“But you couldn’t.”
She shook her head. “Instead, they’ve grown.”
“I could tell. Tonight. You were as worried about him as you were about me.”
“Oh, honey, no one could ever take my affections away from you.”
Ron rolled his eyes. “I know that, Mom. Geez, whadaya think I am, a baby?”
“No, honey, I don’t. But I want to be sure you know that nobody could ever change what I feel for you.” She hesitated. “Or what I felt for your dad, either. I loved him very much.”
“Do you, um, like feel the same way about Tucker?”
“No, I feel very differently about Tucker than I did your father. But I do love him, Ron.”
He drew in a deep breath. The demons battered in his brain to get out. Insecurity. Fear. Old grudges.
“What are you thinking?”
“Nothin’ much.”
She gave him her best stem-mother look. “Ronny, you’ve got to have faith in yourself that Doc’s and Tucker’s attitude toward you has nothing to do with me.”
“I know it here,” he said pointing to his head.
“Well, you need to understand it here, then.” She laid her hand over his chest. “Think about the time and attention they’ve given you. I know it had nothing to do with me, but you’ve got to find that answer in your own heart.”
“What are you gonna do now? I mean, about Tucker?”
“I don’t know, exactly. I know what I’m not going to do. I’m not going to force this relationship on you too fast.” She stared at him hard. “But I’m not giving him up, either. I lost one man I loved to death. I’m not going to lose another without a fight.”
“Old Bonnie Parker surfaces, hey Mom?”
Her smile was good to see. “Maybe.” She reached over and grasped his hand. “I love you, honey. I’ll always love you. But life’s so short.” She glanced at the picture of his dad on the counter. “We both know that. And you’ve done a wonderful job of turning yours around. I just hope you can…” She drew back and didn’t finish. She glanced at the clock again. “It’s late. Let’s go to bed now and sleep on this. There’s no hurry in making any decisions tonight.”
Bed sounded good to Ron. He stood and stared down at her. At the woman who had been there for him for every single second of his life. Through all the shit he’d pulled and all the trouble he’d gotten into. He owed her, big-time.
“I love you, Mom. Thanks. For always being there for me.”
“I love you, too. And you’re welcome.”
He left her then, but the vision of her sitting alone in the kitchen, by herself, with only his father’s picture backdropped behind her, stayed with him for a long time.
Chapter 29
*
MARGO HADN’T SEEN Philip since her disclosure to Jack the Thursday before. Now, as she strode into the CEO’s office where Philip was standing by the window staring out and one of the company lawyers sat off to the side, her pulse raced. She realized it was Showdown at the OK Corral time.
Well, she of all people, the engineer formerly known as Ma Barker, was up to it. Dressed somberly in a black suit and crisp white blouse, she nodded to Jack when he looked up from his desk. “Hello, Margo.”
Turning quickly, Philip stared at her. She’d expected some kind of response—anger, guilt, disbelief. Instead, his face was blank, his eyes a flat blue. Cordially, he said, “Margo.” His voice was frigid, that of a man facing a divorce lawyer or a doctor with bad news.
“Philip.”
The lawyer gave her a terse greeting. Jack looked troubled. His face was taut with stress, and the shadows under his eyes betrayed sleeplessness. She was sorry such a good man had to deal with this offensive situation. He indicated the chairs. “Let’s all sit down.”
Both Margo and Philip sat, as they had so many times in this very room, on the chairs facing the CEO, next to each other. Jack addressed Margo. “For the purposes of expediency and to make this as comfortable as possible, I’ll outline your charges and Philip’s response to them. Is that all right with you?”
“Yes.”
He picked up papers from an open folder on his desk. “First, you contend Philip behaved inappropriately in Boston. Philip denies the charge. He did confess that while you were there, he told you that he felt you two were getting too close and he wouldn’t spend as much time with you any more, that it wasn’t good given the fact that he’s married.”
“That’s not—”
Jack held up his hand. “Please, let me finish. You’ve had your say, Margo, and he deserves his.”
Nodding, she forced her clasped hands to relax.
“As for the charges that he held your work over your head, perhaps caused or allowed some of these deadline/attention things to happen, he states that the contrary is true. Because of the fact that he cares about you—and he doesn’t deny that—he’s tried to cover for you.”
Jack looked even more weary. “In general, Margo, Philip’s position is that he acted ethically.” The CEO sat back in his chair. “As you can see, his stance is contrary to the statements you made.”
When no more was forthcoming, she spoke. “I’d like to ask some questions.”
“Go ahead.”
“Did Philip say why I’d jeopardize my career if none of this is true?”
Jack nodded. “I think he should answer that.”
Philip faced her. “I have no idea why you’d turn on me like this. We’ve been close for eight years. As I told you in Boston, too close. Was that it, Margo? We got too close, and when I wouldn’t take it further you couldn’t handle it?”
“How can you say that? You know it didn’t happen that way.”
A muscle in his jaw leapt. “Of course it did. And I told you I was sorry, but Sally and the girls were too important to me to jeopardize my relationship with them—for you.”
“I can’t believe this.” She looked at the ceiling. “That isn’t how it happened at all.”
Philip shot Jack a look of male bemusement. His big, powerful shoulders shrugged underneath navy wool. “I don’t know what else to say, Jack.”
“Margo?” Jack’s voice was kind, but unhappy.
“I don’t know what else to say, either, except I’m sticking to my facts. Philip has sabotaged my work. Period.”
Jack looked to the lawyer, who finally spoke.
“Then there’s nowhere to go with this but to put a memo in each of your files documenting the complaint. If either of you is ever involved in this kind of thing again, it will be there as prior evidence.”
She cocked her head. “I can see your point.” She faced Jack. “But I’m meeting with my own lawyer tomorrow. If her advice is to drop it, I probably will. If not” —she stood and smoothed down her skirt— “I guess, as they say, I’ll see you in court.” Turning, she walked to the door.
“Margo?” Jack’s voice held traces of exasperation. “I haven’t finished yet.”
She pivoted. “Yes?”
“I want to tell you something else.” He glanced at the lawyer, who nodded.
“What?”
“I’m offering you the vice presidency of engineering.”
That took the wind out of her sails. “What?” She just stared at him. “Why? After all this, I thought…”
Again the lawyer spoke. “Yes, I’m sure you did. And I’m sure your lawyer would have a field day with that news. The job’s yours, if you want it.”
Your lawyer would have a field day.
She addressed Jack. “Let me get this straight. You’re offering me the VP of engineering so I can’t prove any discrimination on your part?”
“Of course not. I’m offering you the VP of engineering because, as I’ve said openly and documented, by the way, you’ve had an impeccable record at CompuQuest up till now, and you’re the best choice for the job.”
Ah, life. It was so strange. For years she’d dreamed of this moment and how happy she’d feel. Instead, the whole thing was
tainted. For some reason she thought of Linc. What would he do with this turn of events?
He’d tell you to tell them to fuck off.
She smiled.
“Margo? Are you happy about this appointment?”
She shook her head. “No, Jack, I’m not happy about this appointment.”
He blew out a heavy breath. “I think we can put this unfortunate misunderstanding behind us, if we all try.”
Unfortunate misunderstanding? Oh, brother! “How long do I have to decide?”
“Decide?”
“If I want the vice presidency?”
Jack’s eyebrows arched. “Oh, well, take as long as you like.”
“Fine. I’ll let you know.” Margo gave the two men one last look and strode out of the office.
Geraldine wasn’t at her desk. Margo was glad she didn’t have to face the woman. She needed to think about what had just transpired in Jack’s office. She wished she could call Linc. Get his take on it. But she wouldn’t. She needed to work this out by herself, like a lot of things lately.
Funny, though, she didn’t feel so alone anymore. She felt centered, as if she had roots. As if she had…help.
Linc? God, maybe.
Nah, it couldn’t be that.
*
“HI, BABE.” Linc spoke into the telephone and frowned at the receiver. “If you’re there, please pick up.”
No answer.
“All right. Then I’ll have my say this way. It’s damned stupid that you won’t talk to me. I love you. I want to know if you’re all right. How can you cut me off like this?” He paced his office. Swore. “All right, I know it’s been tense between us. But we can work it out.” He waited. Then heard a b-e-e-e-p.
“Shit!” He looked at the phone. “Well, I’m not giving up.”
He punched redial.
“This is Margo. Leave a message.”
“This is Linc, babe.” The endearment was less tender this time. “Don’t you get it? I’m not giving up. I love you. We can work this out. I need you in my life, Margo. We need each other.” He kicked an innocent wastebasket he happened to walk by. “Okay, okay, I know we haven’t been able to do this the right way since I became a minister. But breaking my arm has given me a lot of time to think. I’ve decided we’ve been going at it the wrong way. We need to…” He thought for a minute. B-e-e-e-p.
The curse was worse this time. Apologizing to God for his language, he pressed redial again. “You’re not getting rid of me, Margo. I was saying we need to commit to each other. We were meant to be together.” He swallowed hard. “I think we should make love again. We both know why we’ve been holding off, and it’s stupid. You can’t take me away from God. And I can’t browbeat you into accepting Him. We’re old enough to make good decisions and…” B-e-e-e-p.
Linc pounded the phone on his desk before he called back. “This is the last time! Look, we can have a long-distance relationship. You don’t have to live here. Stay in the city. Keep your job and your fancy apartment. We’ll just be together when we can.” He knew time was running out. He gave a quick prayer to God and ended with, “Marry me, Margo. I know we can make this work.”
Linc stared at the phone as it gave another B-e-e-e-p. He replaced the receiver with a soft, “Please.”
*
WITH A WHY-NOT-STAY-AND-TAKE-THEM-FOR-WHAT-THEY’RE WORTH attitude, Margo accepted the vice presidency of engineering at CompuQuest. Dressed in an off-white pantsuit with a black silk shell underneath and high black sandals, she drew in a deep breath before she entered Philip’s office. This was her first official top-level executive meeting since she’d taken the job.
And she felt good, really good, about that and a lot of things. It seemed like some burden, or some long fight to keep something at bay, was finally gone. The thing with Philip? Maybe. But she sensed it was more.
“Good morning,” she said as she stepped in and found the men assembled around the huge oak table, much as she had that day she’d been here after their Deliverance weekend.
“Morning, Margo.” Philip didn’t look up from the file he was reading. He’d been treating her like The Invisible Man for the past three weeks, which was just fine with her. Then he scanned the six men at the table. “We’re just waiting on Riley, right?”
The others nodded, welcomed Margo and chatted among themselves as they waited for the meeting to begin. Perfunctory remarks were addressed to her, but it was obvious she wasn’t one of the boys.
You’ll never be one of the boys, Linc would say with a cocky perusal of her body. Just the thought of his sexy looks made her flush.
I think we should make love again.
Marry me!
Margo hadn’t seen or talked to him in almost a month. He called religiously, left her messages that were either devastatingly tender or so hot they made her ache.
Dumb, really dumb, she thought as the meeting began and she listened to the men discuss the latest products. Sure, she’d made some progress; she’d been thinking long and hard about her hangups with religion, as Linc had asked her to do, and she’d been doing a lot of reading. But she was still a far cry from believing she could ever be a minister’s wife. However, when the distribution manager went into his usual harangue about impossible deadlines, she couldn’t get her mind off Linc’s latest call.
Why won’t you talk to me? I think you need me…. I just have a feeling a lot’s going on with you….
Finally the meeting ended, and when she was gathering her things, Philip looked down the table. “Margo, could you stay a second?”
“All right.” She glanced around, thinking she should ask someone else to stay, remembering her conversation with her own lawyer…
He was wrong in what he did. You can see that, can’t you? Margo had been adamant.
So had her lawyer. Of course he was wrong. And believe it or not, most cases that come to me are hidden harassment like this; they’re almost impossible to prove. My advice is to take the vice presidency and wring out of them what you can, then move on. The woman had laughed. And make sure you get a sizable raise. Money is great comfort.
“Margo?”
She smiled perfunctorily. When she took the job, she knew working with Philip was one of the cons on her list. She thought of the thirty-thousand-dollar raise, compensation package and stock options she’d demanded and gotten. “Yes?”
He walked over and closed the door.
Not a good sign. But she’d be damned if she’d jump like a skittish colt around him. When she was fifteen, Ma Barker was eating guys like him for breakfast.
“I thought we should have a talk.”
“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”
“Of course it is. Since you decided to stay.”
“All right.”
Giving her his most boyish grin, raking his hand through his perfectly cut hair without messing it, he said, “I’d like to put the past behind us. Start over.”
“Why?” She folded her arms over her chest and watched him.
“Because we have to work together. Because we both made mistakes.”
Say you’ve made a mistake, her practical side warned. Even if you don’t mean it. It’ll go a long way in soothing things over.
“The only mistake I made, Philip, was not reporting my suspicions sooner. Not getting some kind of proof.”
“Jesus Christ, Margo, it’s not like this was some kind of plot. I like you. I wanted more. I took a gamble and it didn’t pay off.”
“You just don’t get it, do you?”
“I get that I might have been too upfront in my feelings for you. My marriage was in trouble, I was lonely….”
She laughed at that. According to office gossip, he and Sally were having a second honeymoon. She came to town a few times a week for lunch or dinner, he took her on business trips, and the guys teased him constantly about his new wedded bliss.
And her treatment of Margo—sweet and innocent as before—revealed that Mrs. Philip Hathaway di
dn’t have a clue to what had gone on. If Margo didn’t know better, she’d think she’d dreamed the last five months of harassment.
“So, think we can be friends?”
She stared at Philip.
Play the game. Soothe feathers. What do you have to lose?
Your integrity , Linc would say.
“No, Philip, we can’t be friends. We can be colleagues and work together, but I’ve got real friends, and you don’t have a clue what that means.”
Male pique suffused his classic features. “The minister, right?”
“And others, yes.”
“You know, you’re a coward.”
“What?”
“You’re a coward. You venture out into the real world, but you keep Grayson and those other buddies of yours as a safety net. As soon as you get scared or unhappy or lonely, you go running to them.” He picked up a file. “Why don’t you just move to Glen Oaks for good and forget the life you have in New York? You’re not happy with it anyway. Not really.” He opened the file. “I’ve got work to do.”
She didn’t respond. She just stared at him, then turned and strode out of his office. Ignoring Geraldine, who treated her with barely concealed disdain these days, she sought solace in the elevator.
Once alone, she was suddenly faced with the truth.
In so many ways, Philip was right. She wasn’t happy with her life. Since Linc had gotten hurt, she’d been thinking about priorities and what was most important to her. And she’d admitted that the people she was closest to, the people she wanted to spend her time with, were those she saw the least.
I wish you’d come back here to live…. God’s not so bad.
Ronny’s plea echoed in her mind all the way to her office. She loved him, she loved them all. But go back to Glen Oaks? Make a life there? With Linc? With God as a part of it?
Could Ma Barker really do that?
*
SHE’S NOT COMING back, is she?
No answer.
Linc sat alone in a pew and stared at the cross behind the altar. The unique church scent of wood and incense surrounded him. It’s time to give up, isn’t it?
Silence.
Damn it, God, answer me.
Prolonged silence. Well this was just great. Even God deserted him.
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