'Thousands,' said Miranda.
'Oh,' said Carl.
'When we get the film deal for the book,' I said softly.
'The book?' said Miranda.
'Yes. Well. We're writing this book together,' I said.
I looked at Carl, wondering if he was cross with me. The book wasn't exactly a secret but it wasn't t h e sort of thing we talked about to other people.
'What's it about?' said Miranda curiously.
'It's j u s t kind of fantasy,' I said vaguely.
'Can I read it?'
'Well—'
'Certainly not,' said Carl.
'Why, are you worried it's silly baby stuff?'
said Miranda. 'Dragons and princesses and precious rings?'
'On t h e contrary,' said Carl. 'It's highly original a n d we're not letting anyone read it in case they steal our ideas.'
Miranda sighed. I was so impressed by the way Carl talked back at her. She made me feel incredibly tongue-tied, w h e r e a s Carl didn't seem remotely in awe of her.
'So where's this party then?' he said. He looked round. 'Are we it?'
'Wait a n d see,' said Miranda. 'Come along.'
She beckoned with her finger, her black nail 41
polish gleaming. We followed her back through the kitchen to the hall. Someone switched on some music in one of the front rooms so I walked towards it.
'No, no,' said Miranda. 'That's Parentland.
We're downstairs.' She opened another door with steps leading downwards.
'You're having a p a r t y in your cellar?' said Carl.
'Such larks,' said Miranda. 'We'll take t u r n s to lock each other up in the dark. My pet r a t s like to play this game too.'
I blinked. She had to be joking, although with Miranda you could never quite tell.
It wasn't a cellar at all, t h a n k goodness. It h a d been converted into a comfortable den with a large television set, two sofas and several h u g e cushions, a n d books spilling off the shelves and crowding every corner of the carpet.
'Here's our party,' said Miranda. 'Small but ultra-select.'
There were three people sitting in a neat row on one of the sofas. They weren't from our school. The girl was very fair, very thin, very white. Her long waist-length hair was white-blonde, the colour of cream, and h e r skin was eerily pale. The boy on h e r left was Asian, very good looking, with beautiful big brown eyes and long eyelashes. The boy on her right was black, very tall and fit looking, with a cool hairstyle and a nose stud. It was as if Miranda h a d 42
chosen her friends like ornaments, to look as decorative as possible.
'Alice, Raj and Andy,' said Miranda, gesturing to them. 'This is Sylvie and Carl.'
I was so glad she didn't call me the Titch.
'What would you like to drink?' said Miranda, going to a fridge in the corner.
I glanced quickly at the three on the sofa. I was enormously relieved. Alice h a d a bottle of fizzy water and Raj and Andy h a d Coca-Cola.
'Coke, please,' said Carl.
'Me too,' I said.
Raj was looking Carl up and down. 'You go to Kingsmere Grammar, don't you?' he said. 'I'm in Year Ten.'
'Oh. Right. Cool,' said Carl. He seemed flustered.
'You're friends with the football guy, Paul the Ball,' said Raj.
'Well. Kind of,' said Carl.
I stared at him. He hadn't told me he was friends with anyone at Kingsmere, especially not some footballer. Carl hated sports.
'Who's this Paul?' I asked.
Carl ignored me. He was looking at Andy. 'Are you at Kingsmere too?'
'No, Alice and I go to Southfield,' he said.
'Miranda's old school. Until they chucked her out.'
'Did you really get expelled, Miranda? W h a t did you do?'
'It was mostly w h a t I didn't do, like go to 43
lessons, do my homework, wear my school uniform, all t h a t dull d r e a r y stuff,' said Miranda, giving us our drinks.
Carl sat on the empty sofa. Miranda sat beside him. I lowered myself cautiously onto one of t h e squashy cushions, very glad I hadn't decided to wear the short skirt.
'I don't call running right round the gym s t a r k naked dull and dreary,' said Alice.
'If only I'd been there,' said Andy, sighing.
Miranda took a crisp from a bowl and flicked it at him. "It was j u s t a silly dare,' she said. 'No big deal. I don't know why it caused such a fuss.'
'Let's play Dares now,' said Andy.
'Boring,' said Miranda. And infantile. We'll watch a movie instead.'
I liked this idea. It was a lot less stressful t h a n trying to think of things to say. I wondered w h a t sort of film Miranda might choose. I thought it might be a grossly explicit sex film. It was a relief when it t u r n e d out to be a horror movie about a gang of teenagers at someone's party. They're all lolling around drinking and nibbling stuff and teasing each other, just like us.
They think their parents are upstairs, but when the main girl goes to ask her dad for some more beer she can't find him. She can't find her mum either. Then she h e a r s this awful heavy breathing right behind her and she charges back to her room and slams the door shut, and there she is, stuck with her friends, with this Thing thumping against the door, trying to get in.
44
I'd have been scared to watch it on my own, or even snuggled up with Carl, but it was different watching with Miranda. She held the remote on her lap and kept rewinding the good p a r t s so t h a t we could all chant along with the cast, and then sometimes we fast-forwarded so we h a d to gabble like mad, and then we all h a d to do the sound effects in unison. It was especially good fun doing the heavy breathing.
Tour p a r e n t s will wonder w h a t in the world's going on, Miranda,' said Raj.
'Oh, my parents are too involved in getting stoned with their boring buddies upstairs,' said Miranda.
I couldn't tell if she was joking or not. She pretended to be scared when the Thing started walking right through the door, and clutched hold of Carl. She'd turned the light off but the television screen gave a little glow. I could see she was gripping Carl's elbow. Her shoulder was nudging against his armpit, as if she was hoping he'd put his arm round her.
I watched Miranda, my h e a r t h a m m e r i n g u n d e r the hot black sweater. W h a t w a s she playing at?
She knew Carl was my boyfriend.
I couldn't m a k e out if Raj or Andy w a s Miranda's boyfriend or w h e t h e r t h e y were all simply friends. Maybe in their circles friends casually cuddled up together without it meaning anything? She couldn't be deliberately making a play for my boyfriend right in front of all of us.
I waited to see w h a t Carl would do. He didn't push her away b u t he didn't p u t his a r m round her either. He stayed very still, as if he was p a r t of the sofa, while M i r a n d a fidgeted a r o u n d beside him.
'I'm going for a real drink,' she said. 'It m u s t be all this talk of beer. Anyone fancy a can?'
46
'Do you need to ask, babe?' said Andy.
'Don't babe me!' said Miranda, pretending to punch his nose.
He played at punching h e r back, and then he started tickling her, while she squealed and doubled up. They ended up wrestling on the carpet, Miranda showing a lot of her shapely plump legs. She was being very physical with Andy, boyfriend or not. This was obviously the way they carried on.
I t h o u g h t about Carl a n d me. We h a d wrestling matches too, but it was different.
Childish and silly, not a bit sexual. Perhaps it was because we'd known each other so long.
Jules used to tuck us into the same bed together when I was staying over at their house. When we got covered in mud or paint she'd pop us both in the same bath.
I imagined sharing a bed or a b a t h with Carl now.
'You look like you need a beer, Sylvie – you're bright red in the face,' said Miranda, peering up at me from the floor. 'Hey, you're blushing!'
'Who else w a n t s beer?' said Miranda.
I glanced at Carl. I'd never d r u n k beer in my life a n d I was pretty sure he hadn't either. We'd always agreed it smelled pretty revolting.
47
'Carl?' said Miranda, leaning up on one elbow.
'Would you like a beer?'
'Sure,' said Carl, like it was no big deal at all.
So of course I said sure too.
'Alice?' Miranda asked.
'Beer? Too many calories,' said Alice. 'Just water for me.'
'You'll be on a drip-feed down Anorexic Alley if you don't watch out, girl,' said Miranda. 'Come on, Sylvie, come and help me carry all the s t u f f I felt absurdly proud t h a t she'd singled me out to help. I followed her up the stairs.
'You're right about Carl,' Miranda said. 'He's seriously cute. I'd like him for my boyfriend.'
'But . . . he's mine,' I said.
'I know, I know, only kidding,' said Miranda, linking arms with me.
'What about Andy and Raj? Are either of t h e m your boyfriend?'
'They're j u s t mates,' said Miranda. 'Well, I'm sure they'd like to be more, seeing as I'm so drop-dead gorgeous.' She fluttered h e r eyelashes and posed with one h a n d on her hip. I think she was joking.
'So who is your boyfriend then?' I asked as we went into the kitchen.
'I haven't got one at this current moment in time.'
'Yes you have! You were telling Patty and the others about him in the toilets today!'
'Oh, I was j u s t w i n d i n g t h e m up,' said Miranda, laughing.
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She opened the fridge and took out four cans of beer and a large bottle of fizzy water. She threw all four of the cans at me, as if we were part of a complicated juggling act. I dropped one and it t h u m p e d on the quarry tiles with a tremendous clatter, but t h a n k goodness didn't explode. Miranda delved further into the fridge and found cheese and grapes and pate, and t h e n foraged in a cupboard for salty biscuits and crisps a n d a huge slab of Swiss chocolate. She reached into another cupboard and found a nearly full bottle of single malt whisky. She shoved t h e m all carelessly in a shopping bag, threw t h e fizzy water way up in the air, caught it expertly as it spiralled down again, and grinned at me.
'Feast time,' she said.
The living-room door opened as we walked towards the cellar steps. Miranda grabbed my cans of beer and chucked t h e m quickly into the carrier out of sight. A bearded m a n put his head round t h e door.
'That wasn't beer, was it?' he said.
'Blame Sylvie, Dad. She's an eight-pints-a-night girl,' said Miranda.
I gave a little squeak. Miranda's dad smiled at me.
'Don't let my daughter lead you astray,' he said. 'So you're Sylvie. Do you go to Miranda's school? No, h a n g on, you're not old enough.'
I took a deep breath. I so hated it when people thought I was a baby.
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'Honestly, Dad!' said Miranda, rolling her eyes. 'She's in Year Nine like me. Take no notice, Sylvie. Come on, let's get back to the others.'
'Sorry, sorry! I'm blind as a bat without my glasses, Sylvie,' said Mr Holbein. 'I'm glad Miranda's making friends at h e r new school.
Come back again soon!' He gave me a little wave and went back into the living room.
'Doesn't your dad realize t h a t everyone's desperate to be your friend, Miranda!' I said.
'Are they?' said Miranda. 'You didn't seem at all desperate to be friends, Sylvie. You looked appalled when I asked you round. I never thought you'd t u r n up.'
W h a t about Patty and all the rest of your gang? Why didn't you ask t h e m too?'
'They're OK, but only for school. They're all a bit samey and boring. You're different.'
'Yeah, I look about six years old.'
'My dad is so silly. And anyway, what does it m a t t e r if you look a bit young for your age? You don't act young. I really really envy your relationship with Carl – the way you guys have been friends for so long and do seriously cool things like writing books together. He's so good looking too, it's not fair! Tell you what, I'll swap you Carl for Raj and Andy, how about t h a t ? '
'No thanks.'
'Meanie. Hey, let's get back. Carl could be making out with Alice – I'm sure she fancies him too.'
50
'Was Alice your best friend from your old school?'
'Yep. Hey, you can be my best friend from my new school.'
'Cool,' I said, trying to sound casual.
I was immensely flattered but also worried. I wasn't sure I could handle being Miranda's friend. And w h a t was I going to do about Lucy?
I almost started wishing I was with Lucy. When we were together I could j u s t relax and feel cosy and say t h e first thing I thought of. Lucy liked Carl but she didn't try to cuddle up to him and entice him away from me.
I wondered w h a t might happen when we'd all d r u n k our beers. Alice didn't seem particularly interested in Carl, t h a n k goodness. When we got back she was chatting to Andy about some school thing. Raj and Carl were talking school stuff too. I went and sat next to Carl quickly, before Miranda could get there.
'Who's this Paul?' I said again.
'He's j u s t this guy in my class,' said Carl.
A n d he's really into football?'
'He's only like a junior David Beckham,' said Raj. 'Isn't he going to be signed up to one of the top clubs, Carl?'
'Maybe,' said Carl. 'I don't know him that well.
I mean, everyone knows him, don't they, Raj?'
'Like me!' said Miranda. She cosied up to both boys. I ' m into football too. I was captain of the girls' t e a m at Southfield, wasn't I, Alice?'
'Until you stuck the two footballs up your 51
shirt for the demonstration match on Open Day,'
said Alice, giggling.
Everyone cheered when Miranda tipped the carrier bag upside down and the bottle of whisky spun on the floor.
'Laphroaig – good taste!' said Carl, as if he was a whisky connoisseur. He h a d first swig, straight from the bottle. I couldn't help being impressed. He didn't shudder, he j u s t swallowed appreciatively and then wiped his lips with t h e back of his h a n d as if it was a practised gesture.
Miranda took the bottle from him and glugged several mouthfuls. Then Andy. Then Raj, though he tilted the bottle craftily and barely h a d one sip. I did the same, blocking the neck of the bottle with my tongue. I felt the whisky burning into it, hot and peaty and disgusting.
Alice shook her head at the whisky bottle and sipped her water demurely. We swigged our beer straight from the can. I didn't like t h a t taste either. It was cooler, but sour and dirty. I h a d to swallow h a r d to stop myself spitting it straight out. I ate some grapes to take the taste away. I watched Carl carefully. He kept raising his can to his lips, and he h a d another swig when t h e whisky bottle was passed round.
'I thought you weren't m e a n t to mix beer and whisky,' said Raj, with another very cautious mini-sip.
'Beer and whisky makes you frisky!' said Miranda, raising h e r eyebrows.
'No, no, whisky and beer makes you queer!'
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said Andy. He waggled his own eyebrows camply, winking at Raj and Carl. 'Watch out, duckies.'
Miranda shared the food out. There were no knives or plates. People j u s t bit off big chunks of cheese or chocolate as they fancied.
I started to wonder why I wasn't feeling drunk. I'd h a d hardly any whisky b u t I'd d r u n k half my beer, yet it didn't seem to be having any effect whatsoever. Maybe you h a d to drink can after can. If so, I wondered how anyone ever persevered. It would be like trying to down several bottles of cough medicine.
'Could I have a little bit of your water, Alice?'
I asked.
; She gave me some, but it was a big mistake. I started hiccupping.
'Hark at Sylvie! She's d r u n k already,' said Miranda.
'I'm not the slightest bit drunk! It was the fizzy water,' I said. I made two terrible hiccupy-burping noises and clamped my h a n d over my mouth.
'Maybe you shouldn't finish your can, Syl.
Here, I'll drink it,' said Carl.
'I'm not drunk,' I said, taking another swig of my beer, nearly choking myself on another hiccup.
'We need to distract her,' said Miranda. 'Let's play a game. I know! How about Snog Spin?'
'Yay!' said Andy.
'Double yay with knobs on,' said Raj.
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'God, you guys are so basic,' said Alice, sighing.
Carl and I said nothing. We didn't know w h a t Snog Spin was but it was obvious it wasn't some Blind Man's Buff party game for little kids.
'OK, we need a bottle,' said Miranda.
She grabbed the whisky bottle, took another big swig, and then screwed the top on tightly.
'Sit round in a circle, my lovelies, and we'll let the Snog Spin begin,' she said.
I hiccupped, sighed, a n d sat down cross-legged on the floor. I felt a little shift inside my h e a d as I moved, an odd unscrewing. Maybe I was starting to be a little bit d r u n k after all.
Carl came and sat beside me. Miranda sat next to him, then Andy, t h e n Alice, then Raj on my other side. He started giggling. We all did, even Alice, though she couldn't possibly be drunk.
'OK,' said Miranda, and she spun the whisky bottle hard. It whizzed round and round, fast at first, and t h e n more a n d more slowly. We watched, mesmerized. The cap of the bottle ended up pointing directly at Carl.
'Aha!' said Miranda. 'It's you, Carl.'
I saw him swallow, though he stayed looking totally cool.
'So?' he said.
'So we have to select your snogging victim,'
said Miranda, and she set the bottle spinning again.
It spun round and round and round while we 54
all watched. I knew exactly when it would pause and point.
'Ooops! I guess it's me,' said Miranda, smiling and showing her little cat teeth.
'That's a fix!' said Andy, looking miffed because she hadn't chosen him.
'Fix fix fix!' Raj echoed.
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