by Lacey Thorn
“I’d still like to try,” Gideon said.
Tah nodded. “I understand. I’ll make sure Murphy knows to expect you. He’s the one who oversees Dillon.”
“Tah,” Abby called, and Gideon watched as they turned together and walked toward the other two couples in the room.
Grief saturated the room and overwhelmed Gideon. Without another word, he turned and left. He met Zane at the top of the stairs.
“Did she?” Zane asked, and Gideon knew what he meant.
“Just a few minutes ago.”
“Was she able to say anything first?”
Gideon nodded. “She was able to speak to Clara and Amia.”
“How are they?”
“Grieving,” Gideon answered. “I thought the best thing I could do was leave for a bit.”
Zane nodded. “I’ll grab a shovel and head out. Clara and Amia will want to lay her to rest soon. I know just the spot.
“I’ll go with you,” Gideon said. “I could use the fresh air.”
They moved away from the house, walking toward the cabin where Gideon had first tasted Vic. Just the thought of her had his blood pounding in his veins. He wanted her—to see her and hold her.
“Have you seen Vic?” he asked Zane.
“She went into town with Finn,” Zane said. “Had to pick up the truck Reno’s driving to Oklahoma. We need to get it packed. We’ll be leaving for Denver tomorrow then traveling on to Oklahoma. Reno will be following in a few days. Finn and Murphy will shut things down here along with Vic then they’ll head down.”
Gideon nodded, following Zane around the cabin and discovering there was a small storage building back there. Zane opened it and handed Gideon a shovel before grabbing one for himself.
“I’ve been there,” Zane said as they began moving again.
“Been where?”
“Trying to protect my mate by refusing to mate her,” Zane answered.
“Vic’s not my mate,” Gideon said automatically even though he was no longer so certain of that.
Zane didn’t say anything while they kept going, and Gideon thought he was dropping it.
“I’ve also been hit with fever,” Zane reminded him.
“Mine is different,” Gideon told him.
Zane shrugged. “Fever is still fever when it’s roaring through your veins and only one thing will soothe it. Your eyes are almost always green, now. You’ve been growling since we left the house, and the only time that changed was when we got to the cabin. I’m guessing you picked up on the scent of sex that filled the air because you starting purring there.”
“I’m fine,” Gideon stated firmly. He wouldn’t admit how startled he was at the behavioral changes Zane had just pointed out. That was two people now who’d heard him growl without him being aware. “Vic made it clear from the start she didn’t plan on being a mate. I agreed.”
“What is, is,” Zane told him. “You can fight it. You can ignore it. Avoid it as long as you want. But you can’t change it.”
“I didn’t ask you for advice,” Gideon said.
“No, but Vic is a friend, so I’m going to give it,” Zane said, stopping and turning to face Gideon. “She had it rough as a kid. Her father’s a cruel bastard who made her life hell. Still does when she gets the burr up her ass to go check on him. She’s fierce, loyal—a person who will always stand for the weak and the persecuted. She doesn’t see those qualities in herself, though. She’s too critical of herself. But trust me when I say there isn’t a man among this group who won’t hunt you down if you hurt her.”
“The lady set the rules,” Gideon informed him. “She’s also the one who came to me. I never planned to touch her. If you remember, I asked that she be kept away from me.”
Zane nodded. “You did.”
“But I’m not walking away until I have to. And if I hurt her, it will never be intentionally. She’s not my mate, but she means something to me,” Gideon said.
Zane stared at him then turned and started walking again. Soon, Gideon realized they’d circled around and come up behind the house. There was a clear spot in a copse of trees with wildflowers springing up. It was a peaceful spot. Zane used his shovel to scrape lines in the dirt, lines that would turn into a grave when they started digging.
“What if she changes her mind?” Zane asked.
“What?”
“What if Vic decides she doesn’t want to let you go? What if she wants to be your mate?” Zane demanded.
Gideon shook his head, ignoring his sweaty palms and racing heart. “I can’t. We can’t.”
“So you’re planning to leave no matter what?”
“She deserves far better than a man like me,” Gideon stated softly.
“I think you’re wrong,” Zane stated, plunging his shovel in and pulling up the first scoop of dirt.
Gideon ignored him, digging his shovel in deep.
“We all have demons,” Zane said after they’d been digging for a bit.
“You don’t have demons like I do,” Gideon stated.
“You think I haven’t killed people? That Tah hasn’t? We all have, and we’d all do it again. Most likely will do it again,” Zane said.
“It’s different,” Gideon said.
“Death is death,” Zane argued. “We all end up in the same place at the end.” He planted his shovel in the dirt again, and the truth of that statement rang out as the blade struck rock.
“I’ve done things I don’t deserve to be forgiven for,” Gideon finally said.
“Surviving?” Zane challenged, and Gideon swallowed, looking away.
“I’m not worthy of a woman like Vic,” Gideon admitted.
“No, you’re not,” Zane agreed. “God knows I’ve done nothing in my life to deserve Diane, but now that I have her, I’ll kill anyone who tries to take her from me. She looks at me, and I find a peace I’ve never known before. And her touch. It soothes me as nothing else ever could. She is my heart and soul. Worthy of her or not, she is mine.”
“You’re a lucky man,” Gideon said.
“I am. You could be, as well,” Zane stated, but Gideon threw his back into shoveling and refused to comment.
They worked in silence a little bit longer, and Gideon found part of him yearning to believe Zane. What if Vic wanted to be his mate? What if she wanted him to stay with her? Could he? He owed it to Thomas to find out what was going on. He’d be there if his friend needed help. But maybe this time he could have someone waiting for him to come home to.
“I think it’s deep enough,” Zane said and Gideon agreed. “Let’s head back.”
They left the shovels and headed toward the house in silence. Gideon thought about everything Zane had said. Part of him kept hearing Vic’s voice saying over and over again that she wasn’t his mate. Part of him was starting to believe she was. And the more he thought about it, the more he needed to see her, but she and Finn still weren’t back from town when he and Zane arrived at the house.
“I’m going to head down and wash up,” Gideon said. He had no intention of going to whatever type of ceremony they planned to have for Lydia. He’d never been a friend to her, and he didn’t plan to disrespect her by pretending such after the fact.
“I think dinner will be a ‘fend for yourself’ night,” Zane said. “Grab whatever from the kitchen when you get hungry. The less we have to try and take with us, the better.”
Gideon nodded. “Thanks.”
“I can see you mulling stuff over in your head,” Zane said then shrugged at the look Gideon gave him. “I’d do the same. But it all comes down to two things.”
Gideon lifted his brow in question.
“Vic’s agreement,” Zane said. “And your choice.”
“My choice?” Gideon wasn’t sure he’d have a choice if Vic said she wanted him for more than the short time they had left.
“Do you want to merely survive, or do you want to live?” Zane asked. “You might be able to survive without her, but you’ll never real
ly live.”
With that Zane turned and left Gideon standing there. Gideon headed down the stairs and wasn’t surprised to see most of them still remained. Amia, Clara and Abby were off in a corner of the room, seated close and talking. Abby held her daughter to her chest with a blanket around her and Gideon realized she was feeding the baby. He quickly glanced away and met the intense stare of Tah.
“You’re covered in dirt,” Tah said.
“I helped Zane get everything ready,” Gideon said, nodding toward the table where Lydia’s body was lying under a blanket.
Tah nodded and stepped closer.
“I want you to know that you’ll always be welcome to join us,” Tah said. “We’d be very lucky to have someone like you.”
Gideon didn’t say anything.
“I know you’ll be going after Thomas,” Tah continued. “If you’d wait until we get to Oklahoma, get settled, we’d be able to help you search. He’s Clara’s uncle. That makes him family, and family is everything.”
“I appreciate the offer,” Gideon said and meant it.
Once again Gideon thought of how much Tah reminded him of Thomas, but there were a lot of differences between the two, also. Thomas thought everything was up for sacrifice, everyone. And Thomas had sacrificed people and shown little to no remorse. Tah would fight to the death to protect those he loved. In Gideon’s mind that made Tah the better man.
“Offer will always stand,” Tah said then moved away, walking back to where Reno and Logan stood.
Gideon turned and headed toward the room he was using. He was in desperate need of a shower then he’d wait for Vic. He wanted to talk to her. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able do that before he touched her or not. Desire was riding him hard. But he had to tell her everything. Not just what he suspected, but also the things he’d done. Which reminded him, he also needed to check the new tests he’d had running. Once everyone cleared out, he’d go in.
He stepped in the shower and felt the warm water wash over him, cleansing the dirt from his arms and hands. His heartbeat accelerated as he felt clarity fill him.
He wanted to live.
Chapter Ten
Vic was tired when they finally got back. The stupid truck hadn’t been ready so she and Finn had spent most of the afternoon dicking around town waiting on it. It wasn’t as if they really needed to buy anything. The less they had to move, the better. She’d spoken briefly with Kenzie to let her know about what had been said. Kenzie promised again that she’d meet them in Oklahoma. Vic hadn’t asked her about the possibility of a pregnancy. Kenzie would tell her if and when she wanted to. Vic respected that. God knows she enjoyed her own privacy.
She and Finn had come home to a cloud of sorrow looming over the house. Lydia had passed away and Amia and Clara were both taking it hard. Vic knew they were planning a little ceremony out back, but she wasn’t one for funerals, and she hadn’t really known Lydia. So it didn’t feel right to go. Besides, Zane had told her Gideon was downstairs.
She’d grabbed takeout on the way back. Pizza was the food of choice lately as it was the one thing that heated up nicely or as far as she was concerned, tasted great cold. They lived far enough out that most stuff was cold before they got it back, anyway. Pizza they could deal with. Cold burgers and greasy fries, not so much. She grabbed one of the large boxes and left to search for Gideon. Finn had already snagged another box and headed in the opposite direction to look for Murphy.
Gideon was in the lab when she walked down, his shoulders hunched as he gazed at the scrolling screen of the computer. He glanced back as she entered, and she loved the way his face flushed with desire.
“I brought dinner,” she said and held out the box.
“Cold pizza.” Gideon grunted. “We need to work on your eating habits, hellcat.”
“I eat just fine.”
He shook his head. “I’m finishing up in here. I shouldn’t be much longer. You want me to meet you upstairs?”
She shook the box. “I brought the pizza to you. Figured we could eat in your room. Spend the evening hanging out. Unless you have other plans?”
“Just going over this,” he said. “And there’s nothing I’d rather do than spend the evening…” His gaze dipped to her breasts. “Hanging out with you.”
She had a feeling his version of hanging out included both of them naked. She was okay with that. It matched her idea perfectly.
“I’ll meet you in the bedroom then,” she said. “I’ll grab a shower. Finn and I spent the day walking around town waiting for the moving truck to be ready. Wasted a whole day.”
When she could have been here, with him, making the most of the short time they had left.
He nodded, but he was staring at the screen again. “I’ll meet you in there,” he mumbled, but she had the impression he was more focused on whatever he’d been reading when she walked in.
She backed out of the room, keeping her gaze on him simply because she didn’t want to turn away. There was no way it wasn’t going to hurt when he left. She headed down the hall to his room and opened the door. She tossed the pizza box on the bed and began pulling off her clothes. The thought of hot water sounded perfect right now, or as close to perfect as she could get without Gideon’s hands on her.
What if she asked him to stay? Would he even consider it when she wasn’t his mate? She hadn’t been this unsure of herself since she’d left her dad behind in the trailer park she’d called home as a child. She’d spent her entire school years trying to make him happy, to show him she was good enough, worthy enough of love. She still did when she made the trek home to check on him. She hadn’t been in a long while, though. Maybe she wouldn’t go back this time.
She wanted to talk to Gideon—open up to him in ways she never had with anyone else. Tell him about her past, about her hopes for the future. If he couldn’t stay, she wanted to ask if he’d let her go with him. She wanted to be in Oklahoma, with her friends, helping them with everything. But she wanted Gideon more.
With that in mind, she headed into the shower. She was just toweling off when Gideon walked in.
“I planned to talk,” he said, staring at her as he tugged his shirt over his head.
“I want to talk to you, too,” she said.
He grabbed her and pulled her flush against him. “Later.” He dipped his head and kissed her until she was breathless. “Much later,” he added and swept her up in his arms.
He carried her to the bed, and she noted the pizza box had been moved. He gently placed her on the mattress and leaned down over her. She moaned as he licked at the drops of water still dotting her skin. Her neck, over her shoulder, and across the tops of her breasts. One by one, he sucked her nipples into his mouth, sending an ache to settle between her thighs. He didn’t linger at her breasts, though. He moved lower, lips and tongue skating across her stomach and over to each of her hip bones where he placed kisses. His shoulders forcing her thighs wider as he settled between them.
“I was told I could have whatever I wanted for dinner tonight.” He purred against her folds. He nuzzled her and placed a sucking kiss over the spot that hid her clit from view. “I can’t think of anything I’d rather eat more.”
“Yes,” she pleaded in agreement, arching up into him.
He chuckled against her flesh and the sound vibrated along her sex.
“Gideon,” she groaned, reaching for him and locking her fingers in his hair, which she used to tug him closer.
He spread her open with one hand and took her clit between his lips. He moved them back and forth over the hard bud then flicked his tongue out and rubbed it. She moaned, lifting her knees and sprawling her thighs wider. Gideon skimmed a finger down to her opening and thrust inside. He pulled the glistening digit free slowly. His lips wrapped around her clit again, and he sucked hard. Two fingers slammed back in, and she came with a scream. Never had she come so quickly.
He lapped at her, tasting the cream that spilled from her while his fingers kept pump
ing. He kept licking and sucking at her, keeping her body tightly strung as the orgasm flowed through her. Finally, she dissolved into the bed in a boneless heap. She watched through slitted eyes as he stood and finished scrambling out of his clothes. He had the most magnificent body. She’d never get enough of looking at him.
He grabbed her feet and tugged her toward him until her ass hit the edge of the bed. She automatically lifted her knees to grasp his sides and held tight as he dropped his hands down beside her shoulders. His cock nudged her then glided through her folds, bumping against her clit. He took her lips with his, tongue thrusting deep and giving her a taste of herself. His cock slid along her sex again and again until he eased back enough for it to lodge at her opening. This time, he pressed it in and once the head breached, he thrust hard, filling her channel with his shaft.
They both groaned and clung to one another as he rode hard and fast between her thighs. So good. Perfection. That’s how he felt inside her, as if she were always meant to be his, and he hers. She nipped along his chest, sucking and biting at him. She wanted to bury her teeth in his flesh and mark him like the hellcat he called her.
He returned the favor, and she felt the sharp graze of his teeth, quickly replaced by his lips then back to his teeth as if he couldn’t prevent himself from using them on her. He scraped her neck once then again. His cock pummeled her sex, and she screamed as another orgasm washed through her. Another scrape along her neck, and he turned his head and buried his face in his bicep. She heard the muted rumble of a growl and felt the vibration in his chest as he came.
“Gideon.” She crooned his name, her arms wrapping around him as he collapsed against her. She soothed her hands up and down his back until he moved, pushing back up and pulling away from her.
“I’ll be right back,” he said and disappeared into the bathroom.