Soon, with the efficiency of a commander in the midst of a battle, Margaret had Arabella and the babe placed in a well-padded wagon for the journey back to the keep. Before Brodie called for them to leave, Arabella motioned her over. Taking hold of her hand, she tugged Eva closer so none would hear their words.
‘I am forever in your debt, Eva,’ Arabella whispered. Meeting her gaze and holding it, the lady continued, ‘We will speak later.’
‘Lady...’ she began, shaking her head. ‘There is nothing to—’
‘There is everything, Eva. Be at peace for now though,’ Arabella said. Brodie called out to her, and the lady released her hand, allowing her to retreat.
The wagon began to move, and just when Eva thought she would survive this trail, the world around her crashed to the ground. Arabella, under Margaret’s direction, loosened the ties of the gown and tugged it down, placing the babe at her breast.
As though at her own, Eva swore she could feel the soft, gentle mouth on her own nipple. Her breasts swelled and once again it felt as though they filled with milk. Crossing her arms over her chest, Eva pressed against the sensation. Mairead was gone by the time her milk had come in, so she’d never had the chance to nurse her bairn as Arabella did now.
Barely able to withstand the need to weep, Eva allowed one of the guards to help her on to her horse and she followed the group blindly back to Drumlui. Every second forced her closer to a complete loss of control and overwhelming grief. Eva waited only until the lady was moved inside to seek out her chamber. Sending Nessa away, she stood in the middle of the empty room and struggled against the tide of emotions flooding into her.
When she realised that the blood on her own gown was not the lady’s but her own and that her menses was begun, she lost every shred of control. Eva made it over to the corner before collapsing to her knees and sobbing out her grief and loss. When her tears ran out, she lay exhausted and empty there on the floor.
She never heard the door open or knew that Rob had entered.
Chapter Fifteen
It had taken every bit of Rob’s self-control not to tear open the door to their chamber at the sounds coming from within it.
He’d returned from a trip to the other side of the village to find the keep and its people in an uproar. News of Arabella’s sudden delivery spread through the keep, as did his wife’s part in the birth. Words of praise met his every step as he sought out Brodie above stairs to find out what had happened. The bairn was not due for weeks, and an early arrival could mean problems in addition to the usual dangers of childbirth.
Brodie smiled more than Rob had ever seen him smile before, but that was not surprising in this situation. He allowed Rob a quick peek at the babe before returning to his wife in their chambers and a word to Rob about Eva’s help in the birth. Which sent him seeking her out. Which brought him here, to their door.
The sounds coming from within reminded him of a wounded animal, not a person. An animal in pain.
He’d witnessed Eva crying before—while she was ill in the cottage, when her father beat her—but this sounded as though her soul was being rent in two. His own heart pounded at such a sound, and his instinct was to tear the door off its hinges and somehow stop her from crying. Rob had his hand on the door when the sobbing stopped.
Easing the door open, he peered into the dark chamber and nearly stumbled at the sight before him.
Eva lay curled up in the corner, her arms wrapped around her as she slowly rocked to and fro. The terrible wailing had become a soft whimpering, and then silence reigned.
What was going on here? What had happened to her? Had the shock of assisting Arabella in the birth sent her into such an emotional state as this? And, as much as he told himself she would not appreciate his interference, he found he very much wanted to do something to help her.
But what?
Standing there, he decided to make his presence known and give her the opportunity to regain control of herself. Stepping back quietly, he closed the door and then knocked on it, saying her name aloud.
‘Lady Eva? Are you within?’ His query was met with continuing silence. He waited several seconds and then knocked again, calling her name. ‘Eva?’
Now, Rob opened the door and entered. She sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from him. A furtive wipe of her cheeks followed before she spoke.
‘Aye?’
‘Are you well? Brodie said you helped Arabella with the bairn.’ He walked closer, but stopped when her whole body stiffened at his approach.
‘I do not feel well,’ she whispered back, clutching her belly yet still not facing him.
‘Did seeing the birth turn your stomach?’ he asked. ‘I do not think I would want to witness it,’ he admitted. Very few men did and, in his opinion, that was just fine.
‘Nay.’ She shook but did not turn her head in reply. ‘’Tis...’ She cleared her throat. ‘My courses have begun.’
That explained much to him. Both her anguish and her emotional upheaval. He’d known enough women to know that each reacted differently during this time of...
‘Margaret is still with Arabella. Let me seek her out for some remedy to ease your discomfort.’
Rob was uncomfortable enough discussing such matters, but considered that it might now be something he faced since he was a married man. If he hurried a bit too much, no man would blame him. And when Eva did not try to stop or slow his departure, he suspected that she was relieved by his absence.
* * *
A short while later, he once more stood outside his chambers, leaning against the wall and listening. Now though, Margaret was within and speaking to Eva. The low murmurings continued, back and forth, with Margaret doing most of the talking. As she usually did. He smiled then, knowing that his sister would help Eva. When the door opened, he stood and looked past his sister.
‘I gave her something to ease her pains,’ Margaret said, nodding back at the woman inside. ‘It will help her sleep.’
‘What should I do?’ Rob asked, running his hands through his hair and feeling completely out of place. Margaret stared at him as though he’d grown another head and shook hers. Pulling the door closed, she stepped closer.
‘When did you become such a daft man?’ she asked, poking him in the chest.
‘What?’
‘There is nothing to be done. Some women have an easy time of it each month and others suffer. Just like childbirth. Eva said hers were the troublesome kind.’
Rob felt a little sick then at this discussion. Knowing these matters went on around him was one thing, talking about them with his sister or his wife was yet another.
‘Should I sleep elsewhere this night?’ he asked. He did not wish to add to whatever burdened Eva. If she would sleep better alone, he could accommodate her wish to.
Margaret gave him that look once more and then burst out laughing. ‘’Tis a wonder you have survived as long as you have, Rob. Unless you plan to sleep apart every month of the rest of your married life, I would not suggest you begin now.’
‘I do not wish her to suffer.’
The words escaped him then, revealing more than he’d expected to feel and more than he wished to admit. In spite of the fact that neither one of them had entered this marriage willingly or without reservations, he did not want to see her suffer. And something did haunt and hurt her. Something more than the simple monthly aches that women bore. Margaret’s expression softened then, and she patted his arm.
‘All will be well,’ she reassured him. ‘I must get back to Arabella now. Should I check back before I leave the keep?’
‘Nay,’ he said. ‘I will see to her.’
A glimmer of something flashed in his sister’s gaze then, but she said nothing else. A nod and she was gone, walking in her purposeful gait away from him.
; Rob opened the door and entered. Eva yet sat on the edge of the bed, looking pale and a bit lost.
‘Margaret gave you something?’ he asked, crouching before her so she would meet his gaze.
When he saw the emptiness and pain there, he found that part of him wanted to reach out and pull her close and tell her everything would be well. No, he wanted to make everything good for her.
‘Aye. Something to help the pains and for sleep,’ she said, holding out the small bottle she yet held wrapped in her hand.
‘If you wish...’ he began.
‘If you wish...’ she said, too.
‘Go ahead,’ he said, watching her face.
‘If you wish me to sleep elsewhere, while my... While I...’ She gestured around herself, but he understood. ‘I would understand.’ Shrugging, she met his gaze. ‘I am still not accustomed to sharing a bed with a man and now this.’
Once more, he was reminded of all the changes she faced in marriage—ones he’d never considered before. And Rob realised they’d fallen into a routine that had her abed before he entered the chamber at night over these last weeks. Whether consciously or not, he’d known she was reticent to undress before him and so he waited until she’d settled before entering.
‘Since this will be a usual occurrence,’ he said softly, ‘I see no reason why you should do that.’
‘My father...’ She shook her head then and shrugged. ‘If that is your wish.’
‘It is,’ he said, standing and stepping back. ‘Why not seek your rest now? Should Nessa bring you something to eat or will you come to the hall for supper?’ A stricken expression filled her gaze then, and he barely saw it before she hid it.
‘I need nothing,’ she whispered.
‘The hall will be a boisterous place this evening, so if you do not feel well, it might be best if you sought refuge here instead. I will explain to Brodie, if he needs to know.’ Rob walked to the door then. ‘But, I doubt anything you do will raise any issue with him now. You were there when Arabella needed you and saw her through the birth.’
‘They are well?’ she asked.
‘Aye. Well, hale and hardy. The midwife is amazed at the ease of the birth and the size of the bairn.’
‘Was he disappointed?’ she asked, turning for the first time to look at him.
‘Disappointed?’ Rob shook his head. ‘His wife survived. The bairn survived. He said he feels blessed.’
Tears filled her eyes then, and she blinked against them. Soon they poured down her cheeks, and he went to her, wiping them away. ‘Why do you cry? All is well.’
‘’Twas not a son. Does not every man want a son rather than a daughter?’
Rob knew that if he ever met up with Ramsey MacKay, the man would not walk away unscathed. In more than physical ways, he’d hurt this woman, his only daughter. Someone should make the man pay for those sins. He found it difficult to answer her just then. Taking in and releasing a breath, he shook his head.
‘Oh, aye, Brodie wants a son just like any man does. But, fear not, he will treasure this and any daughter born to him and Bella.’
‘I pray you forgive me for my behaviour.’ She moved from him and put the bottle on the table next to the bed. ‘I think I will retire and wait for it to pass.’
He watched as she poured most of the bottle’s contents into a cup and filled it the rest of the way with the wine there in the pitcher. It was more wine than he’d seen her drink before. She lifted it to her mouth and drank it down. In one smooth swallow. Until it was empty. Then she turned to him. Rob could not help the raised eyebrow that greeted her when she did.
‘I wish to ease the pain,’ she said softly, in explanation.
Rob knew then that she spoke of something more than the simple, usual discomforts of a woman’s monthly bleeding. She spoke of a pain that tore a person in two. A pain that could destroy a spirit. He shifted on his feet and nodded.
Instead of learning more about this woman, his wife, each day, Rob suspected that she carried some secrets so deep within her that he doubted they would ever be exposed.
‘I will return later. Rest well, Eva.’
* * *
Rob left and spent several hours trying to carry out his duties, but his thoughts returned time after time to the woman he married. After making himself useful and seeing to things that Brodie usually would, he made his way to their chambers.
Eva did not move or respond to his words when he spoke her name. With the bedcovers tucked high around her shoulders, all he could see was her face and the long braid of her hair. He undressed and slid in next to her, watching her pale face for any sign of a reaction.
And saw nothing.
Once he settled next to her, Rob adjusted the covers and closed his eyes. He listened to the sound of her breathing, deep and even, next to him while considering the woman there.
Neither Brodie nor anyone who’d witnessed the birth spoke of Eva being distraught or upset during it. Her calm manner and reassuring words had kept Arabella from panic and the babe from harm. Margaret praised her. Brodie praised her. It seemed that only when she reached the privacy of their chambers did she fall apart.
And that would be the way he would describe her condition when he’d returned and found her on the floor.
He shifted onto his side and studied her features. Now, after several weeks of recovery time, her cheeks filled out nicely and her gowns no longer hung like rags on her body. The thing that had not changed was her acceptance of their marriage or him. Since he was not likely to force the issue, he’d not given it much thought.
His life had returned to the way it had been before his marriage to her—he carried out his duties, trained the warriors, consulted with Brodie on clan matters and continued to live in the keep. Other than sleeping in her bed each night and being polite when their paths crossed, it was much like not being married.
Except for the way his body reminded him that they were not truly married. Each morning on rising from bed. During the day when he would hear her voice. When their hands touched during meals or while walking together. Each evening when they shared a bed and yet did not.
He’d been waiting for a sign from her—any sign that she was willing to move on from their sorry beginning and begin to live as man and wife. And he’d found none.
She whimpered then in her sleep, and he watched as her brow gathered in a frown and then her lips formed soundless words.
‘Hush now,’ he whispered to her. ‘All will be well.’
When she moved towards him, shifting her body until she touched his, Rob was stunned. Oh, many morns he found her under his arm or against his back, but he thought he was the one bringing such movement about. As he watched, Eva inched over closer and closer until their bodies touched. Then she sighed and sank back into the silent, deep sleep of the laudanum she’d taken.
How did she trust him when she slept but not while awake? He thought back on those nights together, from the first one in the cottage until this one. At some point, one he did not remember, he’d stopped using the bedcovers as a barrier between them and she’d never noticed it or spoke of it. She must surely trust him. Now if she would do so in the light of day, things might be different between them.
Puzzled by his reactions to her, Rob slid his arm over her and drew her in to his side. She eased against him, sighing again and then not moving.
When had it become important for him to have a real marriage with her? Certainly not their first weeks, after finding her and returning her to her father’s house for the ceremony. And not while they travelled back here to Glenlui. And certainly not when she made it clear she did not want his physical attentions. But somehow, some time in these last days, as his life returned to what he was accustomed to, the hollowness of it bothered him.
Especially as Margaret and Magnus grew
closer and his sister spoke of marrying—a step he’d never thought his sister would take after her deep mourning for the loss of her husband. Especially as Brodie and Arabella’s happiness at the impending birth of their first child. And most especially, as life in Glenlui and the Clan Mackintosh settled back into the way it was before the great upheaval of the last nearly two years.
‘Give her time,’ Brodie had counselled him. Thinking on it now, it seemed a good plan, but he would not wait for her to come to him forever. He would not sit around pining for a wife who had no desire for him. She trusted him, at least in her sleep. He would use that as a starting place. If she was truly never willing, he did not know what he would do, for it was a situation he’d never faced before in his life.
He understood duty, and he understood his place in the clan. Personal happiness, as Brodie told him once, was not something that always followed duty. Satisfaction was all one could hope for in carrying out their duty to kith and kin. Even though he knew others valued him only for what they could get or do through him, he wanted it to be different with this woman, his wife. Though it had certainly begun as a political marriage, that did not mean it could not be more or be different.
Watching her now, he wanted more with her. In spite of his words to the contrary, she was brave and strong. She had passion within her and a strong sense of commitment, too. She was pragmatic and did what she needed to do to survive. But, he’d seen the longing in her gaze. And the sadness of loss.
Mayhap if he gave her more time, she would overcome the grief that had her in its grip and she would want more? Mayhap she would want...him?
He chuckled then at such a thought, such a need within him. Robbie Mackintosh, the chief’s close friend and confidant. Robbie Mackintosh, leader of the clan’s warriors. Robbie Mackintosh, who never knew an empty bed or left a lover unsatisfied.
The Highlander's Runaway Bride Page 14