She squealed and grinned. “Then we can go?” she asked with childlike excitement.
He nodded. “Then we can go.”
She hugged him tightly around his neck and pressed her chest into his face as she climbed onto his lap. “Yes! You can have one day. That will give me time to shop for the trip. Oh baby, let’s go somewhere tropical, please?” She slid both of her legs over his and straddled his lap, leaning close to him, holding his face in her hands.
He looked up at her and felt as though he was completely submerged in utter defeat. There was just nothing for it; nothing at all that he could do about it. He would have time to say goodbye to Marina and Maddie, and then he would have to go.
“I think two weeks would suffice. We can go somewhere tropical for two weeks. You like Costa Rica. Would you like to go there? Or Hawaii maybe?” he asked with a touch of sadness in his voice.
She bounced a little on him. “Oh! Hawaii! We haven’t been there in ages. I love Honolulu. Get me a really nice house there and we’ll go have a nice time and fall back in love and make everything right again. Okay? Do that for me?” she purred, looking at him with happy eyes.
He wondered, as he gazed up into her delighted face, if perhaps he really had been at fault for the dissolution in their marriage; if she was right and their troubles were based on his absence and focus on his business, rather than on her. The thought of his failure toward her in their marriage made him feel horrible. How could he have let her down?
She slid closer to his crotch and leaned down to kiss him, but he pulled away and held her at a slight distance from him. “Ellen,” he said quietly, “I do want to try to fix our marriage, but you did just leave another man in your bed and I’m not quite ready to be physically romantic with you quite so soon. We can try to rekindle that flame when we are on our trip, alright?”
She pouted and looked as though she might try to seduce him anyway, but she saw that he was serious and she pushed herself up off him and pulled him to his feet.
“Okay, baby, but you and I are going to make this work.” She smiled at him and tipped her face up, pressing her lips against his gently and slowly, closing her eyes and reminding him of the sparks that had once flown between them.
Kevin made an effort to kiss her back and simultaneously try to keep the images of her wildly riding their gardener in her bed out of his mind while she was so close to him. He had agreed, he had committed, and he was going to put his wife and his marriage first. He just had no idea how he was going to do it.
Chapter5
He went to his room alone and saw that Marina had called him twice and sent him text photos of Maddie and herself. They looked beautiful and stole his breath away He ached for them, wishing with everything in him that he could be with them, but that was not possible because he had committed to righting the wrongs of his marriage and making it work.
He texted Marina back and said he would see them both the following morning. He wanted to explain in person and try to face her when he told her that he was going to be leaving with his wife for two weeks. He undressed and fell into his bed alone; sad yet determined to make it all work.
The next morning he showered, dressed, and drove to Marina’s early, hoping to have as much time with her and Maddie as he could. It did not feel like the traffic would ever move out of his way, or that the car would go fast enough, or that he could get to her house quickly enough to lay his eyes on them, but it did finally happen, and he stepped through her bedroom door and saw her laying in her new bed with Maddie sleeping next to her.
He went to her side of the bed and she leaned up and hugged him. He closed his eyes and breathed her in, soaking in her sweetness and beauty. Kevin kissed her cheek lightly and could not help himself from crawling into the bed with her, beside her, spooning her slightly and looking over her shoulder at their daughter in her blissful slumber.
“How is she doing?” he asked in complete happiness as he watched her.
Marina seemed happy and simultaneously worried. “She’s wonderful; she’s been eating really well and resting well. I am just so in love with her. It is the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt. We’re so lucky to have her.” She turned her head and smiled at him.
He frowned and looked at her carefully. “Is something wrong?” he asked with a concerned tone.
She sighed. “Yeah, there’s something I wanted to tell you about, and that was why I called you last night, but I am glad I can talk with you about it in person. It’s better that way.”
He sat up in the bed and looked at her. “What is it? What’s going on?”
She rolled over on her back against the pillows and looked up at him. He really was so beautiful, so elegant and refined. It was like looking at a man who had walked off the cover of a GQ magazine, and he always made her feel like she was the most important person in the world to him, next to their daughter.
Butterflies began to dance slowly in her stomach as she gazed up at him leaning over her. She reminded herself yet again not to fall in love with him. She had been fighting her growing feelings as much as she could, telling herself that he was married and he was going to stay that way, they had made and agreed to an arrangement and she couldn’t change it now that things felt different for her.
She had to keep their relationship good and strong so that she and her daughter would have the best possible bonds with him. She would not risk the chance of having awkward issues with him. There was also the fact that she had some unexpected news to tell him, and she was not sure what his reaction would be. She took a deep breath and began.
“Kevin, I got a letter in the mail yesterday. It was from Lamar. He wants to talk with me. He sent me his phone number and he asked me to call him. He said he has some things he needs to work out with me.” She held her breath after she said the words, waiting to see what would happen.
There was almost nothing else she might have said that would have affected Kevin as much as that statement did.
He held the upheaval of emotion in check within him. It was as though everything inside him had exploded in sheer panic. No! he thought; don’t talk to him. No! he thought, don’t respond, see him, listen to him, you are mine now. He left, he can’t have you, he can’t be around Maddie, he can’t and you can’t…
But then he remembered that she was not his, lying there beneath him with her long dark curls framing her beautiful dark face and her blue-gray eyes. The panic shot through him and it was all he could do not to lean down and kiss her.
He wanted to show her that he needed her, that what he felt for her had begun to grow far beyond the friendship that they had agreed to have. He longed to press his lips to hers, but he knew he had to let her live her own life, because he was married. He had no claim to her, no right to tell her, or even ask her, not to be with anyone else or to talk with any other men.
He was married, and he was about to tell her that he was leaving on a trip with his wife for two weeks.
His silence almost strangled him for a long silent moment as she watched him carefully, trying to gauge his reaction. He took a deep breath.
“Didn’t you tell me that the two of you are finished for good?” he asked her as simply as he could, lest the emotions that were roiling through him erupt through his mostly calm surface.
She watched his eyes and saw that he looked tormented inside. She felt so badly for him, but she knew she had to be honest.
“I did say that, but when I read the letter, I felt really sorry for him and I thought about it last night, slept on it, and this morning I called the number he gave me.”
The pit in Kevin’s stomach became molten lava. Don’t kiss her, he thought repeatedly. Do not try to keep her; she is not yours to have. Do not try to claim this woman’s heart… he thought over and over again in his mind as he looked down at her.
“How did the phone call go?” he asked with as level a tone as he could muster.
She could see that he was having some internal difficulty, but s
he did not know why. She thought it might be because he was worried about Lamar being around Maddie.
“It was awkward, at first, but we talked for a long time and the more we talked, the easier it got. He was surprised about Maddie. He said he was happy for me. He said he wants to see me and meet her. I told him I wanted to talk with you about that first, because you are her daddy. He’s going to check back with me to see if it’s alright if he comes over.” She felt compelled to tell him the truth.
Kevin swallowed as his heart began to pound in his chest. “Do you want him to come over?” he asked quietly.
She was silent a moment; pensive, thoughtful, and then she nodded. “I think I do. I want him to see that I’m doing well, that I have thrived and grown and that my life is incredibly blessed now.”
He knew he could not deny her what she wanted, and he knew he had no right to ask her to do otherwise. “Well, the timing certainly worked out well for a visit from him.”
She cocked her head to the side. “What do you mean?” she asked curiously, sensing there was something he hadn’t yet told her.
He pursed his lips a moment and looked into her eyes. “It seems that my wife wants to go on a trip. I wish she would wait; I really find the thought of being away from Maddie unbearable for two weeks, especially now when we are just getting to know her and she is so small. I want to be here to help you with her, but this trip is something I just can’t get out of, and I have to go.
“We're leaving tomorrow. We'll be gone for two weeks. When we're back, you two will be the first people I come and see. So, it works out that Lamar wants to visit with you, because you will need the help and I will be gone.” He sighed with his closing comment. “I will miss you both,” he added, touching her hand lightly.
She warmed to his touch and it softened the blow of his being gone for what seemed such a long time. He hadn’t been gone from her for more than three or four days since she was seven months pregnant. She wrapped her hand around his and gave him a genuine smile.
“I’ll miss you, too, but maybe this trip with your wife will be a good one for you both,” she said selflessly. She did hope it was a good trip, but it pinched her heart painfully to know that he would be somewhere else with his wife rather than there with her and their daughter.
He stroked his thumb over her hand. “Please call me and keep in touch while I’m gone. I’ll want updates all the time about how you are both doing, and if you need anything at all, let me know, or let Mac know, and you will be taken care of right away.”
She sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him closely and speaking softly into his ear. “You always take such good care of me. Thank you.” They both needed a long hug. Finally, knowing her hug rule about not being the first to let go, he moved his arms away, releasing her reluctantly.
“Be careful with Lamar. I wouldn’t want you to be hurt again. I know it’s not my place to say anything, but I want you to be alright.” He smiled his best at her, and she nodded.
“I will be careful. I think it’s really more of a closure for us both. We will keep it easy and friendly. No reason to do otherwise.” She smiled at him and just then, their daughter woke up. Maddie fussed for a few minutes until she was changed. Marina fed her, and Kevin watched them, fascinated and completely spellbound by the beauty of nature, and of his child and her mother.
He burped his daughter and changed her again before he carefully placed her in her bassinet. Marina walked with him to the door and they hugged each other tightly for a long while. He turned his face to hers and kissed her cheek, lingering there just a moment, wishing that it could be much more than just her cheek that he kissed. She, wishing for the same, kissed his cheek in return and smiled up at him in a friendly way, and closed the door behind him as he left.
She leaned her forehead against it and took a deep breath, reminding herself that he would never be hers, that her heart needed to focus on herself and her baby girl, and that she absolutely had to stop the romantic thoughts of him as they moved through her mind.
He was completely off limits, and that was the most important thing to remember. Perhaps Lamar would give her something else to focus on when she called him to tell him he was welcome to visit them.
When Kevin and Ellen left for their trip the next day, he was quiet and slightly withdrawn, quite a contrast compared to her delighted and bubbly effervescence.
She had gone shopping and purchased an entire new wardrobe for their two-week vacation, including a new swimsuit and a few outfits for each day they were there. She also bought new luggage to take all of it with her. Her pack of tiny dogs got travel outfits, as well, and she purchased new carrying bags for them.
Kevin said nothing about her extravagance. He spent much of his time trying to keep his thoughts on the purpose of the trip, and that was to repair his marriage and strengthen his relationship with his wife. Each time a thought of Marina and Maddie came into his mind, he had to push it away, albeit reluctantly, so that he could use his energies to focus on his wife. He clung to his morality like a life raft in an ocean of confusion and emotion.
They flew to Oahu and a car took them to an enormous house on the beach where they would be staying. Ellen persuaded Kevin to abandon the ocean for the first day and take her shopping in Honolulu. He loved the island, but he wanted to see more of the natural wonder of it and she was more interested in the teeming city offerings.
He relented to her requests and followed her around as she went from boutique to boutique, shopping from one place to the next and said nothing about what he wanted to do and where he wanted to go, and she didn’t ask.
They attended a luau on their first evening on the island, and afterward, when they got back to their house, he went for a walk on the beach to watch the moon rise over the dancing sea. She came out to him a short while after he went out, and found him sitting in the dry sand, watching the waves wash in and the moonlight glinting off of the water.
“What are you doing out here?” she asked. “It’s dark!”
He looked over his shoulder at her and she stood beside him as he sat. “I’m just enjoying the scenery, watching the ocean in the night. Would you like to sit with me? It’s quite relaxing.”
She made a face. “No! I can’t see what’s in the sand; there’s not enough light out. What are you looking at anyway? The water is dark. God knows what’s swimming around out there in that black water; it’s creepy. Come back inside with me. Come on.” She insisted, giving the sea a look of suspicion.
He knew she wouldn’t be talked into staying out on the beach with him, so he sighed and stood up beside her. “Alright. What would you like to do?” he asked, trying to hide his melancholy.
She smiled at him and took his hand, leading him back into the house. She walked with him to their bedroom and stopped him beside their bed. It was the first bed they had shared in a very long time. He stood silently before her and she smiled silkily at him and looked up at him through her eyelashes, then reached up and began to unbutton his shirt.
He didn’t expect her to try to seduce him, to want him, to have a physical interest in him, but there she was, pushing his shirt off him and running her hands over his chest. Kevin focused intently on her, remembering how it had been when they had first fallen in love, and tried to discover things about her that he could love again. He lifted his hands and covered hers with them, holding them as she ran them over him.
Ellen smiled up at him and began to press her lips on the solid wall of his chest, kissing him softly and tasting him intermittently. He watched her, then lifted his hand to her head and ran his fingers through her long dark hair. Her beauty was entrancing, but somehow he found it tainted, and it took all his will to look at her with eyes that did not judge; eyes that could see her as a lover and wife all his own.
She slipped her hands up to his head and pulled him to her to kiss him; her lips were soft and inviting, and her kiss was warm. When he let it, it began to feel like possibilit
y. It felt as though perhaps if he tried… if they both tried, maybe something could be built again between them. She had not been so intimate with him in long ages. He moved his hands to her cheeks and held her face gently to his as he opened his mouth and kissed her back, tasting her lightly, and moving his mouth tenderly over hers. It was like finding a new lover, one he had never known, but somehow perhaps, remembered from a dream had in time long past.
Sparks of heat began to alight within him and his breath grew deep as his heart began to pound in his chest. She moved her hands to his waist and his clothing fell away from him. His kisses grew deeper and warmer, and he closed her in his embrace, his body remembering how she felt, and how much he had wanted her for so long. Kevin traced his kisses along her jaw and her neck, toward her collarbone, and his fingertips moved lightly from her cheeks down her neck to the edges of the top she was wearing.
He lifted it carefully over her head and released it to the floor, and then gazed at her nude body before him. He pushed the thoughts of her with another man from his mind and steadied his attention to the present, to the stunning woman before him, to his wife. He touched her delicately, caressing her rounded breasts and tracing her curves with the tips of his fingers. She drew in her breath and smiled at him, watching him as though she might begin to purr.
The Baby Shower Page 35