‘Agreed.’
He grabbed her hand and marched the last hundred yards back to his house. He pulled her inside and pinned her against the door, kissing her again.
Chapter Sixteen
God, his kiss, it was insane the feelings it sparked in her. He pulled away slightly to look at her, his eyes dark with lust and need, he looked like he wanted to devour her. It sent a rush of longing straight to her groin.
‘You call the shots, you’re in control. I’m not going to do anything here that might intimidate you.’
She wrapped her arms round his neck and kissed him again. This man. How could he be so ferocious, so sexy and still so caring at the same time? Right then and there she was willing to surrender every single bit of control to him. “I’m not scared of you.”
His hands travelled all over her body, barely touching just skimming her ribs, her arms, stroking through her hair. She seemed to have forgotten how to breathe. Her body was shaking with supressed need,
His taste, salty, earthy, sweet, she couldn’t get enough. He moved his mouth to her throat and she felt him smile as he no doubt felt her pulse hammering against his lips. His kisses were relentless as his mouth travelled slowly over her collar bone and back up her throat. She felt her breathing accelerate as he slipped a hand inside her dress, running his fingers over her nipple.
‘Tell me to stop and I’ll stop.’ His voice was no more than a whisper now.
There was no way that word would pass her lips.
He grabbed the material at her hips and yanked the dress over her head. She was shocked by this sudden need, but not nearly as shocked as when he filled his hands with her breasts, running his fingers over her nipples through the material of her bra. As he kissed her, urgently, her bra came off and his hands were back on her breasts again. His skin was rough, but his hands were gentle.
With a noise that sounded like a growl escaping his throat, he lifted her. She wrapped her legs round his waist as he pressed her into the wall with his enormous frame. That feeling, that need, travelled quickly down her stomach and straight to her groin. She arched against him, desperate to feel him between her legs. His mouth was on her breast, his tongue rough as it travelled across her nipple. Sensation ripped through her and she grabbed his hair as her body shuddered against his.
His mouth was back on hers as he carried her to the top of some drawers, where he sat her whilst his hands explored her body again.
Realising that he was still fully clothed, she quickly rid him of his shirt and let her hands travel across his chest. She found his pierced nipple and tore her mouth from Finn’s as he was shifting her legs further apart.
‘Wait.’ She was thrown for a second by the guttural moan of frustration from Finn. ‘No, just a second, I promise.’
She lowered her head and licked his nipple. She remembered doing this when she had been high on poisonous mushrooms, but with her addled brain it didn’t feel half as good as it did now. The feel of the metal under her tongue, the feel of the nipple – hard through the metal – made her gut clench. He groaned loudly as she quickly undid his jeans and pushed them and his pants off his hips. She sucked on the nipple, twirling her tongue around the metal as he took the brief interlude to rid her of her pants.
The sound of material tearing snapped her out of her reverie. She stared at the scraps of material in his hands, he had pulled them apart as if they were made of paper. He didn’t even look guilty.
Taking her face in one hand, he kissed her again, whilst she heard him fumbling in the top drawer.
He tore his mouth away from hers for a second as he ripped open the condom wrapper and her attention was finally drawn down as he rolled the condom on. She felt her eyes widen and a frisson of nerves sliced through the desire.
‘Don’t look at it like that, I know what I’m doing.’
‘I’m sure you do.’ She wrapped her legs around his hips again, pulling him closer.
His hands moved to her hips, tilting her back slightly.
‘Is this ok?’
She nodded.
He kissed her again, his tongue writhing against hers as he shuffled closer. She could feel him, tantalizingly close but still the kiss continued.
‘Finn, please.’
He tilted her back even more, leaning over her as he kissed her and with his large hands gripping her hips, he gently pushed inside.
She let out an embarrassing noise that was half between a moan and a gurgle and he smirked. She tightened her grip around him with her legs, pulling him close with her arms, and with no gap left between them, with his eyes staring into hers, he started to move against her.
*
Joy lay on the sofa staring out the window, with Finn curled around her back, holding her against him. What had just happened? Sex wasn’t supposed to be like that. If it was, no one would ever get any work done, no one would leave their homes. She thought back to her previous sexual partners, none of them had come anywhere close to what had just happened with Finn.
It had started off gentle as Finn, determined not to hurt her, had held himself back – but suddenly all at once, by some unspoken mutual agreement, everything had changed. It was urgent, a desperate need, lips clashed, hands grabbed, she couldn’t take enough, she wanted more and he gave her everything he had. Where before her orgasms had been slow to build and then culminated in a ripple of pleasure, with Finn her orgasm had ripped through her so fast she wasn’t even prepared for it. And it wasn’t a ripple of pleasure but a tidal wave that seemed to roar through her body and went on and on as Finn poured himself into her again and again.
It had been over half an hour since they had moved to the sofa, and although her body had finally stopped shaking, her heart was still pounding against her chest.
‘Did I hurt you?’ Finn asked, as he kissed the top of her spine.
‘Not for one second.’
‘You haven’t said a word.’
She turned round in his arms and as she stroked his face, she saw the concern fade from his eyes. ‘I’m still in shock. Is that what sex is normally like for you? Was that just a normal regular shag for you because I can honestly say I’ve never had sex like that?’
‘No that was incredible.’
She smiled. ‘For me too.’
She leaned up and kissed him softly, and he pulled her gently against him but as it seemed it was going to turn into something else he pulled away.
‘Let’s go to bed.’
He climbed off the sofa and offered her his hand. She took it willingly as he led her up the stairs. She only hoped there was going to be more hot sex to come.
*
She woke in the muted greys of the early morning as Finn ran soft kisses across her collar bone and gentle caresses up and down her hip.
‘Hello,’ he whispered.
‘Hi.’
He resumed his kisses, trailing his hot mouth across her throat and slowly leaning over her so he could carry on his kisses on the shoulder that was the furthest away from him. His hands caressed as he peppered her body with gentle kisses, but slowly, inch by inch he moved so he was on top of her. There was no weight on her at all and he watched her carefully as he carried on kissing her. There wasn’t a single part of her that could find any fear in what he was doing. He was big and strong but the only thing she wanted was to feel that strength against her. As he slowly moved his way back up her body, slowly nudging her legs apart, she could see he was waiting for permission. She wrapped her arms round his broad shoulders and pulled him close to her, kissing him hard. He slipped ever so slowly inside her, and as he started to move she waited for that same passion as before to take over, for that mindless, animalistic, raw sex. But this time was very different, every move was slow and considered, every touch was tender and loving, it was sweet and incredible and wonderful all at once. He didn’t take his eyes off her for one second as he made love to her. This was infinitely worse than the time before because with every gentle thrust, with every k
iss and every caress she could feel herself falling deeper and deeper in love with him.
*
Joy woke the next day, lying on Finn’s chest. He wasn’t awake yet, his breathing was heavy, his hand was in her hair.
Making love had not been part of the plan. The kisses, the touches, the looks had been soft and languid. The tenderness he had shown her had made her feel so cherished. It was hard to believe that he only wanted sex from her after that. The worst thing was, that thing she had been looking for, that feeling of home she had spent years searching for, she hadn’t found it in the brick walls of a house, but in his arms. With his mouth against hers, when he was buried inside her, when their arms and legs had been tangled together, she had felt more at home there than any house she had ever lived in before.
If the night before was meant to eradicate that need for him from her system, it’d had the opposite effect. Now she’d had a taste of him, she needed more. But that wasn’t what it had been about for Finn, she knew that and she didn’t think she could bear to be there for the ‘let’s just be friends’ speech later that morning. It was time to go.
She slipped quietly from the bed and as he slept on undisturbed, she ran from the room and down the stairs. She found her dress, pulled it on and ran out the back door and into the safety of her own home.
It was half an hour later before Finn came to find her as she tried to distract herself with some atrocious sketches.
He was wearing shorts and nothing else and by the sleepy, dishevelled expression, he’d only just woke up.
‘Are you ok?’
‘Yes. No. I’m not really sure.’ She shaded the fur of a black panther so ferociously that she tore the page. She threw her pencil across the room and it bounced off the wall by Finn’s head.
‘Do you want to talk about it, did I do something wrong?’
‘Yes.’ She stood up. ‘You made love to me. It was supposed to be a night of hot, hard sex and you made love to me, that wasn’t part of the plan.’
‘You left this morning because I made love to you?’ Finn was clearly confused.
‘I really didn’t want to be there for the “that was a great, meaningless shag” speech. I don’t do one night stands Finn, I never have, I’m not sure what possessed me to start now.’
‘It doesn’t have to be a one night stand, we could do it again if you like, we can do it every night if you wish.’
She shook her head. How could it mean so much to her and so little to him?
‘And how would that work? Would we shag monogamously?’
She saw his eyes darken, what right did he have to be angry? ‘Yes, of course.’
‘That’s starting to sound a bit like a relationship to me and you don’t want one of those.’ She sighed, all the fight going out of her. ‘Someone would get hurt Finn and most likely it would be me. Despite your moods, and your silly, grumpy, gorgeous face, despite the fact that you stomp around like a child half the time and like a bear with a sore head the other half, you’re kind and sweet and protective and funny and amazing in bed – and I’ve stupidly gone and fallen for you.’
She watched the fear in his eyes but he didn’t run away.
He moved closer. ‘What is it you want?’
She laughed hollowly. ‘I don’t know. The whole caboodle. Picnics in the woods, walking our dogs together over the fields, meals out in little country pubs, dancing in the moonlight, lying in front of the fire and making love on a cold winter’s night. I want the cliché, I want my happy ever after.’
She flushed. Really, she should run through what she wanted to say in her brain at least twice before she allowed her mouth to articulate it rather than letting it have a free rein. Where was the rulebook when it came to playing the game, surely she shouldn’t be so honest with him. Indifferent, blasé maybe, but not honest to the point of blunt. They hadn’t even been out on a date yet and already she was telling him she wanted to marry him. No guy wanted to hear that. How humiliating.
She moved to walk away from him but Finn caught her hand.
‘I’m sorry that I can’t give you what you want. I’m trying really hard to be ready for a relationship. I’m just not there yet.’
‘You know the best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.’
He ran a finger down her cheek. ‘It’s not like lending you some money and waiting for you to pay it back, or leaving my wallet in your house to see if you return it. This is my heart. It’s already been stamped on once and the pain was unbearable. I’m not willing to get hurt like that again.’
Touched by his vulnerability and candour, she held his hand against her lips and kissed him. ‘And I’m not willing for us to have a purely physical relationship either, so I guess we have ourselves a stalemate.’
He stared at her for a moment, kissed her on the forehead and walked away.
It seemed she wasn’t worth fighting for after all.
*
Joy took a long swig from her beer as Casey settled himself into the chair opposite, his eyes hidden by the sunglasses he was wearing. Grateful that her own sunglasses would hide her red puffy eyes, she watched him carefully. He looked happy and relaxed sitting barefoot in her garden, but his smile was hiding something. His happiness rubbed off on her and she leaned forward smiling. God it was good to see him.
‘Come on, Fallowfield, out with it.’
He laughed. ‘Jesus Joy, want a job with CID? We could do with someone like you.’
Giving him a few minutes’ grace as he shifted awkwardly under her gaze, she leaned back in her seat and watched a huge group of people trudging from the village and up into the hills.
‘Where are they going?’
He swivelled round to look and turned back. ‘Deer hunting.’
‘You’re kidding?’
He shook his head.
The villagers really were a sick bunch if they could kill something so pure and innocent as a deer.
She changed the subject. ‘Aren’t you supposed to be on honeymoon round about now, lying on a beach in St Lucia being served mojitos by some hot barman.’
He smiled. ‘Damn it, why didn’t I think of that. Actually I didn’t really want to go on my own. There would have been something very depressing about lying in my honeymoon suite all alone for two weeks.’
‘Hell, I would have gone with you, we could have pretended to be husband and wife for two weeks. I would have rubbed suntan lotion into your back and turned a blind eye whilst you fooled around with the pool boy.’
‘Very sweet of you, but I’ve spent the last fifteen years pretending to be someone I’m not, I couldn’t do it anymore. Besides, going on holiday kind of felt like running away; it’s time to face the music.’
She grabbed a handful of cashew nuts and shoved the bowl across the table towards him. ‘So your mum now knows the reason your marriage broke up.’
‘Joy the reason my marriage broke up was because my wife was caught shagging another man, you know that. If that hadn’t happened I’d be sitting on a beach in St Lucia wondering about faking my own death round about now, just so I could finally start to live the life I want to live. However, now the deed is done, I spent a very long time yesterday talking to my mum about my sexuality. She cried buckets.’
‘Oh god Casey, of disappointment?’
‘No, because I never felt I could tell her, that I had lived a lie and that I was only marrying Arielle to keep her happy. She was distraught. But finally, after the tears had stopped, she told me how happy she was for me, that I had finally come out. I told her that if she wanted to keep it quiet I would understand and I would ensure I was very discreet. But she was adamant that she wasn’t ashamed of me, that she loved me and was very proud of me and if I was to bring a man along to any of the many functions…. she would be happy as long as I was happy.’
‘That’s great. Oh I’m so pleased for you.’
He swept his hair from his face. ‘I know, all these years of hiding and it w
as for nothing. I feel an idiot. You don’t know how light I feel, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I’m gay and now I can finally shout about it.’
She laughed, then moved in for the strike. ‘But that’s not what has you smiling like the cat that’s got the cream.’
He blushed as he examined a stray thread on his shorts. ‘I’ve met someone.’
‘Good god, that was quick. When did this happen?’
He smiled again and she wished he would take his glasses off so she could see his eyes. ‘Yesterday, Alex took me to a gay bar, my first one, I was so excited.’
‘And this man was there? What’s he like, what’s his name, did anything happen?’
Casey smiled that sweet, happy smile again. ‘We’re taking it really slow, seeing how things go. We kissed, that was it. But I’m seeing him again. I’d like you to meet him, at some point. Not yet, but if it turns into something more then I definitely want you two to meet.’
Stunned by this huge gesture of friendship, she took a huge swig of beer. ‘I would love to, anyone that makes you this happy must be pretty special.’
‘I think he is, but as I said, we’re taking it slow.’
‘Was there Zing?’
He laughed. ‘There was definitely Zing.’
‘Ooh what about Alex? Did he pull? Was there anyone that took his fancy?’
He frowned slightly. ‘Shouldn’t you be asking him those questions?’
‘Oh he rarely tells me anything about his love life. He was involved with someone, quite seriously about two and half, three years ago but that ended sourly and Al ended up with a broken heart. As far as I know there hasn’t been anyone serious since. I’d love for him to find someone special, for him to be happy too.’
Casey took his sunglasses off and rubbed his head. ‘I don’t want to speak for him but there was one man who he seemed to spend more time with than anyone else. When we left, he was grinning hugely.’
Joy clapped her hands together excitedly.
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