“I thought I wasn’t good enough for you, that I wasn’t sexy enough. I thought you left me because you preferred the company of other women. My self-confidence crashed when you went, and it’s taken a very long time for me to rebuild it. I just…I don’t want even the chance of you leaving again. Especially because it isn’t just my heart that you’ll break now. If you’re going to go, I’d rather you do it now before I can fall too deep again.”
He puts a finger under my chin, lifting my eyes to meet his. I’m on the verge of tears, and by the looks of things he is too.
“I’m so sorry Willa. I never wanted that. I never wanted any of it, I just wanted to keep you out of all of my rubbish. I thought I was doing the right thing. I had it in my head that if I told you anything, you’d come looking for me…”
“I would have!” I interject, smiling weakly.
“…but you were on my mind, always. The entire time. I didn’t even look at another woman. I couldn’t have, after you. You shook up my entire world and switched everything around. I no longer wanted to be anything other than the right man for you. You are more than good enough for me. You’re a rare beauty, and I would never do anything to mess things up with you again. You’re so gorgeous that when I’m with you, the entire world shrinks to just me and you. And I would never do anything to hurt Ellie Rose. I know how awful my vanishing would be for her. She might forgive me for doing it once, but I’d never get away with it again.”
Suddenly he looks to the ground, as if he now has something difficult to say.
“That’s why it hurt so much when I saw you with Adam. I thought I’d spent all of these years pining after you like a fool, and you’d moved on. I thought you were married with a child.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, looking at his clearly hurt face. “It would have crushed me to see you with someone else too, even if it was only innocent. Adam looked after us, he dragged me out of a penniless hell and gave me a place to live and put food on the table. I repaid him for every penny by working it off—not in the way that you did—but I wouldn’t have survived if it wasn’t for him. Ellie Rose and I would have been in one hell of a mess. I have a lot to thank him for, but he is only a friend, and always has been.”
“If he kept you both alive, whilst keeping me out of jail, then I guess I have a lot to thank him for too.”
I place a gentle kiss on his lips, ending the argument in the sweetest way possible.
“There’s no point in saying ‘let’s just focus on the future now’, because chances are the past will rear its ugly head from time to time. How about we just promise each other that we won’t let it tear us apart, that we’ll always be honest, and we’ll always work through our problems together?”
“I like that idea, baby girl.” Dexter grins and kisses me once more.
An odd stirring starts to form in my belly, and I instantly recognize it, even if I haven’t felt it for a while. I’m horny, turned on as hell, and I want Dexter right here and now.
I trail my fingers down his muscular chest, tracing his abs on the way down, and I start to make my way towards the cock that I’ve spent years and years missing…
“Wait!” Dexter says, grabbing my hand and pulling it away. “Not yet.”
A cold sense of shame starts to creep through me, icing up all of my veins. Has he not missed me as much as I’ve missed him?
Dexter spots my expression and quickly tries to reassure me. “It’s not that I don’t want to. I’ve missed the hell out of my dirty girl, but I want to do things right this time. I don’t want a quickie in the front room, with the risk of Ellie Rose catching us at any moment. I want to wine you and dine you, take you out for a date. I want to make you feel like the most special woman on the planet, because that’s what you deserve. But before all of that, I want to clear the air with your family. I want the path to be clear before we start our journey towards the future.”
As much as I’m disappointed, his words touch me. He really has changed and he wants to prove it to all of us. I’d love to get down to it right now, to make up for all the lost time, but going out on a date and behaving like a normal couple…well, that sounds nice too.
“Okay,” I say, nodding. “Let’s do it your way then. Let’s go and see Nicolette now.”
“Now?” he gasps, mock panicking. “I don’t think I’m ready for her to kill me yet.”
“Tough,” I reply, grabbing his wrist and pulling him towards the door. “If I have to wait too much longer, I might explode from sexual frustration.”
“Dirty girl.” He grins once more, rubbing his nose against mine. “Trust me, the wait will be worth it!”
“Come on, Ellie Rose,” I yell up the stairs. “Time to go and see your auntie!”
* * *
“Don’t be mad,” I tell my sister the second we walk through the door.
I’m panicking. My emotions are all over the place because I have no idea how this is going to go. If it took me a while to forgive Dex fully, then it’s going to take my sister years.
Oh God, why am I doing this?
“Why?” she says suspiciously.
“We found my Daddy!” Ellie Rose screeches past me, completely ruining the softer version of the story that I intended to tell.
“What?” Nicolette screeches, almost bursting my eardrums.
“Just hear me out.” I shake off my jacket. “It isn’t what you think.”
“What? It isn’t Dexter, the fucker who left you high and dry…”
“Yes, it is me.” Dexter appears behind me.
“I told you to wait outside,” I hiss, but they both completely ignore me. I had a plan…does no one care about that?
“I know that you want to smack me, punch me, yell at me…and I want you to. Believe me; I know that I deserve it. But please, all I ask is that you hear me out first.”
Please, I beg her with my eyes.
“Okay,” Nicolette finally says after a few agonizing moments. “I’ll hear you out, only for Willa, but then I’m gonna kick your ass.”
Dexter smiles. “I don’t doubt it.”
I play in the front room with Lucas and the kids while Nicolette and Dexter discuss things in the kitchen. I’m nervous, and I know that it can’t be going too well—after all, Nicolette is mad as hell at him—but I also know that they both need this. If they can hash it out, then we can all move forward and have a future.
Like a real family.
I’m exhilarated, nervous and totally afraid all at once.
“Are you okay, Willa?” Lucas asks, picking up on my mood.
“Yeah. I mean, I know it probably seems crazy to you, but I’m so glad that Dexter is back.”
Lucas smiles. “I don’t think it’s crazy. I knew you two would end up finding your way back to each other.”
“Like destiny?” I tease.
“Yeah, sure. Why not?”
Lucas might be a serious, calm man, but he’s also a great person to talk to. He’s always been open and honest with me. I really respect him and his opinion, and I’m so glad that he’s with Nicolette. They are perfect together, and he fits really well into our little family unit.
“This is just the start of our future now.”
“Yeah.” I smile. “Yeah, it is.”
Thirty-Two
Dex
I’m dead nervous. I can’t stop pacing up and down in my apartment. I’m taking Willa out on a date tonight.
Our first real date.
Well…my first real date ever.
I have no idea how it’s going to go, but I’m really hoping for the best. I’ve booked a nice restaurant; nothing too fancy, I know affluence won’t impress Willa, but the place is nice enough. On top of that, I’m suited and booted, clean-shaven and looking smart. This is a little weird for me, but it’s all a part of the new me. I need her to see that I really am a changed man.
The second I found out that Ellie Rose was my daughter; it put everything into a much clearer perspective. This
is it, my one shot to make everything right again, to make my family whole. I may have a lot to make up for, but I’m sure that I can do it.
I could spend my time focusing on all that I’ve missed, or I could work towards a bright and positive future for us all. I know what old Dex would have done, but that’s not me anymore. I’m not that self-destructive man these days. I’m someone with something to offer the world.
“Hold it together, Dexter,” I whisper to myself.
I’ve already discussed our future with Nicolette. I knew that she’d be the hardest to convince, to turn back around to me, but I’ve managed it, which bodes well for all that’s to come. I opened up, I expressed my deep regret and love for her sister and eventually, the ice queen thawed.
She will always have an eye on me, but I don’t mind that. Anyone looking out for Willa is all right in my books. I can’t exactly complain, she’s already given me more than I deserve.
I make the walk over to Willa’s apartment, trying to remain cool and confident…at least on the outside. I don’t want her to discover that I’m freaking out. The restaurant isn’t too far from where she lives, so I know that she won’t mind heading there on foot, which is perfect for me. I need the walk and fresh air. Willa is definitely not a high-maintenance woman, which is just one more thing to love about her.
I knock lightly on her door, hearing the kids screaming inside, and I beam at that sound. They’re all so happy. I’m so glad that my daughter has had such a fulfilling life where I’ve been absent. It would have been awful if I’d found her bereft and sad. I just hope that I can add to that, to make things better for her. I don’t need to make her whole, but I hope that I can be a positive addition to her life.
“Come in!” I hear Willa calling.
She sounds a little stressed, like she’s rushing round, not quite ready yet. I tremble a little at the thought of what she might be wearing, already feeling heady with desire for her.
I tentatively push the door open a crack.
“Daddy!” Ellie Rose comes rushing over to me, throwing her arms around me.
I’m so glad that we’re already in a good place. She could have been shy or unsure of me, but she isn’t. I’m sure there will come a time in the future where she’ll have all sorts of questions for me, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
“Hi sweetie, having fun?”
“Auntie Nic said me and Toby can stay up late tonight and eat ice cream!”
“Wow.” I laugh. “She’s brave.”
“Okay, Dexter?” Nicolette asks me knowingly. She knows this night is massive for me, and she knows that I want to get everything right. She can probably sense me freaking out.
“Yeah.” I nod. “I’m…good. Happy.”
“One minute!” Willa shouts from the other room.
“The kids haven’t given her a second to get dressed. Do you want a drink while you wait? Beer?”
“Do you have any soft drinks?”
She eyes me suspiciously but hands a soda over.
“No Dutch courage?”
“No, I’m good, thanks.”
I don’t want to drink before going on this date. I need my mind to remain crystal clear.
I chat and laugh with Lucas for a few moments, just waiting for Willa. I can’t help but feel right. This is exactly where I need to be. This is where I should have been all along. Not that I’m bitter about that…at least this is where I am now.
“I’m here.” Willa races into the front room, looking wound up and a little disheveled, yet somehow drop dead gorgeous.
“Wow.” I drink in her appearance. Her long blonde hair dangles down her back in its natural style and her face is free of makeup. She’s completely natural, which is just how I want her. She doesn’t need anything to intensify her beauty, and I’m really glad that she’s remained herself. It’d be a bit weird if she was too dolled up—she’d look like someone else.
She’s wearing a light blue summer dress which hugs her every curve in the best possible way and hangs lightly from her hips. I can see a glimpse of her cleavage, but it’s nowhere near enough to be slutty. The dress matches and brightens her stunning blue eyes, making it impossible for me not to stare into them.
She has nude-colored high heels on, really making the outfit. They cause her to stand confidently tall. She’s natural, graceful and elegant all at the same time, and I’m already turned on just looking at her. But tonight isn’t about sex, it’s about love.
She smiles. “You look nice, Dex.”
I can’t believe that I haven’t even complimented her yet; I’ve just been standing here, staring at her like a fool.
“You’re breathtaking, Willa.”
Suddenly Ellie Rose and Toby race into the room, chasing each other and screaming.
“Are you still here?” Ellie Rose stops dead in the room, staring up at us with a confused expression.
We burst into laughter. “I guess that’s our hint to go!” I announce as we’re ushered out of the door.
“Have fun!” Everyone yells behind us as we go.
We laugh and talk as we wander along, but there’s a gnawing fear inside of me that slowly starts to take over. I become increasingly quiet because of this.
“Are you okay?” Willa finally asks.
“Yeah…yeah, sorry, I know I’m being quiet. I’m just a little blown away by you.”
“Me too,” she replies. “But I’m happy that you’re here.”
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t always…”
“Let’s just forget the past. Start from now. A fresh new start.”
“I like that plan.” I grin brightly at her. “A new future, a do-over. And on that note, here we are.”
I wave my arm towards the restaurant, ready for our night to begin.
We walk in and take our seats, both starting to really relax around each other. I forget my nervousness and simply concentrate on Willa. It’s so nice to hear her melodic voice once more, to see her expression when she gets excited and the way that she pulls on the end of her hair when she’s listening intently. She’s real, she’s really here and I will not fuck this up again.
“Do you want dessert?” I ask after we’ve finished our main meal.
“Hell yeah!” She laughs. “I’ve been eyeing that chocolate fudge cake all night. There’s no way we’re leaving until I’ve had some.”
“Okay, great.” I breathe out a sigh of relief. I have more time to compose myself for the perfect end to this wonderful evening.
As our desserts are set in front of us, I get a burst of courage and run with it before she even has a chance to take a bite.
“Willa?”
“Hmm?”
“I love you.”
This is the first time I’ve said those words to her out loud. I can’t believe that it’s taken so long. I should have said it a million times already.
“I… I…” She’s a little taken aback. “I love you too.”
“I always have, from the very first time that I saw you in that seedy bar. I always will. I haven’t just spent these years apart protecting you; I’ve been planning for our future too. I’ve been saving up, making money and setting aside a nest egg for us…and Ellie Rose too.”
Her eyes are wide, as if she has no idea where I’m going with this.
“What I’m trying to say is…” I pull a small box out of my pocket. About four years ago I made the decision that this was what I wanted, so I started working towards my plan. I bought this gorgeous princess-cut diamond ring about eighteen months ago, and now the moment for its unveiling is here.
It’s all been building up to this.
I could wait for this until we’re more settled, but what’s the point? I know what I want, and I’m pretty sure that Willa wants me too. We can figure out our life from this point forward, just as long as we’re together. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
“I want to know if you’ll marry me, Willa. I will love you forever, I will protect you
, and I will ensure that our family is provided for. I’ll be the man that you deserve. Ever since you walked into my life, I’ve been a changed man. You’ve made me better. You’re stunning, sweet, kind, sexy as hell and just the perfect woman for me.”
Tears are filling my eyes, but it’s okay because they’re streaming down her cheeks too. I finally stand up from the chair and get down on one knee in front of her. We start to attract the attention of other diners, but I don’t care. This moment is all about me and Willa.
“So will you make me the happiest man alive and be my wife?”
Her hands claps across her mouth as the color comes flooding into her cheeks.
“Yes. Oh my god, yes! Dexter, I can’t believe it, of course!”
I pick her up and swing her around in my arms. People start cheering and clapping around us.
She said yes!
In that moment, everything becomes worth it. All of the shit that I’ve been through in my past no longer matters; it was all leading to this. Me, Willa and Ellie Rose, starting our family for real this time. And we’re going to do it in the right way.
“Come on.” Willa grins. “Let’s take this cake home and go back to yours. Nic has the kids all night, so we’re free.”
“Sounds great to me, dirty girl.” I grin, kissing her passionately. “Let’s go and make some more babies!”
Thirty-Three
Willa
As we walk back to where Dexter now lives, I can’t help repeatedly glancing at my ring. It’s perfect—understated, pretty and glamorous. It just proves how much Dexter really knows me.
And now I’m going to be his wife!
“I just can’t believe it, Dex,” I squeal. “We’re getting married!”
We’re both on a real adrenaline high, acting like crazy school kids. This is officially the best day of my life. All of the waiting, the loneliness, the stress, the bad date…it all seems worth it now. It’s as if my heart refused to move on because I knew that he was coming back all along.
Wanted - Dead or Alive: A Bad Boy Outlaw Romance Page 17