by Carsen Taite
Perry poured a liberal dose of syrup over her pancakes. “Are you still volunteering there?”
“Every spare moment I can get.”
Perry nodded and dug into her food. Justin was a big music fan and had worked backstage at the popular Austin City Limits venue as a volunteer for years. She had fond memories of him sneaking her backstage. “I’m guessing she got the secret Justin tour.” She pointed her fork at her plate. “These are perfect, by the way.”
“You know it and thanks. I’ve been perfecting my vegan breakfast offerings.”
“Women drive a person to do all kinds of crazy things, am I right?”
Justin raised a forkful of pancakes. “Truth.”
They spent the next few moments chewing in companionable silence, and Perry enjoyed the easy familiarity of her brother’s presence. He’d always been the calm, easy-going presence in sharp contrast to Campbell’s hard-driving push toward success. Not that Justin wasn’t successful—he was—but he was low-key about it whereas Campbell was the splashy, rah-rah rainmaker encouraging everyone around her to be as driven as she was.
“Are you staying long?”
Perry considered purposely misunderstanding his question to mean was she hanging around today, but she knew he meant long term and it was a big deal for him to ask. Two days ago, she’d been leaning on staying until the wedding despite her earlier reservations, but after Grace’s rejection last night, things around the office were going to be way awkward, but it wasn’t like she could just up and quit without explaining why to Campbell. If her passport were here, she knew she’d be on the next flight out, but she was stuck until it came. Of course, she could travel somewhere else within the States. She had friends from school in Dallas who’d probably put her up for a week or so. But she’d made a promise to Campbell and a commitment to Grace who had saved her ass in London. “I don’t know,” she said, giving the best answer she could under the circumstances. “It’s complicated.”
“Most things are,” he said. “You’ll figure it out.”
“Thanks, J.”
“For the pancakes? No big deal to throw on an extra stack.”
“For the pancakes, yes, but mostly for not pushing.”
“She loves you, you know. She’d do anything for you.”
Perry knew he was referring to Campbell. “I love her too, but I’m not her and no amount of trying is ever going to make me into a corporate lackey who thrives on tradition.”
“Tell me how you really feel.” Justin grinned. “Seriously, though, she just worries about you and the only way she can measure if you’re okay is by her standard. Besides, she has a lot going on right now with the wedding.”
“I know you’re right, but like I said, it’s complicated.” Perry started to bring up her feelings for Grace, but while she trusted Justin to keep her secrets, she wasn’t ready to examine her emotions out in the open. “Tell you what, I promise I’ll be here for the wedding, but I can’t commit to sticking around in the meantime or after. It’s really hard to be here. I don’t know how you live in this house day after day.”
“It wasn’t always easy. Right after Mom and Dad died, I wanted to be anywhere but here. I’d walk through the hallway and see all of the pictures of us as a big happy family and the extra space Mom left to hang more pictures—you know, for when we all got older. Knowing they would never be older and that if we ever have kids, they will never know their grandparents used to make me want to drive my fist through the wall. Sometimes it still does.”
Perry stared at him, trying to imagine her calm, cool, laid-back big brother hitting anything for any reason. “You never showed it.”
“No. You can thank Campbell for that. Yes, her perky optimism can be annoying, but more so it saved me from going down a dark hole of depression, worrying I wouldn’t be able to keep us together and safe. I was the legal adult, but she was the grown-up in every way that matters, confident we could make it through anything and make Mom and Dad proud whether they were here to see it in person or not. I don’t know if I could have been in charge of this family without her.”
Perry let his words digest. She’d always seen Campbell as her bossy big sister who bested her in all the traditional measures of success, and she might still be all that, but apparently, there were layers she either didn’t know or had been unwilling to see, but she still wasn’t sure what to do with that information. “Thanks for telling me all that.”
“Sure.” He stood. “You want more pancakes?”
“Not if I want to fit in my clothes again.” She leaned back in her chair and patted her stomach. “Why do I always want a nap after pancakes? You’d think they have tryptophan in them or something.”
Justin heaped another stack of pancakes on his plate. “Definitely sends me into a food coma, but I’ve got a ton of work to do in the yard later, so I’m considering this necessary carb loading.”
“Mom’s roses are looking good.” Perry’s throat started to close up at the memory of her mother crouched in the garden, tending to her rose bushes.
“Thanks. You’re welcome to stick around and help in the yard.”
“I appreciate the offer, but dirt has never been my thing.”
“I see how it is. You got your pancakes and you’re done.”
“How well you know me.”
“Seriously, P, you didn’t come here on the off chance I was whipping up brunch. Something’s on your mind.”
He’d always been able to read her, but he rarely pushed. She must not be hiding her angst as well as she thought she was. She could definitely use a sounding board, but she didn’t even know where to start. “It’s complicated.”
“You keep saying that, but I’ve found ‘it’s complicated’ is code for either I don’t want to talk about it or I don’t feel like doing the work.”
“Harsh.”
“Just calling it like it is.”
He was right even if she wasn’t used to him being so blunt with her about her hang-ups. “It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it, but I don’t know what good it would do. I’m tangled up in an impossible situation and I can’t see a way out.”
“Kind of vague there, sis. If you give me a little more information, maybe we can figure it out together.”
She considered the offer. He knew Grace—hell, she’d been a regular fixture at their house. She could trust him not to tell Campbell anything she shared with him, but she hadn’t been lying when she said she wasn’t sure where to start. She settled on a slightly more detailed version without sharing everything. “Say you had a chance to kiss your childhood crush and it was everything you dreamed it would be. And they kissed you back. And for a few minutes you were certain you were in sync, but then they woke up or whatever, and next thing you know you’re getting kicked to the door.” Not entirely accurate, but close enough.
“Well, my childhood crush was Miss West, my kindergarten teacher who was around twenty years older than me. If I ran into her now, I imagine she’s a hot older woman and we’d make a stunning couple.” He sighed.
She punched him in the arm. “Focus, dude. You totally forgot the she kicks you to the curb part. How do you win her over?”
“Besides my obvious charm and good looks?” He narrowed his eyes and stared at her hard. “You only had one childhood crush that I know of.”
Perry squirmed in her seat under his intense scrutiny. “This is a hypothetical.”
“Is not.”
“Is too.”
“You kissed Grace Maldonado?”
“No.” Perry shook her head. She should have known it would take very few clues for him to guess the subject of her dumbass hypothetical. She met his stare with a defiance that lasted all of a few seconds until she crumbled like an unprepared lawyer in front of a no-nonsense judge. “Okay, yes. But we kissed each other. It was mutual. Very mutual. Like she was totally feeling it, and then—”
“Stop. Back up. How did this happen? When and where?”
; “That’s not important. It’s the after part that matters.”
“Bullshit. I need context. I fed you pancakes, now you feed me information. Start talking.”
She did. She told him every detail of the night before from the moment Grace picked her up for dinner to the uncomfortable time with Grace’s parents to the kiss at the bar.
“You kissed her and then you stormed out?”
“We kissed. Both of us.” She persisted in the explanation even though she realized she was starting to sound like a nutcase. “She told me it was a mistake, that it couldn’t happen again. What was I supposed to do?”
“Stick around and work it out? Use some of those fancy lawyer skills you have and convince her to see things your way? Something, anything besides running away.”
His words landed hard, and the implication was clear. She ran away from everything. Her parents’ death, the memories in the streets of her hometown, her sister’s shadow. “I guess there really wasn’t any point. As soon as my passport gets here, I’ll be gone.”
She avoided his eyes but not before detecting the disappointment reflected back at her. She didn’t know if he was disappointed because he’d miss her or if he regretted she’d turned out to be a sad human incapable of forming normal human relationships. Either way, leaving would be the best, least disruptive thing she could do for everyone involved.
* * *
Grace watched Danika talk to the waitress about the exact ingredients of the featured menu items and took the time to assess her. It would help if her eyes weren’t slits from lack of sleep, but so far everything she saw confirmed her first impression. Danika was a force. A tall, blond, gorgeous force of a woman who didn’t let anything get in her way, including gluten because she was having a long conversation with the waitress about it that involved eliminating most of the things on the menu from her brunch feast while Grace thought hard trying to remember a gluten she hadn’t been able to embrace. The thought then spiraled into an epic trailer of what life would be like with a woman who eschewed all the gluten goodness in the world. No impromptu morning runs to fetch a dozen donuts from Kate’s. Kate offered a few gluten free options, but Grace had eaten one by accident once and it tasted like cardboard beneath the tasty frosting. Italian food without garlic bread, sandwiches without her favorite whole wheat nutty loaf, and no more of those piping hot yeast rolls from the diner down the street from the office. Okay, sure, she never actually went on impromptu morning donut runs—that was more Campbell’s thing, but the idea of having the opportunity curtailed left her feeling sad and empty—an emptiness only gluten could fill.
“Do you know what you want?” Danika asked in her sexy purr of a voice.
Grace pushed away her chaotic, gluten-free nightmare, and focused on the menu, trying to ignore the way Danika’s question caused her mind to stray to how absolutely delicious Perry had looked last night at the bar. “I’ll have the blueberry pancakes,” she said, deliberately choosing the most gluten-y item on the menu and feeling a tad bit like a jerk about it.
Danika ordered breakfast tacos with corn tortillas, and the waitress left to turn in their orders. Danika settled back against the booth and sighed.
“Long week?” Grace asked.
“The longest. This brunch is by far the best thing that’s happened to me all week. How about you?”
Grace started to agree, but it hadn’t really been a long week. The time working with Perry had flown by, and aside from the fact she was no longer exploring the streets of London, it had been a good week overall. Well, except for her dad’s bombshell announcement he was running for governor and Perry’s abrupt departure last night after delivering a bombshell of her own, but Grace wasn’t about to share either of these life-altering events with a total stranger, even one she was trying on for potential girlfriend status. She settled on vague, but cheery, first-date kind of sharing. “I’ve had a fairly easy reentry. Except for some jet lag, it’s been very productive.”
“Do you travel internationally a lot for your job?”
“No, not at all,” Grace answered before she recalled she’d told Danika on the plane she was traveling for both business and pleasure. Explaining the real reason for her trip would involve talking about Perry, so she danced around the subject. “The trip to London was a one-off. A meeting with a lawyer I know about a matter I’m handling, but otherwise, most of my work is right here in Texas.”
“I have a confession to make.”
Grace braced for whatever Danika was about to say. “Really?”
“Yes. I confess, I googled you. Top of your class at UT Law. Left an impressive career with a prominent firm in Houston to form your own firm with your two best friends. The profile in the Austin Business Journal made it clear the three of you are the ones to watch in the Austin legal community. If I needed a lawyer, you’d be my first call.”
Grace took a drink of water to avoid the embarrassment of the moment. It wasn’t like she didn’t google people, but Danika’s detailed recitation of her findings was a bit much. Wasn’t it? Or was she simply going to find fault with pretty much anything Danika said coming so close on the heels of kissing Perry?
Dammit. She had to stop thinking about that kiss. Soft, sexy lips. A slow burn flaming into an intense bonfire. She could not remember ever being that aroused, that ready to let the rest of the world fall away and lose herself completely. Everything about the kiss had been perfect. In the moment. But the moment had ended when Perry confessed she’d always had a crush on her, and now, in the light of day, Grace had to admit, without any equivocation, she’d always known it was true.
Had she unwittingly encouraged Perry? Had the trip to London been a misread overture, taken by Perry to mean she was interested in her as more than the little sister of her very best friend? Except Perry wasn’t the only one who’d been doing the kissing last night. Perry might have made the first move, but she’d willingly, enthusiastically even, embraced the moment and given in to the delicious way Perry’s touch had made her feel. Until she’d come to her senses and pushed Perry away. It had been the right thing to do. The sensible thing. She could be proud of the decision she’d made to keep her distance even if she wished the confrontation had gone more smoothly.
And now here she was sitting in a booth, at a cozy brunch with a woman who was a catch by any standard, unable to think about anything but Perry’s kiss. She was in trouble for sure.
Chapter Fourteen
Perry stared out the passenger window of Campbell’s car, barely listening to her drone on about the interrogatories she’d served and the deposition she was defending today. How had her life become this monotonous? Home to work and back again, five days or more a week. And for what? To defend corporations who would rather shell out more money to avoid liability than to simply make people whole. Across the world, Numeroff was sitting in a cell, waiting for a sentence likely to rob him of the better part of his life, and she was supposed to care about grocery cart malfunctions and construction companies with no regard for the environment?
Today was the two-week mark in her wait for her passport and her pathway far away from here. She couldn’t be more ready. Less than a week ago, in Grace’s arms on the dance floor at Birdie’s, she’d flirted with the notion of staying in Austin to see if the blistering kiss they’d shared led to something more, but the moment Grace dispelled her of any delusions they could ever be a thing, she’d made the decision to get out of here as soon as she could.
It was the right decision. Grace clearly didn’t want her around. She’d spent the week communicating by emailed memos and neatly printed Post-its left on her computer in the war room, detailing tasks to be completed with not a hint of the friendly banter they’d shared. Perry hated to admit she’d held the notes, scanning them for some acknowledgement they’d at least been friends, but no. She’d been relegated to employee, no special benefits included. Well, fuck that. She’d bide her time, but as soon as her passport came, she was out of here.
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br /> “Are you okay?”
Perry shook off her thoughts, surprised to see Campbell pulling into the parking lot for the firm. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?”
“You’ve just been out of it this week. Like your head’s somewhere else. I know I haven’t been around much, but everyone’s noticed.”
Perry perked up. “Everyone? Did someone say something?”
Campbell grimaced like she wished she hadn’t mentioned it. “Nothing specific. Just wondering if you’re okay. I get this isn’t what you want to do with the rest of your life, but working here isn’t the worst thing, right?”
Well, it wasn’t before I kissed your best friend/my temporary boss and she blew me off like it meant nothing. Perry forced a smile. “No, it’s all good. Guess I’m feeling a little melancholy is all.”
Campbell squeezed her hand. “I get it. I really do. Look, I should be able to take a break this weekend. Let’s spend Saturday on South Congress. Vintage clothes, Amy’s ice cream, Guero’s. It’ll be fun. And both Wynne and I are going to be home on Saturday night. Let’s have dinner together. I’d like you to spend more time with my future wife.”
“Sure, yeah, sounds good.” Maybe it would be good for her to do something other than work and pine after Grace. It wasn’t like her to pine, and the unnatural act was taking its toll. She opened the door and stepped out of the car.
“Say hi to Roxanne for me.”
“Okay,” Perry said, unsure why Campbell suddenly brought up Abby’s girlfriend, but not wanting to prolong the conversation now that she’d managed to avoid answering Campbell’s questions. “Try not to fall asleep at your depo.”
Graham waved to her as she walked through the lobby and she waved back. The odd office manager was a bright spot in the day because he could be counted on to be consistent. More than she could say for anything else in her life. She strode through the office, relieved not to run into anyone else before she made it to her office, but when she arrived at her desk, she found a bright pink Post-it with Grace’s easily identifiable precise penmanship. Hadley meeting, eleven thirty a.m. Conference room.