by Jenny Hale
“Yep. You deserve it.”
Juliette offered a silent “thank you” with her eyes.
Once Olivia and the kids had gone, Lillian took a steadying breath. “Juliette. Aiden. I have something to tell you,” she said quietly so only their table could hear. “This will come as a shock to you both.” Lillian began to tell them about Frederick.
“I couldn’t believe it when I heard that Callie—Luke’s new friend—had bought Alice McFarlin’s beach house,” Lillian said, offering a conciliatory smile to Callie. “It’s a nice house.” She nodded toward Frederick, but she didn’t quite meet his eyes. He sat still as a stone, but that sadness Callie had seen on his face when she’d met him had returned. He was worried.
“See, Frederick and I know each other very well. He was Alice’s brother.”
Aiden turned toward Frederick and then back to Lillian.
“He moved away a long time ago and I haven’t seen him since. Not until now.” The waitress came to get their orders.
“Could we have a few minutes?” Luke asked the waitress.
When the waitress left, Lillian’s eyes grew red and full of tears that fell down her cheeks. She blotted her face with a napkin. “I did everything wrong,” she said, her voice quivering. “Everything.” She stopped, another tear sliding down her face. Frederick seemed as though he wanted to hop across the table and hold her but he didn’t move.
“Edward was away all the time on business, starting up his company in Florida. We didn’t have a house there yet, and so I stayed back, but the winters in the Outer Banks were so long and lonesome for me, and he was always focused on his work. Our marriage was crumbling. I was alone. I tried to tell him. I used to take walks on the beach to clear my head, but it didn’t help. I didn’t know what to do, and I thought that soon, I would have to initiate the conversation about divorce,” she said quietly.
“One day, I was walking down the beach and I met this surfer.” She set her hands on her cutlery as if she were straightening it before she looked up at Frederick and smiled nervously. “I watched him for quite a while, dipping under the waves and then paddling out, riding them in, over and over. It was so graceful and beautiful—calming. After a while he jogged up, the board under his arm, his hair soaking wet, and the most gorgeous smile on his face. I hadn’t ever had a smile like that directed at me.”
She finally met Frederick’s eyes and there it was: the smile. With acknowledgment of his encouragement, she continued. “He nodded hello and got a sandwich from a little cooler he had on the beach by a blanket. He told me that I was welcome to sit down on the blanket rather than standing. Then he opened a glass bottle of soda and handed it to me. With a wave of his hand, he went back out.”
She put her napkin in her lap, her hands unstill, clearly to release nervous energy. “Do you remember that day, Frederick?”
“Of course.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat.
Juliette was on the edge of her seat, her mouth slack, eyebrows slightly raised, her concentration deep as she listened. She looked uncertainly at Luke, but his downward-turned eyes gave her all the confirmation she needed. Frederick folded his hands on the table, his discomfort clear: He didn’t like what the news was doing to Juliette. Aiden wasn’t much better. His lips were pressed together, his brows furrowed, and he’d put an arm around Juliette.
“When he came up again, we made some small talk, and he told me that he came out there every day to surf when he wasn’t working at the little beach shop in town. He told me if I was ever bored, I could look for that blanket and watch the waves. That was what he liked to do sometimes, he’d said.
“I should’ve known what was happening.” Lillian shook her head. “The next day, I went looking for that blanket. I knew I shouldn’t have, but I’d called Edward that morning, telling him how much I hated the way we were living apart and, I... It had been months since I’d seen him. I even asked if I could go to Florida. He said...” A flash of anger crossed her face then went away. “Well, it doesn’t matter what he said. He wouldn’t come back. He believed that if I could just hold out, we’d reap the benefits. But I knew the benefits he was talking about just meant money. I got off the phone feeling lower than I had in a long time, and that was when I decided to take that walk just to see a friendly face.”
“You never told me that,” Frederick said, a protective square to his shoulders. It was clear that he didn’t like Edward’s response to her even this many years later.
“Why would I have?” she said. “But when I saw you—that surfer who’d introduced himself to me as ‘Freddy’…” She smiled as more tears surfaced and turned to the group. “I noticed he’d brought a stack of books. They were sitting on the blanket. He called hello from his board and came up to see me. ‘Those are for you,’ he said. ‘I hoped you’d come back.’ A long time later, I asked him why.”
There was a moment between them as they stared at each other and there was so much there, just under the surface. Even now.
Frederick said, “I told you it was because I’d never seen such a beautiful woman who looked so sad and I knew right then that all I wanted was to see you smile.”
She put her face in her hands and rubbed her eyes before looking up again. “You were so easy to talk to. So kind, gentle, you took me out—we met for ice cream, remember?”
Callie, knew what kind and gentle felt like too, being with Luke. It was clear, the more Lillian talked about Frederick, how similar Luke was to his real father, and she was floored by the similarities. Luke had spent his whole life trying to live up to something he wasn’t. If he’d just been told about Frederick, would he have realized that his differences weren’t downfalls? He was perfect just the way he was.
“You know why I’m telling you all this, don’t you?” she asked Luke.
The whole table waited for the answer.
“Because I can see in your eyes right now, the exact same look I saw in Freddy’s eyes when I told him we couldn’t see each other anymore: disappointment, anger, sadness. That unique cocktail of emotions that only come about a few times in one’s life. Luke, you look so much like Freddy it kills me sometimes.”
Luke had a pensive look on his face and Callie had never seen him this quiet before.
“The night I was with Freddy was like magic.” She reached out and held Frederick’s hand across the table. “We’d seen each other so many times and he was so familiar to me then, like the piece of me that had been missing for all those years. He was such a gentleman that I couldn’t believe I’d put myself in that position—that I allowed myself to follow my heart without thinking—because I was falling in love with him.”
She offered a shy smile toward him.
“The next morning, in the light of day, I realized what I’d done and I told him we had to end it. Even though I loved him, I told him I’d made the worst mistake of my life out of loneliness, and I regretted how it happened immensely. I left, planning never to speak of it again. Two days later, Edward told me he was coming home. He said he was sorry for not being more sympathetic, that he was just overwhelmed with work, and he promised not to leave me again.” She let go of Frederick’s hand and crossed her arms. “I have held that guilt for so many years and it weighs on me like a cinderblock tied to my heart.”
The rain started sheeting down outside, streaking the windows, the sound on the roof like a crowd at a sporting event. It came down hard and fast like the emotions surrounding them all. The table was silent, but on their faces Callie could see a hundred thoughts at once.
Lillian spoke quietly. “When I found out I was pregnant,” she said in a whisper as a family walked in and sat down in the dining room, “I knew right then I should tell Freddy. It was close enough that Edward wouldn’t question it, and I was terrified to tell him. When I counted the days, I knew exactly when it was, and I couldn’t keep that from Freddy. I arranged to meet him for coffee to figure out what to do.”
Frederick smiled a sad smile. “
I remember that day like it was yesterday. You looked so beautiful and I hadn’t thought I would see you again so I was over the moon when you called.”
Lillian looked at him with a comforting expression, her pain at having hurt him obviously still there. She addressed the others: “I told him quietly and then said…” She cringed, the pain slowing down her words. “… that I’d been thinking all the way there, and the best thing for our child would be to have all the opportunities money could buy. Money that Edward could give him, money that Freddy didn’t have. I told him that if I went back to Edward and we raised Luke as our son, however, he could never speak of it again.”
Frederick spoke up. “I said okay. And I left.” The words came out as if they still surprised him today. He rubbed the scruff on his face like he was trying to wipe the anguish off. “I didn’t want to agree to it, but I didn’t feel like I could force what I wanted on Lillian. If she wanted to be with Edward more than me, I just wanted her to be happy. I was young. I didn’t realize at that moment what having a son would mean to me. But it started to sink in pretty quickly. The moment she walked out, I was a mess.”
“I thought I could give him all the love he needed and the money to move him forward in life. But money isn’t always better,” Lillian said. “I should’ve known that right then, but it took me time to realize what I’d done, and when I did, it was too late.” Her voice was breaking and she took a sip of coffee, her hands trembling as she lifted the cup.
Two women came in the door and walked over to the table in the corner, happily hugging the group of people sitting there. It felt like a world away from the table where Callie sat, hurting for this family and for Luke, wishing he’d look at her so she could comfort him, but his eyes were on Lillian, his shoulders high and anxious.
“Freddy wanted to see Luke.” Lillian smiled through her tears at Frederick, now speaking to him. “I said that it wasn’t a good idea, but you’d taken me to Corolla before and I knew how remote it was. There wasn’t a chance, back then, of anyone finding us. I played with Luke that day and you sat on the dune, sketching, on that blanket I remembered so well.” She addressed the others. “But he was really watching Luke—watching him laugh, run around chasing the seagulls, build in the sand. I still remember stealing little glances and seeing the smile on his face as he watched Luke play.
“It was a gorgeous day, and Luke had such a ball that he fell asleep on the way home. Before we left, Freddy asked if we’d come again, but seeing him was so hard that I had to tell him no.” Her voice cracked again as she finished her sentence. “I’d made a choice to love Edward, and I’d already messed that up once. I wasn’t going to do it again.”
“But you’re divorced now, from Edward,” Aiden said, his sentence more of a question. Why hadn’t Lillian set things straight then? Why hadn’t she gone after Frederick?
“Looking back, my infidelity was a symptom of something bigger, and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t make it work. I gave it everything I had. But if I had it to do over, I’d change a lot about what I did. Freddy’s been without his son, Luke doesn’t know his father, and Edward has been misled this whole time. I feared they would all despise me,” she said, hanging her head.
“But, Mom,” said Juliette, “didn’t you wonder if being hated would be better than keeping this huge secret for all these years? Did you ever think that Luke, that Dad, had a right to know?”
Lillian squeezed her eyes shut. “I did consider that—of course I did, every day. But I was scared. I didn’t know how to make it right after making it so wrong for so many years. I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t know how to react!” Juliette said, shaking her head as she processed it all. She turned to Luke, her face full of worry, her lips beginning to wobble. Luke pulled her close, stroking her hair.
Then he got up and put his arms around his mother. She shooed him off sweetly, and Callie could tell she was concerned about blubbering and making a scene. He held her anyway and kissed the top of her head. On the way back to his seat, Luke glanced over at Frederick just briefly and Frederick wiped away his tears.
Lillian picked up her fork and toyed with it. “I worry about what comes next. We’re going to have to tell Edward.”
Twenty-Two
Luke had paid the tab for their drinks and they’d all gone back to their rooms, having decided to just get room service. It was clear that everyone needed space. The rain had let up, the stifling heat assaulting them still every time the doors had opened downstairs, but Frederick had said he was going for a walk. He’d been gone for hours.
Aiden had come to Callie and Olivia’s room, and they’d been watching the storm coverage, Callie’s mind drifting back and forth between the possible damage to the cottage and the Sullivan family, as surely the others’ thoughts were as well. There was a knock and when Callie answered it, Lillian was at the door with Mitchell and Juliette.
“We checked on Luke. He wanted to be alone,” Juliette said. “May we come in?”
“Of course.” Callie stepped aside to let them enter. Juliette went straight over to Aiden and sat down beside him, while Lillian sat on the chair closest to the sofa. Mitchell found Wyatt, who had built a small fort in the corner with Legos. Aiden put his arm around Juliette, almost as if he could protect her emotions with that one gesture.
They all sat quietly, the TV and the sound of the boys playing filling the silence. Watching them all, the one thing Callie saw was love for each other. As upset as Juliette had been about her mother’s decision to keep the truth from Luke and her father, they had still seemed almost unified at the door. Now Aiden, Juliette, and Lillian were all sitting together, watching the storm coverage but seemingly comfortable in each other’s space. Callie focused on the television.
It was as if the newscast was on a loop: After about a half hour of watching, Callie realized that the reporters hadn’t really said anything new, and were starting to repeat the major points which were that the storm was hitting the Outer Banks, causing destruction in some areas, and moving out rather quickly.
There was another knock and Olivia got the door this time. It was Luke. Callie felt herself almost stand up—she wanted to check to see if he was okay. But she caught herself, unsure if he’d want to talk to her, and waited for him to come in.
“I called Dad.” He dropped down onto the sofa between Aiden and his sister, his movements edgy as he allowed a little extra room to accommodate everyone. He looked tired. The gray skies outside cast a grim light across the room. “I asked if I could see him.”
Wyatt and Mitchell stopped building with their Legos for a moment but resumed making the fort for their action figures when Olivia asked them about their creation.
“I want to be the one to tell him,” Luke said. “If you tell him, Mom, he’ll just be angry with you, but if I tell him, we could get to the heart of what he really thinks. I said I needed to speak with him in person, and that what I had to tell him wasn’t easy.”
“What did he say, Luke?” Juliette asked.
“He’s on his way.”
“What?” Lillian asked, worry showing in her pursed lips.
“I told him where we were. He’s reserved a room across the street at the Omni, and he’ll be on a plane in an hour. Luckily, there was one available.”
“What if he feels like we’re all ganging up on him?” Juliette fretted. “This is news he may want to hear privately.”
“Yes,” Luke nodded. “I’ve already thought of that. I’m going over to meet him. He’s gonna text me when he arrives.”
Until eleven o’clock, when Luke got the text, barely anyone spoke a word.
Frederick still hadn’t returned. Olivia and Juliette had put the kids to bed in one room, Olivia offering to stay with them until everyone turned in for the night. It was nearing two a.m., and the hurricane coverage still chirped away on the television. The eye of the storm had passed and residents who’d stayed in the Outer Banks were hunkering down for the la
st half of the storm.
All eyes were on the screen, but Callie knew where their thoughts were: with Luke. He’d been gone for ages, and she was hoping things were going well. She felt like this was all her fault, and with Luke’s noticeable distance from her and the outburst by the elevators, she knew he held her responsible as well.
The door opened and every head swiveled toward it.
Luke’s face was stark; he looked completely exhausted. Callie had taken his gentle, affectionate looks for granted, but was now yearning to see them again.
“What happened?” Juliette asked, standing up to meet him. She took his hands, tilting her chin up to look at her brother, concern engulfing her face.
“I, uh…” He let go of Juliette and sat down on the sofa, completely broken, the words not coming out, despite the thoughts that were in his eyes.
Lillian put her hand on his back, tears surfacing.
“I feel like I lost my father tonight,” he said, nearly breathless, turning to his mother as if she could help him in some way. “He said he had suspected it, that as I grew up, he had always wondered, but he couldn’t imagine it…” Luke ran his hands over his face, complete grief in his features.
“Give him time,” Juliette said. She was now kneeling beside him. “He just needs to process it. Let him have a few days, get back to work—you know how he is. He needs to continue on. He’ll have to call you to begin the progression of you taking over the company, and it’ll force him to talk to you. You’re great at being understanding; you’ll know just how to handle the situation as it comes.”
“Well, it won’t happen like that because everything’s going to Aiden.”
Juliette gasped in exasperation.
Callie remembered that proud look Luke made whenever he was around her. His expression was a far cry from that right now. He looked hurt, sad. Her stomach churned like the wild seas back home.
“I admitted to him that I wouldn’t be opposed to getting to know Frederick.” He turned back to his mother and the others.