by Liz Harris
I don’t understand it real well, Joe. I wish you were here to explain it all.
But I understand the Chinese not liking me – they think I’m American, and they know I don’t have ancestors. They can see I’m not a good Chinese girl like Su Lin. Except she’s a bad Chinese girl as she doesn’t obey her brother, and is friends with me.
Did you know that Chen is their last name? The Chinese put their last name first and their first name last. That’s why it’s Chen Sing and Chen Fai. That’s funny, isn’t it? I found that out when I asked Su Lin why she didn’t just call her brother Chen. She laughed real loud and told me why. So I asked why she didn’t call him Fai. She said it’s not polite to use his name as he’s older than she is. It’s better to call him by his position in the family. I don’t know what you’d call me if we did that in America, Walker Joe. (I’m giggling now.)
You were right, Joe. I like having a friend. Especially now you’ve gone away. I’m glad you made me go into Su Lin’s store.
I hope you can read my letters easily. Miss O’Brien is still a mean woman, but she saw I was trying extra hard with my writing, and when the other kids were outside, she helped me.
I’m sending this to Columbus, Montana, like you said.
From your friend,
Charity
‘I wrote to Joe and told him we were friends,’ Charity told Su Lin a few days later when they were sitting in the gully.
‘I not tell dai lou,’ Su Lin said. ‘He be very angry I not obey him.’
‘I’m glad you’re not obeyin’ him,’ Charity said happily. ‘I’m not lonely any more. Oh!’ she suddenly exclaimed, and she thrust her hand into the pocket of her pinafore. ‘I’ve got somethin’ to show you. I bring it every time we meet, and then forget to show you. I almost forgot again.’
She pulled out her hand and opened her palm. On it lay the small golden tiger, with black stripes painted across the gold.
Su Lin leaned across and took it from her. ‘It a tiger,’ she said, smiling as she turned it over and studied it. ‘I see tigers in pictures.’
‘I know that – Joe told me. It was my ma’s. It was on the shawl wrapped round me when I was found. It’s the only thing I’ve got of her. There are no tigers in Wyoming, so she must’ve brought it with her when she came from China. It means she liked tigers, don’t you think?’
‘I not think so,’ Su Lin said slowly. ‘We born in same year, you and me.’
‘So what?’ Charity asked, a trace of impatience in her voice. ‘We already figured that out.’
‘So like me, you are born in Year of the Dragon. This is tiger not dragon, so this is for Chinese ma, not you.’
‘What’re you talkin’ about?’
‘Every year is year of an animal. You and me are Dragons. Dragons very impatient people. Rush into things where should wait, and get into trouble. That’s you and me.’ Su Lin giggled. ‘Dragons never give up – if want something, go after it till get it. That’s also you and me.’
‘You’re right about that bein’ us,’ Charity said. ‘You wanted us to be friends, and then so did I, and now we are. So why’s it a tiger brooch, not a dragon brooch?’
‘Think your Chinese ma born in Year of the Tiger.’
‘What are people born in the Year of the Tiger like?’
‘They stubborn people.’
Charity nodded vigorously. ‘That’ll be Ma all right. What about Joe? He’s seven years older than me.’
Su Lin shrugged her shoulders. ‘Depend on date is born. Maybe Year of the Rooster. Rooster is very good match for Dragon,’ she added solemnly.
‘And Chen Fai?’
Su Lin giggled. ‘He is born in Year of the Horse. Girl he marry is born in Year of the Rabbit. Rabbit is good match with Horse. And Dragon is good match with Horse, too.’
‘How d’you know all this?’ Charity asked, staring at Su Lin in amazement.
‘When go-between find wife or husband for son or daughter, must look first at year of birth to see if is good match. Is very important.’
‘So in China, your go-between looked for a Rabbit for Chen Fai. That’s very funny.’ Charity burst out laughing.
‘Sheep is better, but go-between not find Sheep. But Rabbit is good,’ Su Lin said lightly. ‘Is Chinese way. You and me, Charity, we must not marry man who is Ox or Dog,’ she added, her voice suddenly serious.
‘I’ll marry who I want. I’m not gonna ask every man I meet if he’s a Dog or an Ox.’ She burst out laughing again.
Su Lin stared at her for a moment, then laughed with her. But her laughter died away almost at once, and she looked at Charity, her expression grave. ‘But you must do this, Charity. One day you marry Chinese boy.’
Charity glanced at her. ‘No, I won’t. I’m American, aren’t I? It’s real interestin’, all this, but it’s nothin’ to do with me.’
Smiling, she tilted her face to the sun.
Su Lin stared at her, anxiety on her face. Then she, too, looked up at the sun, but her face was still worried.
Chapter Sixteen
Two months later
Mid-September, 1878
‘I thought I’d never get away,’ Charity said, panting heavily as she half-slid down the slope to the water. She threw herself on to the ground next to Su Lin and pulled her jacket tightly around her. ‘I had to help Joe’s ma dig up the last of the turnips and carrots. The ground was real hard and it took us ages.’
Su Lin turned to her, concern on her face. ‘I also very worried I not able to come.’
‘Why, what’s the matter?’ Charity asked in sudden alarm. ‘You’re lookin’ panicky.’
‘I very worried,’ Su Lin repeated, her voice shaking. ‘Yesterday, I forget to fill pail with water when I go home. Where is water for washing dishes, dai lou ask me last night. He hold up empty pail and he turn it like this.’ She turned her bucket upside down. ‘No water is in there, he say. And then he tell me he see me go from store with bucket so there should be water inside bucket.’
Charity’s hand flew to her mouth in alarm. ‘What did you tell him?’
‘I say many people wait at well, so I come back, and I forget to go out again later.’
‘Did he believe you?’
Su Lin nodded. ‘I think so. But I must be careful in next few days. We okay now as dai lou is in store with customers, but I think he watch me in next days when I go to well. Maybe is better not meet for little time. It make me very sad to say this, but is better not meet for five days than not meet again forever.’
‘You’re right.’ Charity paused. ‘Maybe we should think of somethin’ else to explain you bein’ out, but I don’t know what.’
They fell silent, and stared at the water flowing a little way down from them.
‘I do hope we think of somethin’ soon,’ Charity said with a loud sigh. ‘Now I’m back at school, I need to see a friendly face after being treated so horribly all day.’
‘Is Miss O’Brien still mean woman to you?’
‘Yes, but maybe not always. A couple of times when I was on my own in the schoolroom, tryin’ to work out a sum, she came and helped me, but she’s nasty when the other kids are around. I asked Joe’s ma if she could be scared of them tellin’ their folks if she was nice to me, and she said that maybe she was as she could lose her job.’ Charity shrugged her shoulders. ‘But they’re silly girls and boys and I don’t wanna think about them. Let’s think of another excuse to get you out of the store.’
They thought hard for a few minutes.
‘I’ll keep thinking,’ Su Lin said at last. ‘But next few days are very busy for Chinese family so I not able to think until after busy days.’
‘How come you’re so busy?’
Su Lin beamed at her. ‘Is Autumn Moon Festival. Is very nice festival. Festival is in middle of month when moon is full. Family is together and all eat mooncakes.’
‘Mooncakes! What are they? I’ve never had one.’
‘Small round cakes. Round shape mean family is com
plete and together.’ Su Lin smiled happily.
‘But your family’s not complete, is it? Your folks are in China so there’s only you and your brother.’
‘It not matter. Celebrate festival in China, too. Baba and Mama think of us when eat mooncakes, so we are together inside head.’ She tapped her head. ‘We say thank you for harvest and we stare up at moon and make a wish. But we not tell anyone our wish. Is very nice festival.’
‘If you say so.’
‘It is. Every year when I am little, Baba tell me story of festival. It start many years ago when China businessman offer small round cakes at time of full moon to emperor who has great victory. Emperor point the cakes to the moon, smile and say, I like to invite the toad to enjoy the hú cake.’
Charity opened her mouth to speak.
‘You want to ask why he invite toad to eat cake, and not other animal,’ Su Lin cut in quickly. ‘I ask Baba and dai lou that. They not know, but is still very nice story. But I not yet finish story. Emperor share cakes with ministers, and after that, people everywhere in China eat hú cakes, and they start calling them mooncakes. That is story. There is good story for every Chinese festival.’
Charity grinned at her. ‘What’re you gonna wish for?’
‘I not tell you or it not come true,’ Su Lin said gravely.
‘You could wish for a good reason to come out of the store to meet me,’ Charity suggested, and they both laughed.
‘If you are with us at family festival dinner, Charity, what is one thing you wish for?’
Charity thought for a moment. ‘I’d pretend I didn’t know how to count and I’d wish for two things. I’d wish for Joe to come home soon. He’s been gone for almost four months now, and I still miss him bein’ around. And I’d wish for Miss O’Brien to be a kind teacher all of the time.’
‘You shouldn’t have told me your wishes,’ Su Lin said, wagging her finger at her. ‘Must be secret wishes.’
‘I didn’t wish them, though, did I? I only said I would wish for them. There’s a difference. So you can tell me what you might wish for, Su Lin. It can still come true because you’ve not wished it for real.’
Su Lin stretched out her legs and studied her slippered feet.
‘I’m listenin’,’ Charity prompted.
Su Lin took a deep breath. ‘Now Baba and Mama have found wife for dai lou, when they back in Carter they may look for husband for me. Not to marry now – I too young – but for when am older. In China, girl is often betrothed very young. If I make wish – but I not make wish now,’ she added quickly, ‘I make wish they not look for husband yet.’
Charity reached across and squeezed Su Lin’s hand. ‘If I was with you at the festival meal, I might make three wishes, not two,’ Charity said. She stared up at the wide blue sky above them. ‘Did you hear me, spirits above? I might make three wishes, I said.’ She looked back at Su Lin. ‘For my third wish, I might wish they don’t look for a husband for you yet too.’
Su Lin nodded. ‘They very good wishes.’
‘I’m so glad I’m American,’ Charity said with an exaggerated sigh of relief. ‘I’m only ten and I don’t want to think about husbands till I’m all grown up. American girls don’t have to.’ She paused. ‘Does Chen Fai mind—’
‘Does Chen Fai mind what?’ Chen Fai’s voice came from the top of the gully.
They gasped aloud. Glancing at each other in panic, they scrambled to their feet and gazed up the slope in horror.
Legs astride, his arms folded, Chen Fai stood on the ridge, staring down at them, his face cold, unsmiling.
‘Come up here,’ he called, his voice like shards of ice. ‘Now.’
Their hearts racing with alarm, they clambered up the gully wall, gravel sliding beneath their feet and rattling noisily down to the water’s edge. When they reached the top of the slope, they stood side by side and faced Chen Fai, each of them white with fear.
His face expressionless, he looked first at Su Lin, and then at Charity. His gaze returned to Su Lin.
Charity threw Su Lin a quick glance. She’d slid her hands into opposite sleeves and was standing before her brother, her head bowed in subjection. Biting her lip, Charity looked back at Chen Fai. ‘It was my fault,’ she said. ‘I made her be friends with me.’
He glanced at her. ‘It is fault of Su Lin alone that she disobey brother.’ He paused. ‘And not once only. She disobey brother for many months. I know this.’
Charity caught her breath. She turned to Su Lin, who’d looked up sharply and was staring at her brother in surprise. Su Lin threw her a quick glance. Their eyes met briefly, then both turned back to Chen Fai, their mouths falling open, and bewilderment spreading across their faces.
Su Lin said something to Chen Fai in rapid Chinese.
‘We speak in American,’ he told her. ‘Charity Walker not understand our language.’
‘If you know we’ve been meetin’,’ Charity exclaimed, ‘how come you didn’t say anythin’?’
His glance enveloped them both. ‘I know for some time, Charity Walker. I wait and hope Little Sister tell me she is friend of Charity Walker, but she not say.’
Su Lin bowed her head again.
‘I still don’t see why you didn’t tell us before now that you knew,’ Charity replied, her brow creasing in puzzlement.
‘In China, Chinese brother tell sister what to do. Sister must not question, but must obey. If sister not obey, brother lose face,’ he said slowly, ‘so it is very bad if sister disobey. But I live here a long time now and I know American way is different. I see happiness on face of American girls when they walk in town and talk with friends.’ His gaze went to Su Lin’s bowed head. Charity saw his eyes soften. ‘For a long time, I not see happiness on Little Sister’s face. I see only a sad girl wanting a friend – a girl wanting the only other Chinese girl in Carter to be her friend.’
‘I’m American,’ Charity cut in.
‘When Little Sister is become friend with Charity,’ he went on, ignoring Charity’s interruption, his eyes still on Su Lin, ‘I see happiness on her face, and I see happiness also on Charity Walker’s face. I think I must be little bit American now, but I not want to see happiness go.’
Su Lin spoke in rapid Chinese and bowed three times to her brother. He turned to Charity.
‘I watch you, Charity Walker, and I see you are good girl. You work hard, and you are polite to older people and full of respect.’ He gave her a slight smile. ‘This respect you show in American way, not Chinese way, but I see it. I think weather soon gets colder, and we have rain in Carter and then much snow. You not be able to sit with Su Lin by river, not till end of winter, which is many months from now. I come today to invite you to be our guest at Autumn Moon Festival.’
Su Lin exclaimed aloud.
A look of delight spread across Charity’s face as she stared at Chen Fai. Then she and Su Lin turned to each other, their eyes shining. She looked back at Chen Fai in excitement, and opened her mouth to thank him.
He raised his hand to stop her from speaking. ‘Before you say you come to our house or you not come, there is something I must say to you. It is very important.’
The seriousness in his voice was reflected in his face. Charity frowned in sudden apprehension. She glanced quickly at Su Lin, but Su Lin was staring at her brother, uncertainty on her face. Charity looked back at Chen Fai.
‘If you come to General Mercantile as our guest,’ Chen Fai began, ‘Chinese people will see you visit and white people will hear about this. You have Chinese blood, but you see yourself as American first, and then Chinese. And you hope American folk see this, too.’
He paused, and she nodded slowly.
‘Going into home of Chinese people is different thing from working in Chinese bakery. If you go into Chinese home, it show closeness with Chinese family and Chinese way of life. If you show this, Americans and Chinese both see you as a Chinese girl with American ways. Chinese first, and then American.’
Charity
bit her lip and stared at him. ‘Does this matter?’ she asked hesitantly.
Chen Fai nodded and gave her a rueful smile. ‘It matter very much, Charity, as you not want this. I think you climb a tree to hunt a fish, but you wish folk to see you as American, not Chinese. So you must now make very big decision.’
‘What decision?’
‘American people are not allowed to marry Chinese people. It is the law. If you are seen as Chinese girl, you cannot marry American man. If you do this, American whites can kill you.’
Charity gasped. She put her hand to her mouth and stared in alarm at Chen Fai.
‘So if you want American husband one day,’ he went on, his tone gentle, ‘you must keep far away from Chinese people, and hope white folk see your American ways and clothes, and think of you as American.’
‘And if I come to your house …?’ Her voice trailed off.
He gave a slight shrug. ‘You be seen as Chinese girl with American ways. You wed Chinese man; never American man. I sorry to say this, but is very important you choose now what you want to be: American or Chinese.’
Charity stared at him in dismay. ‘I don’t know what to do. Joe would know, but he’s not here. I’ll write and ask him.’
‘I think it better then,’ Chen Fai said quietly, ‘that you not meet Su Lin till Joe tell you what to do. Is good to ask older man who is true friend to give advice, and is virtuous and modest to accept this advice. When Joe tells you what to do, you tell us. But until then, no Su Lin and no Autumn Moon Festival. This is very serious thing you must decide. You understand, Charity?’
She nodded slowly.
‘Su Lin, you come now. We go home,’ he said, and he turned and started to make his way back across the open ground towards the town, with Su Lin following in his wake. Every few paces, she slowed and looked back towards Charity, a wistful, lingering smile on her face. Then she’d speed up her steps to catch up with her brother.
Standing on the edge of the gully, Charity watched them go further and further away from her, taking with them their warmth and their friendship.
Chill air gathered around her, and she grew as cold inside as out.