by Mia Ford
I grab my keys out and unlock the door to the apartment, glad that it’s tidy now. For Cici’s return, I wanted the place to be straighter than it’s ever been before, and that’s what I’ve achieved.
“Oh.” Cici scans her eyes about, noticing right away. “It looks good in here.”
“Yeah, I wanted it to be nice.” I shrug awkwardly. “I don’t want you to have to do anything.”
Cici nods and takes a seat on the couch. She watches me put Jordan into his crib with a light shining behind her eyes. If anything, at least she can see that I know how to take care of my son now. If she wants to break up, and I hope to God that she doesn’t, then she can see that I can handle things alone.
“There, I think he’s settled,” I say quietly. “He’s due a nap anyway. But you know that…”
“Yeah, I know. He’s in a pretty good routine, surprisingly considering everything.”
I step back from Jordan letting him rest, then I take a seat on the other seat to look at Cici. The atmosphere is thick surrounding us, we both know that it’s time to talk, and I don’t think either of us want to start. I don’t even know where to begin. I’m very aware of how I want it to end, but how do I get to that point?
“So, how are you?” Cici asks, blurting out a shocking question. “I know that you’ve told me all the practical stuff that you’re dealing with, but I don’t know how you’re doing. It can’t be easy with Landon…”
“No.” No one has really asked me that question yet. Jones has danced around it, but Cici is going right in. “It isn’t easy. I can’t sleep very well because I keep thinking about it, but I’ll be okay.”
“Don’t put up your walls.” She shakes her head. “Don’t do that with me. I know it hurts.”
“It does.” My voice has gone all raspy. “It does hurt a lot but I’m carrying on. You know how it is.”
“Oh, I know. You’re strong. But I’m here if you want to talk about it. I was there too. I know more than anyone else what it was like. I didn’t see the shot, but I know how scary it was.”
I gulp, trying to stop the emotion from overwhelming me. I don’t want to burst into tears right now. Cici shouldn’t have been there, but she saved my life. If she wasn’t in that business park, I would be dead for sure.
“I don’t want to talk about Landon right now,” I admit. “I want to talk about us.” I’m ripping off the band aid, getting started before I fall apart. “Things were bad before, and I know that it was my fault. I was a terrible person. I put work before you, I didn’t hear you out, I didn’t list to your point of view, and I regret that now. Massively.”
“Oh, wow.” Cici looks like she wasn’t expecting that. “Yeah, well it wasn’t just you… I wasn’t perfect.”
“None of this was your fault,” I growl, angry at Landon again. “I really don’t want you to blame yourself.”
Cici nods and slumps back in her chair, I can see that she’s trying her hardest to process that. “It wasn’t either of our faults, was it, really? It was a situation that was thrust upon us. None of us invited this in.”
“I know that. I get that, but I still didn’t handle it right. I should have been better. I didn’t handle it and I took a lot of things that I shouldn’t have. I said some things that I didn’t mean, because I really do love you.”
“I love you too,” Cici replies almost right away. “And I said some terrible things. Things I didn’t mean.”
We sit in silence for a couple of moments just looking at one another. My heart lifts, I hope this means what I want it to, but I’m very aware that she could say that love isn’t enough. That it won’t hold us together. My past behavior might have been so bad that she doesn’t ever want to speak to me again. Only as a father.
“So, where do we go from here?” I ask her with a one shouldered shrug. “What shall we do?”
“I don’t know.” Cici bites down on her bottom lip. “I mean, I want to give us another go, but I’m scared. Things got so screwy before and I don’t want to go back to that place again. I’m scared that we couldn’t get through the hard times without tearing one another apart, and that’s a sign we can’t do this.”
“But… we did make it,” I insist. “I know it wasn’t easy, but we’re still here. We sitting across from one other, talking despite the fact that everything in the universe is tearing us apart. We’ve already been through more than most people do in their entire lives, we’ve suffered ridiculous things during the time when we should have been getting to know each other. If we can still be here after that, then we should be able to cope with every day life.”
I need her to know that I mean this, I want her to understand that we can do this, but the choice is hers. I guess I will just have to be patient until she makes that choice.
Chapter Thirty Three – Cici
He’s giving me the choice, Will wants me to decide whether or not we should be together, which is too much. I know that I want him, my heart yearns for him, and I’m sure if we can properly give things a try then it’ll be different. Without Kingpin hanging over our heads, it’ll all be so much easier. But I’m still very scared.
“I… I do love you,” I say with a shaky tone of voice. “I do want to be with you, but I’m scared.”
“Scared?” Will nods, he understands. “I know, I’m scared as well. It’s terrifying. But we should try.”
We should try, I want to try. God, I want to be with him. I look at Will lovingly, wanting that wonderful sensation of being in his arms again. He’s been wonderful with me ever since it happened, and great with his son too. I hardly hear him talk about work anymore which is a massive change. It could be different. I gaze at him, seeing the intense love behind his eyes. I know that it might be insane to think of, since so much has happened, but maybe we can actually break the mold and things can be different. No one will believe us, but I might.
“Yeah, okay,” I hear myself saying with a nod. “Okay, let’s give it a try. Let’s do this.”
I don’t even know what I’m doing, but it feels right. I don’t feel like I’m making a massive mistake when it comes to me and Will. I feel like we owe it to each other. After everything we’ve been through, we should see what we can be. Maybe I won’t work, but at least we won’t constantly have to ask ourselves what if. I mean, we have to be in each other’s lives, we share a child, so we can’t avoid it. We might as well try.
“But I don’t want things to ever end on bad terms,” I continue with a gulp. “I’m scared that we’ll fall apart.”
Will slides closer to me and he takes my hands in his. “Of course, we could fall apart. That could happen with any relationship, you shouldn’t let fears get in the way. You should open up your heart a little. Some say that it’s better to have loved and lost than never love at all. I think there might be some truth to that. I’m sure I would have less to regret if we spent some time together and it didn’t work out. Do you know what I mean?”
With him giving me that intense look, I can feel my heart fluttering. I lean forwards with my pulse racing and I press my lips gently up against his. My body fills with a sheer intense warmth as he kisses me back, flooding me with passion. I loop my arms around his neck and keep his head close to mine as our lips move in unison. Thank God we’re here in this moment, thank goodness we haven’t given up on one another.
“I love you,” Will murmurs quietly to me. “I love you so much, Cici, you have no idea.”
“I love you too.” I nod as I realize just how powerful those words are. He’s right, about everything. “So much.”
Then the kissing intensifies. The passion creeps in and it overshadows everything else. All the past, everything that we’ve been through, it vanishes into nothingness. None of that matters anymore. Will is right, we’re here, it’s good. We’ve survived the worst thing that could ever happen to us and we’re still here. In love. As his hands knot up into my hair, I let them do so willingly. I even tug at his tee shirt, dragging it off. If we were r
eally going to give this a go then I need to touch every inch of that gorgeous body of his.
“Let me know if I hurt you,” Will says as he tentatively tugs at my top. “I know that you’re still sore.”
I am in places, but right now that pain does nothing but fuel me. It pushes me forward and ignited a deep spark within me. It’s good, this feels incredible. Whatever happened with Landon and Annabelle, they didn’t tear us apart. I’m sure they wanted to, for whatever reason they really didn’t want us to be happy, but we are.
I nod, letting Will know that he can just get on with it already and I kick my legs into the air to allow him to drag off my leggings. In my underwear alone, I can feel my heart hammering violently against my rib cage. Will’s looking at me like I’m precious, but also like he wants to devour me. What was I thinking? There’s no way I could go the rest of my life without seeing that deep, dark desire in his eyes. I need that.
Will takes a step back and he takes his own clothing off, leaving himself only in his underwear alone. I run my eyes over his muscles, gasping as I do. I inhale, breathing him in, loving every moment of knowing that this man is mine. He’s so rugged, so handsome, so utterly delicious. I’m right not to let him go.
“You have another scar,” I comment idly as I look at the line across his torso. “Did that happen then?”
“Oh, yeah.” He looks down at it. “I don’t know when exactly. It was all very much a blur.”
“Hmm, yeah I bet.” I reach across and lightly brush my finger along it. “But now you have a reminder.”
Instead of getting caught up in that comment, like I know he could, Will tightly wraps his fingers around mine and he leads me through the apartment to the bedroom. His eyes remain firmly fixed on mine the entire time as he goes, sending powerful shivers racing up and down my spine. I can see how much he wants me.
Once in the bedroom, I make a nap decision and it’s one I do to surprise Will. I drop to my knees with a thudding sound, falling against his carpet. Then, I glance upwards, I fix my eyes on Will’s and I curl my fingers over the waist band of his underwear. His eyes almost bug out of his head in shock, but luckily it seems to be a happy feeling. I drag his boxers down, letting his thick erection spring free and my mouth begins to water at the sight of his rock hard cock. My tongue twitches, all I want to do is feel him between my lips.
It’s been too long, I think sadly. It’s been such a long time since it’s been just me and Will. This is wonderful.
I grab onto Will’s butt and I yank him closer to me, allowing my breath to tickle all over his cock as I do. His thighs tense and I can see him twitching all over. This seems to be driving him wild, so I lean forwards and I press one small kiss upon him. I barely even brush my lips against him and a guttural groan comes flying out of his mouth. I don’t think he can contain himself, so I lean in and I kiss him again and again.
“Oh, Cici,” he moans while tossing his head back with desire. “You are fucking incredible.”
His words spurn me on, as does the wet heat pooling in my panties, so I part my mouth, I prepare my tongue, and I wrap my lips tightly around him. I slide my mouth as far down his shaft as I can manage, until I feel him hit the back of my throat, then I drag my mouth back upwards again. I dart my tongue out, I flicker it all over him, and his sweet and salty taste sends me wild. I’m frantic with lust, in utter ecstasy, almost like an animal. Being with Will always unleashes a deep seated desire inside of me that I barely know is there.
I concentrate on the tip for a while, licking him like he’s a damn lollipop, and this causes random cries to explode from him. I love doing this for him, I love the powerful, yet submissive, feel of him being between my lips. I’m a slave for him, yet he’s the one at my mercy. It ignites a spark that won’t be put out. I pick up the pace, bobbing my head enthusiastically, licking him all over me, enjoying every damn moment of it…
“No, Cici.” There’s a tremble in Will’s voice as he finally makes me pause. “I’m about to lose it. After all this time, I want to be inside of you, I want to really feel you.” He puts his hands under my armpits and drags me into a standing position. I’m so keen to feel him that I don’t put up a fight at all. “I want to make love to you.”
He picks me up and lies me on the bed, before slowly and tantalizingly pulling the underwear from my body as well. My breasts spring free, my butt is revealed, my core is exposed to him. Will touches me everywhere, feeling my body like it’s the Holy Grail or something equally as special. His needy velvety fingers are like magic, sending sparks and bolts of desire all over. I feel like I’m being tickled or lit up, like a match has been sparked.
“Oh God, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this again,” Will murmurs as his face buries into my throat, his breath sending me to heaven and back. “I’ve missed you so fucking much, Cici. I’ve missed being us.”
His cock teases my entrance and I roll my hips into him, grinding against him desperately, I need to feel him I want him inside of me, I’ve been forced to wait for this for far too long. I need my release.
Finally, Will gets the hint and he slides into me. His delicious cock fills me up and brushes again my very needy walls. There’s a warmth in my womb as I gain that familiar sense of him. He grips onto my back and thrusts continually, causing me to see stars. My head spins, my heart flies, I cling to Will like he’s my everything.
“Oh God,” I moan, lolling my head to one side while desire claims me. “You’re too much.”
Each thrust gets harder as Will instinctively knows what I need, and soon my whimpering moans turn into yells and cries of pleasure. My body is tight, the orgasm is building, I’m like a tightly coiled spring, ready to burst… and when I do burst, it’s like a volcano erupting. I’m boiling hot, burning bright, everything is flowing free from me. As I shudder and buckle, as the weight of the pleasure consumes me, Will holds me close. I feel his hammering heart, I’m consumed by his ragged breaths, I can tell that this bliss is coming for him too...
We lie next to one another panting, staring up at the ceiling as we enjoy the post coital bliss. I’m swallowed up by happiness, secure in my decision. I think Will really might be the one for me, I have this belief that we’ll end up together forever. Rationally, I’m scared, I know that so many things could go wrong, but emotionally I feel good. We have enough love to keep us going.
“Oh, is that Jordan?” I ask while automatically pushing myself into a sitting position. “Is he crying?”
“You lie there.” Will gently presses on my chest, forcing me to lie back down. “I’ll go and get him. Remember, I’m good with him now, you can trust me. I know what I’m doing.”
I feel strange, but in a really good way. It’s good to have someone to share it all with. For the very first time, I feel like I’m really part of a family.
Chapter Thirty Four – Will
Why am I so nervous? I think to myself. What is going on with me here? I’m sweating, shaking, practically falling apart which is crazy. It isn’t like I’m doing anything too out of the ordinary. Not for me. Okay, so I’m about to propose to my girlfriend six months after we were both almost killed, but it isn’t the first time. I’ve told her that I want to marry her before, just after Jordan was born, and I think my actions have shown her that much recently. I’m pretty sure that she wants to marry me too. She seems to love me very much. But still, I’m scared.
Stop it, I warn myself as my whole body jiggles. Don’t fuck this up. Don’t be an idiot. Don’t wreck it.
“Are you okay, boss?” Jones asks me curiously which cocking his head. “You look really… sticky.”
“Will you stop with the whole ‘boss’ thing?” I instantly shoot back. “I might have been made head of the department, but that doesn’t instantly put me above you. Besides, we’re friends first. You don’t need to.”
I never would have thought that me and Jones would be friends the first time I met him. I didn’t even like him, I found him very immature,
but now he’s really the only person who gets me. Other people in the office have been through similar things, but I don’t think anyone understands the Landon mess like Jones. He gets that it didn’t just lose me my friend, but my partner as well. Sometimes, I think other people forget that Andre died too.
Now, despite the age gap between us, Jones has become such a good friend of mine that he was around to help me plan the proposal. He might even end up being my best man, if we go all in for the big wedding thing. The man I originally thought would be my best man is no longer, so the spot is wide open, up for grabs.
Maybe we won’t though, I don’t know what Cici wants. We aren’t usually keen for big grad gestures, but this will be our wedding day. And with the promotion I earn a bit more so I can definitely afford it. Of course, the extra cash isn’t the only good thing about me being made boss, it takes me off the streets, puts me more on paper work than dangerous missions. Sure, I miss being outside sometimes, but it keeps Cici happy. She doesn’t have to worry about me any longer. Plus, I have fewer late nights which means I can actually be a father to Jordan.
“And yes,” I sigh loudly. “I’m fine, just a bit nervous that’s all. This is a big step you know.”
“For everyone else, yes, but for you and Cici, it’s the next natural step. I’ve never seen a couple more made for each other than you too. You don’t have anything to feel anxious about at all. You’ll be fine.”