by Liz Harris
He thought for a moment. ‘In some ways, I do,’ he said slowly. ‘It’s not as different as it might have been, thanks to your letters. It’s the people who’re different. Like Sam. And Ma and Pa have changed. I know it’s not to be wondered at, seein’ the length of time I’ve been gone, but I wasn’t ready for the way they’ve gotten.’
‘Your pa’s lookin’ better now you’re home,’ Charity said. ‘The improvement began when the company took him back, even though the work tires him, but now you’re here, he’s really tryin’ to get back to bein’ the man he was. He can’t, of course, but it helps him if he tries. It’s good you’ve come home, Joe.’
He nodded. ‘I think so, too; and I’m thinkin’ I should’ve come back sooner. It’s not just Pa’s leg that got broken – it’s somethin’ inside him, too. And Ma’s greyer now and more tired, and her face is lined like it never used to be. I can’t see any trace of the happy young woman who’d take me by the hand when I was real young and run out with me into the fields, laughin’.’
‘She didn’t want you to return, you know. Sure she wanted to see you, but she also wanted to know you were free of Carter, and as long as you stayed away, you were. I figure that in a way, if you were free of Carter, then so was she. I’ve grown to understand your ma. If you’d stayed here, you might have lost sight of that happy young woman a whole lot sooner.’
Joe nodded slowly. ‘It’s clever of you to see it like that, Charity, and I reckon you might be right. Even before I left, she was gettin’ harder to find. I just didn’t wanna see that.’
‘But at least Carter’s how you thought it’d be,’ she said with a smile.
‘To look at, yes. But I hadn’t expected the new mines to be so close to the stores. It means some of the new streets are real windin’, and not in blocks like the older streets.’
‘The Chinese like that. Crooked streets make it harder for evil spirits to find the people they’re searchin’ for,’ she said.
He laughed. ‘Is that true?’
‘It sure is.’
They smiled at each other across the table.
‘One of the new things I don’t like is the white men’s club,’ Joe went on. ‘There’s a tension in the air I haven’t felt before, and accordin’ to both Seth and Ma, the club’s responsible.’
‘The tension’s always been there. Any Chinaman will tell you that.’
He frowned. ‘The mines have a lot to answer for.’
Charity shook her head. ‘It’s not only the mines – it’s the Chinese, too. They keep themselves to themselves, and don’t try to fit in. They wear traditional clothes, have traditional hairstyles, eat only Chinese food, and very few of them try to learn the language. I’m sure they wouldn’t be disliked as much if they copied Chen Fai and learned the American way of doin’ things.’
He shook his head. ‘You’ll not hear me blamin’ the Chinese. That’d be like blamin’ you, and I’d never do that. And anyway, I’d never blame them for somethin’ that’s not their fault. Yup, they’re wrong to turn their back on everythin’ American when they’re livin’ here, I grant you, but it’s where they’ve come from that’s made them the way they are.’
She looked at him in surprise. ‘What d’you mean?’
‘On that first drive to Montana, I met some drovers who’d spent time in San Francisco, the port where the Chinese used to land and where a lot of them still live.’
‘I know. Chen Sing arrived there with Chen Fai, who was seven at the time.’
Joe nodded. ‘So Seth told me. I asked the men what they knew about China, and they said they’d heard that life was real hard there. The Chinese had to work all day on someone else’s land, had little to eat—’
She cut in. ‘Chen Fai said they had a bowl of watery rice gruel or a millet cake each day, if they were lucky. People were always hungry and had swollen bellies.’
Joe smiled at her. ‘So what we heard tallies. And they had to pay taxes to the person who owned the land, even though they earned very little, and even if the crops had been destroyed by floods or drought. It’s hardly surprisin’ they wanted to leave.’
She nodded. ‘That’s why Chen Sing came. He heard there was gold here, and came to get a better life for himself and his family. Apparently, he just rolled up his blanket and mattin’ one mornin’, told Chen Fai to do the same, packed a basket of possessions and set off for Hong Kong. They picked up a ship there and went to San Francisco. Lots of Chinese did that.’
‘Does Chen Fai remember much about the journey?’
She nodded. ‘It lasted for two awful months. The ship was crowded and the Chinese had to live below the decks in narrow bunks, three above each other. He said the men couldn’t stand up straight, and you couldn’t get away from the smell of whale-oil lanterns and unwashed bodies, and even worse. The food and water were dirty and people were sick all the time.’
‘It sounds real bad.’
‘He and Chen Sing would’ve been treated better if Chen Sing had been a sojourner, which means he’d have promised to return to his village one day, but he wasn’t. He intended to send money back to his wife and village, but he was never gonna go back for more than a visit. He still sends money back.’
‘I’ve always thought him a good man. Of course, I only know about him from Seth, but Seth’s a sound judge of a person.’
‘They were all expected to send money back. Any man who wasn’t wed was made to take a wife before he left,’ she said. ‘That was so he’d always send money home, and also so he might leave behind a son. Or a daughter if he was unlucky – sons are more important.’
Joe sat back. ‘So like I said, you can’t blame them for leavin’ China, and you can’t blame them for takin’ whatever the company pays. Whatever they earn in Wyoming, it’s gotta be ten times what they’d earn in China. It’s makin’ the whites work for the same small amount that’s causin’ the problem. The whites clearly don’t understand why the Chinese won’t make a fuss, and they’re resentful.’
She shrugged. ‘But no one’s tryin’ to understand anyone else.’
‘Thinkin about it,’ Joe said slowly. ‘You’ve been here in Carter, and I’ve been out on the range, but we’ve both been learnin’ the same things. That’s real strange, but I kinda like it,’ he added with a smile.
‘Me, too.’ She paused, and then looked at him curiously. ‘But why did you want to learn about the Chinese?’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t really know. I guess it was because you were learnin’ about the Chinese way of life from Chen Fai and Su Lin, and I knew I’d see you again one day, and wanted to be able to talk about Chinese things with the little girl I expected to find.’ He gave her a slow smile. ‘And then I came back and found you as you are now. Nothing had prepared me for that.’
She stared at him across the table.
‘Or me for the grown-up Joe,’ she said quietly.
A slender figure, stark against the night sky, Charity stood at the tip of the tapering light that flowed from the open doorway behind her, and stared into the darkness ahead.
From time to time, the moon broke through the thick bands of slate-grey cloud that drifted across its face, and a swathe of pale moonlight slid out across the barren waste, outlining in ice-cold white the ridges of the gully, and sheening with silver the rock-hard ground. And then once again, the clouds regrouped themselves and plunged the world back into darkness.
Joe leaned against the doorpost, watching Charity.
‘How come you’re out there, Charity?’ he finally called to her. ‘It’s the middle of the night and it’s cold. You oughta go back to bed.’
She didn’t move.
He put his jacket on, turned the collar up against the cold, walked up to her side and stood next to her.
‘You shouldn’t be out here now,’ he said, glancing at her profile.
She didn’t reply, but continued to stare ahead, hugging her thick coat around her nightdress.
He followed the direct
ion of her gaze. ‘What are we lookin’ at?’ he asked after a moment or two. ‘I’m seein’ only blackness, and occasional patches of moonlight on the ground.’
He saw her smile, but still she didn’t reply.
‘Well?’ he repeated.
‘I asked your ma that same question a few days after you’d left,’ she said. ‘It was late like it is now, and she was standin’ in the doorway, lookin’ towards the river, but you couldn’t see the water for darkness. Like you can’t now.’
She turned to him. The side of his face gleamed gold in the light thrown from the house. She caught her breath, and stared at him, a strange sensation running through her. Her skin tightened.
She looked quickly away and forced her focus back to the darkness.
‘And what did Ma say?’ Joe prompted.
She heard the friendly smile in his voice.
‘Somethin’ I didn’t understand then, but I think I do now,’ she said slowly. Unwilling to look at him again, she kept her gaze fixed ahead. ‘Or at least, I’m closer to understandin’ it.’
He frowned slightly. ‘You’re startin’ to worry me. What did she say?’
‘That she was lookin’ at the years ahead of her, and she felt like she was bein’ buried alive.’
‘Look at me, Charity,’ he said, turning to face her.
She pulled her coat tighter around her.
‘Look at me and tell me truly – is that how you feel about your future? That you’re bein’ buried alive?’
She didn’t move.
‘Please, Charity; answer me. Are you plannin’ on doin’ somethin’ you don’t want to do real bad, somethin’ that will affect the rest of your life?’
She glanced at him. ‘You gave me my life, Joe, but if I make a mistake, it’s my mistake, not yours.’ She turned to look back at the darkness.
He stood for a few minutes in silence.
‘Is marryin’ Chen Fai the mistake you’re talkin’ about?’ he asked. ‘Are you thinkin’ you shouldn’t have agreed to this, and that in marryin’ him, you’ll be buryin’ yourself alive?’
She turned sharply, took a step back and stared at him, her face in shadow. ‘No, Joe; I’m not. Chen Fai is a good man. I’m doin’ what I must do. Doin’ what you must do isn’t makin’ a mistake. I said, if I make a mistake; not that I was makin’ one.’
‘Doin’ what you must do,’ he repeated, a note of concern in his voice. ‘I’ve heard about the Chinese sense of duty. Are you gettin’ wed out of a sense of duty? But if so, why? Why d’you owe a duty to anyone but yourself and the folks who raised you?’
Shaking her head, she turned away. ‘That’s not what I’m doin’.’
‘But you said you’re doin’ what you must. What else could that mean?’
She thought for a moment. ‘Maybe must is not the right word, like regret wasn’t. I’m doin’ what’s best for everyone. It’s best for Chen Fai, who cares for me and wants a wife and son. It’s best for Sam and his wife. Sam’s always resented me, and now he’s angry, too, about what the whites are doin’ to your ma and pa because I’m livin’ here.’
‘But that’s not your fault.’
‘It doesn’t matter whose fault it is – it’s there. With Carter as it is today, he shouldn’t have to see a Chinese person when he goes to his home. It’s not good for him, and it’s not good for Phebe to be wed to a man so full of hate. And it’s best for your ma and pa, too. When I leave your house, the Carter townsfolk will be nice to them again.’
‘And what’s best for Charity?’
She stared at him. ‘It’s best for me to know I’m not hurtin’ the people I care for by bein’ with them. The way to do this is by marryin’. And if I want to get wed, it must be to a Chinese man.’
‘I realise that,’ he said quietly.
‘Chen Fai’s a good man,’ she went on. ‘A man who can think kindly about a woman like the woman my ma must have been forced to become, is a good man. Over the years I’ve gotten to know him well, and there’s no Chinaman I’d rather wed than him.’
He thought for a moment. ‘And is it best for me, too, that you wed him? In your list, you left me out.’
She nodded. ‘Yes, it’s best for you, too, Joe. And in your heart you know this is true. You’ve felt responsible for me since the day you found me, even though many people wouldn’t have done. But when I marry Chen Fai, that responsibility will end – he’ll take it from you and you’ll be free.’
She started to turn from him. He caught her arm. Their eyes met, and held for a moment. She took a step back, and pulled her arm away from him.
‘You’re makin’ it sound like being responsible for you was a burden,’ he said awkwardly. ‘It never was; and it never could be.’
She gave him a sad smile. ‘It may not have felt it, but it will have weighed. And it would also weigh on the woman you’ll one day wed. By marryin’ Chen Fai, I’m liftin’ that weight from you, and just as you gave me life seventeen years ago, I shall be freein’ you to live a full life. So, yes, Joe; for me to marry Chen Fai is best for you, too.’
He stared hard into her face. ‘You always were a smart gal, Charity, and you’ve just proved you can reason well. But you said you felt like you were being buried alive. That’s feelin’, not reasonin’. Would a real smart gal ignore what she felt in her heart?’
Her eyes filled with an emotion he couldn’t fathom, and he frowned slightly, trying to understand her.
She shivered and looked up at the sky. ‘You were right, Joe – it’s gotten very cold. I’m goin’ in now.’
With her hand touching the place on her arm where moments before his hand had been, she walked steadily back through the column of light and into the house.
Slowly, he followed her up the path. Reaching the open doorway, he paused and watched her cross the room and turn into the corridor. A moment later he heard her bedroom door close. Then he went inside the house, shut the front door, threw his jacket on to the back of the chair and walked across to the corridor.
As he made his way along the corridor to the back door, he heard her moving around on the other side of her bedroom wall, and his steps faltered.
The face of the lovely woman she’d become filled his mind – lovely inside, as he’d always known, and now as lovely outside; breathtakingly so. And a sudden powerful longing shot down the length of his body and settled into an ache that throbbed low in his stomach.
‘Oh, no!’ he cried out inwardly. ‘Oh, no!’
His body churning with emotion, he half-ran through the back door, pulled opened his bedroom door, went inside and slammed the door shut.
Leaning back against the door, the wood chill against the burning heat of his skin, he turned his head to the left, and stared at the sawn-plank wall that separated him from Charity.
‘Oh, no!’ he cried again in despair. ‘This can’t be.’ He put his hands to his head, and let out a low shuddering sigh of anguish.
Chapter Thirty
Joe nodded goodnight to the miner with whom he’d been walking from the town, opened the door to his house and went in. Hiram was sitting by the range, staring towards the door. Joe saw his face light up as he entered.
He hung his bag up by the door. ‘Hi, Pa,’ he said. ‘I left earlier today. I wondered if I’d catch you up comin’ back from the mine.’
‘You came close; I’ve not been long back.’
‘Dinner won’t be ready for a while,’ Martha said, coming from the corridor with a heap of bed covers in her arms. ‘I’ll get you some water to wash in. Then sit yourself down and talk to your pa, and I’ll get you somethin’ to drink.’ She dropped the bed clothes into one of the tubs standing against the back wall and went across to the sink.
‘If it’s okay with you and pa, I’ll wash my hands and then go on down to Sam’s house before I have that drink and talk,’ he said. ‘I’ve been feelin’ pretty bad about the way things are with Sam. And his wife stayed home last night as the child was sleeping so I haven�
��t met them yet.’
‘You and Sam certainly didn’t seem to have much to say to each other,’ Hiram said.
‘I doubt we exchanged more than a few words. I’ve seen hide nor hair of him since I got here. The way I figure it, we need to clear the air. Thought I could go down to his house now, meet his wife and son, and have a drink with him. If he’s not yet back, I’ll wait for him, if his wife don’t mind.’
Hiram nodded. ‘You’re doin’ the right thing, son. Sam’s not a happy man right now; I reckon he could use a good brother.’
‘His house is third from the end of the row of new houses,’ Martha said, as Joe went over to the bowl of water she’d poured for him. ‘And if he wants you to stay and eat with them, you do that, too.’
‘I can’t see that wife of his suggestin’ that!’ Hiram exclaimed. ‘It’s as likely as seein’ a hog fly.’
‘Maybe we shouldn’t be quite so hard on Phebe,’ Martha said shortly. ‘Sam can’t be the easiest man to live with, the way he is now.’
‘I’ll be off then.’ Joe wiped his hands dry, put his hat back on, went out of the house and pulled the door closed behind him.
Turning right, he walked down the line of miners’ houses, past the well and along to the newer buildings that had been added to the far end of the row, their wood yet to turn from pine-yellow to a weather-worn grey, until he reached Sam’s house. He knocked at the door.
The door opened a crack and a blonde woman peered through the gap.
Joe stood still as clear blue eyes travelled down the length of him. The door opened slightly wider. He tipped his hat to her. ‘Howdy, ma’am.’
She pulled the door wide open. ‘I’m guessin’ you must be Joe.’
‘And I’m guessin’ you must be my sister-in-law,’ he said with a smile. ‘Thought it was high time I met you.’
She stepped back, her hand still on the door. ‘And met Sam’s boy, I’ll warrant. You’d better come in, you won’t see him from out there. He’s asleep now, but you can have a look at him. You won’t want me to wake him, though – he’s gotten his pa’s way of bawlin’ for what he wants.’