by Liz Harris
Charity nodded.
Martha took a step back. ‘Good. You can stay till your weddin’, but you’ll be gone before June, married or not.’
‘Okay,’ Charity said quietly.
‘And there’s another reason why I want you out of the house and livin’ in Chinatown,’ Martha went on. ‘I reckon there’s gonna be big trouble between the whites and the Chinamen. What happened two weeks ago is just the start, not the finish, like Hiram and Joe seem to think. The whites’ club gave the Chinese miners a chance to join the club and stand up with them against Union Pacific, but they turned it down and there’s real resentment about that.’
‘They think it’s a white man’s organisation,’ Charity said. ‘And also they’ve got tong leaders to speak for them.’
‘Whatever the reason, the whites ain’t pleased. I’m hearin’ more and more of them say the Chinese must go. I don’t want my Joe caught in the middle, a white man lookin’ to defend a Chinese woman. Who knows what could happen?’
‘I wouldn’t let him,’ she said quickly.
‘You wouldn’t be able to stop him! No, he’s got the chance of a good life here, thanks to Seth, and I want him free to take it. With you wed or livin’ in another town, Joe would only have himself to think about. And if there is trouble, well Chen Fai’s a good man. He knows what’s happenin’ in town as well as anyone else, and he’ll keep you safe from harm. You’d best set your mind on keepin’ him.’
She stared at Charity, whose face was pale in the morning light.
‘You been a good gal, Charity,’ she said, her eyes and her voice softening. ‘You’ve worked hard and never complained, and I don’t regret takin’ you in, whatever you may think. What’s more, I guess I’ve come to feel affection for you, which I sure hadn’t expected.’
Charity stared at her, a sudden hope springing to her eyes.
‘But things’ve changed now, and I gotta look to the future and think of Joe. Anythin’ wrongful between you and Joe, and he’d find himself in jail real fast, or even worse. And probably you, too. I hear what’s in the papers, too, you know. And there’s Sam and Phebe and Thomas to think about, and Hiram. Hiram needs that job of his, and I wouldn’t wanna see him lose it ’cos of a friendship that’s against the law. Joe’s always said you were a smart gal. So act smart and marry Chen Fai before he decides he doesn’t want a woman with her mind set on someone else.’
‘I don’t think about Joe like that,’ Charity said, her hope now gone, her voice a whisper. ‘I don’t.’
‘Is that so, gal?’ Martha gave her a wry smile. ‘Then I reckon you’re not quite as smart as Joe thinks. You’d do well to face what’s in your heart, and work hard at overcomin’ it, as it’s never gonna be. If I can see it, so, too, can Chen Fai, and so can anyone with eyes in their head.’ She stepped back. ‘And now that I said what I came to say, I’ll let you get yourself to the bakery – it’s fair cold out here. As for me, I think I’ll go and see how Joe’s gettin’ on.’
She nodded at Charity, walked briskly across to the boardwalk on the whites’ side of town and turned left into Main Street. A moment later, Joe’s exclamation of pleased surprise at the sight of his mother sounded from the other side of the livery wall.
Her head bowed, Charity turned away and walked slowly down Main Street in the opposite direction from the stable, and then she crossed the road and went inside the bakery.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Leaving the bakery, Charity crossed over to the general mercantile. She paused a moment in front of the entrance and stared at the scrolls on either side of the door. Then she took a deep breath and, with the words of Joe’s ma earlier that morning ringing loud in her ears, went inside.
At the discordant chorus of wind chimes, Chen Fai looked up. He was standing on the customer side of the left-hand counter, arranging some packets that were on display. His face broke into a smile and he came towards her.
She unwound her scarf and took off her coat. He held out his hands and took her outdoor clothes from her, and she felt a sharp pang of guilt at how kind he was, and at how reluctant she now was to be with him.
Making a great effort, she beamed at him. His mouth curved into a smile, but an anxious fear flickered in the depths of his dark eyes, and there was a slight reserve in his manner. If Joe’s ma hadn’t said what she had, she might not have noticed it, she thought, but she could certainly see it now.
Panic sliced through her.
She waited until he’d returned from hanging her things in the back room, and then went closer to him. ‘I hope I’m not late today,’ she said, her fingers lightly running along the top of the counter.
He gestured the unimportance of time with his hand. ‘This does not matter,’ he said, his face still anxious, his eyes still fearful.
‘It’s just that I was thinkin’ about the chang-fu for my weddin’,’ she added, and she saw the anxiety begin to fade. ‘And I was thinkin’ about the shoes I’d wear, and that it’s time I asked Su Lin to tell me what happens at a Chinese weddin’.’ She managed a little laugh. ‘May is not so far away, after all.’
Chen Fai leaned against the counter and slid his hand along its wooden surface, coming to a stop as he reached the tips of her fingers. He glanced down at their hands as they rested on the counter, fingertip to fingertip, but kept his fingers from touching hers.
‘It’s wrong for a man to touch the woman he’ll wed. He must not touch her in front of people before wedding, and not after, and I not touch you now. But if I was American man, I would take both your hands and squeeze them in joy. I am very happy you think about our wedding in this way, Charity.’
She stared up at him. ‘I think I’ve probably not said the sort of things I should have said, Chen Fai. I’ve been thinkin’ like an American woman, which is the way I’ve been taught to think. But when I listen to the way Su Lin speaks to you, and how she speaks to Chen Sing and her mother – to her honourable father and mother, perhaps I should say,’ she added smiling, ‘I know you’ve not been hearin’ from me the things you’ve a right to hear, that a real Chinese woman would say to you.’
He stared at her in surprise. ‘I not expect to hear anything you not say. You are American as well as Chinese. I know this and I know you will not think in every way like a Chinese woman. But this is not a problem – we live in America, not China. And I also am a little bit American now.’
‘Hear me out, Chen Fai,’ she said gently. ‘I’ve been talkin’ to Su Lin, and I know there’s somethin’ I should do to show you how I feel.’ She took a step back, knelt down on the floorboards in front of him, lowered her head to the floor and lightly touched the boards with her forehead three times. Then she sat back on her heels and looked up at him. ‘It will be a great honour for this unworthy person to give you a son,’ she said solemnly.
‘Charity,’ he said, clearly overcome. At the love that flooded his eyes, she heaved an inner sigh of relief. ‘I think it better we forget for one moment we are not allowed to touch,’ he said, and he put out his hand to help her up. Taking both of her hands in his, he gently squeezed them, and then dropped them. ‘What you say makes me very happy. But you not need to kowtow to me again. We are in America now, and this is not the way Americans do things.’
‘But we are both Chinese, and this is the Chinese way of doin’ such things. I want you to know I feel great respect for you. Su Lin showed me how to do this.’
‘I see.’ He smiled at her in amusement. ‘Another Chinese custom is for wife to make shoes for mother-in-law. This shows her respect for her mother-in-law. But in my Chinese heart, I feel very sorry for honourable father’s second wife if you make shoes in the same way as you sew clothes.’
She giggled. ‘I think I’ll skip that custom.’
‘And what about Chinese custom that a wife must refer to her husband in public as the useless one? This is Chinese way of showing affection. Chinese man and wife not embarrass each other by giving compliments in public. We also do th
is Chinese custom?’
She laughed. ‘Nope, we won’t do that one, either. Americans would think I was a pretty strange woman to marry someone I thought useless.’
He laughed with her, and then his face became grave. ‘I understand what you say when you kowtow to me, Charity, and I feel your respect for me. This makes me very happy. But we are in America and you are not wife chosen by go-between. You have met man who will be husband before wedding day.’
A little surprised, she nodded. ‘I know that. Why?’
‘You and me, we know each other for long time. I am hoping you feel more than just great respect for me now.’ His cheeks went pink. ‘I am hoping that thought of doing what we must do if you are to bear me a son is something you want in here.’ He placed his hand on his heart. ‘I think you know what I try to say, Charity.’
She felt herself going red. ‘It isn’t somethin’ a virtuous Chinese woman would say aloud, or a well-brought up American woman, for that matter.’
‘But do you feel this?’ he asked quietly. ‘Since Joe Walker come back, I not know.’
‘I do,’ she said quickly. ‘If I did not, I wouldn’t marry you. I’d look for another Chinese man.’
His face broke out into a broad smile. ‘Then I a very lucky, very happy man. Now, you go to Su Lin. She will remind you how to make tea. Making tea is part of the wedding celebration. You will make tea for Walker ma and pa before wedding, and for Chen parents after wedding. When honourable parents accept tea, they are saying they accept you.’
‘Then I’d better learn to make it well,’ she said lightly. She smiled at him and started to walk towards the back room.
‘One other thing,’ he called after her. She stopped and turned towards him. ‘It’s Chinese custom to have new bed for night of wedding,’ he said. ‘It’s for husband to get bed, and for parents of bride to get bedding, but I get bedding, too. Sheets are red or pink, and are embroidered with dragon and phoenix in gold threads, or with flowers such as peony and magnolia. It brings good fortune on wedding night.’
‘Does it?’ she said. Her voice sounded hollow to her ears, and she swallowed hard.
In her head, she saw the bed. And she saw him standing next to it, waiting for her. Then she saw herself stepping forward, naked beneath her thin batiste nightdress.
An icy hand clutched her heart, and a shiver ran through her.
He laughed. ‘And there’s more,’ he went on with a happy smile. ‘No adult is to sit or rest on bridal bed before wedding. Not even the bride, as this could bring ill health. Only babies and children are allowed to sit on wedding bed. Children bless the man and woman with fertility. But we will not have this blessing. I think Sam Walker will not agree to baby son sitting on bridal bed to help bring another Chinaman into Carter.’ And he laughed again.
She forced a smile to her lips, and headed quickly for the back of the store.
Pushing the curtain aside, she stepped into the Chen living room, let the curtain fall behind her, and leaned back against the wall, trembling. She closed her eyes.
‘I hear dai lou tell you we make tea today,’ she heard Su Lin say, her voice dancing with happiness. ‘Is very important so we both must do this well. I have a tea set here, and we use sweet tea for what is a sweet occasion. I have longans and red dates’ tea for both of us. Longans are like dragon’s eyes and show wife’s wish to give her husband a male child.’
Charity opened her eyes and stared at Su Lin, at her radiant face.
‘I think getting son with husband will be very good,’ Su Lin said giggling, and she blushed.
A powerful shudder ran the length of Charity’s body.
She looked at Su Lin. Her face white, she slowly shook her head. ‘I’m sorry, Su Lin, but I can’t,’ she said, her voice a whisper. ‘I just can’t.’
The smile faded from Su Lin’s face. She stared at Charity, startled. Then Charity saw realisation dawn in her eyes, followed swiftly by distress.
An urge to get away from them all welled up inside her.
And a burning desire to see Joe.
She picked up her skirts. ‘I’m sorry,’ she cried. ‘Tell Chen Fai I’m sorry, but I’ve gotta go.’ And she half-ran across the living area, and flung herself through the back door and out to the yard. Without pausing, she sped round the side of the house, into Second Street and across the track to the livery stable.
As she rounded the corner, she saw Joe in front of the entrance, cleaning the water troughs with Greg. She came to an abrupt halt and stared at him, her breath coming fast, her arms hanging in helpless despair at her sides.
He glanced up. She saw the pleasure on his face as he realised she was there, then surprise, followed by concern. He stood up and stared at her, a brush in one hand and a rag in the other. ‘Charity?’ Her name was a question.
She stared back at him, unable to speak, her heart full of grief. Then with a cry of sorrow, she turned and started to run back along Second Street towards the miners’ houses, oblivious to the risk of slipping in the pools of water where the ice had melted in the heat of the strengthening sun, oblivious to everything but the need to get as far away as she could from her future.
Joe turned sharply to Greg.
‘Take over,’ he said. ‘I’ve gotta find out what’s upset Charity.’
‘But—’
‘There’s no but, Greg. Do as I ask.’ Joe dropped the rag, threw down the brush, knocking the pail on its side, and ran after her as fast as he could.
Across the open ground she ran, past the miners’ houses and out towards the river. Expecting her to head for the place where they used to sit, he ran at an angle to the right, hoping to cut her off, but she suddenly swerved to the left.
He stopped in surprise and stared after her. She was making for the bridge that spanned the river by Carter, he realised, the bridge where her mother had fallen, and which they’d crossed on the occasions he’d taken her for an afternoon’s freedom in the rocky hills on the other side of the river from town.
Then he started to walk slowly after her. There was no longer any need for him to run – he knew exactly where she’d be heading, and his every instinct told him that she’d need a moment or two by herself before she felt able to talk.
Standing in the middle of the track between the mercantile and the bakery, Chen Fai stared up towards the whites’ part of town, his gaze fixed on the livery stable and on the lad cleaning the trough with a brush. A pail lay on its side near the trough, its contents spilled. The brush on the ground near the pail looked as if it had been thrown down in haste.
There was no sign of Charity. Nor of Joe Walker.
Sensing Su Lin hovering behind him, he turned to her. Her eyes were clouded with anxiety, he saw.
‘What did you say to Charity that make her run out?’ he asked.
‘I not say much,’ she said, her face puzzled. ‘I tell her I hear what you say, and I say I am ready to show her again the Chinese way to make tea.’
‘And that’s all?’
She screwed up her face in thought. ‘I also say we use longans and red dates’ tea for the ceremony, and I tell her longans show a wife’s wish to give her husband a male child.’
And he’d just talked to Charity about the wedding bed, he realised.
A sense of loss shot through him, followed by pain, and he felt the blood drain from his face. ‘And she leave then?’ he asked, a tremor in his voice.
Su Lin nodded. ‘She say to tell you she can’t, and then she go.’
He turned back to look towards the livery stable, and stood very still.
‘She is maybe ill,’ Su Lin ventured after a minute or two.
‘Maybe,’ he said, his eyes on the stable. ‘But I think it an illness that come after Joe Walker returns.’
He fell silent.
After a few minutes, Su Lin cleared her throat. He glanced at her over his shoulder. ‘You go inside now, Su Lin,’ he said flatly. ‘I think you will not show Charity how to make tea today. A
nd maybe not any day.’
She gasped. Quickly putting her hands together in front of her, she gave her brother a slight bow. ‘I am sorry if I do wrong. I do not want to be Charity’s friend any more.’
‘You do nothing wrong,’ he told her, and he attempted a smile. ‘You are a good little sister to me, and good friend to Charity. In fact—’ An idea sprang into his mind, and he paused, his heart thumping, and then turned to face her more squarely. ‘In fact, I think there is maybe a way you can help me,’ he said. He nodded slowly. ‘Yes, maybe there is.’
‘I will be very happy to help you,’ Su Lin said, and her face brightened. ‘What do you want me to do?’
‘I want you still to be her friend,’ he said. ‘Ah! I see you are surprised by this,’ he added with a wan smile. ‘But this is what I want. I know Charity will not come back here today. Maybe she will go to Ah Lee tomorrow, maybe not. It would please me if you watched for her like you watched for her when you were child and wanted her to be your friend. And when you see her, I would like you to talk with her. You then tell me what she say, and I know what is inside her head.’
She gave a start, as if to speak.
He smiled reassuringly. ‘You must not worry, Su Lin. I accept now that I am not in her heart, but many Chinese man and woman can say the same thing on their wedding day. They not meet before the wedding, so this is not surprising. But they live happily together after the wedding, and often with love. There is still chance for Charity and me.’
She clasped her hands together. ‘Oh, that pleases me very much, ge ge.’
He smiled warmly at her. ‘You not often call me this now you are a grown woman,’ he said. ‘Yes, I would like you to stay Charity’s friend. We are still friends, Charity and me. One good friend does not ask another to feel what she cannot feel, and I do not ask Charity to feel what is not inside her. But to be friends is a good beginning to marriage. And maybe one day she will feel as I feel. I can wait for this. If I know what Charity is thinking now, I know if we still have a chance to find happiness together. If we have not …’ He paused, and shook his head. ‘But I not want to think that yet.’