by Mia Ford
I sat there watching him as he had a good time, still laughing from the joke he was playing over and over in his head. I put my head in my hands and could feel a serious lump in my throat. I couldn’t accept losing Ava. She was obviously the woman I wanted to spend my life with. It took me ten years to find her, and now I knew if it didn’t work out, I would spend the rest of my life alone, without ever creating my own family. Dean looked over at me, and his jolly face faded to a serious one. I could tell he didn’t realize just how serious I was taking the conversation. He stopped laughing and cleared his throat, leaning over toward me.
“Okay, okay,” he said taking in a deep breath. “You may be an asshole sometimes, but I believe that you actually love Ava. I believe you will do everything you can to make her feel better, to protect her, and to support her in life. The age difference is a bit of a shock, but I do know that in a lot of cases, age is only a number. I give you my blessing to be with Ava as long as that is what she wants as well. You are two mature, grown people who are more than capable of making your own decisions and knowing the repercussions of your actions.”
“Thank you, Dean,” I said feeling relieved. “Now the other issue is us I want you back in my life as my best friend.”
“Fine, but no girl talks while you’re dating Ava,” he said scrunching his nose.
“Ew, man, ewe,” I said shaking my head.
“Hey gotta lay ground rules,” he said chuckling.
We spent the rest of lunch talking about life, about Lindy, and about the next steps Dean wanted to take in his life. I offered for him to come back to MJ, but he just laughed, saying he was tired of the executive world. He had made more money than he and Lindy could spend in their lifetimes, and he wasn’t interested in taking a job that would just stress him out and leave him exhausted from life. When we were done with lunch, we walked outside, laughing about something ridiculous Dean had said. He turned to me and reached out his arm. We embraced, his hand slapping my back.
“I’m glad we had this talk,” he said. “Now, this time, let’s try not to throw any weird secrets in the mix just a few days later.”
“You got it, man,” I said laughing.
I walked to the cab and climbed in, watching Dean walk down the street. He had his hands in his pockets and he was strolling along, with a face that looked as if he didn’t have a care in the world. I was envious of that carefree nature but at the same time extremely excited that Dean had given his blessing for Ava and me to see each other. I wanted to call her, to give her the exciting news, but she needed to talk to her father first. She needed to tell him how she felt and hear the blessing straight from his mouth. She really cared what her father thought about everything, and she wasn’t going to be satisfied until he told her himself that he supported our relationship.
Part of me worried that talking to Dean before she had was a mistake, but at the same time, Dean would not have been as supportive if he hadn’t been in front of me, listening to how I felt about Ava. He knew I was sincere and knew this wasn’t just a trick to keep her in my bed. He knew me better than anyone on the planet, and he could spot bullshit a mile away. Now, I just had to make sure Ava remembered that feeling between us from earlier and made her way back into my arms.
Chapter 30: Ava
I woke up on Saturday morning with my father and Tanner on my mind. There was so much going on in my life, and I couldn’t find the ability to sort it out myself. I felt slightly broken, worn down from the stress of fighting with my father, the emotional roller coaster that was my relationship with Tanner, and the fact that I wasn’t sure what to do about MJ. My career was really important, but I was smart enough that I didn’t need to stress out so much about it. Tanner was the biggest thing on my mind. My father was about to find out that I’d lied to him again, and though it was still uncertain as to where my future with Tanner was going, I knew that I loved him, and I needed to try to get to the point where we could figure it all out without the stress of sneaking around and worrying about the lies in the background.
I shuffled out of my bedroom and walked into the living room, plopping down on the couch and looking out of the window. It was sunny, but from the chill in the apartment, it must be cold outside, something I really loved about autumn in New York. I could break out the sweaters and boots earlier than most other places. However, at that moment, I only wanted hot coffee and a warm blanket and maybe a really good conversation with my father. I leaned over and grabbed my phone, dialing my father’s number, expecting to leave a message. To my surprise, he picked up and seemed cheerier than normal.
“Hey, Daddy,” I said. “What are you doing?”
“I just got to the city,” he said happily. “I was thinking about you.”
“You want to come over?”
“That sounds perfect,” he said kindly. “I’ll be over soon.”
We hung up the phone, and I grabbed the fleece out of the closet, not wanting to turn on the heat just yet. The day was fresh and there was a good likelihood it would warm up into the sixties outside later, which would raise the temperature of the apartment to a comfortable seventy-four or seventy-five degrees. This was the time of year I could save some money on the crazy electric bill that New York weather produced. I lay there bundled up on the couch for quite a while, my head on the pillow, and my eyes gazing out at the tree in front of the window. There were people out walking their dogs, taking their children to the park, and doing other normal Saturday activities. Part of me was jealous, wanting to have that kind of life as well. However, in order to do so, I needed to get through this first part of things, telling my father the truth.
I was pretty sure my father was going to show up with either coffee, breakfast, or both, which was fine with me since I had completely forgotten to buy coffee or groceries for that matter. Everything had been a mess recently, so much that I was thankful I had remembered to brush my teeth everyday much less keep up with the grocery shopping. I got up and bounced to the door as soon as I heard the knock, opening the door and hugging my father. I took the bags from his hands and walked over to the table, sitting down and unloading the breakfast. He sat down a coffee in front of me and smiled.
We started talking immediately, having our normal chitter chatter about the city and the weather before talking about anything else. My father seemed happy, something I hadn’t seen in a really long time. He was always so stressed out when I was growing up and part of that had to do with my mother and her constant nagging.
“You know what I thought about the other day?”
“What’s that, sweetie?” He leaned back in his chair.
“The time Mom and I went upstate to that amusement park,” I said smiling. “Neither one of us like roller coasters, so we spent all day eating candy and riding the Merry Go Round.”
“That was when I couldn’t get off work,” he said laughing.
“Yeah,” I replied. “It was such a good day. What happened to Mom?”
“The same thing that happens to almost everyone,” he said sighing. “You pass on life experiences over and over, and then one day, you’re terrified that you missed out on life. That was what, or is what, your mother is going through.”
“But she’s hurting everyone else around her,” I said, “which kind of sounds like someone else I know.”
“Oh, sweetie,” he laughed. “You are not going through the same thing. You’re young, and you’re testing the waters. You’re figuring out who you are and what you want.”
“It’s funny how I want both sides of the fence,” I said, looking down at my sandwich. “I want the career and the personal life. I don’t want to have to make a choice like you and Tanner had to. I want it all.”
“And you can have that,” he said laughing. “You are much smarter than me.”
“Dad,” I said, thinking about Tanner. “What you and I have, how close we are, is extremely important to me. I’d go to any lengths to keep it intact.”
“I would too, ba
by,” he said kindly.
“That being said, my relationship with Tanner is just as important to me,” I said, looking up at him and waiting for a reaction.
I waited for a moment as he played the words over in his head. He tapped his finger on the glass tabletop underneath his hand, and slowly his face softened. He sighed and smiled slightly, and I let out a deep breath. He chuckled slightly and took a sip of his coffee, obviously not surprised at all about anything I’d said. I was confused, but I didn’t want to ask any questions. I just wanted to hear what he had to say about it.
“I already knew all of this,” he said with a smile. “Yesterday afternoon, I met with Tanner. We hashed a lot of things out. And before the lunch was over, he was extremely honest about how he felt about you. I know when that man is lying, but I saw tears in his eyes when he talked about how important you are to him and how much he loves you. So, I gave him my blessing, as long as you felt the same way.”
“Oh,” I said, taken back by what he was saying.
We continued talking for a couple of hours, but my mind was back on Tanner. I should be ecstatic, seeing that my father was on board with us dating, but I wasn’t. Tanner had gone behind my back and talked to my father, and didn’t say anything about it to me. We had just gotten done promising each other a fresh start, a clean slate, and a relationship with no lies. Here I was again, finding out that what he told me was not the truth. How could he go and do that? I knew he did it to make my father feel he could trust him again, but still, the partnership I thought we had was not going to happen the way I wanted it to. Instead, I was sitting there thinking about how he had betrayed me again.
My father didn’t seem to notice that I was upset, which was good, because I didn’t want him to be involved in any of this anymore. He had come to terms with my job, my relationship, and the fact that I had lied to him. From there on out, it was going to have to be me dealing with Tanner the way I thought was best. I couldn’t figure out why my heart wanted to see him but my brain was screaming at me to be angry. Everything was complicated all over again, and I was really looking forward to getting this over with and moving on, with Tanner and I receiving the opportunity for a fresh start. It was all too good to be true from the start, and I should have been prepared for something like that. Again, I was left dizzy after being sideswiped by the man I loved. It was starting to get annoying how much I had to deal with.
“All right,” Dad said, stretching his arms out. “Can I help you clean this up?”
“No,” I said snapping back to the present. “I got this.”
“I’m going to head out,” he smiled. “I have a tennis match with a few guys from the office. Gotta keep myself in shape.”
“Okay,” I said happily. “Thank you for breakfast and coffee.”
“Anytime, sweetheart,” he said. “Anytime. You just call me.”
“I will,” I said walking him to the door.
We embraced, and he kissed me on the cheek before walking out. I closed the door and locked it, standing there staring and thinking about what I had just found out. I sighed and walked back to the table, cleaning up the trash and wiping it down. When I was done, I grabbed my cell phone and laid down in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I dialed Brianna’s number and laid there, waiting for her to answer.
“Hey, girl,” she said happily.
“Hey,” I sighed.
“Uh oh,” she replied. “What happened? Tell me all about it.”
“I went to work yesterday to apologize to Tanner, and we ended up making up,” I explained. “We promised each other no more secrets and no more lies. The last thing left was to break the news to my father. Well, Dad came over today, and I told him that Tanner was important in my life.”
“And your dad freaked out?”
“No, actually the opposite,” I replied.
“Okay,” Brianna said confused. “So, what’s the problem?”
“He felt that way because Tanner took him to lunch yesterday and told him about his feelings for me,” I said. “He didn’t even warn me that he had done that.”
“And you are angry over this,” she said without emotion.
“Of course, I am,” I scoffed. “He immediately went out and betrayed my trust again.”
“Ava,” she said with a sigh. “You need to get your shit together. Tanner didn’t do anything wrong. You’re just mad because you don’t have any more excuses.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Yes, you do,” she said. “You are being a pussy, and the longer your father is upset with Tanner, the longer you can wait to tell him exactly how you feel about him. You’re scared. But Ava, your fear is completely ruining your life.”
“What am I supposed to do? This was not in my plans,” I said with emotion.
“When is love ever in the plans? You need to tell Tanner how you feel, lay it all out for him, and then see where the chips fall,” she said. “Stop being so scared. it’s your biggest hindrance. Everyone who knows you knows that. You’re just too scared to see it yourself.”
We talked for a few more minutes before hanging up. I sat up in the bed and replayed her words over in my head, chuckling arrogantly as I attempted to blame away her response. However, as the thoughts of how I handled us that whole time played in the back of my mind, I realized that she might be right. Maybe I didn’t spill my guts every time I had a feeling, but that was what was keeping me going. I had amazing walls that even Tanner couldn’t completely knock down. The problem was, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to let that guard down.
Chapter 31: Tanner
So much for Sunday fun day as I hadn’t heard from Ava at all. I woke up in the morning and took a shower, checking my phone several times to see if she had called. I went out into the kitchen and cooked myself an omelet and some toast. When I was done eating, I took my coffee in the living room and decided to try to distract myself by watching some Sunday morning cartoons. It was my dirty little secret. I was never allowed to watch them as a kid, so even though they were terribly boring, I almost always put them on as an adult, even if they were in the background.
That morning I was staring right at the screen, but they were still in the background. Dean and I had really hashed things out at lunch two days prior, and I felt better about our relationship. He had given me his blessing on dating Ava, but I figured it was important that she talk to him herself. On Saturday, I kept my phone on but never heard anything from Ava. I ended up going into work and getting caught up on things I had neglected over the past couple of weeks, assuming that by the evening I would have word but still nothing from her. To say that I was frustrated was an understatement, and I wanted to text her but I didn’t want to bother her if she was with her family.
I was sure, by that point, that Ava would have contacted me, letting me know that she had spoken with Dean and that she had gotten the same blessing. Having not heard from her, I could only assume that her silence meant she hadn’t yet told him. I was a little bit irritated by this fact, but at the same time, she knew what she was doing when it came to her father. I needed to start trusting that Ava was going to be honest with me like we had promised each other. At that point, there was no reason to even start lying to each other. Things had finally slowed down and calmed down, which meant my focus would soon return, and Ava and I could have a real relationship.
I finished my coffee and stood up, walking over to the window and looking out at the foggy New York morning. It was starting to get bitingly cold outside, but instead of turning on the heat, I went and changed into a sweatshirt and slippers. Having a top floor penthouse had its ups and downs, and when it got cold, my apartment seemed to be freezing. However, as the sun would peek out, my apartment also seemed to heat up better than any other I had experienced. It was a double-edged sword. Either way, the cold only distracted me for a minute, and when Ava came back to my mind, I decided it would be best if I just called her.
I dialed her number and wal
ked back in the living room, sitting down on the couch. She answered on the second ring, but instead of her normal sunshine self, I was greeted with a grumpy tone. Immediately, her tone of voice made me know that something was wrong, but I had no idea what it could be. She sat there quietly on the phone, waiting for me to say something. I didn’t want to upset her but it was more than a little frustrating to have back in another bad mood, avoiding me at every turn.
“How are you this morning?”
“Fine,” she said with a monotone voice.
“Just fine?”
“Look, I have things to do,” she said with irritation. “Do you need something specific?”
“No,” I said bitterly. “I was just calling to see what was going on, I hadn’t talked to you in a couple of days.”
“Everything is fine, Tanner,” she replied. “If there’s nothing else, I’m going to go.”
Okay, I had had enough of this shit. I was constantly turning the corner and having the wind knocked out of me for something else that Ava found irritating. It was like she didn’t realize the world didn’t revolve around her. Everyone was different, had different lives, and different interests, but she was acting as if everyone thought the same way she did. It was extremely frustrating when she would get angry, and I had no idea what was going on.
“What is up with you?” I no longer could play the good guy.
“Oh, I don’t know,” she said sarcastically. “Maybe the fact that promises to be truthful to each other mean absolutely nothing.”