They had a good thing going here—they could both be positive influences on Will and work together to make sure he had everything he needed. She was generously showing him the ropes and helping him transition to the role of father. He couldn’t mess this up by acting on his desire for her. He put his beer down and leaned against the counter, forcing himself to relax and shift his line of thinking. “Nothing. It was just a long day.”
“You’re lying. And you’re also not answering why you told me you ‘approve’ of Logan.” She wasn’t going to let that one go.
“Poor choice of words. You don’t need my approval for anything. I was just thinking that Logan is the right kind of guy for you.”
Her glasses slid down her nose slightly, and she pushed them back up, but not before he caught something flash across her eyes. “It’s not like that between us.”
It took everything he had to force himself to sound pleasant. “Either way, I’m happy for you.”
“Then why do you look so”—she waved her index finger around his face—“constipated?”
He was torn between grabbing her hand and pulling her close and being insulted. He tried to unclench his teeth. “I don’t have regularity issues.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I know it’s not—”
“Then talk to me, Aiden.”
“Fine, Janie, here’s the truth, because I can’t lie to you. That night we were alone together…hell, from the moment I met you, I wanted you. Then I got to know you, and I want you more. But we can’t be together because of Will, and it’s killing me.”
Her mouth dropped open, and for a moment his last words hung in the air, ringing loudly in his ears.
“Right— Well—” she sputtered. “I’m glad you told me that, because now your behavior makes sense. And…” All the fight seemed to leave her in one big whoosh, her shoulders slumping as she sighed. “And you should know the feeling is mutual.”
His heart pounded in his chest, and he took a step closer when her gaze went to his mouth. It was total torture. “Maybe it’ll pass.”
“When I move back to Chicago.”
Shit. He didn’t want to think of her anywhere but here. “Right. Chicago…you have a life there. We were supposed to sort this whole thing out, and we keep avoiding it.”
She looked down. “It’s irresponsible of me, but being here in some ways has been the best time of my life. Having you around—it’s been nice having a co-parent. A partner… And these friends I’m meeting…”
“I don’t know,” she said, sounding vulnerable, “this might sound silly and not really the kind of conversation I’d have with you, but I was talking to Lainey, Hope, and Sarah, and they all have these full lives. I mean, no, that’s wrong—Hope is struggling, but she did have a wonderful guy in her life, and I realized I don’t. I haven’t. I haven’t lived that part of my life. I’ve been a caregiver, and I’ve been a student and employee, but I’ve never been someone’s girlfriend. Now that you’re here and you’re helping us and sharing the load of raising Will, it feels like this could be my time.”
And she deserved all of that.
He’d be a first-class jerk if he didn’t encourage her to get out there and meet a great guy she could actually be with. He opened his mouth to say just that, but he ended up coughing, like the words got stuck in his throat, refusing to come out. “Sorry. Uh, you’re right. You should start living.”
“No, I don’t think you get it. Aiden, you have to understand. That…kiss last weekend? That was it for me. That was…my first kiss.”
He kept his gaze on her, waiting for her to tell him she was just joking. That their kiss, their one time on the couch, in bed, in which all clothing remained intact, was “it” for her. His mind spun. “You’re kidding.”
“Why would I be kidding? Who would joke about something like that?” She shook her head. “Actually, I don’t even know why I told you that. Oh, yes, I remember, I was complaining about how everyone else has had a life except me. Pretend I never said anything. As of now, I’m getting a life. I’ll be at the bar tomorrow night, with my new friends. Logan said he’ll come by, too, if he’s finished work.”
Too much information was being thrown at him. She’d be at the bar tomorrow night when Aiden was working there. Logan was going to be there. She was getting a life. He’d been the first guy she kissed. And they could never do it again because they could only be friends.
Man, he was seriously paying for past mistakes. Because all of this completely gutted him. “Janie…”
Something flickered across her eyes, and her cheeks turned slightly pink before she spoke. “Don’t say it. Please pretend I never told you. I’m so embarrassed. I was just holding on by a thread. Work, Will, school…there was no way I could have a relationship. All my extra time went to Will, and I had to be ‘all there’ for him. I didn’t want a relationship and all the problems that would come with it. I’m fine with that. I’m still young. Plenty of fish in the sea, right? But you and I can still be friends. Maybe we can even set each other up with people.”
Oh, hell no. He could practically see the light bulb snapping on above her head.
“I know, tomorrow night! I’ll help you find someone, and you can do the same for me.”
Such highs and so many lows, Aiden thought as he stared at Janie’s gorgeous, smiling face. This was the biggest low yet. The woman he was falling for was now going to set him up with someone. And she wanted him to do the same for her.
He propped his feet up on the coffee table and said in all seriousness, “Janie, I’d rather sell my bar, sell my ranch, and sell everything I own but the shirt on my back than set you up with some other guy.”
“Fine,” she said stubbornly, and before she even took a breath, he knew the next words out of her mouth would be very, very bad for him. “I’ll just have to find someone myself.”
Chapter Fifteen
Was she actually going through with this?
“Did I ever tell you how much I like your bar?” Janie asked, smiling at Aiden over the counter at River’s. She was seated at a barstool, making light conversation and desperate to get back to the way they were before their kiss. Before last night. Before she’d admitted he was the first guy she’d ever kissed. Embarrassed beyond belief, she had to act like she was ready to find someone new.
She didn’t want someone else.
They had five days left in Wishing River, and she was telling him how much she liked his bar. There was no time for this. They needed a plan. But neither of them wanted to commit to a plan, because there was no win-win scenario. The only option was to pretend like this new life of hers was permanent—until it wasn’t. She could pretend tonight. She deserved that. Tomorrow they could figure it out. They would.
Aiden grinned, and Janie was happy that he seemed like his normal, likeable self. She hated the tension between them, and last night she’d just added to it. They had been managing before last night.
“I’m glad you approve,” he said, pouring her a glass of wine and setting it on the counter in front of her.
“Ha. Like you need my approval. I don’t think I really appreciated it that first night. Then last time I was here I really noticed it—all the old pictures of Wishing River. This place has so much charm and character. And history. You must be really proud that this has been in your family for so many generations.”
Aiden scanned the room with his eyes. “It’s pretty cool. It’s a landmark, and this place goes right back to the founding of Wishing River. I had my moments where I didn’t want to run it, but I grew up. I’m okay with it now.” He leaned against the counter, closer to her. Close enough that she could admire the darker flecks of blue in his eyes. Sapphire flecks.
“Your friends are here,” he said, gesturing behind her with his chin.
She turned around, spotted Lainey, Hope, an
d Sarah sitting at their usual table, and waved.
“Looks like their husbands are joining you, too,” Aiden said.
Janie sat and watched as three handsome men did indeed join their table. She turned back around and clutched the counter. “I don’t want to meet even more new people. I was just getting used to the women. Guys make it awkward. Will you join us when it slows down?” Janie pleaded.
Aiden scoffed. “God, no. Don’t worry, though. Hope and Dean hate each other, and they’re not married. They’ll provide loads of comic relief,” he said with a grin, then turned to restock the glasses behind the bar.
She fought the urge to reach across the counter and grab his shirt and beg. “Aiden, come on. You know these people. Way longer than I have. It won’t be awkward for you. Can’t you just come over for a little bit?”
“Nope. But you’ll be fine. Everyone loves you.”
“Listen to the man, Janie,” a voice said behind her. “He knows what he’s talking about.”
Logan?
She turned to see him approaching and breathed a sigh of relief. “You made it! Do you want to come and sit with me at Lainey’s table? Please, please, please.”
Logan glanced over his shoulder and then back at Janie. “Sure. For you, anything,” he said with an adorable grin.
The glass Aiden was holding slipped and fell to the ground. The shattering sound was quickly lost in the noise of the crowd, but she’d heard it, faintly. He swore under his breath and crouched down.
“Careful with the glass,” Janie teased, peering over the counter. “You might drop it.”
“Thanks for the advice,” Aiden said drily, still hunched down. She couldn’t see what he was doing, but she assumed it involved a broom and dustpan.
“Okay, well, we’ll be over at the table,” Janie said.
“Have…fun…” he grumbled.
Janie and Logan walked over to join everyone, and after introductions were made, they sat at the end of the table. She was still amazed that these people had just accepted her and treated her like they’d known her for years. It was a comforting feeling, being a part of a group, a community.
After they’d placed their orders, Lainey rapidly clinked her fork to her glass, and everyone turned to her. Tyler, her husband, had his arm around her, and the two of them were smiling as though they’d just won the lottery.
“So…Lainey and I have an announcement,” Tyler said, his deep voice thick with emotion.
No one said anything, just leaned forward in their seats. Janie held her breath for what seemed like forever as she stared at the two of them.
“We’re going to have a baby!” Lainey finally blurted out. The table was silent for about half a second, and then everyone burst out of their seats and was offering their hugs and congratulations.
Janie took it all in—the joy on Lainey’s face, on Tyler’s. She wondered what that would feel like, to be so in love with each other, so strong together. There hadn’t been a moment where the two of them hadn’t had some kind of contact, either holding hands or leaning into each other, and it was something Janie had never been around before. And now they were going to have a baby; they were going to embark on a new phase of life together.
“I get the feeling I missed something huge,” Aiden said, coming up to their table.
“We’re having a baby,” Lainey said, still beaming. Tyler’s hand was on her shoulder, and his grin hadn’t left his handsome face, either.
Janie turned to look up at Aiden and caught the flash of something in his eyes before he broke out into a grin. “Congratulations. That’s fantastic news. Your order is on the house tonight, guys.”
Janie watched him, silently trying to figure out what was off about him. His reaction had been perfectly normal, and she seemed like the only one to notice anything. She ordered her usual but felt a pang of disappointment that he took her order as though they were just acquaintances and then left. Conversation picked back up, the women asking about the due date and the men teasing Tyler about becoming a dad.
“Have you guys made any plans for when you go back to Chicago?” Logan asked, his voice low and speaking so only she could hear.
She looked over her shoulder, trying to find Aiden, but he wasn’t behind the bar. “No. Will and I have really loved our time here. It’s hard to know the right way to handle all of this. Everyone’s been so great to us. Will has loved his time helping you at the clinic. I have, too. He was even saying the other night that being a vet would be a cool job.”
He grinned, picking up his beer. “It’s in the genes, I guess, between you and Aiden.”
She tilted her head. “Aiden?”
“Yeah, it wasn’t easy for him when I went away to veterinary college. Hell, I don’t know how he just stood by and watched me go and then had to work here. We’d planned to go together since we were kids. We were going to open up our own veterinary practice together. No one worked harder than Aiden. He was always top of the class. His grades blew mine out of the water, and he got a full scholarship to college.”
Aiden wanted to be a vet…and that made perfect sense. So many things he’d said since she met him suddenly took on an entirely different meaning. How could she not have figured it out when it seemed so obvious now?
At her silence, Logan studied her like he had a question, but then he continued. “Anyway, I’m sure you know all this already. I’m just saying that I always feel like I owe him. That could have been a relationship ender for most. But Aiden threw me a party when I opened my clinic. He helped me renovate that old building every free minute he had. He gave everyone who walked into this bar my business card when I opened. You really couldn’t ask for a better guy than Aiden.”
Janie blinked rapidly, feeling like there was a weight on her chest, and looked for Aiden again behind the counter. The image of him in his barn with his horses…it all hurt so much more now. And him wanting her to go back to school. Paying her bills. It wasn’t fair. He should have his dreams, too.
She wanted to see him there. In the last few weeks, she’d come to rely on him when she hadn’t relied on anyone in her life. Somehow, along the way, he’d earned her trust. Even with Maxi’s lies and never returning her texts, never telling her the truth, Janie knew what kind of man he truly was. With herself, with Will.
She trusted Aiden more than anyone in the world. And her instincts had been right. He was selfless. He’d given her so much, pushing her to fulfill the dream he couldn’t but never telling her about it. Always focused on her needs instead of his own.
Trusting people wasn’t something that came easily to her. Friendships and boyfriends had all been luxuries she hadn’t had time for. But sitting in this bar, surrounded by people—by friends—made her want more, all of it. Life. And that was because of Aiden.
The noise from her table, their chatter, receded as she kept searching for Aiden, panic slowly rising when she couldn’t find him. She needed to see him. He needed to know how much he meant to her, not just because he came through for Will, but because…because he was such a genuinely good person, through and through.
“Logan,” she said, standing slowly, still scanning the room, “I, um, I need to go find Aiden.”
“Yes. I think you should.”
When she looked at him, his gaze was serious, and he gave her a nod as if to say, what are you waiting for?
She told the others she’d be back soon, and then she weaved her way through the full tables, the boisterous conversations just a blur against her own internal voice telling her to find Aiden. Pausing at the bar, she scanned the room again, still not seeing him anywhere. She knocked on the office door and then tried the handle when she didn’t get an answer.
The door opened easily, and she walked in, her eyes immediately drawn to another open door that led to a hallway. When she’d been here before, the night they first met, that door wa
s closed. She’d assumed it was a closet of some kind. Now, her curiosity was piqued. If Aiden wasn’t in the bar or in the office, this had to be where he went.
The light in the hallway was on, and she gingerly made her way over to it, an odd feeling drifting through her as she stood in the doorway. There was an old, dusty staircase that led upward. An attic? Maybe he was just getting something out of storage…
She chewed her lower lip for a moment, her heart pounding as she contemplated whether or not to go upstairs. That premonition sent a shiver down her spine, and the feeling that she needed to get to Aiden grew stronger. Something wasn’t right. And she’d never forgive herself if she found out later he’d needed her help and she hadn’t had the guts to take that first step.
Chapter Sixteen
Aiden took the stairs to his old apartment, two at a time, desperate to burn off some energy. And desperate to get the image of Janie sitting beside his best friend, laughing and smiling, out of his head. But it wasn’t going to be that easy. He was very aware of every single move Janie made. Every damn move.
She had done something different with her hair. It was shinier than usual, and the waves seemed more obvious in the way they framed her oval face. She hadn’t been wearing her glasses, and her deep green eyes seemed brighter, wider, and that only sucked him in even more. But his gaze had kept going to her full lips, which were covered in a subtle but glossy pink color that looked natural on her, and all he could remember was how she tasted, how soft her lips were, the sounds she made when they kissed.
Tonight, she’d even dressed differently. Nothing flashy or showy. But definitely not the usual Janie plaid flannel shirt and jeans. The dark-green sweater with a V-neck hugged her curves in a way that made them impossible to miss and impossible not to remember exactly how she’d felt on top of him.
Serving that table tonight had been another one of those cruel moments that would stay with him for a long time. Janie fit in at that table, sitting there with Logan. And when Lainey and Tyler announced their baby news…he’d been happy for them—for Lainey especially—but it reminded him of his own failings. He’d never been able to announce that he was going to become a dad, because he hadn’t even known, because he’d screwed up. But no one else at that table had screwed up that badly, had failed their kid for fifteen years.
Wishing for a Cowboy Page 17