Jana made a quick search of the house and then walked back outside. Blake was still somewhere searching. She stood on the front porch and scanned the field. The dog roamed the yard, nose to the ground as if he too was looking for Lindsey.
When Blake walked up the steps a few minutes later, she lost the thin thread of control she’d been holding on to. She thought about all the times over the years when he hadn’t been there and she’d wanted him at her side. The times she’d missed him because she didn’t have his strong arms to turn to.
She had missed him every single day. Had she told him that?
“We’re going to find her.” He reached for her hand.
She nodded and leaned into his side as they crossed the yard to the truck. “I’m so sorry, Blake.”
“You didn’t do anything.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you. And I wanted you to know, I missed you every single day I was gone. I missed you.”
“Let’s find our daughter, and we’ll talk about this later.”
He opened the door for her and she climbed in. The dog jumped in next, getting in the middle again as Blake got behind the wheel.
“This is how it felt, isn’t it?” Jana sighed and reached for his hand because she suddenly got it. She knew what he’d gone through.
“What?”
“This is how it felt when you didn’t know where we were. When you were searching for us.” She shook her head. “For Lindsey, not for me.”
She’d thought about that a lot lately, and it had hurt, even though she got it. She understood why the focus of his search would have been for their daughter and not the wife who had taken her.
But that didn’t mean she didn’t hurt over it. She wanted him to want her back, not just Lindsey. He had to want them both or they couldn’t be a family.
Chapter Sixteen
He hadn’t expected it to be a day of revelations. He wanted to find his daughter, not delve too deeply into what made up his relationship with his wife. He’d been doing enough of that lately. But there was a look in Jana’s eyes, a pain he couldn’t deny.
Strings were unraveling. He was sorting things out.
“You were the one who left, Jana. I thought you wanted to be out of my life. I guess I didn’t think finding you would do any good because you knew how to come home if you wanted to.”
“I didn’t, not really.” Something in her blue eyes pleaded for understanding. “I didn’t know how to explain things or what your reaction would be. I knew the way home, but I didn’t know how to get here.”
Why did that put him in mind of so many people in the world? Runaways from life, the homeless, the lost. They knew the way home but didn’t know how to get back. People wanted to go home but didn’t know if they’d be accepted once they got there.
Teddy’s mom was one of those people.
His wife had been one of those runaways. His wife.
He pulled the truck onto the highway, needing the search to keep his mind busy.
“I didn’t just come home for Lindsey.” Jana’s comment took him back to their conversation.
“Not now, Jana.” He turned down a side road and refocused on the search. “We need to find Lindsey. Did she take anything with her?”
“She had her backpack, and when I asked why, she said she had a granola bar and a bottle of water. I should have been thinking and known she might do this.”
That information helped him breathe a little easier, but not a lot. He wouldn’t take a good deep breath until they had her safe with them.
“You called Jade, right?”
Jana nodded, but her focus remained on the road. He couldn’t see her face, her expression. He knew that she was probably crying.
“I called Sabrina, too. Just in case. They aren’t as close, but I thought she might have called.”
“We’re going to find her. Someone will see her.” He offered the reassurance, needing to believe it himself.
“I know.” Jana shifted in the seat, giving him a sweet glimpse of her profile. “But that isn’t going to solve the problem. The problem is us. We caused her to do this.”
He had another theory. “Or she’s desperate and pulling one last Granny Myrna stunt.”
“Stunt?” She looked a little outraged by his use of the word.
“Trying to push us together.”
Her mouth shaped an O. “She wouldn’t.”
He laughed at that. “Of course she would. She’s a Cooper. We always get what we want.”
“What do you want, Blake?”
He couldn’t answer that right now, not when he was starting to see things more clearly. He still had a lot to process.
“Let’s just find Lindsey.”
He drove the back way to Dawson, slowly, letting cars pass as they came up behind him. Almost to town, Slade pulled up next to him in a patrol car. The driver’s side window rolled down. Blake shifted into Park and the two of them sat there on that country road with the sun setting and the sky in shades of blue and pink.
“No luck.” Slade pushed back his hat and craned his neck to look up at Blake in the truck. “Mia wants you to call her.”
“I will.”
“She said it’s pretty important.”
“Okay. I’ll go by your place.” Blake shifted back into Drive, his foot still on the brake. “I just don’t have a clue where she would have gone to.”
“Me neither, but I’d say she’s closer than we think.”
They drove on toward town. Blake slowed as they went past the Mad Cow. “Are you hungry?”
“I couldn’t eat. But if you want something...”
He shook his head. “I’m not hungry.”
A few minutes later, they pulled up at Mia and Slade’s little ranch-style house. Mia walked out the front door with some kind of electronic contraption in her hand. She had a big smile on her face.
“What’s up?” Blake got out of the truck. He and Jana met Mia on the front steps of her house.
“I know where she is.” Mia held out the gizmo in her hand.
“How do you know where she is?” Jana peeked at the thing, and Blake held it out to her. It was a screen with a bright blue dot on a map.
He had forgotten. Even when Jana had mentioned the music Lindsey had taken with her, it hadn’t registered. Now, looking at Mia’s happy smile and the gizmo in her hand, he remembered, and he could have hugged his little sister for her suspicious nature.
Unfortunately Jana was looking from Mia to him, and she didn’t look at all happy. He guessed he wouldn’t, either.
“Explain it, Mia.” Blake headed for his truck with the two women trailing behind. “And tell me where I need to go.”
“Head back to town.” Mia opened the passenger side door, and Jana climbed in ahead of her, pushing the console back to make a middle seat.
“How do you know where my daughter is, Mia?” Jana didn’t sound at all pleased.
Blake grinned, feeling relieved enough to be a little bit happy with his sister.
Mia cleared her throat, once, then twice. She looked more than a little guilty. “When you first got back to town, I wasn’t convinced you would stay. I was worried you would take Lindsey and leave again.”
Mia held up her electronic gizmo.
“So you planted something on my daughter?” Jana looked pretty outraged. Her normally soft tones raised a couple of levels and her cheeks were pink.
“Yes, it’s in the MP3 player. I’m really sorry. I just thought...”
“You thought I would leave.” Jana spoke in a quieter voice.
“Yes, I thought you would leave. And I wanted to know that we could find Lindsey.”
“I’m not leaving.” Jana didn’t look at either of them. “I’m really very ti
red of trying to convince Blake, and the people in his life, that I’m here to stay.”
“I know.” Mia patted her arm. “I’m sorry.”
Jana nodded.
“Can you tell me where we’re going?” Blake asked, shooting his sister a look. He tried not to look too closely at Jana. She was hurt. They would have to work through that later.
Mia brought the screen down to a smaller scale. Blake put his focus back on the road.
“She’s at the rodeo grounds.”
Blake turned the truck around in the middle of the road and headed back toward Dawson and the rodeo grounds at the edge of town.
He knew the coming hours, even days, would be spent dealing with his life, his family. But first, he was getting his daughter back.
* * *
The truck flew down the road a little faster than Jana would have preferred. Mia was on the phone calling Slade, and then she called Angie and Tim, because she knew they’d been searching, too.
This was how it felt to be loved, to have family. The realization took deep root in Jana’s heart, because it was this love and support that she’d run from, that she’d taken her daughter from. She’d been so foolish.
She couldn’t even be mad at Mia for not trusting her. They had every reason to suspect that she would leave again.
They stopped next to the bleachers of the arena. Jana saw her daughter immediately. She practically scrambled over Mia to get out. As she ran the short distance, Lindsey looked up, actually appearing surprised.
“Mom?”
“Where have you been?”
Lindsey looked around, blinking a few times. “I’ve been here. It’s peaceful. Is everything okay?”
Jana sat down next to Lindsey. “Honey, we were worried. We thought...”
Lindsey’s eyes widened. “You thought I ran away.”
“You were gone a long time. I tried to call your cell phone.”
“It’s in my bag. I was listening to music and then I decided to just sit here for a while and watch the sunset. The sky was pink and the trees were dark green and there were lightning bugs.”
“Oh, Lindsey.”
“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to worry everyone.”
“Next time, maybe you could watch the time and call to let us know where you are?” Blake had joined them. He sat on the other side of his daughter. “I called to let everyone know you’re safe.”
Jana reached for Lindsey’s hand. “Maybe we should go.”
“How’d you find me?” Lindsey asked as they walked down off the bleachers.
“That would be thanks to your aunt Mia,” Blake answered as they headed for the truck where Mia was waiting.
“She knew where I was?” Lindsey dropped her MP3 player in her backpack.
“She might have had a clue.” Jana smiled, unwilling to tell her daughter the truth.
They took Mia home and then went back to the house in town. Breezy had gone to work, but she’d left a salad and homemade ranch dressing on the table. Lindsey went to her room, exhausted from her walk and promising to eat later.
Jana stood in the bright little kitchen that had once been Mia’s. She turned to look at her ex-husband. “I’m sorry for today, for all the drama.”
“It isn’t your fault, or even Lindsey’s. She should have called, but she didn’t know we’d all panic.”
“No, she didn’t.”
He tossed his hat on the counter and walked toward her. She waited, wanting to be held, wanting his lips on hers. But he stopped. It was as if a wall had suddenly been erected between them.
“I need to go.” He swept a hand through his hair, and she could see him struggling, see it in his eyes, in the line of his jaw.
“There’s plenty of salad,” she offered.
“No, I have to go. I can’t think straight when I’m around you.”
“Why do you always have to think straight, think everything through? Can’t you just feel, Blake? Can’t you hold me and know that we could be good again.”
“I wish I was that guy, the guy who just let go and gave in, Jana. I’m not. I never have been.” He reached for his hat. “That’s wrong. I was once. The day I met you, I was that guy. But I’m knocking on the door of forty and life has taught me a lot.”
She wouldn’t beg him to stay.
In the end he stepped close, leaning to place an easy kiss on her forehead. She heard the release of his breath, felt the tenseness in his touch as his hand brushed her back in a soft hug.
“I’ll see you in a day or two. We need to finish planning Lindsey’s birthday party.”
She nodded as tears filled her eyes and Blake walked away.
Chapter Seventeen
The birthday party was in full swing. Blake watched his daughter in the center of a group of family and friends. They were ready for the wagon ride and bonfire. Perfect timing. The sun was setting, and it would be down to eighty-five degrees soon. This time of year that was almost a cold front. Or at least that’s what the forecasters called it.
“Roasting hot dogs and marshmallows on a day that the thermometer on my porch hit nearly a hundred degrees.” Jackson had walked up, and to illustrate the heat he took off his hat and swiped an arm across his forehead.
Blake had to grin. “For the first time in a long time, I don’t care how hot it is. It isn’t too hot for this bonfire.”
“No, I guess not.”
Blake watched the girls gather in a big group, all smiles in anticipation of the bonfire, the ice cream his mom had made and music with Gage.
“It’s been a good day,” Jackson admitted. “I kind of wish I’d worn shorts, though.”
“You, in shorts?” Blake would have to see it.
“I own a few pairs.”
“Only because Madeline dresses you now.”
“Yeah, well, it wouldn’t hurt you to have a little help in that department.”
“Don’t interfere,” Blake warned. “I’m having a good day, sharing my daughter’s birthday.”
“I know.”
His first birthday with her in eleven years. He was loving every minute of it. He had seen the cake. He had bought gifts she would actually open, not the ones that were stacked in the attic. Presents he’d never given her. He’d thought about giving them to her and decided against it. He was letting go of the past, not dragging it out of the attic and presenting it to his daughter so that she too could hold on to it.
Letting go hadn’t been easy. Ten years of bottled-up resentment wasn’t something a man just let go of. But understanding helped.
Jackson said something and walked away. Blake watched his younger brother as he found his wife, hugged her tight and kissed her like no one was watching. Blake felt a strong tug of envy.
“Can I ride next to you?” Jana somehow had come to stand next to him. He had seen her only twice since the false alarm of Lindsey running away. He’d spent a hard week getting his thoughts in order, dealing with the past and with the junk in his life that had kept him tied up in knots.
He’d spent a lot of time planning a sweet-thirteen party that his daughter would never forget. He smiled because he knew it would be everything she wanted from a party.
“You sure can.” He nodded toward the wagon. “Get aboard.”
He watched with a growing smile, appreciating the view as Jana put a foot on the tiny step and hauled herself into the seat.
When she turned, he swallowed the goofy grin he knew she’d see on his face, and he reached to pull himself up. The girls were climbing in the back of the wagon. The rest of his family had opted to walk or ride in one of the farm trucks. His parents, a couple of brothers, sisters and all of their spouses—everyone was there. They wouldn’t miss this party for anything. What had started as a b
irthday party for his daughter had turned into something of a reunion, a welcome home party.
The girls were all in the back of the wagon, and Gage and his wife, Layla, rode with them, teaching them campfire songs. Gage was playing his old acoustic guitar. The voices of the girls were loud and laced with laughter. Man, this was the life. This was his life.
He planned on holding on to it. He glanced back, watching the girls as they looped arms in the back of the wagon and sang silly songs with Gage. Teddy and Sissy were in the middle, close to Lindsey.
Blake had spent a day searching Tulsa, trying to bring their mother home. He’d tried homeless shelters, because that’s where people often ended up when they couldn’t find their way home. People like Lisa, who were struggling, sometimes off medication and unable to call home. He’d searched the streets and passed around pictures of her.
It hurt that he couldn’t find her for them.
“This is perfect, isn’t it?” Jana kept her distance, sitting on the far edge of the seat. “It isn’t as hot as they had forecasted.”
“It’s pretty close to perfect. It will be about five degrees cooler down by the creek.”
The creek was in sight. Lucky’s truck was already there. He and Travis had the fire going, and it was a doozy. Blake pulled the team up a good distance away, giving the horses a break from the bright blaze and the heat. The girls in the back of the wagon all piled out.
Blake’s parents were in charge, handing out roasting sticks, hot dogs and then stationing girls around the fire. There was a table set up with all the fixings. The sun was going down behind the trees, leaving the valley a cool place, dark green, tree frogs and birds singing in the trees and the occasional splash of a fish jumping in the creek.
Jana walked among the girls, talking, laughing. Blake watched her, and he wouldn’t let himself wish for the ten years that were gone—years he couldn’t get back. She smiled at their daughter. The two looked a lot alike, even though Jana was fair and Lindsey had his dark hair. They laughed together, and Lindsey stuck a hot dog in the fire to roast it.
Blake stood at the edge, listening. Waiting.
The Cowboy's Reunited Family Page 17