by Claire Raye
“Take it easy, Sie. I’m fine. They recommend seventy-two hours of brain rest, but this is mindless. A straight shot on the highway. If I need to take a rest I will.” He lets out a sigh and for a split second I think he’s actually enjoying the fact that I’m concerned for his safety. But like everything else with Reid, it’s short-lived and he hits me with, “And there’s no fucking way I’m letting you drive my truck.”
I can’t let him have the last word though and if he’s going to be a jerk, I’ll be one right back.
“Why do you have such a stupid-big truck?” I ask, not waiting for him to answer as I immediately add, “Small penis?”
He laughs, affecting me in a way that causes me to question everything I’ve ever taught myself about guys like Reid.
“Oh, Sienna I think we both know I don’t have a small dick,” he quips back, winking at me as he quickly diverts his eyes back to the road. We aren’t even out of L.A. and this banter has already started. We’re either going to kill each other or…
I can’t even bring myself to think it.
I chew on my bottom lip thinking about that time I walked in on Reid back when we were in high school. He had no qualms about turning around and giving me an eye full, and I’d be lying if I didn’t check him out until the girl beneath him screeched.
“I just want you to know I’m doing this for Caleb and it has nothing to do with you. So you can stop thinking your alpha male bullshit has anything to do with it.” I put this out there more for myself than him; a reminder that I’m in charge of what happens in my life.
“Like I could ever control anything you do.”
We ride in complete silence for at least three hours, neither one of us giving in to the deafening silence with only the sound of the tires spinning on the road. It’s hard though, because with the quiet comes time to think and all I can picture is my dad and my heart breaks thinking about Caleb there alone picking up the pieces of our now defunct life.
It went south years ago, but I guess it feels more final knowing our father has passed away. We were too young to understand the effects of losing our mother, but that didn’t mean what happened didn’t fuck us both up. When your mother takes her own life when you’re six, the psychological effects are forever. It’s what Reid was referring to when he told Justin he wouldn’t get past age six. As soon as I tell people my mother died by suicide, the way they look at you instantly changes.
She was mentally ill and so was our father, which to most people means, Caleb or I are just as fucked up. It’s true for the most part, but I’m not certain our genetic makeup played a role in that. It was definitely our upbringing or lack of.
It’s hard to think of Caleb on his own even if he never really had our dad there to help.
“You doing okay?” Reid asks, and his words nearly startle me, wrapped up in my own thoughts.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I answer, but my voice lacks any inflection.
“I gotta take a piss,” Reid announces and I can’t help but show my annoyance with his crassness. He can’t ever just state something the way everyone else would. His words always hold more flourish, more attention.
“There’s a gas station coming up,” I say, pointing to the blue sign on the side of the highway. “I’m sure you need to fill this gas-guzzler up too. What’s it cost like a c-note to fill up?” I reach down for my purse, pulling out my wallet to hand Reid some money and he practically slaps my hand.
“Not a chance I’m taking money from you, Sienna. Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Reid,” I admonish, but he shakes his head, grabbing for my wallet, he shoves it under his ass. “Seriously? I’m not going to reach under there to get it back so it can just stay there.” I let out a huff that has Reid chuckling a little, thinking he’s so clever. “We’re going to need to stay in hotels along the way and there’s no way I’m letting you pay for everything. Just so we’re clear.”
“Loud and clear,” Reid says, but he’s just placating me. “Hotels aren’t necessary. We can sleep in the bed of the truck.” He looks over and waggles his eyebrows and as infuriating as he makes me, he can still somehow get me to like him.
“I’m not sleeping in the back of your truck. What kind of girl do you think I am?”
“The broke kind,” he says, laughing way too hard at the insult he just hurled at me.
We pull into the gas station and Reid hops out, running inside to use the bathroom, but says the truck doesn’t need gas yet. Even though I asked him to fill it up so we don’t have to stop later. His immediate response was, “Don’t tell me what to do.” Good to see things are the same fucking mess I hoped we’d left in L.A.
I grab my phone and text Ruby just to fill her in on how things are going and to let her know she’s a damn traitor.
Me: Thanks for letting Reid in so he could kidnap me. Don’t you know kidnapping is illegal in all 50 states?
Ruby: Come on. You know you would’ve hated yourself if you hadn’t gone.
Me: Yeah, that’s probably true, but now I’m trapped in the car with Reid.
Ruby: Make the most of it. Work on your blow jobs.
Me: You’re the fucking worst, you know that, right? He’s a prick and after what he said about me last night, he’s lucky I’m even still speaking to him.
Ruby: What did he say? Because when I saw him last night he seemed super worried about you.
Me: He wasn’t worried. That was guilt. Guilt for telling Justin that my head is fucked up.
Ruby: You’re not fucked up. You know how he is. He just says things to piss you off. He really was worried.
Me: Well, you’ve said it before, he has a strange way of showing it.
Ruby: That he does. Text me when you get to your first stop.
Me: Will do.
It’s Ruby’s text that makes me realize I have no idea where our first stop is. I’ve totally let Reid take the lead on this and something about that is troubling.
“Where is our first stop?” I ask immediately when he climbs back in the truck.
“You’re just asking that now? For all you know I could be taking you anywhere but Providence.”
“Seriously Reid, did you map it out or anything?” I ask, shifting so I’m facing him, my eyebrows raised as I wait for his answer.
“Yes, Sienna, I mapped it out. Our first stop is Grand Junction, Colorado. It’s about eleven hours from L.A. so basically we have about seven hours to go. That is unless you have to take a piss in fifteen minutes, which I imagine will happen.”
I let out a loud huff, crossing my arms over my chest as I focus my eyes out the passenger side window.
“And here,” he says, tossing a small package at me. “I got you these.” The white wrapper lands in my lap and when I look down there’s a pack of Hostess Ding Dongs lying there.
“I love Ding Dongs,” I announce with far too much excitement and I catch myself, dialing it back in a little and focusing my eyes away from Reid.
“I know you do,” he tells me, and his words are softer than I expected and with them comes no teasing or gloating. “Even if you don’t believe me, I pay attention to everything about you.”
“Thank you.” And as the words leave my mouth a smirk of satisfaction falls over Reid’s lips, coming because he knows he’s done something to make me happy.
But it doesn’t change what he said about me to Justin and it doesn’t change the fact that it still hurts.
I must fall asleep because when I wake up it’s starting to get dark. The sun is falling out of the sky behind us and coloring its cotton candy glow across the horizon. It looks quite beautiful and I shift so I can take it in.
“How long have I been asleep?” I ask, feeling a little disoriented, a dull ache in my head. I’ve been exhausted ever since my argument with Reid last night. The stress of everything is kicking my ass.
“You were in and out for the last five hours,” Reid says, glancing over his shoulder a
s he pulls off onto an exit ramp.
We’re in the middle of nowhere, but it’s making for a spectacular view of the sunset as Reid parks the truck on a gravel road overlooking the highway.
“Come on,” he says, hopping out of the truck and lowering the tailgate. “Let’s watch the sunset.”
It takes me a second to respond, my head swirling with all the shit he said last night as the anger returns. I don’t want to do anything with him that could be remotely construed as something enjoyable. “Fine.”
I take a seat next to him on the tailgate, but with enough distance between us to let him know I’m still holding a grudge.
“Sie, seriously,” he says, nudging me with his elbow and he tries to sling an arm around my shoulders, but I throw a hand up blocking him.
“No, Reid. I don’t want you touching me. Not after what you said to Justin last night.”
“What are you talking about?” he asks, and my mouth falls open, shocked at his ability to so easily forget he was a complete asshole. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. That’s the way he lives his life. He doesn’t care who he hurts in the process of getting what he wants.
“You called me fucked up,” I whisper, looking away from him. He doesn’t get to see that he hurt me, that he’s still hurting me.
It’s not like what he said is a lie, but he preyed on my own insecurities because he knows me that well. He knows I left home because I need to start over and he’s making that nearly impossible.
“Sienna, look at me,” he says, his voice gruff and firm, and when I don’t look at him, he hops off the tailgate and slides so he’s standing between my legs. His calloused hand rests against my cheek and he tilts my face to his. “I don’t know what I said, but I’m sorry.”
My eyes widen at his words and I feel what anger had slowly begun to dissipate begin to boil again.
“That was a shitty apology. Don’t give me that fucking line about not knowing what you said. If that’s true, then you’re an even bigger asshole than I thought.”
I stand up in the bed of the truck and jump over the side, avoiding him completely as I climb back in and wait.
Reid slams the tailgate, muttering a few choice swear words before he climbs into the driver’s seat without another word. His hands grip the steering wheel so tightly I swear the cracked and scabbed skin from where he punched my house looks as if it will rip open. But neither of us says a word.
I pull my phone from my purse and text Caleb. I haven’t even contacted him once since this all happened. The idea of talking to him brought up more feelings I was not sure I wanted to deal with, but it’s something I have to deal with.
Me: I’m on my way back home. Reid and I are driving since I can’t afford to fly home.
Caleb: You didn’t have to come home. You know that. I’m a little concerned someone won’t make it back here though and I’ll be planning two funerals.
His words are joking but we both know there’s no humor in what we’re dealing with. It’s his way of deflecting everything he’s feeling. He has to joke about it or he’ll fall apart just like me.
Me: Real funny smart-ass. We both know it’ll be me who makes it home alive.
Caleb: Reid doesn’t stand a chance.
Me: What happened?
My next text is a full one-eighty from where we started and I feel like I probably gave Caleb whiplash. It takes him a few minutes to answer back and I keep looking down at the screen to make sure I didn’t miss anything.
Caleb: Honestly, Sie, I have no idea. He drank too much and he was hospitalized and things went to shit while he was there. There’s not much more I can tell you.
Me: Yeah, okay. I’ll see you in a few days. xo
Caleb: See you soon.
Before we both realize it, the GPS is telling us to exit and Reid follows the commands, pulling into a mid-level motel just outside Grand Junction. It’s not a five star, but for the night and the price I see plastered on the sign out front, it’ll do.
I don’t bother waiting for Reid. I have no patience for his shit and the last thing I want to do is share a motel room with him, let alone a bed.
I storm in and slap my credit card down on the counter causing the man behind it to jump just a little. It’s late and I’m sure we’re the only customers he’s had in a while.
“I need a room,” I say, just as Reid comes in behind me. “But he’s going to need his own, too,” I add, tossing a thumb behind me in Reid’s direction.
The guy processes everything and hands me a plastic keycard in fewer than two minutes and I find myself slipping past Reid without another word. I can’t even look at him.
I grab my bag from the truck and as I make my way to my room, I hear Reid call my name.
“Sienna, wait up!” he calls out, but I don’t bother to turn around, and instead of letting it go he jogs to catch up to me.
“I’m not really cool with you staying in a room by yourself,” he says, like he’s some big protector.
“I wouldn’t worry about it too much,” I bite back, acerbity dripping from my words. “No one would want to come near me with how fucked up I am anyway.”
I slide the key in and slam the door in his face.
Chapter Twelve
Reid
“Fuck’s sake,” I mutter as I walk next door to my room and slam the door behind me. This fucking girl drives me crazy. Why the hell does she have to be so infuriating?
Throwing my bag on the bed, I walk over to the TV, switching it on just for some noise more than anything, before immediately turning it off again. I’m starving, but there’s not a chance in hell there’s any room service in this shithole. Luckily there is an Applebee’s across the road, so I grab my room key and head back outside.
I stop by Sienna’s door and knock. She doesn’t answer, which doesn’t surprise me, but I knock again anyway as I say, “You want to grab some dinner?”
More silence.
“Sienna, fuck,” I say, knocking louder this time. I’m met with still more silence, which only tells me just how pissed off she is. “Fine, I’ll bring you something back,” I shout through the door. “Don’t leave your room.”
Then I turn and stomp off, my irritation now reaching new heights at just how much Sienna manages to push my buttons. How is it that she can simultaneously drive me mad with frustration and crazy with lust?
Inside the restaurant, I scan the menu quickly before placing an order for the both of us. While I wait, I move over to the bar area to grab a beer, desperately needing it. It’s been a long day of driving and the headache that came with my concussion and only got stronger after the night Caleb called me still hasn’t let up. I slip the bottle of Tylenol from my pocket and take a few, washing them down with a sip of beer. Driving for eleven hours straight after a concussion probably wasn’t the smartest move, but there wasn’t a chance in hell I was delaying this trip.
I take another sip of my beer, letting out a long exhale. Next to me, a guy sits engrossed in the football game that’s on TV.
I glance up to see who’s playing. Normally I’d be all up for watching it but given my mood and the fact it’s not the Pats, I turn away.
“It’s a shit game,” he says, without looking at me.
I scoff. “No such thing.”
He finally glances over, a surprised look on his face as he gives me a once over. “You play?”
I nod, even though I won’t actually be playing for the next four weeks thanks to the hit I took. Well, that and this road trip. He looks away again, seemingly done with our conversation. I take another sip of my beer, pulling my phone from my pocket as I scroll through yesterday’s texts from Caleb and Ruby as I started to set this whole road trip plan in motion.
It had seemed like a good idea at the time. I knew Sienna needed to go home, knew Caleb wanted her to even if he was never going to admit it. But I also knew her stubborn pride would never let me buy her the plane ticket
she couldn’t afford. I’d figured with me being off football for the next month, maybe we could drive. At least this way I could drag her into the car and force her to go home without getting myself arrested in the process.
Except now, with all the animosity between us, not to mention the guilt I know Sienna feels over everything and the fear she has about going back home, I’m beginning to wonder if this isn’t just a huge mistake.
It hadn’t always been like this with Sienna and me. Even after I discovered I was harboring all these wildly inappropriate feelings for her I’d still managed to maintain some sort of friendship with her. It hadn’t been easy, especially as I’d tried to ignore how every look she gave me or every accidental touch, got my body wired with lust and want. I guess it had helped having Caleb there as a buffer, a constant reminder that Sienna was off limits no matter how much I’d wanted her.
Although it wasn’t like Caleb ever explicitly said she was off-limits, it was more this unspoken rule between us. On more than one occasion, he’d made some passing comment about no guy ever being good enough for Sienna and I guess I’d always figured I was included in that. I mean it’s not like I was the poster kid for boyfriend material.
Then before I’d left for school, he’d gone and asked me that stupid favor. To look out for her, to protect her and make sure no guy fucks with her. Which once again, I had assumed also included me.
Then she and I had left and moved out to Cali. We hadn’t driven over back then; we’d flown and had even managed to spend the six hour flight tolerating each other’s company, sitting next to each other on the plane as we made plans for what life at Hawthorn would look like. I still hadn’t forgotten Caleb’s favor, but I was also acutely aware of the fact that Caleb was no longer around.