by Bea Paige
“Will you join us?”
“Baby, I’ll wait here for you, okay?” Hudson says, his eyes flicking to Bryce.
“Okay,” I respond, a frown creasing my brow. Hudson lays down on the bed, places his hands behind his head and shuts his eyes. I don’t know why he’s chosen to stay behind, and I feel uncertain suddenly, as if I have done something wrong.
“I wanted a moment alone with you,” Bryce says, shutting the door behind us. “Hudson understands.”
“Why? I mean, I’m fine with it. I love being with each of you, but I don’t want to come between you all…” This strange feeling erupts in my chest, like something important is going on but I’m missing the point.
“That’s just it, Louisa. You’ve not come between us, you’ve pulled us closer together. You are special, so goddamn beautiful. I just wanted a moment with you alone. Just you and me.”
“You don’t want to share me?”
“It’s not that. I love us being a family…”
“A family?” My heart trips in my chest at his words.
“Yes. That’s what you are to me now.”
“Then what is it?”
Bryce scrapes a hand through his hair. “Just because you belong to all of us, it doesn’t mean I always want to share these moments with my brothers too. Hudson respects that.”
“I understand. I thought it was something I’d done.”
“Christ no,” Bryce says, pulling me against his chest. “I just want to make love to you, alone. Right now, that’s what I need.” The softness of his hair brushes against my brow as his hands slide up to my face. He leans down and kisses me until another flame is stoked within my chest and my heart is thundering once more. He breaks away briefly to open the mirrored cabinet. He pulls out a pack of condoms, taking one out of the box and sheathing himself. His cock stands tall and proud as he backs me up against the wall, I feel it between us as he begins to kiss me once more. Bryce slides his hand over my arse and lifts me up. The cold of the bathroom tile against my back does nothing to cool my flaming desire. He eases me down over his length. I take him easily, still slick from my lovemaking with Max.
“Fuck, darling…” he groans into my hair as he begins to move within me. I cling onto him as he takes me against the wall, his hips moving with purpose. I can feel his muscles flex under my hands, his strength holding me firm. It isn’t long before I am calling his name, just like I had with Max. The sound of my reverence is clear to anyone who cares to listen. This big, alpha male. This man who holds me in his arms, who makes me feel safe. He is my man, just like Max, just like Hudson. They are all mine. As that thought enters my head, a kaleidoscope of colour explodes behind my eyes as Bryce takes me over the edge. I become limp in his arms as he bites down on my shoulder, his own orgasm ripping through him violently.
“Darling, what have you done to me,” he says, his hazel eyes wide with surprise, with wonder. He lowers me to the floor. My legs feel shaky as he guides me to the shower, turning it on for me. He unhooks my bra and unzips my skirt. I allow both to fall to the floor. Then we step into the cubicle. He washes me gently, running his hands all over my body.
“Do you remember the last time we showered together?” he asks.
“How could I forget?”
“Want to replay it?” Bryce doesn’t bother to wait for my answer, he simply grabs my hips, twists me away from him then kneels behind me. I bend over for him, showing him my round arse and pussy. He takes me with his mouth and within a couple of minutes, I am coming hard and fast again.
When we leave the bathroom, the bedroom is dark and there is soft music playing in the background. The light from behind me illuminates Hudson’s naked skin. He has his back to me, and I can hear his gentle breathing, can see the soft rise and fall of his chest. Is he asleep?
“I’ll leave you two alone, sweetheart,” Bryce says, pressing a kiss against my cheek. He leaves the room. Not wanting to wake Hudson, I tiptoe over to the bed and lay down next to him. My eyes adjust to the light and I can see him more clearly. He is beautiful. He has a different kind of beauty to Max and Bryce. Where Max is carefree, Hudson is serious. Where Bryce is thoughtful, Hudson is demanding. His beauty is edged with pain, with a darkness that pulls at the edges of his soul. I can sense it around him, those shards that cut deep. Each of my men have it in varying degrees, but with Hudson it is most noticeable. I lift my hands to his shoulder and graze my fingers down the length of his arm. He stirs but he doesn’t open his eyes. My fingertips move across the firm muscle of his chest, over the smattering of hair that covers it. I press my palm over his heart. I am in awe of this man, these men, who are mending my own broken heart.
“Louisa?”
I look up. Hudson is staring at me, a question on his face.
“I’m sorry for waking you,” I say.
“I wasn’t asleep, baby. I’ve been waiting for you.” He smiles sweetly, and some of the pain he holds seems to fall away. Raising his hand to my face he rests his palm against my cheek, his thumb trailing over my now healed lips. He makes no move to kiss me. He just gazes at me, his beautiful green eyes and the gentle touch of his hand showing me how he feels way more than words could in this moment. The air around us is charged with something indescribable. It has been building here, between us all, since Bryce brought me back to their house over a week ago.
“Louisa, my butterfly. Can you feel that.”
Under my palm his heart beats like the frantic wings of a bird trapped in a cage. He lowers his hand to my chest, resting it between my breasts.
“Yes, you feel it too,” he says.
“Hudson, I think I…” love you. I am prevented from saying the words as he presses a gentle finger against my lips.
“Hush, don’t say it. I don’t want you to utter those words until I can say it back. Believe me, baby, I want to, but there are things I must let go of first. Things that hurt me, that would hurt you if I don’t deal with them.”
Mirroring his actions, I bring my hand up to meet his cheek. “It’s okay. We’ll mend each other, Hudson. There will be a day when it no longer hurts, and I’ll be here, waiting.” Sliding my hand around the back of his neck, I pull him close, grazing my lips against his. He is exceedingly gentle when he touches me, kisses me, when he trails his lips over every inch of my skin. He sets me alight, he draws out the pain of my past and dissolves it with his adoration. That’s the only way I can describe how he makes me feel. I am adored, like I am the only woman he has ever loved. These broken pieces of me, they have cut my heart to pieces over the years, but now with these men, the cuts are not so deep. We make love, for this is what it is. There is no denying the rawness of the unfamiliar emotions that he and I both feel in this moment. I return his tenderness with my own, letting him in, mirroring every touch, every kiss, every slide of my lips across the warmth of his skin. I blaze a trail direct to his heart, showing him how much I care, giving him every single piece of me. I crack open my heart, allowing the last shards of ice to melt away. When Hudson finally slides inside me, his chest pressed against my back, his arm around my waist, his mouth hot against my neck, I know without any doubt that I am now complete. That Hudson, Bryce and Max have settled themselves inside my heart permanently.
Chapter Sixteen
I walk ahead with Richard. Hudson, Max and Bryce hang back slightly. In my hands are a bunch of purple tulips. They were my mum’s favourite flowers. I have a vague memory of her placing a similar bunch in a bright yellow vase. She was younger then, beautiful. Happy. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a fantasy and not a memory, something my brain made up to try and convince me that she had been whole once and not broken. Either way, I’ve hung onto that memory over the years. It’s the only one I have that isn’t filled with bitterness, anger and tears. Right now, that’s how I choose to remember her - smiling, the summer sun streaming through our kitchen window, her blonde hair catching the light.
“You okay, love?” Richard asks me as we approach the r
ecently laid headstone. It’s made of black granite, shiny and new. It seems odd somehow, that this pristine hunk of stone sits above my mother as she lays rotting in the ground below, her body seeping into the wood of the coffin.
“One day soon, I will be,” I say eventually.
“Are they taking care of you? Are you happy, Louisa?”
“Yes, they are, and yes, I am. They are good men, I’m lucky to have them.”
“No, they’re lucky to have you,” Richard says, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
We stop in front of the headstone, the winter sun glinting off its shiny surface. Carved into the stone is my mum’s name, her birth and death date. That’s it. Most people have an epitaph but there are no words of love here. I had toyed with the idea, but in the end, anything I said would have been a lie. I loved the woman I wanted her to be, not the woman she was. As heartbreaking as that may sound, it’s the truth. I am here today to lay flowers for the memory of the woman I have longed for my whole life. To say goodbye to all that was. There will be no returning.
Kneeling, I lay the bunch of tulips on the packed down earth. In a few days they will lose their vibrant colour, their petals will fall away from the stem and eventually be scattered in the wind, floating off to someplace else. I think that’s what happened to my mum over the years. She started out vibrant and full of life like these tulips, but heartache and addiction slowly turned her a sickly shade, the edges of her wilting under the sadness that was her life.
“I hope you’ve found peace, Mum,” I whisper, pressing my fingers against the cold marble. I feel immeasurably sad, but also hopeful. That feeling of hope has grown every day since Max, Bryce and Hudson stepped back into my life.
Richard rests his hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. “Can I have a moment alone with Lorna?” he asks me.
“Of course,” I say, standing. Richard is the only man who ever loved my mum. He had made her happy for a short time and yet even his love wasn’t enough for her. In a twisted way that makes me feel better, knowing such a good man with such a kind and generous heart wasn’t able to save her either.
Turning, I walk back towards the church where my boyfriends are waiting. I see them standing together, talking softly. Alongside Richard and Nisha, these men are my family now.
“Hey, darling. Are you ready to leave?” Bryce asks me.
“In a minute. Richard is saying his last goodbyes. Then we’ll go.”
“We can come back whenever you like,” Max says as he threads his fingers through mine. I am grateful for his touch, for the easy familiarity we have around one another.
“No, I won’t come back. That part of my life is over now. I want to forget about the past. I want to build a future with memories that don’t hurt my heart.”
“We’ll build it together, Louisa,” Hudson says, his green eyes bright with hope.
“Thank you, all of you, for coming here today. It means a great deal to me.” Tears well in my eyes, but they aren’t for my mum. No, these are tears of happiness. These tears are because I’ve finally found somewhere I belong.
“Hey, come here,” Max says, pulling me into his arms, misunderstanding why I am crying. I allow him to hold me. Bryce rubs his hand up and down my back, whilst Hudson presses a kiss against my hands that are wrapped around the back of Max’s neck.
“You misunderstand,” I say, giving them all a shaky smile. “I’m not crying for my mum, I’ve cried too many tears over the years for her. I’m crying because I’m happy. In fact, I’m ecstatic.”
Max frowns at me. “Well that’s a little odd, Icy,” he says with a half-smile. “I’d rather you smiled.”
“Yes, it is, isn’t it?” I say, pressing a quick kiss against his lips. “But then, normal is boring, right?”
Hudson and Bryce chuckle. “We’ve never done boring,” Bryce says with a wink.
“Nope. Boring is most definitely not in our vocabulary,” Hudson agrees.
We all start laughing and it is joyous, uplifting, and slightly odd, given we are in a graveyard surrounded by the dead.
“Shh, you might wake someone,” Max jokes, pointing at the nearest gravestone, his lip twitching with mirth. It has the desired affect and we all erupt in another bout of laughter.
“Jesus, you’re going to get us chucked out in a minute,” Bryce says under his breath when he notices the vicar exiting the church. It’s the same man who performed my mum’s ceremony.
We stop laughing, pulling serious faces. I feel like a kid at school about to be told off by the teacher for talking in class. We all wait for him to make a comment about being respectful in a place of worship, or at least outside a place of worship, given we’re not actually standing in the church. The vicar regards us all, his eyes focusing on me. There is recognition in them, and he smiles warmly.
“Don’t stop on my account. Laughter is good for the soul; that, a tot of rum and the love of a good woman,” he says with a wink.
“Did I just hear right?” Hudson asks with surprise.
“Yep, you sure did,” Bryce confirms, a smile twitching at his lips.
“Sounds like a man after my own heart,” Max remarks with a grin.
“This may be where the dead lie in peace, but we are all still very much living. Life is full of shit, the least we can do is enjoy happiness when it strikes,” the vicar says before strolling off toward an elderly couple who are making their way up the path.
We all look at each other in shock, before bursting out with laughter once more. The vicar’s right, life has handed each of us a steaming pile of shit. But now, standing here surrounded by the men I love, we have been gifted a fresh start. Knowing that, I feel more joy than I’ve ever experienced in my entire life. The joy is infectious and we laugh until there is only happiness left.
Chapter Seventeen
“To the office please, Cal. I want to show Louisa around. Bryce and Max are expecting us.”
“They are?” I ask, climbing into the back seat of the large people carrier.
“Yes, it’s almost five o’clock, kicking out time. Well, for today at least,” Hudson says, giving me an easy smile. Hudson had decided to work from home today, and given I am starting work as their personal assistant on Monday, he thought it a good idea he show me my new place of work. Frankly, I am itching to get out of the house. Not that it hasn’t been fun spending so much time with them all, but I need to get back into working again. I don’t want them to think I’m taking it easy on their time. They may be my boyfriends now, but they are not responsible for the state of my bank account.
“No problem,” Calum responds, giving a wave to Nisha, who is standing in the doorway watching us leave. “Traffic going into London this time shouldn’t be too bad. Coming back might be a bit iffy though.”
“We can grab a cab, Cal. I know you’re clocking off soon, I should’ve checked if you have plans,” Hudson says.
Cal catches my eye in the rear-view mirror. “No, no plans. It’s all good,” he says, pulling out of the drive.
Almost another week has passed since that night at the club, and a few days since we visited my mum’s grave. Nisha and Calum have spent time together as friends, despite Nisha wanting more, despite Calum’s obvious attraction for her. I haven’t quite figured out what his issue is, why he’s holding back. But so long as Nisha is happy, like she seems to be, then I’m happy for her.
“I wish you’d mentioned we’d be going to the office. I would’ve dressed a little smarter,” I say, picking at my frayed jeans and flannelette shirt. Hanging around the house dressed like this is one thing, going to their swanky office looking like a vagrant is quite another.
“That doesn’t matter. Aside from when we have meetings or have an important function to attend, none of the staff wear suits. We never wanted our company to project a stiff image. I think you’ll like it. Besides, most of the staff leave at five sharp on a Friday; by the time we get there most will have left.”
“Okay then, but
just so you know, this isn’t the kind of casual I’ll be wearing when I start working with you. I mean, I don’t own a suit, but I’d feel more comfortable in something a little less… grubby.”
Hudson grins. “I kind of like the laid-back look on you. It’s cute.”
“Hmm,” I say, unconvinced.
Hudson stretches over and takes my hand in his. “Seriously, you could be dressed up in a bin bag and I’d still find you hot.”
I smile. “Well, that’s never going to happen.”
“How about some leathers? I swear to you, Louisa, I haven’t forgotten how great your arse looked in those trousers you wore in the club back in France. I don’t think I’ve ever been more turned on, seeing you dressed like a rock chick with the attitude to match. You caused quite a stir that night.”
“Hudson,” I say, my eyes widening. It’s not that I don’t like Calum or anything, but I am not so comfortable with him listening in on our conversations.
“Don’t worry about Cal, he’s very discreet. Plus, he’s learnt to tune out our talk.” Hudson winks at me. “Cal, are you listening?”
Calum doesn’t answer.
“See, not interested.”
“Funny,” I say.
Before long we arrive at a five-storey, glass-fronted building along the river in Chelsea. It looks like a larger version of their home. Above the double doors in silver lettering are the words Freed Corp. It’s impressive and intimidating all at once.
“Cal, head on home, this may take some time. We’ll catch a cab back later.”
“I can wait,” Calum says, glancing at us both in the rear-view mirror.
“No, you go on home. Keep Nisha company.”
Calum’s eyes flick to mine and I can’t help but smile. Nisha will be over the moon to have some alone time with him.
“Sure,” he says.
Hudson opens the door and I slide along the seat, stepping out behind him.
“This is yours?” I ask in wonderment.