by Rachel Lee
She crooked up one corner of her mouth. “You’re just spoiled by military rations.”
That drew a snort of laughter from him, but then his face sobered. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“What makes you think you have?” she retorted as her heart climbed into her throat. He was already regretting last night. She had a feeling it would be easier for her if he just walked out the door later today or tomorrow morning with a “See ya” rather than a discussion of the night past.
“I’m not fond of one-night stands or the women who are, and I’m pretty certain you’re not one of them.”
Something set her back up. She wasn’t characteristically truculent, but she felt annoyance leap to the surface. “How would you know?” she demanded sharply. For as little as it was worth, she had the pleasure of seeing him taken aback. She hadn’t thought that was in his repertoire of reactions. Granite man.
After nearly a minute, he replied. At first his tone was almost sarcastic, but quickly tapered into near gentleness. “Yeah, how would I know? I don’t know you at all, really. Except you don’t have that freaking hardened edge to you. You come at experience with a freshness I happen to like. Hell, I more than like it. You’ve reminded me the world can still hold beauty and innocence.”
She caught her breath at that, stunned into silence. Did he really mean that?
“But I have to go,” he said. “I’ve got one more family to visit, then I need to get back for my rehab and upcoming surgery.”
At that her heart and stomach both began to sink, as if there was no bottom to the hole.
“Miri, I meant it when I said I don’t want to hurt you. If Al were around, he’d kill me. So while I’m gone, I want you to think. We’ll correspond—I might even get better at it now that I know you—and you can decide if you want me to come back this way.”
She eyed him uncertainly. “You would need to decide, too.”
He smiled. “I pretty much have. But I’d hate myself if I didn’t give you time to make up your mind without my persuasions.”
She was going to miss his persuasions, but she knew deep within that he was absolutely right.
The blueberry muffin tasted like sawdust despite having been made with blueberries from the can, all nice and juicy, but she knew she needed to eat. Life must go on. She’d learned that the hard way. Her own mother, grief-stricken as she was, had forced food on her after her dad’s death.
Just remember, Miri warned herself, he’d only said he’d come back this way. That meant next to nothing except friendship. She’d be foolish to count on anything more. And maybe he didn’t mean anything at all. Maybe it was just a sop to her feelings, when all he wanted was to get away from here. From her. Making a semigraceful exit.
But then she found herself wondering just exactly what she wanted. Surely she didn’t think she was in love already? She knew that this was hurting, a new kind of anguish. But why?
At last she stabilized her teetering emotions and managed a tight smile. “Still hungry? There are plenty more.”
“No, thanks. They were great.”
Then the anger began to bubble in place of the pain of impending loss. Yeah, and she’d been great last night, and she was a great woman with a lot to look forward to, and she couldn’t possibly want to pursue a relationship with a broken-down soldier who couldn’t even envision a future for himself.
Hell, she thought, rising with the plates, she could write his farewell speech for him. But she wondered how much of this had to do with Al. Did Gil feel he was betraying Al? Her thoughts were bouncing all over, while her heart ached, and anger tried to drive back the ache.
“Your timing stinks,” she told him frankly, putting the plates and forks on the counter with a clatter. “We just had a great night together and you dump me before we finish breakfast?”
“Dump you?” He sounded startled.
“This is a kiss-off. For all I’ve had little experience, I can tell when I’m being told to get lost. Is this about Al?”
His voice came out a near growl. “Why would this be about Al?”
“Why wouldn’t it be? You only came here because of him. You’ve spent more time here than you intended because of the storm. And here I was, the country girl who turned out to be easy pickings. Want me to write your farewell speech? Because I can.”
“Miri...”
“Oh, shut up. You’ve said enough. Let the little lady down easy. Tell her you’ll be back after you take care of important stuff. Tell her that she needs to think about it. Think about what, for Pete’s sake? You haven’t even been able to choke that out.”
She turned to glare at him. “I don’t have anything to think about. There’s nothing. We had some fun last night. That’s it. It’s done. No more.”
She considered storming out, but then stayed as she was, feet planted, because she refused to act like a child. His expression had gone blank, like at the funeral, revealing nothing. The man of granite once more.
An eternity seemed to pass before he spoke again, his voice quiet and modulated. “While it may be true that I tried to stay in line because of Al, because I didn’t want to take advantage of you, pretty soon nothing was about Al anymore. You crossed that chasm as if it wasn’t there.”
“Whee,” she said, almost under her breath.
His flinty gray eyes met hers, holding her gaze and making her somehow unable to look away.
“Come off it,” he said. “I trespassed. I’m willing to take any repercussions. What I don’t want is to compound my sins here. There are so many things you don’t know about me, and I don’t just mean the things I’ll never talk about. There are a whole lot of things I don’t know about you. You just showed me you have a temper. That’s something I didn’t know about you. I like it, but, regardless, I didn’t know, and there are probably a million more things I don’t know. Most of them need years to discover, but right now we’re still practically strangers.”
She folded her arms, her eyes burning with tears she refused to shed, but anger kept her afloat. “Then why do I already feel like you’re part of my life?”
He closed his eyes briefly. “For all you know, I could be a monster.”
“True. But I doubt you’d have made it all these years in Uncle Sam’s Army if you were. Nor would Al have liked you very much. You come with a sterling character reference. My cousin.”
Gil swore softly and stood, grabbing his cane to lean on. “I’m trying to prevent a disaster here.”
“Then when Lewis comes, I’ll have him clear your car and your way out of here, and you can go. I don’t want to be anyone’s disaster.”
As she spoke, the unmistakable roar of a plow sounded in the distance. It seemed to be heading this way.
“See?” she said. “You’ll be able to escape soon.”
Then, still angry and hurt, she tried to brush past him, but he snagged her with one arm, tight enough so that she couldn’t twist away. In the next instant he’d sat down and pulled her onto his lap.
“Cut it out,” he said softly.
She pushed on his shoulder with one hand. “Cut what out? Let me go.”
“No.” Just that one brief syllable.
“No?” She couldn’t believe this. One minute he was telling her he was dumping her and the next she was imprisoned on his lap.
She pushed at him until she realized it was futile. All she could do was sit stiffly where she was. “What do you want?”
“For you to listen,” he said bluntly. “You’re an incredibly smart and talented person, so I’m sure if your feelings weren’t getting in the way you’d realize that this is not a kiss-off and that I’m a lousy communicator when it comes to stuff like this. I can take a rebel-held cave, but I do a lousy job of talking about anything but strategy and tactics. So here I am, trying to run this like a military operation and everything is c
oming out sideways, and you can’t read through the fog. I’m sorry.”
She allowed herself to relax a hair. Besides, her outburst was beginning to embarrass her. She didn’t usually act like that. In fact, it was rare. Man, had he gotten under her skin in a way almost no one did.
“I’m going to try again. We’ve been acquainted, mostly by email and through Al’s stories, for a long time. But we only started to get to know each in real life on Friday. Today is Monday. That’s not a very long time, Miri.”
She hated to admit he was right. Last night had opened parts of her heart that she was quite sure had never opened before. Could that be illusion? Maybe.
He raised his hand and ran his fingers through her now-loose hair. A traitorous shiver ran through her.
“Last night was incredible,” he continued. “No woman’s ever made me feel as you have. It’s important. I’ll cherish it always. But is that firm ground on which to build? You know I’m already a bit messed up about my future. Do you want me to drag you into my mess just because of one fantastic night? Do you?”
She wanted so badly to say yes, but then she didn’t know exactly what he was talking about. Future friendship? Occasional flings? Something permanent? Oh, she hardly dared hope for that even though she yearned for it.
“The thing is,” he continued, “I’ve never gone on a mission without meticulous planning.”
“Which you said always blows up.” Her voice was a little hoarse.
“True. But you need to know your goals and have some idea how to achieve them. So. Can I be blunt?”
“I thought you were.”
He gave her a gentle squeeze. “I’ve been dancing around some things. Maybe I need to stop dancing. I think I love you, Miri. But I can’t promise that after only three days. For the first time in my life you have me thinking about permanence, even though I try to avoid it. That’s huge. And because it’s so huge, we both need time. For all either of us knows, when I’ve been gone for a week you might be glad I’m not here. Let the intensity wane just a bit.”
“So what do you want?” Her heart was racing again. It had started when he said he thought he loved her, then sped up even more when he mentioned permanence. Even so, she felt the niggle of uncertainty. He was right; they were still virtually strangers.
“Some time is all. I’ll finish my surgery and rehab, we’ll burn up the phone lines or video conference every night when possible, and we’ll see. We’ll see a whole lot better when you know if I’m asking you to pin yourself to a man who’s going to be living halfway across the country because of his job, or if he can see his way to living here with a wonderful music teacher.”
So he was talking forever. As in marriage. That was a huge decision, and she was keenly aware that it shouldn’t be made in a rush. And as he’d just reminded her, there was so much uncertainty still to be resolved. The tight band around her chest began to ease a little. Not hopeless. It wasn’t hopeless.
Then he caught her chin in his hand and tipped her face so that he could kiss her deeply and passionately, until she clung to him, nearly breathless.
When he lifted his head, she opened her eyes to see his face.
“Dammit, woman,” he said, “I’m asking for a long engagement.”
That word settled it and made everything crystal clear for her. Anger and pain fell away before a burst of joy. Engagement.
“Yes,” she whispered. “Oh, yes.”
His smile was amazing, so bright and free of shadows. He nuzzled her lips with his.
“The campaign,” he said, “begins now.”
She could hardly wait.
Epilogue
Miri realized that she had lost the attention of her marching band. They still stood on the grassy field in front of her, beneath a cloudless sky in a soft, warm breeze that ruffled their tees and shorts, but they certainly weren’t looking at her. They looked past her toward the school parking lot.
She turned to see what had their attention before calling them to order. Her heart lodged in her throat.
Gil York, in full dress uniform, looking as he had at Al’s funeral, was watching from the edge of the field. She gaped at the sight.
“Don’t mind me,” he called. “Just a spectator.”
Giggles ran through the band, letting her know that not all of them quite believed that. Why not? At the moment she hardly cared. A glance at her watch told her they had twenty minutes left before parents would arrive to pick up their kids.
But Gil’s presence had diverted her, just as it had her students. She hadn’t expected him, although lately they’d been talking more and more about him coming to visit, about a long-term future together.
But without warning? She tried to key in on where they were in the process of learning their marching patterns and where she wanted to go from here.
The band’s formation had started to get a little sloppy. Girls were whispering to each other and eyeing Gil as if he were a cake.
The beginning of the school year was always hardest. These students hadn’t even started their classroom semester. They showed up for these camps because it was a requirement for those who wanted to be in the marching band.
“Dress right,” she called out. “Straighten out those ranks.”
Before long, they’d feel the entire performance. Their steps would come naturally and they wouldn’t have to keep checking one another to make sure they were in the right place. But first they had to get all this correct more than once, and they were just beginning. By the first football game, they’d be impressive.
So she walked them through another ten minutes of evolutions, then had to follow everyone into the band room. Instruments needed to be put away in their cages or packed up to go home for practice, and she had to make sure that the last band member’s parent had arrived to take him or her home.
It felt like everything had slowed down to sludge. Her mind was silently ordering her students to hurry it up, even though they were having their usual relaxed gab sessions as they put everything away. All she wanted to do was see Gil.
She could hardly maintain her usual composure. Impatience was swamping her, but at last the final student walked out the door. Just as she picked up a few items from the floor and prepared to turn out the lights, she heard Gil.
“Miri.”
She turned slowly, a piece of crumpled paper in her hand. “Tell me it’s not another funeral,” she said, indicating his uniform. God, he looked good in it. Her mouth was growing dry and she reached for a bottle of water on the corner of her desk, making herself swallow, making herself wait.
“It’s not a funeral. And look, no cane.” He held out his arms.
Her throat tightened. He’d come to tell her he was going back on active duty, and then she’d have to decide whether to follow him or stay here or... “That’s truly great news,” she said honestly, even though his unannounced visit was raising unpleasant specters in her mind.
“Stop catastrophizing,” he said. He closed the distance between them and drew her into his arms. “I’ve waited so long for this,” he whispered. “So long.”
Every other thing in the world flew from her mind as they kissed, as she nearly tried to burrow into his strength.
“I love you,” he said, lifting his head. “I truly love you, and I don’t care what I have to do, we’re going to make this work. Unless you don’t—”
“Oh, I do,” she said swiftly, without any lingering doubt. Her heart felt as if he’d just filled it with helium and it was rising into the sky. “I love you, Gil. I love you, love you, love you, and I’ve missed you so much every single minute of every day.”
He smiled down into her eyes. “I have choices, Miri, and some of them involve staying here in Conard County. We can discuss that later. What I want to know is will you marry this broken soldier and make him the happiest man on earth
?”
Her heart sang. “Yes. Absolutely.”
“Kids, too?” he asked.
“Kids, too.” Then she leaned into him, letting him surround her with his power and strength.
She thought of Al, suspected he’d wanted to encourage this and decided he must be feeling smug right then.
But an instant later she forgot everything else except the man who held her and had just promised her the best of all possible futures.
* * * * *
Don’t miss other stories in Rachel Lee’s
emotional miniseries,
CONARD COUNTY: THE NEXT GENERATION, available now from Harlequin Special Edition:
A CONARD COUNTY COURTSHIP
A CONARD COUNTY HOMECOMING
AN UNLIKELY DADDY
A COWBOY FOR CHRISTMAS
A CONARD COUNTY BABY
Keep reading for an excerpt from from AN ENGAGEMENT FOR TWO by Marie Ferrarella.
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