by Holly Hood
His hand clamps down on my shoulder.
“Hope, don’t start with me.” He takes another swig of his drink and ignores me. “I haven’t bothered your mom. If I want to have a drink I will.”
Hutch presses down on my shoulder and a rush of heat fills my body. I fall forward and clutch my stomach. I don’t want to be a part of his sick plot but his energy seeps into every cell and I can’t stop it.
I don’t remember magic anymore, I don’t remember how to feel. I know what needs to be done and I am the only person who can do it.
Killing him is on my mind. The only thing I want, the only thing I need to accomplish.
He’s not my dad, he’s the man who has ruined everything and I need to get rid of him.
Hutch pushes something into my hand. I bring it up and look at it. I’ve never held a gun, I don’t think I ever imagined what it would be like to pull the trigger.
Everything around me becomes obsolete; the only thing I can see is my dad sitting there with the glass in his hand. And I raise the gun.
“Do it,” Hutch says. “And this will all be over with.”
My dad drops his glass, and brings a hand up to block me. He knows what I am about to do and he tries to stop me. I see true concern sweeping his features, he’s not angry with me. He’s trying to stop me from making the biggest mistake of my life.
I squeeze the trigger, little by little Hutch’s control takes over and the gun shot shatters the hold he has on me and pushes me back into reality.
I drop the gun and scream. He’s slumped over the bar, his glass tipped over and the last of his liquor is moving to the floor.
“Why did you make me do this?!” I grab my dad and shake him. There is no way he is dead. Because if he is dead that would mean life really is cruel.
“Don’t waste your time,” Hutch tells me. “What’s done is done.”
I pull at his shirt, looking for signs of blood. And my fingers stop on his chest. I drop my head, holding on to my dad. Life is that awful, and my hands are covered in his blood.
“I would call the police and let them know this girl just killed her father,” Hutch tells the man behind the bar.
I sit up, wiping my hands on my shorts. “I hate you for this. I’m going to kill you. Mark my words, I will kill you.”
Hutch smirks. “We better get him on the floor. You know how the paramedics like to work on the victims before they say they’re dead.”
Hutch shoves my dad off the bar stool. And I jump on him angry that he is treating him like garbage, but he flings me off and I crash into the bar stools.
“I wonder if they will give me a medal.” He looks down at my dad. “I saved this town from being destroyed by some crazy girl convinced she is anything but evil.”
I know Hutch is evil but I can’t believe he is about to send me to jail for killing my own dad.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t think there is any way out of this. I drop to my knees and feel for a pulse.
“Someone please help him,” I beg. But there is nobody in the bar besides the man behind the counter and he’s not about to get in the middle of Hutch and his power trip.
I tilt my dad’s head back and feel for a pulse, my fingers moving over his body, shaking and miserable and not sure where to check or what to do.
I’m a mess. I am no good for anybody.
The door opens and I expect to see the cops but it’s Kidd.
“Oh this just keeps getting better and better.” Hutch shakes his head. “I guess one fucked up wannabe rock star is better than none.” He moves back. “By all means, try to fix things.”
Kidd steps forward. “You should be glad that I came and not Slade.” He drops down beside me.
“He’s dead.” I pull at my hair. “I think he’s dead.”
Kidd takes my hand trying to calm me down. “I am going to take care of this. I promised Slade I would.”
I don’t know what he means, but I move out of the way. Kidd rubs his hands together and presses down on my dad’s chest, his tattoos emitting energy, a light.
Hutch’s brow furrows. “What are you doing?”
20
Kidd looks at me. “I can fix this. But I need you to tell me this is what you want.”
I shake my head, I’m confused. “How can you?”
“That doesn’t matter right now. Just tell me this is what you want?” He grits his teeth, holding his hands over my dad’s chest. “Do you think your dad wants this?”
I don’t know what he wants anymore. And it hits me. “No, he doesn’t.”
Kidd looks at me, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t want you hating me for the rest of your life for not helping him. Are you sure?”
I look at my dad. For once he looks peaceful. I know what he told me back in Cherry. He wished I would have let him die. “I’m sure.”
Kidd looks up at Hutch. “Looks like you got your wish. I’m taking her. Get the fuck out of my way.”
Hutch shakes his head. “Or what?”
“Or I fucking end you myself because there is only one sick twisted son of a bitch allowed in Georgia at a time.”
I can’t believe it. But there he is. Kenny. I don’t know how he got here, or how long he has been here but he is.
“We need to go out the back. Cops are everywhere.”
Hutch steps forward. “I don’t give up that easily.”
Kenny shrugs. “You’re forgetting one vital fact. You might be a supernatural but I have something on my side that I don’t think you counted on.”
Evan and Eve appear in the doorway.
“Life and death. It can take out just about anything.” Kenny tilts his head. “So tell me, do you want to try me?”
“He’s not leaving.” Kidd tells everyone. “Take him out the back. Let’s get the hell out of here.”
I take Kidd’s hand and throw one more look at Kenny. He winks, grabbing Hutch by the shirt.
I KNEAD MY FINGERS into my temples. I’ve been sitting in the same stupid plastic chair for hours now. I just want to go home and get some sleep after everything I went through.
Kidd is next to me and his leg is driving me nuts. He won’t stop bouncing it. I want to yell at him but he’s doing his best to keep me calm since Slade isn’t here to do it.
“What else could they possibly want to ask me?” I scratch my neck, my patience is almost obsolete.
“I think he said he wants you to sign your statement.”
Kidd bites his lip and keeps bouncing his damn knee. “Slade wants to be here.”
I nod. “I know he wants to be here.”
“He feels like shit leaving you here. He’s on his way back as we speak.”
I nod again because he has told me this about five times now. I’m not angry or upset. I’m not anything I’m just sitting in the chair listening to the world go on all around me.
My dad is dead. The four little words have turned into something I never thought I would think or say.
Kidd jumps up. “Can we hurry up?”
I sit back in my seat and close my eyes. I see a girl, brown hair, and brown eyes. She’s happy and a little too silly at times. I see me, I am that girl.
And I’m sitting next to my dad as he plucks away at his old guitar teaching me one of his favorite songs. He’s singing, coaxing me to let it out and not worry about the words. That’s what he always said. And his voice is so beautiful it makes all my fear and nerves fade away and I go for it. That’s when I realized I loved music. That’s when I found my voice.
“I didn’t even get to make up with him.” I sigh and look at Kidd. “He was mad at me for weeks. That’s never happened before.”
Kidd wraps his arms around me and it feels awkward to be in his arms. I lean against him and listen to the doors opening and shutting.
“Just think about the good times. We all say some really fucked up shit when we’re pissed off. He loved you.” Kidd squeezes my arm. He smells like axe body spray and peppermints. And I nev
er noticed the tattoo on the top of his hand.
“Who is Anita?”
“My mother.”
“Where is she?” I realize I don’t know very much about Kidd’s history. Nobody has ever told me anything about his family.
“She passed away when I was fifteen.” He removes his arm. “From cancer. She got really sick. That’s when I met Slade. I ended up living with a couple of different family members and none of them ever worked out.”
“But Slade and his messed up family did work out?”
Kidd nods. It made sense it would work out because if you didn’t know anything about Kidd seeing him with Slade and the rest of their group makes sense. He is where he belongs.
“You could say my dad died because he was sick too. He had an addiction he couldn’t fix. I don’t think he wanted to try anymore.” Even when he came home, things didn’t work out.
The door opens and the guy that asked me a million questions comes back in. I don’t have to say much because Kidd insists on talking. And he tells him someone attacked my dad in the bar and we were there and happened to witness it.
“Alright, I will just need a signature and you are free to go.” He slides my statement over. “Was there someone else you want to contact?”
I raise an eyebrow. “No, just Nona. She will know what to do.”
Kidd hands over the pen. I take it and scrawl my name at the bottom and hand it back to him. “Why did you ask me if there was anyone else?”
He shakes his head. “I couldn’t get ahold of anyone at the number.”
I rub at my forehead drawing a blank on Claude’s and without my phone I’m not much help.
“That’s alright. He has all the info for Claude and Nona. And you can try again when you get home. I’m sure your mom is all over this anyways.”
I shrug, I don’t know how much my mom can handle when it comes to my dad’s death. She never let him see Griffin and now he is gone. I’m pretty sure she is a mess.
The officer opens the door. “If you have any questions or concerns feel free to contact me.”
Kidd leads me out the door.
“That’s it?” I turn around looking at the guy. “You’re just going to let me go and what? Search for some crazy psycho with a gun?” I can’t believe it’s so simple.
Kidd’s hand is on my arm. “He’s doing his job.”
The officer nods. But I can see it in his eyes, he has no idea what is happening because someone has made sure he only knows what they want him to know. And the person controlling things is obviously Kidd.
I follow Kidd into the parking lot. “You did something to him. You did something to this entire police station.” I climb in the car.
“I made sure they didn’t find out what happened.” He shuts his door and sighs, two hands on the steering wheel. “Fuck.”
“When do you think Slade will be home?” All I want is his arms around me.
“A few more hours.” Kidd starts the car.
“Is it weird I don’t feel anything?”
“No.”
“Well, I don’t feel anything. I know he’s dead but I can’t wrap my brain around it.” Like a broken record my mind keeps telling me over and over again he is gone. And I can’t process it the way I need to. Something is wrong with me.
Or maybe it’s grief. I’m not sure because I never dealt with death before.
“Hope, I can’t promise you anything will ever feel okay again.” He won’t look at me. “Everything changes when people die. They die and we go on living until it’s our turn to do the same.”
“That’s a lousy way to put it.”
Kidd shrugs.
“I like how you put it.” It’s true, people die, people we love a hell of a lot and we still have to live. I’m not sure anyone knows how to deal with losing loved ones.
21
My mom wipes down the table moving around my plate and Griffin’s. Somehow I managed to eat half of a sandwich and take a shower.
“Griffin, drink your milk,” she tells my little brother. “Has anyone gotten a hold of Nona?”
Karsen shakes her head. “I’ve been calling for hours.”
I sigh. “Maybe Nona is on vacation. Her and Claude were planning a vacation.” I pick at the other half of my sandwich.
Griffin looks at me. “Can I have your sandwich?”
I shrug and slide the plate to him. “Eat it.”
My mom paces the floor. She doesn’t know what to do. Part of me is relieved Nona isn’t answering because I know if Nona finds out Dad is dead she is going to fall apart.
I rub at my eyes, my stupid brain reminds me again he is dead and this time I am having a hard time with it. I just saw him, it doesn’t make sense.
“Why aren’t you sad?” Griffin asks me.
“Griff,” my mom says, she drops down in front of him. “You can’t say those things to people.”
He looks at me and makes a weird face. “I know why I’m not sad. He never came back to see me anymore. But Hope moved with him. She should be sad.”
Maybe he is right. But I can’t make a single tear appear.
Griffin gets up and leaves the room. My mom takes his spot. “I hope he didn’t upset you.”
“Nothing is upsetting me and I am finding it really freaking weird, Mom.” I rub my forehead. “Is there something wrong with me?” I can see the tears in her eyes, her eyes work.
“This is grief.” She looks away from me.
“Then why don’t I feel it?”
Karsen touches my hand. “Because you’re in shock.”
Maybe I am. I am also the one who shot him. And I am the one who let him go instead of holding on again.
“I can’t believe someone would do such a thing.” She sighs. “Was it a bar fight?”
Karsen shrugs when she looks her way.
“It had nothing to do with him. There was some stupid brawl in the back of the bar.” Kidd takes a seat next to Karsen.
I don’t say anything I let him fill her in on the details.
“What were you two doing there?” My mom chews at her lip.
“I wanted to fix things. But he was drunk like he always is and he didn’t want to hear it.” I say.
“So we left.” Kidd sits forward. “And people start screaming and the next thing you know we hear gun shots and go back in.”
My mom nods, she stands up. “That’s what happened.”
I look at Kidd, he looks satisfied and a bit exhausted forcing these thoughts on everyone around us. It’s a useful thing he can do.
I jump up, running to the door when I hear footsteps on the porch. I throw open the door and my relief is immediate it courses through my soul.
“I’m so happy you’re here.” I jump into his arms and I can feel again. I feel his arms around me. I hold on tight.
“I’m sorry I left. Are you okay?”
“I don’t know.” I squeeze him tighter. “I can’t feel anything but you.”
Slade kisses me on the cheek and sets me on my feet. “I have something to tell you.”
I search his eyes, shaking my head confused. I am the one that is supposed to be handing out news.
22
“Whatever it is say it,” I tell him. “It can’t be that bad.”
He sighs, and I see every muscle rise and fall. He’s really nervous.
“Come sit down with me,” he sits down on the porch swing and waits for me to do the same.
“Slade, you’re starting to freak me out. Just tell me whatever it is.” I sigh, a hand in my hair the other clutching my stomach. “My dad is dead. How much worse can it get?”
He avoids my eyes, rubbing at his nose. “Nona passed away.”
“What?” I stagger backward at his words. “What are you talking about?”
He stands up and I move away from him shaking my head. “Just what I said. Nona passed away.”
“How would you know she passed away?” I huff, crossing my arms. He has to be mistaken.
“What whole thing?”
Slade stares at the ground. “There were cops all over the place. Detectives, you name it they were there.”
“Slade. This isn’t funny.” I pull away from him. “Why would you say she is dead?”
“Claude was on a business trip. He came home and found her.” He keeps right on talking. “And believe me I didn’t want to be the one to tell you. But when I saw this I knew I needed to tell you.”
I turn my head, he has his phone in his hand. And he pushes it toward me. I take it. And I force myself to look.
I push his hand away.
“I knew as soon I saw who did it.”
I drop to the ground wrapping my arms around my legs. “The only person who calls me doll is...”
“Hutch.”
I dig my nails into my skin. “He told me if I did this he would leave all of us alone.”
“He told you what he wanted you to believe. Claude told me Nona was killed days ago.” He doesn’t explain anymore and he doesn’t have to.
Hutch got ahold of Nona before he came to find me.
I look away dropping my hands to my sides. “Well. At least I don’t have to tell her Dad is dead.”
Slade grabs me. “Hope.”
I raise an eyebrow. “What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do? Things aren’t getting better. I am not even surprised anymore. Maybe this is what my life is now.”
Slade shakes his head. “It’s not. I don’t want you thinking your life is ruined or over.”
“Are you sure?” Ever since Hutch came into the picture and taught me the ways of magic my life has plunged even faster.
A part of me is relieved they are gone because they are no longer in danger. Hutch and the world can’t hurt me through them anymore.
“I don’t know what I am supposed to feel.” I move in and hold on to Slade. “I feel bad for not being upset. But I don’t know how to feel.”
He kisses my forehead. “Maybe you not being upset is a good thing.”