by Lainy Lane
She had seen that zombie look before. Tristan had looked and acted the same way when Drake had forced him to come here to draw Calandra in after him. Someone had forced Jackson to leave and put him there to ensure Echo was forced to be the one who had to send him away. Calandra's first thought was Drake since he was the only one she knew of that had the power to control minds without being present to the person he was controlling. Calandra decided she needed to make a stop to see Drake before she went back home. She stopped dead in her tracks and turned to head back toward Drake's house, but ran into someone coming out of a shop.
"Calandra..." Tristan's voice was light, and his eyes lit up when he saw her.
Calandra's heart squeezed when she noticed his excitement upon seeing her. "Tristan," she responded flatly.
Calandra knew she shouldn't need Tristan the way she did now that they were no longer together. She knew she shouldn't have to turn to him every time she had a problem and needed someone to listen to her. She knew she was leading him on in a way and he was happily walking behind her just as closely as this cruel leash she had around him would allow. Yet, no matter how hard she tried, she simply couldn’t let him go completely.
"Where are you off to?" he asked cheerily.
"Drake's."
"Oh..." His voice flat lined.
She tried to smile sweetly to lessen the blow she had just unintentionally shot at him. "I found Echo's diary at the tree house," she started in on an explanation quickly, "now I have a question I need to ask him."
"Why can't you just ask Jarreth?" His voice turned to ice as he said Jarreth's name.
"We're kind of in a fight." Calandra regretted saying it as soon as the words were out. She knew she had just given Tristan another sliver of false hope.
"Oh really? What's he done?" Tristan jumped on the make Jarreth look like a bad guy train instantly.
"Well, I don't know— exactly."
"Hmm," Tristan barely responded.
"What?" she asked, finding herself somehow offended at his lack of interest.
"You're still doing it you know?"
"Doing what?" Calandra's voice squeaked.
"You have this wall now, and every time I try and invest in you, you give me a piece, and the just let me smack right into it without a single regret for doing so." His lips turned into the smallest hint of a frown.
"It’s not without a single regret," she whispered.
"Oh, well at least you acknowledge it finally. That's progress." His voice had turned hateful.
"Tristan, you know this is me now. You saw the signs, and you're the one that's ignored them. Trust me, I do hate myself for hurting you if that means anything at all to you." The truth spilled out before she had a chance to think better of admitting it.
"Not at the moment," he said, "you know what I hate the most? The fact that I know who you used to be, Calandra. You weren't always like this, and then he changed you. You were my angel once, do you even remember that at all?" Tristan had changed from hurt to hate without as much as a warning.
Angel. The word repeated through her mind several times as she considered it. She had certainly never had wings, even before she had come here. Yet this place had definitely seemed to become her downfall. Something about Faerie, about Jarreth, had changed her. She had noticed it happening and embraced it. If she had, at any point, worn a halo it had certainly left her upon coming to Faerie. Calandra had spent most of her time here feeling sorry about the way she had been acting toward Tristan. She had broken his heart, more than once. Stomped it into the ground upon doing so even. Yet he was still around, he was still fighting for her. He still begged for her to come back to him. He knew who she was now, knew she didn’t want to change, and he continued coming back regardless.
"No, Tristan, I'm not an angel," she said.
"Well, not anymore," he muttered.
"I never was. Look, I'm sorry that I have to be the one to tear you down all the time. I hate being the wall that you feel is holding you back. But I'm done taking the blame for all of your pain here. You know as well as I do I'm not changing, so quit hoping for it. It's almost as if you like it," she countered, sick of feeling guilty for the pain that he caused himself as well and allowing the frustration that guilt had built inside of her to spill over.
"Like what, Calandra? The disappointment of watching someone I love with everything I am pretend to be someone they're not?"
Calandra rolled her eyes. "I can't do this, Tristan, I won't keep having the same argument with you over and over. It's just ridiculous." Calandra felt her temper rising to its boiling point, and she wondered why she was getting so emotional over this.
"Oh right, Calandra, my pain is ridiculous. I'm so sorry to be such a damn thorn in your side."
There it was, that dagger he kept driving straight into her conscience and drawing her back to this cruel back and forth game. Her heart bled out a bit more at the pain etched into his beautiful sapphire eyes. Calandra remembered when those eyes used to be her lifeline, she would get lost in them, find comfort in them. Now they had become her downfall, they were why she couldn't truly let go of this fight.
"Tristan," Calandra started in again, "you know that's—"
She was cut off by a high-pitched female voice. "Calandra!" The voice picked up an octave and let out a high-pitched squeal it spoke her name.
An attractive woman stood next to Tristan and took his hand in hers. She wore a white flowing summer dress that displayed her legs, shoulders, and boobs a bit too effectively in Calandra’s opinion. She had long, curly auburn hair and vivid amethyst eyes. There seemed to be a breeze that only surrounded her, making her hair and dress flow around her like a model in a high fashion photo shoot. The scent of honeysuckle filled the air around her. She smiled with an innocent facade that attempted to cover up the fact that it was really a malicious gesture. "So glad to finally get to meet you, dear." The girl's eyes flashed black momentarily proving that the words were a lie.
"Um, ok—" Calandra failed at masking her confusion and hadn't been able to take her eyes off of their interlaced hands. "I'm sorry, you are?"
"Trinity." Her smile widened in a deceiving way, "I guess Tristan didn't have time to tell you about me while you were in the process of tearing him apart even further."
Tristan fidgeted next to her. Calandra's emotions were caught up in the shock of this stranger having the audacity to be so forward with her in a situation she clearly knew nothing about.
"We were just— talking," Calandra managed to say.
"Yes, so the whole town heard. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Jarreth heard back at your house, or is he even there at the moment?" Her eyes twinkled and a twinge of nausea shot through Calandra.
Who did this chick think she was acting like she knew everything about Calandra's personal life? And why was she holding Tristan's hand? "So, you two are together?" The shock of the new girl finally let go of its grip on Calandra's throat, and she found herself able to take in the breath she hadn’t been able to before.
Tristan looked to Trinity and seemed somewhat lost.
"We are," Trinity replied, "and I don't appreciate you chastising my boyfriend right out here in public. I'd suggest you be a bit more careful than to pull a stunt like that on him again."
Calandra was stunned. Not only was Trinity rude to someone she didn’t know, but Tristan was simply standing by and allowing her to be. Was this her payback? Calandra found herself wondering if this was how Tristan had felt about Jarreth all this time. But Jarreth had never been mean to Tristan except for the one time Tristan had yelled at her and that had been a protective measure.
"Come, Tristan," Trinity whispered close to his ear. "Let's go home."
"If you don't mind..." Calandra scoffed, "I'd like another word with him— alone," she added the last word with extra emphasis.
"I'll be just over there," Trinity told Tristan and pointed to a bench several feet away. She leaned in and gave him a longer than necessary
kiss on the cheek. She walked over to Calandra and smiled just a few inches from her face. Her eyes flashed black once more before she spoke. "I look forward to getting to know you better, Calandra." She walked away from them immediately and only glanced back once before taking a seat on the bench. The light breeze followed her the entire way, her dress and hair still flowing along with it.
"Well, she seems just lovely," Calandra said sarcastically.
"Let's not discuss her," Tristan said. "She has nothing to do with our problems or this current argument."
As much as Calandra wanted to push the matter further, she had to admit Tristan was right. She resolved instead to talk to Jarreth about the girl and see if he had any insight into what kind of Faerie she was. "Fine!" Calandra smiled, "continue."
"It's obvious you don't want or need me, Calandra, despite knowing that I need you. I've told you time and time again that I want you with me, in my arms, but you don't see me the way I see you. I have to admit to myself, once and for all, that I can't have you the way that you have me. The way you always will. I sometimes still feel you, the old you, with me and I think that's what makes it hurt so damn much."
Calandra opened her mouth to say something, but Tristan lifted his hand up to stop her.
"I used to think that the stars couldn't live without the moon. That's what you were to me; you were the moon in my midnight sky. There's one thing that I have realized over the last few weeks. While the moon may make the stars more beautiful, they don't need it to survive. You're right Calandra, I can't keep fooling myself. You aren't who you were, and it's time I accept that." His voice cracked before he managed to continue. “I’ve watched your world crumble around you. You started things and ignored the fact that it was all too much for you, you watched it all crash down around you without a single care.”
Calandra whimpered, the desire to say something to defend herself escaping from her lips. There wasn’t anything she could say to make it any better, so she swallowed the desire back down and used her strength to fight back the tears threatening to break through.
“You forced me to watch it all fall around you and yet wouldn’t allow me to save you. You don’t want to be saved, I see that now. You’ve been taken over by a darkness that you don’t want to be removed from. You know exactly how to stop it, you know how to return to what you were before, what we were before. It wouldn’t be hard, all you have to do is make a decision and act on it.”
Trinity began tapping her heeled shoes on the concrete in the background, obviously irritated with the way Tristan was laying his heart on the line over Calandra. It did nothing to appease Calandra’s hate for her.
“You built a wall, you created this picture that you have it all together, and you’re standing tall. I actually think you’ve been hiding behind the façade so long that even you are unaware it’s a lie at this point. You’re not the girl I knew any more, not the girl I fell in love with. The Calandra I was convinced I would spend the rest of my life with is still somewhere, I hope, but I have to accept that she may never come back. I’ve had to find a new way to live.”
Trinity cleared her throat in the background. Calandra glared around Tristan, actually happy for the slight break in the tension building around her and Tristan gave her exactly what she deserved for everything she had put him through.
“I refuse to watch you crash and burn completely. You may have no problem with allowing yourself to do so, but I will not stand idly by and watch it take place. I would push rewind and lead us back to the start if I could, but I know that I can’t. So this is where our paths must part. I’ve allowed you to string me along for far too long. If you ever loved me the way you used to say you did, you will let me go and let me be. I can’t be your go-to fix everything person any longer. I won’t be that guy anymore. It hurts too much.”
Before Calandra could say anything, Tristan placed his hand on her cheek softly; he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He pressed it into her hand and curled her fingers around it before walking away. He held his hand out to Trinity when he reached the bench she was sitting at. Trinity flashed an evil glare to Calandra before she stood, took Tristan's hand, and they walked away together. Calandra watched them leave together and her heart sank a bit. She looked at her hand closed around a piece of yellow paper. With a sigh, she took it out of her hand and unfolded it. She carefully read the words Tristan had written.
My Dearest Calandra,
I still love you and will forever. If there's anything I can do to truly save you, do let me know. Because despite everything I've said, I'd still give up my life to fix you.
Love Always,
Tristan
Calandra looked back up with her jaw hanging down in awe, but it was too late, Tristan was nowhere in sight. As a single tear ran down her cheek, she wondered to herself if he would ever be coming back. She took a long refreshing breath of air while holding the letter to her chest, over her heart. As she exhaled, she crumpled the letter and tossed it to the ground. She refused to continue thinking about the situation. She couldn’t be made to feel guilty any longer; she had other things she needed to handle now. Continuing to feel guilty over Tristan needed to be moved to the bottom of the totem pole.
CHAPTER SIX
Nightmarish Dreams
"Did you do it to Jackson too?" Calandra started in on her accusations as soon as she entered into Drake's house. She had no time for things such as casual greetings. She needed answers and she was in no mood to play Drake’s mind games.
"Jackson who?" Drake's voice sounded innocent, which was a contradiction in itself. He sat on the couch and stared at her, confused with her sudden entrance and the immediate argument she seemed to be looking to start.
"Echo's boyfriend! The reason we're in this whole shit hole of a situation! You know what I'm talking about!" Her voice raised a few octaves as the allegations spilled out. She plopped onto the couch next to him, dramatizing her frustration, unsure of why she needed his sympathy over the situation.
"I'm sorry," Drake said, "I didn't realize your life was so horrible, dear, please let me fix that for you." Drake gently tucked a piece of Calandra's hair behind her ear, and a chill ran through her at his touch.
"Drake!" she bellowed, trying to get him, and herself, to focus again. "I found this," she scoffed as she removed the diary from the back of her pants and handed it to him.
Drake took it and flipped through the first few pages quickly, too quickly to be reading anything. "Hmm..." he said uninterested.
"Did you control Jackson into wanting to leave the same way you made Tristan come here?"
Drake shook his head. "No dear, I had no part of anything to do with Echo. That much you can trust me on."
"So who did?" she asked.
"Is that really a question, Calandra? Think about it, who needed him to leave? Who needed Echo to fall apart? Who wanted this world to fall into, as you so hatefully refer to it as, a shit hole?"
Suddenly Calandra felt stupid for not having figured it out herself. Kailen had set this whole thing up; he was the one that had convinced Echo's dad to not allow Echo to be with a human in the first place. It wasn't that Echo fell in love with the wrong human. It was that Echo's dad had trusted the wrong Faerie.
"But he's how I found out I could make the book play out for me."
"Then I’d say there's something in there he wants you to find." Drake shrugged, "I think you have some homework to do."
Calandra sighed and took the diary from him. She tucked it into the back her pants once more, hoping Drake wouldn’t ask why she chose that spot to keep it.
"How is Jarreth?" Drake smiled a devilish smile at the mention of his name.
"Different." It was the only word Calandra could come up with for the way Jarreth was acting. She immediately regretted giving him the information.
"Oh yeah? How so?" Drake seemed way too happy about his questions and her response.
"What do you know, Drake?"
"What color are his eyes?" he asked as a widening smile spanned across his face.
"What do you know?" Calandra repeated her question again, lacing her aggravation into her tone.
"Remind me again how it was that you first came to meet Jarreth?" A Cheshire grin accompanied the glee laced in his voice.
"He came to me in my dream and explained what I was and that I would always feel drawn to this place because my soul was connected to it. Why?" Calandra had assumed this was common knowledge. She suspected she was being led into another one of Drake’s mind games.
"Dream walking is a rare gift for Fae, it is a very envied gift nowadays because it's the only way that a Faerie can get into the mortal world other than the one field that the entrance leads to." Drake crossed his legs over each other coolly.
"Your point being?" She really didn’t want her patience tested further. She wasn’t in the mood for riddles. She wanted straight answers, and she wanted them now.
"You look like you could use a drink." Drake changed the subject without warning. He stood and without another word walked into the kitchen.
"Drake!" Calandra exclaimed and, without another choice, followed after him. "What exactly are you getting at?"
"I'm getting at making a drink for my guest, dear. The one time I try and be a pleasant host and this is how you treat me?" Drake ignored her being behind him and nonchalantly began making Calandra's favorite strawberry mixer.
Drake stood at the counter with his back to Calandra as he fiddled with the glass and drink ingredients. Calandra's irritation was rising by the second as he continued to put off telling her whatever it was he knew about Jarreth. Calandra tapped her foot on the floor impatiently and finally decided to take matters into her own hands. With a daring resolve she didn’t allow herself to explore often, she walked over to where Drake was standing. Calandra placed a hand on his hip and forced him to turn and face her. She slid her body up next to his, trapping him between her and the counter behind him. She placed her hands on the counter, creating a boundary on both sides of him. She leaned into him, leaving her face a few inches from his and glared at him.