“Well you don’t need to thank me, I’m just doing what a father should do.”
I think about my own family now. How my mom and dad would react if they knew I was having Drew’s baby. Would my momma want to see her grandson or daughter? I bet perhaps she would, but she’d be too proud to say.
Drew gets up and heads to the kitchen. “You eaten? I’m starved.”
“I could eat a cow, Drew.”
Another thing Drew does is cook for me and he helps me around the house. I hope he keeps it up after the baby is born. I hope to God the baby looks like Drew when he’s born.
*
The day of the visit of our LA colleagues has come around quickly. In just twenty-four hours, Adam will be back in this building and I don’t know how I feel about that. I have a mixture of emotions, none of them good.
I’m angry at him for not stepping up when he thought he might be a father. I’m ashamed that I slept with a man who lies and whose only intentions were to trick me into bed and cheat on his wife. And I’m disappointed that Adam could turn out to be just another loser and not the great guy that he portrays to everyone in this company—not only me. But I guess in the kind of business we’re in, putting your best foot forward comes with the territory. And he certainly had me fooled.
So much so that I fell so deeply in love with him. I’ve found it hard to stop loving him. I haven’t admitted how hard I’ve fallen to Amy. And thankfully, she was happy to help me make sure I’m out of the office for the two days the LA team will be in New York.
It was easy to convince Richard Merrick that I’d have to leave it all to Amy.
“I’m sorry you’re going to miss the meetings,” Richard said to me when I’d lied about the hospital appointments and scans.
“I’m sorry, too, Richard,” I’d said in return. “But Amy and I have planned it all so it runs like clockwork. All it needs is for Amy to be on hand just in case any of you need her. But you shouldn’t. And, if there’s an absolute emergency, I’m on the other end of the phone.”
“You’ve done an amazing job, Macey,” he’d said. I smiled and turned away to hide the guilty look on my face.
***
On the morning of the LA team’s arrival I wake up and stretch. Drew is already out of bed, showered and putting on his work clothes. He sits with his back to me as he does up his shirt buttons and lets out a big yawn.
“How you gonna spend your days off, Macey?” he asks.
“Last minute shopping for baby things.”
He turns to me. “Well, don’t you want me to be with you?”
“No, I’m going to get bedding for the cot, baby clothes, a shawl. That kind of thing. I’m breast feeding so we don’t need bottles for formula yet. We can go buy diapers and all the rest of the stuff we need on your next day off. My maternity leave starts next week. I’ll be sitting twiddling my thumbs for a couple weeks before the birth so we can go shopping then.”
Drew leans to kiss me. His kiss is full and soft on my lips. He seems to not want to leave me and that feels nice.
“Don’t make yourself late for work,” I say to him. He steals a quick look at his watch and pushes his feet into his shoes before rushing out. When I hear the door close, I sit up in bed and reach for the tea Drew made me.
I sip slowly and imagine Adam arriving at the office later. I wonder if he will look for me or try to avoid me? Either way, I’m sure Amy will fill me in on what happens. I’m only dreading that there will be any kind of crisis that will mean my having to go in, even for twenty minutes. I must avoid seeing Adam at all costs.
Even so, I still wonder if Sherry has flown back to New York with him, which is ridiculous because her show is live and is still on air, so how could she have come? The next thing I wonder about is whether Sherry has done a good enough job of stopping her husband straying and hooking up with other women.
I imagine him in Hollywood chatting to all the would-be actresses. Maybe they’re easier to get into bed because they know his wife is in the business and maybe his contacts can help these poor girls get a break. I wonder what his next conquest will look like. I’m sure there’ll be others after me. After all wasn’t he the expert on whether or not a man can change his ways.
Thinking of him on the prowl for his next victim makes me uncomfortable and extremely jealous. In many ways I hope he has remained faithful to his wife, at least that way I can have some respect for him. I also hope he can change because I imagine my son ending up being like Adam. I’d hate that to be the case.
I hear nothing from Amy or anyone else from the office and I’m glad. In the late afternoon, I venture out to one of the nicer baby shops in Manhattan and spend a long time just browsing and making purchases for the baby. Having already decided to be surprised by the sex of the baby my shopping experience is based on anything in mint green or yellow pastel colors. The baby shawl I buy is pure white and soft to the touch. I imagine sitting on the old chair in the living room corner, feeding the baby and singing. My mom always sang to me.
After buying bags full of clothes, booties, cuddly toys, a mobile for the cot and tons of other accessories; I leave the shop exhausted, but excited too.
I’m in a world of my own when someone calls out my name and I turn around with a happy sounding, “Yes?” And then the smile is immediately wiped from my face.
It’s Adam and he’s staring at me, looking from my bump and then directly into my eyes.
“What’s wrong with you?” I ask. But I think better of getting into it with Adam and turn to walk away. He pulls me back by my arm. I stop.
“Do you mind?”
“I’m sorry, Macey. I didn’t mean to... It’s just I’m so, shocked to see you.” Again he looks at my bump.
“Shocked to see me. What did you think, that when you went to LA with your wife I would somehow disappear into a puff of smoke?”
“Of course not.”
We are being bumped out of the way by passersby, so Adam gestures with his hand that we should stand closer to the shop front.
“Look,” I tell him. “I have to go.” All the time, I’m swallowing hard, trying to keep angry tears at bay and trying hard not to shout aloud that he’s been a complete bastard.
“Wait, before you go,” he says, pointing at my stomach. “So you made it up with Drew, I see.”
“Well what did you expect?” I say defiantly.
“Well he’s your husband, you said that many times. I just didn’t think you’d really stay with him.”
“What choice did I have?”
“Well I—”
“Adam, I don’t have time for this.” I go to walk away but I can’t help myself. I swing around to face him. “You’re a liar and a coward. Next time you see me—wherever that is—don’t stop me, don’t talk to me, just keep on walking. You hear me?”
“Loud and clear, Macey. God, I didn’t know you hated me so much.” His voice is soft and apologetic.
I could hit him if I wasn’t so heavily pregnant. But I try to be dignified. People are beginning to stare so I walk away. Adam doesn’t come after me; he doesn’t call my name. He has no right to call me anyway and no right to ask about the baby when he so blatantly abandoned me. I’m walking and becoming more and more angry and upset. By now I can’t stop the tears that have been threatening to fall onto my cheeks and I am attracting a lot of attention as I walk through the streets.
I look for a taxi and hold out a hand full with shopping bags. Luckily one stops and I jump in.
“Just drive,” I say. I’m too tired to even think about where I’m going. About four or five blocks down the street I get my breath back and my voice too. I give the taxi driver my address and he begins to head in the right direction.
By the time I get home, I’ve gone through a whole spectrum of emotions. From anger, to hurt, to feeling betrayal. Hate, love, sadness, and heartbreak have made me strung out and tired and all I can do is collapse onto my bed and cry again. I must have cried myself to
sleep because when I wake I hear Drew in the shower. I look at the clock, it’s nearly eight in the evening. My eyes are sore and my head hurts. Usually I can’t get comfortable to sleep but the sheer weight of how I’m feeling has left me drained.
“Hey sleepy head.” Drew comes into the bedroom wearing just a towel. “You looked dead to the world when I came in. You spend all day shopping or what?”
“Not all day.” I try to sit up and hide my face with my hand. I must look awful and I don’t want him to guess I’ve been crying.
“What did you get?” he sits beside me on the bed. All the bags are on the floor.
“I’ll show you. Hand me the bags.”
I take everything out one by one and Drew smiles with approval for everything. He kisses my forehead and tells me to rest. He’s making spaghetti and he’ll serve it to me in bed. I lie staring up at the ceiling, remembering the look on Adam’s face. He looked shocked and surprised, which is strange because he knew I was pregnant. I still feel hurt that he not only didn’t ask how I was he didn’t ask about the baby either. I shouldn’t be surprised, not really. I am wishing that I never fell in love with Adam and then Drew comes in with my bowl of spaghetti and some buttered bread on the side.
“This is great,” I say and I mean it. I’m convinced I have the right father for my baby right here. He is the one who cares, he is the one who has shown he really loves me.
***
I decide to stay in my apartment on my second day off. I don’t want to run into Adam again. While I know he is still in New York, it’s best I stay hidden away. Again I dread the phone ringing and Richard being on the other end begging me to come in because something or other has gone wrong.
I have a lazy day of watching television and eating ice cream. My cell does ring but it’s in the early evening, way after the LA team would have left so I don’t have to worry about it being Richard Merrick. In fact it’s Amy. I’m glad to see her name flashing. I was expecting an update from her.
“Hey, Amy,” I say in my tired voice.
“You will never guess who I’ve just been speaking to,” she says.
“Is it the same person I bumped into yesterday?”
“Yes. Adam.”
“I’m not sure I want to put myself through a replay of what he said to you, Amy, I’m tired.”
“You’ll want to hear this.”
I don’t say anything at first. Do I? Do I want to hear about Adam and his renewal of wedding vows, his life in LA, his possible new mistress?
“Well, all right, Amy but spare me the gory details.”
“Well first of all, you have to know, Adam was shocked to see that you were pregnant.”
“Oh don’t give me that. He wants to lie about that too?”
“Macey, I don’t think he was lying.”
“How can he not know? I called him. I told him he might be the father and he said nothing and hung up.”
“I told him that exact same thing, Macey, and he swore blind he didn’t get your call. The day you took that fall and ended up in hospital, he’d been ringing you and decided that it must be hard for you to speak and so he waited.”
“He waited?”
“Yes, he waited for you to call him back. The last conversation you had with him, you said it would be hard to leave Drew. But he got worried and he called you a few times that night and you never returned his call. He said he wasn’t sure he should call because he didn’t know if Drew would be nearby so he waited days for you to call. And then he had to come to terms with the fact that you chose Drew—again. Despite how badly he might be treating you.”
“This makes no sense, Amy. How can he deny I called him?”
“Well hold on, Macey. When you called him that night, he must have said something before you told him about the baby.”
“No, he didn’t actually answer. And I blurted out the fact that he might be a father before he had a chance to speak.”
“And you’re sure it was him on the other end of the line?”
“Well of course I... Wait. No, I’m not sure. He never spoke once and we both know that’s strange, right?”
“Exactly.”
“So if it wasn’t him I was telling about the baby it could only have been...”
“Sherry. That’s where my mind was going. Because there’s more to this, Macey—and it concerns Sherry.”
“What is it?”
“I’ll have to let Adam tell you all about that.”
“Adam goes back to LA tonight. I don’t want to speak to him. Not even on the phone.”
“Oh.” Amy sounds guilty.
“What have you done Amy?”
“Well, he kinda dragged your address out of me. He might be on his way there now.”
“Amy!”
“I couldn’t help myself. You really have to hear what’s being going on between them, Macey. You might feel differently when you’ve had a chance to hear him out.”
“And he’s on his way here?”
“Yes. Sorry.”
“I’ll listen to what he has to say, but he’ll have to leave before Drew gets back. I swear, Amy, no matter what he says, I’m staying with Drew. I’ve made up my mind. Drew has done so much, he’s turned his life around for this baby. He’s done all the things a father should do.”
The Final Chapter
When the knock on the door comes, I’m already shaking. Adam is on the other side of that door full of some kind of apology and a reason for not stepping up and taking responsibility before now. It occurred to me in the half hour since my call with Amy that facing up to the situation must be exactly what he wants to do. Otherwise, why would he bother to come? He could have gotten onto that flight to LA and not said a word to Amy about bumping into me.
She believes he’s not the liar I thought he was, but only in opening this door will I ever know. I just hope he tells me the truth. But in many ways hasn’t this visit put me right back to where I started? Yet again I’m faced with a dilemma about the paternity of my child. Is Adam facing up to being a dad and is he the biological father after all?
“You shouldn’t have come here Adam. Drew comes home very soon,” I say after taking in a deep breath and opening up the door.
“Then I’ll be quick. How much time do we have?”
“Less than half an hour. I want you long gone by then.” I turn around and let him follow me into the living room.
“It suits you,” he says.
“What does?”
“Being pregnant.”
“I’m the size of a house. But let’s not waste time. Say what you came to say and then leave, Adam.”
“But Macey I... Okay I’ll make this as quick as I can. First of all, Macey, I swear on that baby’s life I never got a call from you saying you were pregnant and that it might be mine. I would have been here in a shot if I’d known. I don’t know how you could think I’d just walk away and...”
I cross my arms and stare back at him.
“I’ve been puzzling over this since talking to Amy,” he says. “I’m sure it was Sherry you spoke to that night. Or at least I’m sure she’s the one who intercepted the call. She and I had had a massive argument that night and I’d gone for a walk to clear my head. I must have forgotten to take my cell. In fact, I’m sure of it now.”
“What was your argument about?” I say before I can even stop myself.
“I told her I wasn’t going through with the renewal of our vows and asked her to cancel all the arrangements. I know I shouldn’t have let it go that far—I mean, she’d invited people already. But then... before I knew what was happening, she hit me with the news.”
“What news? What did she say?”
“Sherry told me she was pregnant.”
“She said what?”
“That’s right. She said the reason she wanted the ceremony was because she was expecting.”
“I didn’t even think you guys were sleeping together.”
“It happened once, about a m
onth before you and I... It was one very rare occasion. As usual it after lots of heavy drinking and an argument. Not quite make up sex, but something like it. We made up just enough for us to be on speaking terms again. It was rare for us to have sex in the last year of our marriage. But she remembered that last time and built a lie around it.”
“How could you have fallen for it?”
“How could you have chosen to stay with a man who beat you? Loyalty, Macey. We’re both guilty of it.”
“But she wasn’t pregnant, right? I mean surely you realized later.”
“Well, that’s where she played her trump card. She was always enticing me to sleep with her after she broke the news. She knew it would make me stay with her if I thought she was pregnant. But all she was trying to do was get me to sleep with her so that it would really happen. The whole time I was waiting to hear back from you. But you never called.
“By now I’m believing that Sherry is pregnant and that I’ve lost you. When the time went on and I’d ask Sherry about hospital appointments, she kept putting me off. One day I came home and she was crying her eyes out. When I asked what was wrong she told me she’d lost the baby. She said she’d just let the doctor go before I got there. Then that’s when she started acting like she was having some kind of breakdown. She wouldn’t let me out of her sight. I felt sorry for her. Sherry is a very convincing actress, I’m surprised she never got a major film role. She was good. I only realized after speaking to Amy that it must all have been a lie to keep me.”
“Maybe you were easy to convince. Maybe you wanted her back.”
“All this time, Macey, I’ve told you, time and again, you were the one. When will you ever believe that? You are the one. Even when I thought Sherry was pregnant, it was loyalty to the baby and my role as a father I was thinking about. How I felt about Sherry never changed. But I don’t want to be part-time dad. So I tried to make it work with her. I know in my heart of hearts, I can never stay with Sherry.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. She lied about there being a baby and she lied about having a miscarriage. And… I don’t love her, Macey. I love you.”
The Baby Shower Page 53