by Mia Ford
“But now your mom knows, your auntie knows, your cousin knows…”
“Annabelle? Oh God, I did ask Auntie Mary not to say anything…”
“Well, according to Landon, she isn’t impressed, and I’m sure she won’t keep her gob shut either.”
“But Kingpin knows about me anyway. He’s always known so it hardly matters.”
“Hardly matters?” Fucking hell, this is ridiculous. “It’s you and my son, your lives are at stake.”
Cici snorts and shakes her head. I have a terrible feeling that if I allow this to carry on, she’ll walk out on me again and we’ll be back to square one. I don’t want this one fight to end up ruining us.
“Look, I really do have to go. I need to explore this lead further. We should both take some time apart and calm down then we can talk about this a bit more. Okay?” I shake my head. “I can’t argue about this.”
“You can’t argue… I see. Well, I guess we should just leave it then. Let it fester.”
Cici collapses down and turns her head away from me. She doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, and I don’t either. This isn’t going to get anywhere. I grab my clothes, yank them back on, and I walk purposely towards the door. I shoot one glass backwards and see the thick tears falling down her face before I turn and I walk out the door. It’s fine, we can get through this. It’ll be okay in the end. It has to be.
“Sorry,” I mutter under my breath, too quiet for Cici to hear me. “I know, I’m fucking useless.”
***
I sigh deeply, taking a moment to stare up at the dark night sky by the time I finally leave the office. I’ve done a lot, it’s been successful, now I just need to wait for the final lists of stakeholders to come in before I can take my next step, so I’m glad I came. Now, I’m going to have to face the consequences of my decision as I return back home to the argument that I allowed to fester earlier on. It’s really going to suck.
This is why being single is easier, I think, yearning back to when my life was much simpler. I don’t have anyone to answer to, I don’t have to worry about causing offence, I can just have a lot of fun.
With a deep breath, I make a snap decision and I head in the opposite direction to my apartment. I just can’t face it yet, I don’t want to deal with Cici’s sad face. I just want to take a moment to go back to a simpler time when I could get rid of my work stress by heading to a bar for booze and a stranger. I really didn’t have to talk about things then. I could even pretend to have a different job, if I wanted to. I smile to myself, remembering the fake names I gave, the false job titles, the lies I made up about my past. I’m sure a lot of the girls knew that I wasn’t being honest because they have an idea about who I am, but they went with it anyway.
I slam the door open to the Stag’s Head bar and my face lights up as I see the familiar bar maid there. “Hello, Rose.” She’s older, in her forties, and married to a very buff man, but a good laugh. She knows what I’m like and it amuses her. I haven’t seen her for a fair while, which I suppose is because I’ve been so busy. “How’s things?”
“Oh, my goodness. It’s Will Yoker.” She gasps in mock surprise. “I thought that you’d vanished off the face of the planet.” She grabs a glass and pours my usual. “Where on earth have you been?”
“Oh, well.” I sink into a bar stool and grip onto my forehead. “Work’s been crazy, you know?”
She slides the drink to me and gives me a sympathetic look. “I heard about your partner. I’m sorry about it.”
When anyone else brings Andre up I get this tense twisty feeling in my chest, but in Rose’s smooth voice it doesn’t feel quite as painful. I suppose it’s because she knows me, and she knows to be straight forward.
“Yeah, well.” I shrug and take a swig. “It sucks. He was a fucking good guy. One of the best.”
Rose nods slowly and grabs a shot glass. She pours a tequila into it and gives it to me. I suck it back without even asking and allow the burn to rage in my throat, reminding me that I’m still alive. Maybe I shouldn’t be, but I am. I’m here, and I have a fucking job to do. Why can’t Cici understand that?
“Hey there, handsome.” I jump as I feel a pair of hands resting on my shoulders. “Long time no see.”
I twist around to see a busty blonde standing in front of me. Judging by the very familiar smile on her face, she’s someone that I know. Potentially even someone that I’ve been with before. I scan through the rolodex of memories in my brain but she isn’t flashing up. But I can’t tell her that right now.
“Er, yeah, hi.” I force a fake smile onto my face. “Good to see you again.”
She flings her arms around me and pushes her boobs into my face. I wait for the familiar stirring in my pants which comes with a gorgeous chick around me, but it doesn’t come. I don’t know what I’d do with it anyway, but it’s weird to feel uncomfortable. I’m definitely not myself anymore. All of this has changed me.
“So, how have you been? Is work good?” She cocks her head and looks at me. “What is it you do again?”
I don’t know her name, never mind what I told her. The old me would’ve spun another lie, I’d have smoothed over the cracks and been back at hers in a moment. But this isn’t the old me. I don’t even want this conversation.
“Er, yeah.” I sink the rest of my drink, chuck a note on the table, and I give Rose a grateful look. “I have to get back to work actually. But, yeah, it’s good to see you again. I might see you soon.”
“Oh, don’t go.” She pouts out her bottom lip playfully, but I can see the deep lust in her eyes. What she wants is completely obvious. “We’re only just getting reacquainted. There’s still so much to… discuss.”
It’s not even tempting, and that’s because of Cici. Even if I don’t feel ready to see her, knowing that she’s at home makes me feel much safer and happier. “No, I really must go. I will see you. Goodbye.”
She huffs out spitefully, which only confirms that I’m doing the right thing. It’s really time to leave.
What the fuck is going on here? I can’t go home, I don’t have any reason to be at work, and I can’t stay here either. I feel lost. I stuff my hands into my pockets and I walk aimlessly. My head spins as I go. I really need to be more of a man than this. I’ve created a mess at my apartment and I need to go back and sort it. I shouldn’t be skulking around in the dark, avoiding things like a teenager. Especially not with Kingpin around.
Maybe he’ll seize this opportunity and attack me. Maybe he’ll come for me now and finally reveal who he is. At least I still have my gun holstered by my side in case, because if he does I’m going to put an end to this, no questions asked. Once he’s gone, I can finally have a life again.
Chapter Twenty Three – Cici
“Hmmm, Jordan?” I murmur as hiss morning wails disturb me from my sleep. It wasn’t a great rest anyway, I’ve been waking up on and off throughout the night anyway, but that just makes this even less welcome. I slam my hand across the bed, half expecting to feel another warm body there, but nope. Will’s side of the bed is still cold and completely empty. He’s been out all night, doing God knows what, and I’m alone. “I’m just coming.”
I wearily push myself up off the bed, my entire body aching as I go. I want to just zone in on Jordan, to deal with his needs, but I can’t stop my heart from hammering with worry. If Will isn’t here, then where is he? Could he still be at work? Does he ever spend an entire night at the police station? Has he gone out to a bar and maybe picked up a woman, like he used to do all the time before me? Maybe the responsibility of a family has become too much. Or maybe something dangerous has happened. Perhaps Kingpin has finally made his move.
“Okay, Jordan,” I coo while lifting my baby up from his basket. “Come here, sweetheart.”
I ping my maternity bra down and I pull my baby to my breast to feed him. As he gets his morning feed, I stare towards the window wondering where he could be, out there in the world. I can call him. I will call him
when I get a chance, but it’ll probably be pointless. He rarely answers while he’s at work.
As tears stream down my face I know this isn’t normal. I’ve been crying way too much, being with Will is utterly destroying me. I never used to be this shell of a person. Sure, I wasn’t ever as loud and in your face as Annabelle, and maybe I wasn’t the strongest person in relationships which meant I allowed myself to get walked over more than I would ever want, but this is off the scale. I feel like I’m climbing a giant mountain and the top keeps vanishing from view. I know that me and Will could be very happy, I realize that there’s something incredibly powerful between us, but is it enough? I keep telling myself that we’ll be okay when all of this is over, but what if it doesn’t end? The police seem no closer to catching Kingpin which means it might last forever.
I want Will to leave the police force, or at the very least this case, but he won’t. He’s ignored all of my pleas. It’s almost as if he can’t hear my words, he doesn’t want to understand them. It’s so frustrating. I don’t want to control his life, I don’t want to tell him what to do, but it’s like I don’t even get a say.
Maybe if we’d met in a different way, maybe if our relationship had progressed in a more natural way, he’d listen to me. Things were sped up too much by the unexpected pregnancy. But that wasn’t my fault alone.
Once Jordan has finished feeding, I set about with our morning routine. I sort out his diaper, get him cleaned up, change his clothes, and get him settled down once more. He’s starting to focus his eyes quite a bit now and he seems to like the soothing sounds and colors of children’s television. I don’t want to become one of those mothers who uses the TV as a babysitter, but I just need a moment to myself now, so that’s what I do.
“Already, baby?” I ask him with a weak smile. “I’m just going to make some phone calls.”
Immediately, I grab my cell phone and I dial Will’s number. I don’t know what I’m expecting, but I didn’t think it would go straight through to voice mail. He’s usually brilliant about getting it charged.
“Erm, Will,” I say once the beep has rung out. “Can you please call me as soon as you get this? I’m… I’m worried. I would just like to know that you’re okay. I understand that you’re mad at me, but please call.”
I hang my head low and shake it slowly once I hit the end call button. This isn’t right, something’s going on here and I’m truly freaked out. I’ve been worried about Will ever since we’ve been together, but now I’m actually really concerned. I hate that we had a fight and now he’s vanished. He might be pissed off, but I don’t think it’s like him to just not let me know where he is. It’s weird, I don’t like it at all. What can I do about it?
I scan through the contacts in my phone, wondering if there’s anyone I can call. The closest person I have to Will in my list of names is Annabelle. She could contact Landon and find out that way for me, but there’s no way I’m going to involve her. I haven’t spoken to her since we shared that shitty phone call ages ago, and apparently, she knows about Jordan and she hasn’t bothered to call, so I’m done with her. She can go to hell.
I suppose the only thing I can do is head down to the police station to see if he’s there. Then, if he isn’t, I can get assistance from his colleagues. They’re much more equipped to deal with this than me. I don’t know if they know about me or not, but now isn’t the time to worry about blowing any covers. It hardly matters who knows now anyway, we both know that. And if Will’s life really is at stake then I need to do whatever I can to protect him. He’s the father of my child and, despite everything, the man I’m crazy in love with.
As it’s Saturday, I know one person who can help me today. I don’t really want to involve Jordan in this just in case it gets a bit nuts and the case needs my full attention. I could call my mom, but she doesn’t know who Jordan’s dad is yet, whereas Michelle does. I’m sure she won’t mind sacrificing a couple of hours.
“Hello?” she answers the call right away. “Cici, how are you? It’s been ages.”
“I know, I know, I’m sorry that I’ve been a bit shit.” I rub my forehead hard. “It’s been wild. Erm, I don’t want to be that person, but I’m calling you for a reason. Do you think I could ask you a favor?
“You want to move in here?” Immediately she suspects the worse. “Of course you can. I have that spare room.”
“No, no, not that. Not yet anyway.” I don’t want to rule out the possibility. Just in case. “Actually, I wanted to know if you could watch Jordan for an hour. I need to find out what’s going on.”
“What’s happened?” Michelle snaps alert. “Oh, Cici, you sound really stressed. Is Will being a dick?”
“I just… I don’t know where he is… I need to find him. I think he might be… struggling with work.”
“Oh, right.” I think this takes her aback a bit. “Sure, I can watch Jordan. I love that little man. I haven’t seen him much since he’s been born and I think he needs to get to know his crazy Auntie Michelle.”
I let out a relieved laugh. “Thank you so much, Michelle, you have no idea what this means to me.”
“I’ll just get dressed and then I’ll be there as soon as I can. You just hang tight. Love ya! Bye.”
“Bye, Michelle, I appreciate this again. You’re the best person ever, honestly.”
Once I hang up the phone, I glance around the apartment and try to work out what I need to do to get things ready for Michelle. I haven’t yet left Jordan with anyone so it’s weird, but it won’t be for long. If I’m about to get the worst news ever then I want to protect him from that. My emotions will be haywire and I don’t want him to pick up on that. If I’m sobbing, then my poor baby will be an absolute wreck. I can’t put him through any of that. Will wants him sheltered from all of this and he’s right about that. He doesn’t need to know everything.
I tidy around, gather up everything that Michelle might need to put it in an easy place for her, and I pump some milk. He’s only just fed, but there’s no way that I can leave him with nothing. I don’t want to be long, but I might be. Then, when I feel like I’ve done everything I can, I get myself dressed. I tug on some leggings, a big baggy tee shirt, and I scrape my hair back into a pony tail. Maybe I don’t look my best, but that’s hardly a priority.
It’s only when I stare at the front door to see if Michelle is here that I see something I didn’t spot before. I guess the lack of sleep and the craziness in my brain made me miss it. But it’s strange, really odd. It has me freaked. There’s a giant white envelope which has been pushed under the door and it has my name on it.
It feels like tense music is playing as I step towards the door. It’s like I’m in the middle of a thriller movie and I’m walking towards my doom. I half expect someone to jump out at me with a knife to plunge into me while I unsuspectingly walk towards this note which contains… well, I don’t know what it contains.
Nothing happens. Of course, I’m not in the middle of some bad movie so no one jumps out and stabs me, but the nervy, edgy anticipation doesn’t go anywhere. My veins fizz and pop while I lift the envelop towards me.
“What is this?” I ask aloud, just to break the silence. “What the fuck is going on?”
It takes me a few moments, but soon I work up the courage to just tear it apart. I get a series of photographs, presumably a little bit like the one Will got of me. Only these images are all from last night, and they tell a strange story. Him, walking from the police station, him inside a bar with a blond haired beautiful woman draped across him, him, walking alone down some sketchy alleyway all by himself. None of him coming home.
Then, there’s a note. A terrifying piece of paper which makes my heart stop dead.
‘You do not know where your man is most of the time. He isn’t the person that you think he is. You have to stop him from coming for me or next time he’s alone, he’s dead. And not just him. You and that beautiful baby boy of yours as well. If that isn’t enough of a threat
, then your mother, your auntie, your cousin… all of them will get it. I keep trying to tell Yoker, but he doesn’t get it. So, I’m leaving it to you. Don’t fuck up, Cici.’
He’s still alive, that’s the main thing that I get from this, but he won’t be for much longer if I let things carry on the way they are. The urgent need to find him is even more intense now. I’m itching to get out of here, I’m desperate to escape to find him. My hands shake like crazy while I wait for Michelle to arrive.
This has gone too far now. It needs to stop. Will needs to put me and our family first or we’ll all and up dead. I know he wants to do this, I get his point, but this has to be the end of it. I won’t have him killing me, Jordan, and the rest of his family for male pride alone.
Chapter Twenty Four – Will
Twelve missed calls. I stare at that message wondering when I’m going to do anything about it. There are also a lot of voice mail messages waiting for me to listen to them as well, but I can’t face it. I’m tired – sleeping on the floor in my office hasn’t given me the best night of sleep – stressed, and increasingly heart broken. I think I might have fucked things and I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like I can improve things until Kingpin is gone. Much as I want to speak to Cici, I’m waiting on a very important call that I absolutely cannot miss. I’m starting to get a list of names who are on the shareholders list, and one, Charles Manz, is seemingly on all of them. I think he might well be my guy, I’m just waiting on a background check for him.