But what did her father’s suicide have to do with this?
“I can’t take that chance,” she said, quietly but firmly. And then she looked up. “I’ll have to know the man,” she said adamantly. “I’ll have to know that he’s emotionally strong.”
Blake could understand. He really could. But…“Annie, you can’t just go up to a man on the street and ask him to give you a baby. In the first place, you have to think of him, too. What role is he going to play? And do you want the father of your child to be someone who’d be willing to father a child and then walk away?”
The problems with her plan were numerous, coming at him from all directions.
“Are you planning to use artificial insemination?” he asked before she could respond to his first set of objections. “Because I don’t think you’re the kind of woman to have casual sex with a man and then walk away. And even if you were, you’d have to hope he either had a very understanding significant other or that he was completely unattached. And that he would remain unattached for the length of time it took to get you pregnant. Because your chances of getting pregnant on one try are pretty slim…
“And what if he does have a wife or partner? What if she decides she wants to have a part in raising his child?”
Annie shaking her head brought him back to reality. This was none of his business.
He didn’t care what she did. He hoped she’d be safe. Happy. And that was all.
“I’ve had a legal contract drawn up that will cover all of those eventualities and more,” she said. “I’m going to do this, Blake.”
He could see that she was. And that scared him.
He turned to go.
“What should I tell Cole, when he asks me what you said?”
“Tell him I’ll think about it.”
It wasn’t the response he’d wanted to give. He just needed some time—and a good night’s sleep—to figure out how to be a friend to Cole and also stay as far away from Annie and her plans as he possibly could.
Maybe, if he was lucky, he’d be able to suggest a safe, healthy and relatively innocuous replacement for himself.
But one thing was certain. He and Annie were not going to make another baby together.
CHAPTER TWO
THURSDAY MORNING, exactly eight hours after she’d watched Blake get into his seven-year-old Lincoln Continental and drive away, Annie wasn’t concentrating well. She’d held on to his uncle’s car after Alan Smith—having heard the news that Blake was presumed dead—had had a fatal heart attack. And then she’d sold the trading company the two men had operated together, but she hadn’t spent a dime of the proceeds—almost as if some part of her had known, even after she’d married Roger, that Blake was still alive.
And if that was true, if she had known, marrying Roger had been the act of a coward. And a weak, disloyal thing to do.At least she’d had a nest egg—and a car—to give Blake upon his difficult return home two years before.
Now, she wished he’d sell the damn car. Let go of the past. Let go, period.
Blake was the most controlled and logical human being she’d ever met. Just once, she’d like to hear him yell at the top of his lungs.
Positively Alive! Annie looked at the column heading on her computer screen. Her focus had to be on the future and not on a past she couldn’t change. And for the next hour, her future contained the column that was promised to the River’s Run editor and publisher, Mike Bailey, her boss, by ten o’clock.
The readers of River’s Run, the local five-days-a-week newspaper, would be expecting Annie’s weekly tidbit on living positively. She could talk about taking control of your life, about being a doer rather than a victim. She could even tell them about the baby she was going to have.
She could talk about Wade Barstow, the richest man in town, and the generous contributions he’d made to the schools and the city and the local churches. Wade was generous when it came to money. Annie just wasn’t sure his motives were philanthropic.
She could talk about what a gift the beautiful weather was.
Yet what she really felt like doing was crying. Which made no sense at all. Nothing had changed in the past twenty-four hours. She’d been twice divorced then, too. No one close to her was sick or dying.
Annie settled her laptop more firmly on the card table that served as her kitchen table, coffee table and desk, reminding herself of all the reasons she was glad to be alive.
Yet all she could think about was Blake. The things she’d had and lost. The things she’d wanted and never gotten.
Standing abruptly, she shut down her computer, closed the lid and put it in its case. She made a quick trip to her bedroom, past the twin bed and trunk that took up too little space in the room, and into the adjoining bath to fasten her hair back with barrettes and freshen her lipstick. Then she returned to the kitchen, stopping for only a brief moment to survey the bedroom next to hers, with its new carpet and the hand-carved, Tim Lawry–original crib. A changing table and matching rocker in wood, and the wallpaper she’d bought the previous weekend…The nursery was coming along nicely.
As soon as it was done, she’d start on the rest of the house.
For now, however, she was going to the office. And she’d pray that she found some positive inspiration when she got there.
SHE’D TALKED ABOUT the importance of honesty and self-awareness, and Mike thought it was the best column she’d ever written. Annie didn’t know about that—she wrote three columns a week, and also covered most of the small town’s more newsworthy stories—but she felt one hundred percent better than she had earlier that morning.
Strapping the laptop case to the rack on her bicycle outside the River’s Run offices on Main Street, she threw one leg over the bike and started off. Becky Howard, the high-school nurse, only had half an hour for lunch, and Annie was eager to talk to her best friend—to tell her about the previous night’s encounter with Blake.Everyone in River Bluff knew about Annie’s past—her fairy-tale marriage to Blake Smith, his disappearance and declared death, her second marriage and then Blake’s homecoming. She’d felt as if the eyes of the world had been upon her the morning she’d gone to meet Blake’s plane. People she’d never spoken to in her life had been waiting to see if she’d stay with Roger or return to Blake. And most—with the exception of Roger’s friends and loved ones—couldn’t help being a little saddened by her choice.
Many had told her so, thinking she’d turned her back on true love.
Only Becky had understood. And maybe Blake.
Her mother certainly hadn’t. But then, June Lawry and Annie hadn’t seen eye to eye since Annie had been in junior high.
River Bluff High School was on the outskirts of town, part of a complex that also housed the junior high where Annie had been the day her father had shot himself. Avoiding that part of the school grounds where she’d heard the news, she unlatched her laptop from the bike carrier—theft happened even in River Bluff, if you made the temptation great enough—and left her yellow ten-speed unlocked in the rack with a dozen other bikes.
Becky wasn’t in her office.
Nor was she in the lunchroom. Or the teachers’ lounge.
Fifteen minutes of her friend’s lunch break had already passed and Annie had no idea where to look next.
“Hi, Ms. Kincaid.”
“How you doing, Katie? Tell your mom thanks for the apple jelly. It was great!”
“I will.” The blond senior smiled as she continued on her way down the hall, and then turned. “You wouldn’t happen to know where Shane is, would you?”
“I hope in class,” Annie said, wondering why the girl would be asking about a boy who was three years younger than she was. Wondering, too, why the girls here all thought it was okay to expose themselves in those extremely low cut pants and two-inch shirts.
And when had Katie gotten that butterfly tattooed on her lower back? Her mother must have shed some tears over that.
SHE FOUND BECKY IN HER silver Tah
oe—sitting alone in a parking lot filled to capacity with cars, but no people.
One look at the tears on her friend’s face and Annie opened the passenger door without waiting for an invitation.“What’s wrong?” she asked, sliding in and closing her door with a quick jerk on the inside handle.
“Oh.” Becky gave her an embarrassed glance, sniffled and made a swipe at her face, as if she could erase the evidence of her distress. “Hi. I didn’t know you were here.”
Annie frowned. If someone had hurt her friend…
“I’ve been thinking about you all morning,” Becky said, her attempt at a smile weak at best. “Tell me how it went.”
As far as Annie was concerned, her trials and tribulations were a low priority at the moment.
“What’s wrong, Bec?” Her friend’s auburn curls had pulled loose from the ponytail she always wore when she worked.
Naturally curly hair was only one of the many things Annie and Becky Howard had in common.
“I just sent a student to a hospital in San Antonio for tests.”
Annie’s skin grew cold. “Is it serious?”
“I think he has an ulcer. He’s been vomiting blood.”
Staring at Becky’s bent head, Annie tried to read her friend’s mind. Certainly a sixteen-or seventeen-year-old with an ulcer had a serious problem. It would be indicative of some pretty severe emotional struggles, if nothing else. But it was still treatable.
She’d watched Becky work a car accident one time on the side of the road; they’d passed just after the crash occurred, and had stopped to see if they could help. One young man had died, but Becky had saved the life of another.
And she’d never shed a tear.
“So what’s really wrong?”
Becky looked up, and her eyes filled with fresh tears.
“I just saw Luke coming out of the grocery store. I wanted yogurt for lunch.”
Damn. “They don’t have yogurt in the cafeteria?”
“Not strawberry banana.”
“Did he say something?” Annie asked gently. Becky was the most loving person she’d ever known. Luke’s leaving town to join the army sixteen years before, walking out on Becky and their love affair so abruptly, without a backward glance, had nearly destroyed her friend. And just as abruptly, a month ago, he’d returned to town.
“No…” Becky’s voice trailed off. “I didn’t give him a chance.”
“Do you think he saw you?”
“He looked straight at me.” Becky’s lips trembled. “I can’t believe this, Annie,” she said with a deep shudder. “I got over Luke Chisum years ago. I want nothing to do with him. And still, seeing him out of the blue like that, I turn to mush.”
Annie wanted to believe that a girl could get over her first love. Even if he had been the knight-in-shining-armor kind.
“It’s just that, seeing him up close…”
Remembering her first sight of Blake, two years before, when he’d stepped off that plane, Annie felt her own throat tighten. “Aw, hon.” She hated seeing her friend hurt. “I’m sorry.”
Becky sniffled and blew her nose.
“It gets easier,” Annie murmured, though she wasn’t as certain of that this morning as she might have been the day before.
Becky nodded. “It has to, doesn’t it?”
Annie sure as hell hoped so.
“He’s got this tiny scar by his left eye….”
“From the helicopter crash?”
“I don’t know, but probably. It’s still a little pink, so it has to be fresh.” She paused, glanced out the windshield and then looked back at Annie, her eyes filled with tenderness—and pain. “I just can’t stop thinking about him over there in Iraq, about all the things we hear about that place. About the crash. What if he’d been taken hostage?”
Grabbing her friend’s hand, Annie gave it a squeeze. “Don’t let those demons get you, Bec,” she said. “You’ll drive yourself crazy.”
And Annie, more than most, knew the truth of this. “Cole says he’s fine,” she continued. “Still the same old joking-around Luke.”
“All that joking covers a lot.”
Annie didn’t doubt it. Luke Chisum had been home only a month and already he was taking his father to therapy, doing everything he could to make his mother’s life easier, doing his share at the family ranch—in spite of an older brother who treated him with open hostility every chance he got.
“Still, other than some color blindness due to damage to the optic nerve, he seems to have completely recovered.”
Becky tried to smile. And failed. “Do you know how long he was at Walter Reed?”
The amount of time he’d spent in the veterans’ hospital would give a medical professional like Becky a fairly good idea of the extent of Luke’s injuries.
“I don’t.” Annie hesitated, thought and then continued, “I know that he got a medical discharge, though. With his vision the way it is, he wouldn’t meet army regulations.”
“I wondered,” Becky said, and looked at Annie again. “He’s back for good, isn’t he?”
“Cole thinks so.”
“Think he’ll let me just go on not speaking to him for the rest of our lives?” Becky’s attempt at a smile was a bit more successful that time.
Annie tilted her head, trying to assess her friend. “You want him to?”
“Depends on the day.”
Annie understood that completely.
“SO TELL ME ABOUT LAST night.” Becky was calm once more, her capable, reliable self as she turned the tables on Annie.
Glancing at her watch, Annie asked, “Don’t you have to get back?”“I’m working at the clinic this afternoon. I have another hour before I have to be there.”
“Did you get that yogurt you were after?”
Becky grimaced and shook her head. “I was on my way in when I saw Luke. So I turned around and came back here.”
Annie had figured as much. “Why don’t we load the bike up and go to my place? I’ll make us some tuna salad and we can talk.”
SHE ADDED PICKLES and onion to the tuna, put a plate of thin wheat crackers on the table, and they nibbled as Annie relayed, almost word for word, the scene between her and Blake the night before.
“Do you think I’m crazy?” she asked her friend as her story came to its end.“Not at all.” Becky didn’t hesitate. “The world has changed so much in the past five years,” she said. “Not only has it become common for women to assume challenging roles in the workplace, we’re learning that we have all kinds of personal strengths we didn’t realize we had. Society, as a whole, is also more focused on getting the most out of life. Going after what we want. And you’re a product of that.”
“I live in a tiny town in Texas, in the middle of nowhere,” Annie reminded her.
“With the Internet, no place is in the middle of nowhere anymore.”
Annie knew she’d needed to talk to Becky. Her friend had always had a way of making sense of the world, most particularly when Annie couldn’t seem to do so herself.
“I wrote in my column this morning about being honest,” she said, thinking aloud. “And the one thought I kept coming back to was how badly I want this baby. I mean, I get a little scared sometimes, when I think of raising a child all alone, but mostly I just feel peaceful about the idea. I’m so sure this is the right step for me.”
“Not that it matters,” Becky said, laying a hand on top of Annie’s, “but I think so, too.”
“You do?”
“Yeah.”
“You’ve never said so.”
“I didn’t want to encourage you, in case you weren’t sure.”
“So what makes you say so now?”
“It meant so much to you that you were willing to risk the pain of seeing Blake again—even knowing that he’d say no.”
Annie was tempted to say nothing. But this was Becky.
“He didn’t actually say no yet.” It meant nothing. “I think he has to at least give the appe
arance of considering the idea, because of his friendship with Cole.”
Damn Cole for putting her—and Blake—in this position. As much as she adored her younger brother, there were times when his stubborn refusal to accept that she and Blake were over grated on her nerves.
Becky was staring at her. “Blake didn’t say no?”
“Not yet. But he will.”
“What did he say?” The interest in Becky’s eyes scared Annie. As if there was something there…
“That he’d think about it. Like I said, he has to, because he’s still Cole’s friend.” She wanted to make that point abundantly clear.
“Did he say when he’d let you know?”
“No. He’ll probably just give Cole a call. I’m half expecting to hear from my interfering brother any minute now.”
“What if he doesn’t say no?”
Annie’s heart nearly stopped, and then her breathing followed suit. Both started again raggedly.
“He’s going to say no.” That’s all there was to it. “I’ve got my first interview with a prospective donor next week in Houston.”
“Who with?” Becky’s surprise seemed to distract her—which was a good thing as far as Annie was concerned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I just set it up this morning,” she replied. “He’s a communications professor, a friend of someone I worked with at the station in San Antonio when I was married to Blake. He’s widowed, fifty-seven, has two grown kids and a woman friend who is in complete support of the ‘project,’ as he called it.”
“He called your baby a project?”
Annie hadn’t been thrilled with that, either.
“HEY, DO YOU KNOW WHY Katie Hollister would be looking for Shane?” Annie asked as she and Becky tidied up after the lunch they’d barely touched.
“They hardly know each other,” Becky said, shaking her head. “She’s a senior, and Shane just started high school.”“That’s what I thought.” The Hollisters lived across the street from the three-bedroom ranch home Annie and Roger had bought when they got married.
The Baby Gamble Page 2