way that she spoke to me the last time that we talked on the phone, but maybe I do just a tiny bit. Not enough to pick up the phone and call her, but it’s there all the same. Landon’s a workaholic too, from what I’ve hear about him, so there’s a chance she’s lonely as well. Luckily, she isn’t pregnant so she doesn’t have that added worry! I’m sure she wouldn’t avoid posting it on social media if she was. She’d want the whole world to know.
“I’m sorry.” Will gives me an apologetic look as he hangs up the phone. “I really don’t want to do this…”
“But you have to go.” I know the drill by now. “Fine, sure. I guess I’ll see you later on.”
“You’ll get back to the apartment soon? Because I’d rather know that you’re safe.”
“Yes,” I sigh. “I’ll be back in the high tech security system soon enough, don’t you worry about me.”
Every time I think he might be relaxing and giving up on the crazy, over the top stuff, he reminds me that he won’t. “Because I can walk you back now, I don’t mind…”
“I want to finish this first, I’m starving, and I know you’re in a rush. Please, I won’t be long and I’m not far. I’ll text you as soon as I get back so you don’t have to worry.”
He doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t have to. He can see I’m not caving. “Okay, please do. Thank you.”
He leans down to kiss me, before flying out the door. I’m staying with Will because I adore that sweet side to him, even if I don’t get to see it as often as I would like, I love knowing that it’s there, and I also like the idea of having a solid family unit for our baby, but things aren’t perfect. I can’t live in my fantasy forever. At some point, we really are going to have to make some changes for all of our sakes.
Chapter Sixteen – Will
The threats are getting worse. Now, we have a massive stack of them at work, it’s getting ridiculous. This investigation is taking on a life of its own. I can hardly stand it. I constantly have a sick feeling in my stomach, my brain is wired the entire time, I cannot relax. Kingpin is out to get me. And not just me, everyone.
“What the hell are we going to do?” I ask Andre wearily. “We need to find something.”
“Where shall we check again?” He sounds frantic, finally this is getting to him as much as it is me. Much as it sucks because it only proves that we’ve gone another level lower, I’m glad not to be alone. “We need to go over your notes. If you’re still stuck on the business park then that’s where we need to be.” I give him a look. He was the one who didn’t want me to overreact. Now look at him. “Well, you might be right. It could be a cold trail. We have to do something, don’t we?” He rubs his hands over his eyes in anger. “We can’t let him win.”
I know why he’s freaking out, and to be honest I can’t blame him. One of the younger guys, Jones I think it was, got shot in the leg last week. He’s been in hospital ever since, it isn’t anything serious, but it’s a warning. There’s no evidence that it’s Kingpin, but we all know. The problem is it was supposed to be Andre on that mission, and now he’s scared. For himself and for his family as well. I can understand that well enough.
Every now and again, I want to tell him about me and Cici. He’s my closest work friend and he doesn’t even know that I have someone serious in my life. Much less that we’re about to have a baby. No one knows that I’m an upcoming father, that in about two months’ time I’ll have a baby in my life. I’ll be a dad. I’m keeping this massive secret from everyone in my life and it makes me feel like shit. But it’s the only way I can be one hundred percent safe and I can keep her out of the limelight. I mean, we go out in public every now and again, but nowhere I think anyone will see us… even the stalker doesn’t seem to have any images of her. I need to keep it away. Even if Andre isn’t to blame, and I still hate myself for even thinking about it, he might accidently blab. Someone in here might well have something to do with Kingpin and I don’t want to give them any ammo.
“Okay, so where do you want to go? There’s the old abandoned toy factory that we could comb over again…” I look down at my list, knowing that Andre needs something to focus on. He’s got that itchy feet feeling that I had once upon a time. I still have it, but I’m trying to be much less irrational about it now. “Or the laundry mat. That’s still going, there are a few employees there, but it might be worth looking at. We did all the other warehouses that are open so it might be worth a try.” I offer him a one shouldered shrug. “What do you think?”
“I don’t know, but I need to go out and look. Are you coming out with me or are you buried in paper work?”
There’s a familiar burning in his eyes. He needs to do this alone. It might not be protocol but things don’t always get done when following the rules. “I’m chained to my desk, but you can take a junior with you.”
“Hmm, yeah maybe.” He definitely isn’t going to. “I’ll keep in touch, okay?”
As he walks out, I feel bad. Even though this isn’t directly my fault
, all I’m doing is my job, because the target is on my head I don’t like the danger being portrayed to other people. I even feel bad about Jones, even if he is an idiot. But if I wasn’t Kingpin’s target, then I suppose it would just be someone else. This is him, not me.
I grab the evidence folder and scan my eyes through it. There’s a message, I’m sure. In the shooting of Jones, there’s something that we haven’t yet spotted. The officers took photographs of the entire scene and I can’t stop looking at them. I’ve called every car dealership in the area, trying to find out who owns the car in the background, I’ve tried to finger print all the things brought back into the office, I’ve made many endless calls to everyone around, but no one has anything. Again, the guy is spotless. There’s something, I just know it.
Wait! All of a sudden, I see something that catches my eye, something that could be it. A flyer linked to a pharmaceutical company just out of state with a phone number scribbled across it. Well, I assume it’s a phone number, it’s laid out that way. I just can’t see it because the image is blurry. I could just find the company information online and call them, but if these guys are into something bad then it’s unlikely the guy answering the phones will know about it. I’ll simply arise suspicion by letting them know that I’m onto them. No, I need to get this number to call the person directly, so I leap up and I race to the evidence room to find it there. I didn’t notice this the first time around because it’s so small and partially tucked under something else. Maybe I wouldn’t have spotted it at all if I hadn’t become so obsessed by the case, but I am. And I’m hoping that checking over every single detail will eventually lead me to something. This is probably it. It has to be.
I race through the station, ignoring people as they call out to me. My heart races hard against my rib cage while the excitement builds. It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt like I have something, which only confirms this is it. My instincts are running wild, they’re almost off the scale, I feel really urgent.
“Let me in,” I growl at the jobs worth sitting at his desk, guarding the evidence room. “I need something.”
“Well, what do you need?” The guy rises from his chair and places his hands determinedly on his hips. He must be new and he hasn’t crossed me yet. If he doesn’t fucking stop it, he’s going to find out. “I need to locate it on the files. I’m sure you’re aware that I can’t let you rummage through and make a mess.”
I grit my teeth, knowing that he’s right. The evidence room is arranged in a very strict way and for a good reason too. It has to be like that for when we need things. I suppose, much as it pains me, I have to respect him.
“It’s this.” I show him the photograph and wince and he squints to see it. “You must have it. It’s a flyer.”
He gives me a doubtful look. “I don’t know. I don’t recognize this. Are you sure it’s been pulled?”
I’m not, but I don’t have time to check through a fucking endless list of shit. Does this asshole know how busy I am? I don’t have time to waste looking at a computer screen. “Check it for me. I need it. It’s related to the Jones’ shooting, so it should be in among all that stuff.” I nod towards his computer. “I need it now.”
He takes forever and I’m sure it’s just to piss me off. He keeps narrowing his eyes and turning his lips downwards into a frown as if his whole purpose is to hold me up. I’m about to scream at him, to remind him of how important I am, but before I do that his eyes flick up and he gives me a sympathetic look.
“It isn’t here. You might need to speak to the guys who cleared the scene.” He must be able to sense the intense temper rising up in me because he immediately shrinks in on himself. “Or you could ask the tech guys to zoom in and clear the picture so they can get the information you need that way.”
Hmm, that isn’t the worst idea in the world, not that I’m going to share that compliment with this tool. Instead, I give him a withering glance and I spin on my heels to leave him. All I really need is the number. That might well be something the tech guys can do. I’ve seen them work miracles before, and this isn’t asking too much. I could do it myself if I had the time and effort to learn what systems they use…
“What’s going on?” I demand as I walk into the main office area. Something’s happened because it’s chaotic. And it doesn’t seem like it’s ‘someone’s birthday’ chaos. It’s bad. I wonder if it’s to do with the case. No one even turns to look at me as I walk in, my commanding tone does nothing. I grab onto the arm of the receptionist to ask her. “What’s going on here? What have I missed?”
Her eyes almost bug out of her head when she sees that it’s me asking. “It’s, erm…” Her eyes dart everywhere. She doesn’t want to tell me which only makes me much more anxious to know. “Andre.”
“Andre.” I must yell that because the whole room falls into silence. “What happened to Andre?”
I sent him off about an hour ago on a mission that he shouldn’t have done alone. I did tell him to take a junior with him but I know he didn’t. My blood runs ice cold as I look at all the eyes in the room, all on me piercing through my skin, darting painfully over my body and hurting me everywhere.
“He got shot… not far away from here actually,” she whispers. “A drive by shooting...”
“Where is he? What hospital is he in?” Rage bubbles and burns through my body, making my bones shatter and rattle painfully. I need to help, I must do something, I can’t stand it. I don’t understand why everyone here is just standing around doing nothing. “Why aren’t we on our way over there already? What’s happening?
I spin around waiting for someone to give me an answer but one by one their eyes all fall downwards which squeezes the air out of my lungs. Bit by bit I realize what’s going on here and it leaves me utterly breathless. It physically hurts my body all over. My heart dies, my kidneys shrivel up, my stomach falls out my ass.
Andre… no. I clutch onto my forehead as I think about his family, his life, him. He’s a great officer, he’s an awesome guy, he didn’t deserve any of this… and it’s all my fault. It’s just to get to me. Andre has died because of me. If I’d solved this quicker, if I’d reacted more, none of this would have happened. If only… if only…
All of a sudden, the room pinholes and I feel the intense sensation that I’m falling out of control and I can’t stop myself. The room turns to black, I can barely see any faces, everything is fading away into black. Everything inside of me switches off completely, leaving me nothing but mush.
The last thing I feel is an intense agony in my side as I slam into the hard marble flooring. After that, there’s nothing. I vanish along with Andre. Andre, the man who I semi blamed, the man who has been by my side for as long as I can remember, my friend.
Andre.
Chapter Seventeen – Cici
Will hasn’t been the same ever since his friend got shot and killed, everything since then changed completely. There haven’t been any more nice moments, any happy times where we laugh and are consumed by one another, it’s all just pain and quiet. He’s shut off to me completely, his concrete walls are sky high and there isn’t any chance of me breaking them down. I’ve tried, I really have, I keep offering my support and promising my shoulder for him to cry on, my ear to listen to him, my heart to help him out, but he doesn’t want to know. I’m helpless, continually reaching out to him and getting nothing back. I know that he’s hurting, I get that, I can see the sheer pain in his eyes, but I don’t know what to do about it. At the moment, I’m trying to ride it out, but I don’t know if we can keep that up forever. I want to be there until he recovers, but I feel like he doesn’t want me around.
“Do you want anything to eat?” I ask him quietly. His entire body is spread across the couch ensuring that I can’t sit with him while he sinks another beer. I remember the times when we’d be huggled up in front of the TV, swimming in each other’s company, but those days are long gone. “I can cook if you like.”
“N
o, he shoots back gruffly, not even bothering to look at me. “Thanks. I’m fine. Not hungry.”
I can’t give up. I can’t keep caving at the first opportunity, I need to try. “Well, why don’t we go out? We could go and get something for dinner. We could even go to the place where we first had a date…”
This time, Will looks at me and he gives me an almost glare. “No, I don’t want to. I’ve just said to you that I’m not hungry, don’t you get that? I don’t want to go out. I’ve had such a stressful day at work.”
“Tell me about it,” I almost beg him. “Please, talk to me. I want to help you. I want to…”
He parts his lips and I half wait for him to tell me something. I keep thinking that this façade might crack at any moment and I’ll finally be given an in. I stiffen my spine and brace myself, sucking in a deep breath. But then he shatters the chance by shaking his head and turning his back on me.
“I don’t want to talk about it. I have enough of it at work, don’t I? I have to suffer it all day long, I don’t want to come home and talk to you about it too. I just want to drink and forget. That’s it.”
My eyes brim with tears. There it is again, the hint that I’m in the way. These small comments have been flying my way ever since Andre died. Nothing to force me out, but little clues that he liked living alone much better than being with me. Sometimes I tell myself that it’s the pregnancy hormones making me react to things that aren’t necessarily a problem, but then he does it again and it comes flooding back to me all over again.