by Marie Landry
“Guys, this is Charlotte. She’s Gabriella’s sister,” Kennedy said to the assembled group of eight or so kids. She rattled off their names, and they each waved as their name was said. I knew I wouldn’t remember half of them come morning, but I tried to smile and wave back anyway.
“I didn’t know Gabriella had a sister,” one girl said.
“That doesn’t surprise me,” I replied with a tight smile.
Before the girl could ask what I meant, Miranda nudged me and handed me a plastic cup. “Beer,” she said.
“Cheers,” Kennedy added, raising her own plastic cup and taking a drink.
“Thanks.” I took a hesitant sip, expecting nasty warm beer, but it was actually cold and refreshing, something I wasn’t used to at parties. I’d been to plenty of parties where kids drank, and I’d tried the occasional beer or glass of spiked punch.
My friends and I weren’t big drinkers, and we never had wild and crazy parties where people got trashed. It just seemed stupid and pointless to us. My parents, although they didn’t condone underage drinking, weren’t naïve enough to believe it never happened, and they made sure I knew I could call on them if things got out of hand and I needed a ride home.
I hadn’t had a drink since last summer when Alexis, Bianca, and I had thrown an end of summer party at Bianca’s house. It was just before Mom was diagnosed with the brain tumor, and life had been simple and carefree. We’d been about to start our senior year, and it was going to be the best year of our lives. Only it wasn’t.
The last party I went to was a Christmas celebration the girls dragged me to at the house of one of their new friends. I’d already left school by then, so it was awkward and uncomfortable, and I’d called Dad to come get me by eleven, even though he and Mom told me I could have a special 1 a.m. curfew. Everybody had acted weird around me, treating me like I was some poor, fragile creature, when all I wanted was one night of normalcy.
After that, Bianca and Alexis stopped trying. That was when Ella stepped in and took my place with them, as she’d already done with all my other friends.
I decided I’d better tune back in to the present so these people wouldn’t think I was a total space cadet. It was going to be a long, lonely summer here unless I was able to make friends.
Kennedy and Miranda were talking about a big concert on the island at the end of summer. I couldn’t get a good grasp on either of them. They obviously already knew Ella; what had she told them about me? Their initial interest in me seemed to stem from the fact I’d been hanging out with Ezra. Was that all it was?
“You should come with us,” Miranda said, drawing me out of my thoughts.
“Sorry, what?” So much for not being seen as a space cadet.
“To the concert in the park at the end of summer,” Miranda said, not seeming to mind that I obviously hadn’t been paying attention. “It’s a bunch of bands nobody’s ever heard of, but it’s usually a good time. You should come.”
“Oh…yeah, that would be great. Thanks.” Ella couldn’t have told them anything too bad, or they wouldn’t be including me in their plans, right?
“You should invite Ezra to come,” Kennedy suggested with an intoxicated grin.
Miranda rolled her huge brown eyes in my direction. “Ignore her. She’s been in love with Ezra for, like…well, forever. But he doesn’t pay attention to any of us.”
“Except, apparently, you.” Kennedy sighed dramatically. “Whatever, though. It’s totally fine. I’m not jealous or anything. Or, you know, not much.” She shot me a quick smile, and I felt some of the tension ease from my shoulders. She turned to Miranda and said, “Hey, remember when he used to play in that band? We were still in—what? Grade eight?—and he was in nine or ten, and he and his band played at the summer concert. God, he was so hot.”
“Ezra was in a band?” I couldn’t picture it.
“He played lead guitar and did some backup vocals,” Miranda confirmed. “He was amazing.” When she spoke about Ezra, her eyes got almost as starry as Kennedy’s. It made me wonder if Kennedy wasn’t the only one with a crush on Ezra.
“Anyway, that was a long time ago,” Kennedy said. “Every once in awhile I’ll hear him playing when I walk past his house, but it’s rare.”
“Probably got too much else going on to make time for that.” Miranda’s tone was almost sad, and I was about to ask her to explain when I caught movement from the corner of my eye, and Ella joined the circle around the bonfire.
“Well, Charlotte!” she said with fake enthusiasm. She leaned past me and looked at Kennedy and Miranda. “I see you’ve met my big sister, the recluse.”
“Yeah, we went over and—” Kennedy started, but Ella cut her off.
“How nice. I keep telling her it’s not healthy to stay hidden away all the time.” Her false concern act made me want to slap her.
To me, she said quietly, “Trying to regain your former glory as Miss Popular? It won’t work, you know. I’ve already told people all about you.”
I’d already wondered what she’d told Kennedy and Miranda, but I didn’t want to imagine what she’d been telling everyone else. Chances were she’d been making stuff up, and I was better off not knowing. “I don’t need to be popular,” I told her. “Clearly that’s all that matters to you, so I’ll let you be the popular one.”
“Let me?” Ella hissed. “That is so typical of you, Charlotte. You have no idea what it’s like for me. You were always beautiful and smart and funny, and never had to work at it. Everything just came easily for you. Now people realize they like me better, and you act like it’s a gift you gave me?”
A frustrated sigh burst from my lips. Of course I hadn’t meant it that way, but with Ella in the state of mind she was in, I couldn’t say anything right. I’d never asked to be popular. I hadn’t been one of those girls—like Ella appeared to be now—who all but whore themselves out just to get a little attention. I also hadn’t been the mean girl who’d gained popularity with threats or by putting other people down.
“I’m not acting like anything,” I finally said, keeping my voice low. I knew Kennedy and Miranda must be close enough to hear our discussion, and I could see a few other people angled in our direction. “You’re the one acting, Ella. You might fool everyone else, but you don’t fool me.”
Ella laughed, a sound so bitter it made my skin crawl. “Can’t fool a fool, huh? Luckily it no longer matters to me what you think. In fact, I don’t think your opinion counts for much with anyone now that Mom’s gone.”
Behind me, Kennedy and Miranda gasped. I wasn’t happy they’d heard what Ella said, but their reactions snapped me out of what I was about to do, which was shove Ella the way she’d done to me earlier. I knew she was trying to provoke me into reacting in front of everyone. I didn’t know what she hoped for—that I’d hit her, or yell at her, or maybe break down and cry right there on the beach with a dozen or more people watching.
I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction.
“That was a low blow,” Miranda said coldly.
“Mind your own damn business,” Ella snapped.
Miranda stepped forward, giving me a light push so I stood behind her with Kennedy. “You’re making it everyone’s business by flapping your lips in front of us. You need to back off.”
“Screw you,” Ella said, but some of the fight had gone from her voice.
Miranda took another step forward, leaving only a foot of space between her and Ella. She was a good four inches shorter than my sister, but what she lacked in height she made up for in attitude. “Wanna say that again?” she asked in a low voice. When Ella remained silent, Miranda said, “That’s what I thought. You may think you can buzz in here and be the new queen bee, but let me tell you something: I’ve lived here my whole life. I know every single person on this island. We may not all be the best of friends, but we’re a pretty tight crew. I know you think you can just walk up in here and take over, but keep acting like a nasty, spoiled bitch and you’
ll see who really runs things around here. You could end up awfully lonesome this summer. Then we’ll see who’s the recluse.”
My mouth was hanging open. My jaw had literally dropped and I was staring in amazement at this tiny firecracker who had just told off my sister.
“She’s good,” Kennedy whispered in my ear.
I snapped my mouth shut and glanced at Kennedy. Her smile was full of sympathy, and I suddenly realized it didn’t matter if their original interest in me had been because I was talking to Ezra. I didn’t know many people who would stand up for strangers.
I turned back to Ella and Miranda, and saw my sister stomping off across the sand. She grabbed some guy’s arm and hauled him away with her. He had to jog alongside her to keep up.
Miranda spun around and huffed out a breath. “I’m sorry about that,” she said. “I probably should have kept my mouth shut and not involved myself in your business, but the way she spoke to you…making that crack about your mom…”
“Don’t apologize. You did what I haven’t been able to do.” I watched Ella vanish between houses, as she’d done last night. “She wasn’t always like this, you know. And as much as I’ve wanted to tell her off, I keep hoping the old Ella will resurface. Kind of stupid, I guess.”
“It’s not.” Miranda touched my arm lightly until I met her eyes. They were as full of sympathy as Kennedy’s smile had been a moment before. “Anyway…you’re not mad? She may be a bitch, but she is your sister.”
I laughed under my breath. “I’m not mad. When she mentioned our mom, I saw red. I just wanted to push her, get her away from me so I didn’t have to see that smug look on her face. Thank you for stepping in and saving me further embarrassment.”
Miranda waved a hand dismissively, but she smiled. “It was my pleasure, believe me.” She gave my hand a little push. “Drink up. It’ll help your nerves.”
The three of us stood around the fire sipping our beer and talking. Different people came and went, staying to chat for a few minutes before heading off toward the water or into the shadows between houses.
When my cup was empty, I tossed it into a recycling bin nearby. “I think I should head home.” I was getting drowsy, and thought I might be able to go to bed and actually sleep.
“Aww, don’t go,” Kennedy pleaded. She was on her second or third cup of beer, and was swaying slightly, with a somewhat goofy grin plastered to her face.
“She’s a lightweight,” Miranda whispered to me.
“I totally am,” Kennedy agreed with a giggle.
I chuckled as I looked between the two of them. They seemed like such an odd pair, and yet somehow they fit perfectly. “I haven’t gotten much sleep lately,” I told them. Understatement of the year. “I think I should get home and go to bed.”
“I’m so glad we came to talk to you,” Kennedy said, throwing a heavy arm around my shoulders. “I was so jealous when I saw you talking to Ezra, but you’re actually pretty cool.”
“Umm…thanks. I think.” I exchanged a glance with Miranda, who rolled her eyes and shook her head. “I’ll see you guys later?”
“Definitely,” Miranda agreed. “Neither of us has summer jobs yet, so we’ll be around. I live in number four, and Kennedy lives in five. Come over anytime.”
“Thanks.” I looked toward my house, where I was sure I’d be spending a lot of time alone this summer. “You guys can come over anytime, too.” I gave them a wave and headed off across the beach.
Kennedy’s voice drifted after me. “You know I totally meant it as a good thing when I said I thought she was pretty cool, right?”
“Yes, Dee Dee,” Miranda said patiently. “I think she knew that too, she’s just not used to…well, she’s had a rough time, you know?”
I smiled to myself. I didn’t want people to befriend me out of pity, but I was pretty sure it was more than that with those two. Time would tell, and it was a start anyway.
I walked through the dark, silent house and up to my bedroom, where I went through the process of getting ready for bed. I didn’t want to make drinking a regular thing, but the beer had made me sleepy, so if that worked…
Only it didn’t. Almost as soon as I got into bed, my drowsiness faded and I was wide awake. I lay there and stared at the ceiling, watching rippling patterns created by the moon as it moved across the sky and reflected in the lake.
Since insomnia had set in several months ago, I’d tried everything I could think of to help me sleep: switching to decaf coffee and tea, drinking warm milk before bed, doing meditation and yoga, counting sheep, reading boring books. Nothing worked. I’d be up all night, then find it hard to stay awake at random points throughout the day.
A month before she died, Mom told me if things didn’t change soon she’d make me see a doctor. I didn’t want to take sleeping pills, and even more than that, I didn’t want to be sent to a shrink who would possibly try to analyze why I wasn’t sleeping.
I knew how the conversation would go: the doctor would ask when my odd sleeping patterns began, and I’d have to tell him it started as Mom’s condition worsened and I got up about a dozen times during the night to check on her and make sure she was still alive. Mom never knew that, and I was glad.
I rolled out of bed and turned on the light. This wasn’t going to work. How was I ever going to get a job or go to college if I couldn’t function in an ordinary way?
I grabbed my book from where I’d left it on the window seat, and sat down. There were still quite a few people on the beach, and I spotted Kennedy and Miranda by the water. I wondered where Ella was, but quickly pushed that thought from my head—Ella didn’t want or need me in her life, so I wasn’t going to waste energy worrying about her anymore.
I rested my head on the wall and looked up at the moon. Maybe talking to it last night hadn’t been so stupid after all. Ezra, Miranda, and Kennedy could be the new friends I’d wished for. It seemed silly, but stranger things had happened.
“I’m worried about Dad,” I whispered, not quite sure whether I was talking to the moon or to Mom. Maybe both, maybe neither. “He’s not dealing well. I know everyone deals with grief in different ways, but…his behaviour seems about as normal as mine.” I laughed mirthlessly. “At least Ella is consistently selfish and nasty. Dad’s all over the place. Fine one minute, then Zombie Dad the next.” I sighed and rubbed my eyes.
Maybe Dad was the one who needed to see a doctor. Hell, maybe the three of us needed to be hauled in for family counseling.
I laughed again, and it sounded a little crazy, even to my own ears. Family therapy would require the three of us being together in a room, and I knew that wouldn’t go over too well.
Tired of thinking, I opened my book and started to read. I glanced outside every once in awhile, watching kids drift toward home until the beach was empty. I also watched the moon as it made its slow progression across the sky. When it disappeared around the side of the house, I felt even lonelier than before.
The sun was starting to rise when I was hit with a wave of fatigue so strong it felt like I was being pulled under against my will. I was too tired to even make it to my bed, so I curled up on the cushioned window seat and fell asleep.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Ezra was my first thought when I woke up. I must have been dreaming about him because his vivid blue-green eyes were burned into my mind as I opened my own eyes and blinked against the sunlight. It was one of the first times I’d woken up without that horrible hollow ache in my chest.
I shifted to sit up and remembered too late that I was curled up in the window seat. My body slammed to the floor, and I managed to catch myself before I hit my head. Letting out a groan of pain, I remained still while I did a mental check of my body. Nothing broken, but I was likely going to have bruises along the entire right side of my body.
I carefully pushed myself to my feet, groaning again as my muscles protested after being curled up for so long. I glanced at the clock and my eyes went wide when I saw it was almost
three o’clock. I’d slept for nine hours? I figured it was a miracle I could even stand straight.
I hobbled into the bathroom and cranked the hot water in the shower. I hated hot showers, but I was hoping the water would relax my muscles and prevent them from seizing and spasming the rest of the day.
After ten minutes under the scorching spray, I got out and looked at my lobster-red reflection in the mirror. My skin was normally so pale from lack of recent sun exposure that it made the red stand out even more. I thought of the back of Ezra’s neck yesterday getting burned from where he must have forgotten to apply sunscreen.
I gazed at my reflection and discovered that thinking about Ezra had made me smile. If his work schedule was the same as the day before, he should still be outside. I quickly applied cream to my face and braided my wet hair. By the time I was dressed, my skin had returned to its normal colour.
As I hurried downstairs, I realized how quiet it was. No hammering or boards clattering together outside. There was a sign on the inside of the front door that read ‘Remember to use back door’ in what I assumed was Ezra’s loopy handwriting. I was grateful he’d done that; with how scattered my dad had been lately I wouldn’t put it past him to forget the porch was gone and step right out the front door into nothing.
I pulled the door open, expecting to see Ezra outside taking a break, but he wasn’t there, and there was no sign of his tools.
“Loverboy’s already gone,” Ella called in a bored tone from the kitchen doorway.
“Do you know where he went?” I asked.
“Do I look like his personal secretary?”
In a pair of barely-there shorts and a tight, low-cut tank top, I wanted to tell her what she looked like, but I kept my mouth shut.
“No snappy comeback?” she taunted. “Guess it’s ’cause there’s no one around to jump to your defense this time.”