And there he was. I froze, not wanting to make a wrong move. Why had he left? Why had he returned? Until now, I'd had no huge worries in our relationship. I had concerns and thoughts, like any new relationship, but now I was terrified of losing him. Like I'd lost Jen. His disappearance was different, but it stirred up those same fears of abandonment.
He stared up the stairs at me, an equal uncertainty weighing down his normally cheerful expression.
Slowly, I took my first step down the stairs, and then another.
"You left..." my voice cracked, but I didn't care.
Oliver nodded, his eyes not leaving my face. "I was stupid."
I took another few slow steps. "Why?"
Oliver came up the stairs to meet me, and we stood in the middle, staring at each other.
"I—" He cleared his throat. "I let my fears get the best of me. When you didn't say anything, when you ran away, I thought... well, you can imagine what I thought."
I reached tentatively for his hand. "I didn't— I couldn't—"
Oliver smiled wryly. "I figured that out. With a little help from Marge."
I was still frozen, my emotions whiplashing from excitement to despair to tentative hope.
He let me take his hand. "I'm so, sorry, Wyatt. I assumed I knew what you were feeling, I didn't ask. That was unfair and wrong of me. Can you forgive me?"
I pulled him to me, desperately. "I'd thought I'd lost you, and I didn't know why."
"Can we get off the stairs? Looking up at you like this is hurting my neck."
"Yeah, but let's go to my room. Chloe is really upset, and I don't... let's talk first."
I saw the regret on his face, but I had to hold myself back from trying to comfort him. Yes, my reaction had been inconsiderate, but his had as well. And he'd hurt my little girl.
We sat on the edge of my bed, our fingers twined together.
"How do you feel about this baby?" Oliver asked
"I'm excited," I admitted. "I mean, maybe this isn't how we thought things would play out, but I've always wanted more children." I hesitated, then asked, "How do you feel?"
Oliver took a deep breath and I braced myself. He'd said before he loved children, but loving children and being pregnant were two different ball games.
"I'm in disbelief," he said. "I thought for so long this was something I'd never have. And I wanted it so bad, I'm almost afraid to believe it's happening. Maybe that's part of why I ran. It's hard to believe that all of this is happening, that everything I've ever wanted could be mine. I'm afraid it's a dream. I'm afraid someone is going to take it away."
I finally wrapped my arms around him. "No one is going to take me away. No one is going to take our baby away." I took a deep breath. "But your running away is definitely an issue. Chloe is devastated."
Oliver heaved a broken sob. "I know."
"If we're going to be a family, you can't do that. We need to be a team. We need to talk."
Oliver nodded. "I know."
It hurt me to push him like this. I wanted to wrap him up and protect him. I wanted to whisk him away to a place where nothing bad could ever happen to us. But there was no such place. And I had not only Oliver and our little one to protect, I had to protect Chloe.
"What do you want to do now?"
Oliver's head was on my shoulder so I couldn't see his face. "I want to stay," he said. "That's all I've ever wanted. And if I feel like running again, for whatever reason, I'll wait until we've talked about it. Really talked about it."
I heaved a sigh of relief. It would take a while before I could enter the house without wondering if he'd disappeared again. But I wanted the chance to try and move past that.
"I want to talk to Chloe about us and I want you to move into my bedroom."
He lifted his head to look at me in surprise.
"Partly, I know that if you're not in bed with me, I'm not going to sleep because I'll be half awake wondering if you're really here. But mostly because I want you there. Our relationship needs to be built on hope and love, not fear. But I will be honest with you about my fears."
"That... that sounds good."
I rubbed his arm comfortingly. "Are you ready to go talk to Chloe?"
"Actually, can I talk to her alone, first?" Oliver asked. "I think I need to apologize to her."
I pulled him into a hug, so grateful he'd come back, so terrified he would leave again. "I think that would be good. I'll let Faith know she can head home and I'll bring Chloe up."
He got to his feet. "If you could take a few minutes, that would be amazing. I just need to prepare something for her. I'll be in her room when she's ready."
He turned to go but I stood and pulled him back into a kiss. I poured all of my fear, all of my desire, all of my hope into that kiss, and when I finished, Oliver sagged against me.
"Well, I certainly understand the weak-kneed heroine now," he said, his voice breathy.
"I'll send her up in a minute," I promised.
Faith and Chloe were playing with play dough in the kitchen, Chloe's face still tear-streaked, but calmer.
"Thanks, Faith. We're good here. Do you need a ride home?"
She grabbed her bag as I paid her, but turned down the offer of a ride. "Aunt Sally said she'd wait for me, so I'll just catch a ride with her. Thanks, though! Bye, Chloe!"
Chloe waved a half-hearted goodbye.
"How are you, Chloe bug?"
She shrugged.
"Are you sad?"
She nodded.
"Can you tell me why?"
"Oliver doesn't want to be my daddy."
I couldn't help the surge of frustration toward Oliver. But he was going to have to fix his relationship with Chloe on his own.
"Do you want to talk to Oliver?"
If she wasn't ready for it, I wouldn't make her. Even though it would hurt me to see Oliver hurting more as well. But Chloe nodded.
"I want to tell him it's okay if he doesn't want to be my daddy. He can still be my Oliver."
A tear dripped onto the table in front of her and I pulled my beautiful baby girl into my arms. "I'm so sorry, Chloe bug. Oliver wants to talk to you, too."
She pulled back to look me in the face. "He's here?"
"He's here, baby girl."
She jumped off of me, suddenly all excitement. "Where? Where is my Oliver?"
"Go on up to your room, Chloe bug. I think he has a surprise for you."
She shrieked and ran for the stairs.
I followed to make sure she didn't hurt herself, yelling, "Be careful, Chloe! No running on the stairs!"
I stayed at the bottom though. If only my heart would heal as fast as hers seemed to.
37
Oliver
As soon as Wyatt went to get Chloe, I sprang into action. I had crushed her with my selfishness. I let my insecurities lead the way and it did nothing but hurt everyone I loved. I needed to make it right and quick. Wyatt would take time. A lot of time. I had inadvertently opened wounds from his first mate’s death and those were going to be between us for a long time. But Chloe, Chloe I could mend faster. I hoped.
I was just about finished setting up when she came bounding into the room, attacking me with the biggest bear hug imaginable.
“Chloe, I’m so sorry.” The words were beyond inadequate, but they were a start.
“You’re back.” She nestled in my neck.
“I had to come back” I pulled back, rubbing our noses together before pointing to the tea party I had been feverishly setting up only moments earlier. “We have a tea party today.”
“You remembered.” And just like that, she broke my heart all over again. I vowed then and there to not only fix things with Chloe, but make it so that she never doubted me again, not my love, not my commitment, not my desire to help her grow into the amazing woman I knew she was going to become.
“Of course I remembered.” I squeezed her hand before turning back to the tea party set up on the floor, making sure everything was
set up just so. “I love you, and when you love someone you remember the important things.” And don’t leave them like a dumb-ass, selfish prick. I stared at the tea set, hoping she missed the tears trying to break free. She needed me strong. My weakness had already hurt her enough.
“But you left.” That was my Chloe. Straightforward and to the point.
“I did.” I patted the seat beside me. She chose my lap instead. Sweet, forgiving girl. “And I’m sorry.”
“If you don’t want to be my daddy, it’s ok.” She patted my cheek, her puppy dog eyes saying far more than her words. “You can still be my Oliver.”
“Can I be both?” My voice cracked. I wanted so much to be both, but I deserved to be neither.
“Yes!” She hugged me around the neck, practically knocking me over.
“I love you, Chloe.”
“I love you, Oliver. Promise not to leave.” She spoke the last part almost too quiet for me to hear as if she were afraid I would say no. I was officially the biggest asshole on this planet. I put that fear there. Me.
“I do. I promise.” I hugged her tight. I would follow through on my promise. She deserved it. “Ready for our tea party?” I needed to break away from the heavy before I began sobbing. “Who should we invite today? Mrs. Bear?”
“No.” She climbed off my lap and grabbed an unidentifiable stuffed animal off the bed. I conjectured that at one point it had been a bear of some kind, but it had been mended many times and now more resembled a monster than anything else. She handed it to me. “I think we should invite Wubby Girl and Daddy.”
“I think that’s a brilliant idea.” I placed Wubby Girl on the spot beside me. “Want to get Daddy while I finish setting up?”
“No need.” Wyatt rounded the corner. Of course he had been there, listening. Any good father would be. If it weren’t for all the snot clogging me up, thanks to my sobbing, I would’ve scented him. “I was just stopping by to see how things were going.”
“Just in time, Daddy.” Chloe was practically bouncing. “The tea party is almost ready. You sit here by Daddy.”
And that was awkward.
“We can’t both be the same name, Chloe bug,” Wyatt corrected. Shit, had I overstepped? I couldn’t deny her when she asked with those puppy dog eyes, not that I wanted to. I wanted to be one of her dads more than anything. “It’ll be too confusing.”
“Your dad’s right,” I said. My heart deflated the tiniest of bits. I was still in her life, still had my role as her nanny, the rest could be worked out at another time. Even if she were sixteen and I was still her Oliver, that wouldn’t change how I loved or cared for her. It was only a name. “Why don’t you just call me Oliver?”
“You said you would be both.” Her face dropped.
“It’s true. I did.” I was at a loss at what to do next. In hindsight, Wyatt and I should have had a far more in-depth discussion before I talked to Chloe. Sure, she would have hurt a bit longer, but then we would have been on the same page avoiding further hurt. I turned to my alpha. “Wyatt?”
“Hmmm if I am Daddy…” He rubbed his chin, exaggerating the movement. He already had an answer for this, the glint in his eye gave him away. Thank freaking goodness. “Maybe he could be Papi like your friend Suzy’s omega daddy?”
Papi. I could be a Papi.
“I like Papi.” I placed my hand on Wyatt’s knee as he finally joined us on the floor. We were both going to regret the floor tea party when we got up, but for now, it would have to do. Next time, we were having it the kitchen. Maybe with real tea. Yeah, she would like that and I liked the idea of next time.
“Me too,” Chloe quickly agreed. Crisis averted. “You know Suzy’s daddy and papi only have one bedroom.” And new crisis introduced. If I didn’t know better, I would say our little girl was playing us. Our. I loved the sound of that.
“Is that so.” Wyatt went back to his I’m thinking chin rub. “Maybe Oliver and I should do that too.”
“Yes, Daddy. That’s how Papis work.” She sat down across from me and next to both her dad and Wubby Girl before pouring fake tea into all of our cups and passing around the equally fake cream and sugar. “Her Papi is having a baby. You should do that too. A girl.”
Oh yeah, she was playing us. Wyatt’s chuckle told me he had come to the same conclusion.
“Chloe, think about the puppies and kittens at work. Do I get to decide if they are boy or girl puppies and kitties?”
“No. Their mama does that.” This talk was quickly going into territory I was uncomfortable with. Wyatt was the vet. I was leaving all discussions on how babies came to be to him.
“Actually, no one gets to pick.” He was simply factual and it seemed to be enough for her.
“That’s not fair. Brothers are boring.”
I had to laugh. She had neither a brother or a sister, so how she got this notion was beyond me.
“Have you ever had one?” Wyatt asked and earning him a come on, Dad glare.
“No, but Suzy says her brother is boring.”
Suzy’s brother was a few years older than her and wanted nothing to do with his baby sister. That wasn’t boring, it was being siblings, but Chloe didn’t need to know that. She was going to have plenty of time to figure it out on her own.
“That doesn’t mean all brothers are,” I piped in as I poured her more tea.
“Fine, you can have a boy.” She glared at me as if we had been lying the entire time and were in control of the gender of what for all she knew was a hypothetical sibling.
“Chloe. We had a surprise to tell you, but you probably already guessed it.” Wyatt sounded so happy as he began the reveal. He was happy about this baby. Our family. How had I gotten it so terribly wrong? It was too soon to blame it on hormones. It was just my lack of self-esteem and my fear of rejection. I needed to fix that shit, and soon, because that was no way to role model for a child and within the year I was going to have two.
“I’m going to have a baby. Your brother or sister,” I emphasized.
“Really? Can they come tomorrow?” She launched herself into my arms and Wyatt scootched in behind us to wrap his arms around us both. “I can give them a spot in my bed and everything. I’m a good sharer.”
She was not a good sharer. But we had nine months to work on that.
“That’s not exactly how things work,” Wyatt chuckled before going into the exact baby conversation I was hoping to avoid. At least it was him talking about when a Daddy and a Papi love each other, because I was so not ready for that part of fatherhood just yet… or possibly ever.
38
Wyatt
We put Chloe to bed together that night. I read her a story, and then Oliver tucked her in. Then we both gave her a kiss and turned on her mama song as we closed the door quietly behind us.
I wrapped my arms around Oliver in front of my door.
"What do you think about moving your stuff into my room tomorrow?"
He leaned forward for a quick kiss. "Mmm. Tomorrow sounds great. Definitely not tonight."
"Are you saying you're not eager to get into my bed?" I teased.
"That isn't what I'm saying at all." Oliver pressed a kiss to my jaw, then continued along it and down my neck, nibbling his way down my skin. I felt the anticipation flow from his soft touches into my gut, stretching like a cat just waking from a nap.
I started walking him backward into my room.
"What are you saying then?"
"I'm saying that now we're officially a couple, we deserve some couple time." He spoke between kisses, never breaking his concentration as I guided him to the bed.
"I suppose I could get on board with that," I said. "But you might have to detail exactly what is involved in couple time."
I turned to sit on the bed, pulling him after me so that his knees were on either side of my hips, his ass in my lap.
He sat back and played with the nape of my neck. "Oh, you know cuddles. Kisses. That kind of couple thing," he said airily.
"If that's what you have planned, then I expect some very vigorous cuddling." I leaned back and thrust my hips up to prove my point. He met me with his hips, the pressure and friction through our clothed erections only fueling my need for him.
"Oliver," I gasped. "What you do to me... I don't think I can handle this light play tonight. I need you. I need to know you're here. I need to know you're mine."
"And I haven't finished apologizing," Oliver said with a playful grin.
"While I certainly hope those apologies involve sexual favors, you know you weren't the only one who messed up, right?" I pulled his arms down and caught his hands in mine. "I panicked. I'm used to being on my own. To dealing with problems on my own. And it will probably take me a while to figure out how not to do that, but it doesn't excuse what I did earlier. I'm not the only one who fate dealt a crap hand. I'm sorry I didn't take care of you the way I should."
Oliver blinked away tears.
"Please don't cry," I begged. "I can't bear to see you hurting."
"Then stop being so damn sweet," Oliver protested. "These are happy tears, you monster."
I kissed each tear as it fell.
"A monster, huh?"
"A big, fluffy monster," Oliver corrected. "With really squishy insides."
I flipped him to the bed and pressed my decidedly unsquishy erection against him. "We'll see who's squishy."
I stepped back and began undressing. Oliver watched me with hooded eyes for a moment, then flew into a flurry of action, pushing down pants and stripping his shirt until he was naked and spread eagle on the bed before me, slowly stroking his cock.
I took my time. As much as I needed to get to the main event, I still wanted to savor this moment. This night when we truly became a family. There would be an official ceremony later if Oliver wanted, but this would always be the night I remembered.
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