He nodded, sadly. ‘I’m not a bad person. I know I like to fool around with women and have a good time but I’m not bad.’
He looked so low, she couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.
‘You’re not bad and I don’t want this to come between us anymore. We all make mistakes.’
‘We can be friends?’ Zach looked at her hopefully.
She nodded in defeat.
His face split into a grin.
‘Just friends though, Zach. Nothing is ever going to happen between us, you need to know that.’
‘Just friends, I promise.’ He grinned mischievously as he stuck out a hand to shake and she reluctantly shook it. ‘Does that mean you’re still going to come with me to the wedding tomorrow?’
‘No, it’s not appropriate. I’m sorry, but I think it would mean something different to you than it would to me.’
His mischievous grin faded slightly. He stood to leave and passed her the flowers which she duly took this time. He shoulders were slumped slightly as he walked out, but she knew he wouldn’t stay down for long. He was like a jack-in-the-box, he always seemed to bounce back.
But as Finn stepped out from the back of his house, she knew she had bigger problems facing her.
‘You ready to go?’ he asked.
‘Not really.’ She stood anyway. ‘But let’s get it over with.’
*
She sat outside the restaurant on a bench, with Finn sitting quietly next to her. Why was she here? She had asked herself that question several times on the train journey into London. She had asked herself that question several more times in the taxi on the way here from the station. What did she want to gain from meeting him today? She never wanted to see his face ever again. Why was she putting herself through this? She took a calming breath and Finn took her hand.
She needed to prove to herself and maybe to Craig that she wasn’t scared of him. It had been two years and she was a stronger person because of it. She had learned to fight and to defend herself well and she wouldn’t be scared of him. She refused to let him have any control over her and that included any subconscious fears too.
She stood up with renewed determination and walked straight into the restaurant with Finn still holding her hand.
She spotted the policewoman, Annabel, sitting quietly at the table nursing a cup of coffee, and next to her was Craig Peters. He was a lot thinner than she remembered and he’d acquired a bald patch in the last two years too. He sat biting the nails on his hand, looking sad and pathetic.
He stood up when he saw them approach.
‘Joy, thank you for meeting with me today.’ He stuck his hand out and she ignored it.
His eyes cast to Finn and he paled slightly.
‘This is Finn.’
‘Her fiancé,’ Finn said, staring down at Craig with sheer hate and loathing.
She was surprised by the sudden upgrade in their relationship but she was glad she had Finn there for support.
Craig sat down and Joy and Finn sat opposite him. Annabel smiled warmly at Joy but she didn’t say anything, that was down to Craig.
‘I wanted to say how sorry I am. What I did that night was unforgiveable and I’m going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. I have never done anything like that before and nor will I again. I was drunk, I was emotional, my wife had just told me she was cheating on me.’ He shook his head. ‘There is no excuse, no reason that I can give you that will justify my actions, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind that night. It was never my intention to hurt anyone.’
‘You had a knife, what exactly was your intention when you left home with a knife?’ Joy spat.
‘When your world falls apart, you don’t think logically or calmly.’
Joy looked over at Finn who had lost everything the night his wife had aborted his baby and then to have it confirmed just over a week later when his wife was caught sleeping with Zach. He’d been angry and moody and determined not to let himself get hurt again, but she knew without having to ask that Finn at no point during his grieving process had ever thought about going out and raping a woman to exact some kind of sick revenge on the gender that had hurt him so spectacularly.
Craig placed his cigarette stained hands on the table. ‘I went out that night to scare the shit out of the man that had been screwing my wife. Then after a few drinks I thought I would hurt her by screwing around with someone else, only I couldn’t find anyone who was interested. This made me even angrier. I spent my whole school life being rejected by women. I went out the bar and I saw you. This beautiful woman, the type that rejected me at school and in the bar that night. I was furious.’ He looked down. ‘Everything happened so quickly.’ He closed his eyes as if it pained him to remember what he did. Joy felt anger boil through her. How dare he feel pain over what he had done? He had made that decision to rape her, to take away control from her. He deserved to feel all the pain and guilt that he was feeling. She wanted it to chew him up from the inside. If he wanted forgiveness he would have a long wait.
She was done here, she didn’t need to hear his feeble excuses anymore. She had proved to herself that she wasn’t scared of him – but also, now that she had seen him, she had also seen that he wasn’t as tall or foreboding as she had remembered. He was a small, pathetic little excuse for a man and she was so much stronger than him in many, many ways.
She stood up to leave and Finn stood too. ‘Is everything working ok down there, since I…’ She motioned squeezing with her fist and Craig swallowed.
‘It… erm, seems to be’
Joy leaned over the table and got right in his face. ‘If I ever find out that you’ve hurt another woman, I will find you and rip it off, do you understand?’
Craig stared at her in shock and then at Annabel who was busy staring at the inside of her coffee cup as if the world’s problems might be solved in there.
Joy slammed her hand on the table and Craig leapt back in shock. ‘Do you understand?’
Craig nodded and Joy walked out, followed quickly by Finn.
*
Finn watched Joy step out from the restaurant and look up, smiling at the sun on her face. She laughed to herself and then rounded on Finn with a big grin on her face.
‘Are you ok?’
‘Better than ok?’
The restaurant door opened and Annabel came out.
‘Joy, are you doing ok?’
Joy nodded, still smiling.
Anger swirled in his gut where it had been ever since they had boarded the train. It had now manifested itself into a white hot ball of rage. This not doing anything was killing him, but he had promised. But there was no way he could leave today without doing the one thing he had promised himself he’d do.
Now was his chance.
‘I might just pop to the loo, while I’m here,’ Finn said. Joy was too euphoric to notice, though Annabel gave him a look.
‘If you see Craig tell him, I’ll be back with him in…’ She looked at her watch. ‘One minute.’
He smiled. That was clear code for, ‘don’t do anything stupid but you have one minute to say what you need to say.’
He strode in as Annabel distracted Joy outside and as soon as Craig saw him he scrabbled to get out of his seat, but Finn towered over him before he could even stand up. Craig cowered back into his chair.
‘I just want to make it very clear, if I ever see you anywhere near my fiancée again I will break every single bone in your fucking body. I would rather go to prison for the rest of my life for murder than have you touch her or any other woman again.’
‘Are you guys done here?’ Annabel asked sweetly.
‘Yes. I just wanted to explain something to Craig, but he understands don’t you?’
Craig nodded again.
Finn nodded his thanks to Annabel and walked out, snagging Joy’s hand and walking with her back to the train station.
‘I feel great, like this weight has been lifted off me. Did you see him, h
e was nothing. You on the other hand, with your stupid grumpy face and your split personality, you are simply marvellous.’ Laughing, she suddenly swung her arms round his neck and kissed him. There wasn’t a single bone in his body that was going to stop it. He wrapped his arms round her tight and right there in the middle of the street, as shoppers and parents with children and business men and women hurried round them, he kissed her back. She tasted sublime. He knew he could kiss her forever and never tire of it. As someone bumped into them, he shuffled her back into a side alley, not taking his lips from hers. Pinning her against the wall, he felt her pulse skitter with desire along her throat as his hands caressed against her skin. Her hands were in his hair and as he kissed her hard, a moan rumbled in her mouth.
He lifted her and she immediately wrapped her legs round his hips. He pressed into her and she tore her mouth from his, groaning as she arched against him. He moved his mouth to her throat and eyed the hustle and bustle that was going on mere metres away from them on the pavement. It was broad daylight but no one could see or care about what was happening in this darkened part of the alleyway.
Suddenly she stopped him. ‘Let’s go home.’
He nodded, keenly, not caring what boundaries had suddenly been crossed. He needed her right now and he could deal with his demons later.
Suddenly a thought struck him. ‘No, we can’t, I have Casey’s stag do tonight.’
She suddenly paled, her face stricken with guilt. ‘Oh god, I’m a terrible friend.’ She disentangled herself from his grasp and straightened her dress.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Oh Finn, I’m no good for you. I’m such a horrible person.’
She walked out the alley and out into the bright sunshine. She waited for him and then they walked back to the train station in complete silence. What the hell had just happened?
*
Joy sat on the train next to Finn without saying a word. Tonight Casey was going to tell Finn that he loved him. She winced with guilt. Casey had asked her not to do anything with Finn until he’d told him how he felt. They had kissed in the garden, had a sort of date, danced and nearly had hot amazing sex in an alleyway in London. It wasn’t the romantic affair of the century but there still should have been some loyalty there. Damn it. She had done exactly what Zach had done with Pippa, she had taken what was rightfully Casey’s. He had asked her to wait a few days and she couldn’t even do that.
And poor Casey could not only be spectacularly rejected that night, but he could also lose his best friend at the same time. Finn could be really cruel about it. There was nothing she could do to take back what had happened between her and Finn but she had to do something to make sure that Finn treated Casey kindly. Though quite how she was going to do that without revealing Casey’s big secret was beyond her.
The train rattled to a stop at their station and they walked back to Finn’s truck. He started the engine and drove home. He looked so forlorn.
They pulled up outside his house and he got out, looking thoroughly confused.
‘Finn we need to talk.’
Chapter Thirteen
His face fell a bit. ‘I’m not sure I’m ready to have that conversation yet.’
She gestured to go into his house and she followed him into his front room. ‘Not about us.’
‘Oh. Well, I’m not being funny, but you sort of need to be quick. Casey’s coming round in a few minutes, we’re having a few drinks to commiserate his last night of freedom.’
‘It’s Casey I need to talk to you about…’ How could she say this without giving away what Casey wanted to say for himself? She took a deep breath. ‘Casey’s really special.’
Finn arched an eyebrow. ‘Yes he is. Don’t tell me you’ve fallen in love with him, it’s a bit bloody late for that.’
‘Just listen. He’s your best friend?’
‘Yes.’
‘You’ve been friends forever?’
‘Yes you know all this, why are you…’
‘Friends like him don’t come round very often. He’s sweet and lovely and generous and fiercely loyal to you. Just don’t throw that away.’
‘What are you– ’
‘I’m just saying, don’t throw away thirty years of friendship over male pride. He needs you now, god knows this marriage to Arielle is going to be a disaster and he’ll need a friend when it’s all over.’
‘And he’ll have one. Two by the looks of things.’
She opened her mouth to continue but he held up a hand to interrupt her. ‘Look I’m not sure what this is about, but Casey’s my best friend, I love him,’ he said simply.
This threw her. Maybe Casey would get his happy ending after all.
His eyes were soft and she was suddenly angry that she had doubted him.
‘You’d die for your friends wouldn’t you?’
‘I’d prefer not to, but yes.’
‘Then a kiss isn’t too much to ask for, is it?’
He frowned, slightly, still clearly confused. He moved his hands to her waist. ‘Is that what you want?’
She touched his cheek. ‘Yes, more than anything. But I wasn’t actually talking about me.’
This obviously confused him even more, but she was saved from any more awkward questions then by a knock on the door.
Finn continued to stare at her for a moment, then took her hand and started leading her back to the door. ‘Maybe we can chat more about this kiss another time, but you need to go, boys only tonight.’
‘Hey.’ Finn acknowledged Casey as he opened the door.
Joy saw Casey look down at her hand in Finn’s and with a huge pang of guilt she watched as he gave a small sigh of defeat.
‘Don’t worry, Joy was just going.’
Finn gave her hand a little squeeze and then walked back inside. Casey cocked his head at her as he followed him in.
‘Good luck,’ she whispered.
He gave a small smile and closed the door behind him.
She stood staring at the door for a moment, desperate to know what was going on inside. She hovered, biting her lip. Hoping that Finn or Casey weren’t near the front window, she got onto her hands and knees and crawled underneath it to the safety of the side of the house. Her heart was pounding as she edged along the wall towards the kitchen window, which was open a crack. She could hear voices as she approached, inching closer she strained her ears to hear.
‘Beer please,’ Casey said, from somewhere above her. ‘How’s things going with you and Joy?’
‘I… don’t even know how to answer that question. Good, bad, terrible and wonderful all at the same time. You know she’s not at all my type.’
Casey and Finn laughed, and Joy had to smile at the absurdity of it all. He’d said it so often he almost believed it himself. Almost.
Joy heard the noise of a beer bottle being opened.
‘What is your type?’ Casey asked
Ooh, good lead onto the gay topic.
‘No one. I’m not interested in any women at the moment, they’re a minefield. I prefer to keep my legs and my heart intact.’
Finn couldn’t have set up the topic of conversation for Casey more perfectly. And sure enough Casey took the bait.
‘What about men?’
His voice was faint though and there was no answer from Finn. In fact there was no noise at all. Chancing a look, she realised that the kitchen was now empty and they had evidently moved into the lounge. She hurried round the back of the house and then edged round the window, peering through the branches of a climbing rose to see what was going on in the lounge. They were sitting opposite each other Casey on the chair, Finn on the sofa. The windows were closed and she could only surmise what was being said.
Casey was talking – he looked nervous, embarrassed, but he didn’t take his eyes off Finn as he spoke. Finn’s eyebrows shot up, his mouth falling open slightly as Casey continued to speak. Finn started shaking his head, he looked really apologetic, though Casey looked sad – his
shoulders slumped as he looked down at the floor. He stood up and moved to sit next to Finn and she found herself holding her breath hoping that Finn wouldn’t move away, or hurt him. He didn’t. Whatever Casey said next though must have been very shocking as Finn’s eyes nearly fell out of his head, but then he was nodding and Casey laughed.
She watched as Casey wiped his hands on his jeans and took Finn’s face in his hands. Finn watched him carefully and Joy moved closer to the window, her own mouth falling open in shock as Casey leaned forward and kissed Finn on the lips. Resting her face almost on the window she tried to get a better look. She wasn’t sure whether Finn was kissing Casey back, but he certainly wasn’t pulling away. The kiss continued, long seconds dragged on with her heart hammering in her mouth.
So that was it. Finn was confused about his feelings for her because he was gay or at least bisexual. Maybe he hadn’t known himself until now. Maybe he had been trying to deny it, but now Casey had come out to him, he clearly thought it was a good time to come out too.
She was jealous, insanely so, but at the same time she was so pleased for Casey, that he would get his happy ever after. Finn would be happy too, finally finding someone to love that he could trust. His best friend, it didn’t get any better than that.
With the kiss still continuing and with tears smarting her eyes, it was time to leave.
She turned away and walked into a clay pillar, the type that plant pots would sit on top of. It toppled and seemingly in slow motion, fell to the floor and smashed. The noise hung heavy in the air and she stared at the broken pieces for a few seconds before she turned and ran. She stepped straight into a plastic flower pot, her foot getting wedged between the sides and the bottom. She was still hobbling about trying to get it off seconds later when Finn opened the French doors and stared at her.
‘Enjoy the show did you?’
She couldn’t tell if he was angry or embarrassed.
‘I didn’t… I…’
There were no words to make the situation better and to her utmost annoyance, the tears that had threatened to come moments before now spilled over.
Beneath the Moon and the Stars Page 18