by Ryan Michele
“Shots!” Bubbles yelled.
“Thanks, girls. But I’m taking it easy.” I’d gotten drunk many times in front of these women, but always at the clubhouse where I could crash in Pops’ room, never in public.
“Hell no! You drink. This is a celebration.” The waitress placed a shot down for each of us. “To our new, patched sister!” They raised their glasses as I followed their lead. Downing the liquid, I could feel the burn all the way down, and after about the fifth shot, I was feeling pretty damn good and loosening up.
My stomach actually hurt from laughing so much with these women, and they were right. This was an entirely different side of them, and one that I really really liked. All my nerves and worries melted away as the night went on. These women treated me like, well, one of them. They didn’t handle me with kid gloves or hold back; that’s what made me fall in love with them for a second time in an entirely different way.
We watched the men shooting pool and doing whatever it was they were doing. Every once in a while, I’d get a chin lift from Cruz, just letting me know he saw me. The night was going better than I could have hoped.
These women were fun. They were more fun than I’d had in a long time, and that included my time before prison. It was actually remarkable that not one of them asked me about it. Part of me thought it would be the topic of conversation with them, the idiot who got set up by some bitch. No one made fun of me in any way, though, and that, totally put me at ease. I’m sure they’ll ask at some point, but not tonight, and I could kiss each one of them for it.
“Heads up, ladies,” Legs said, looking at the men across the room. My eyes shot in that direction while three young women, wearing barely any clothes, approached our men. Two of them were smart; they actually walked away when Becs and Dagger turned them down. The third wasn’t as smart. I watched before my very eyes as Cruz nodded his head the direction she came, my guess, asking her to go. But the dumb bitch didn’t get the hint. Her hands began roaming his arm as he stepped out of her grasp.
Fury boiled inside of me. I wanted to cut this bitch up.
“Let’s go,” Flash said quickly. But I was a bit apprehensive. I knew that if I went up there, I’d be beating the shit out of this bitch, and I didn’t want to embarrass my brothers or sisters.
Flash saw my apprehension. “You let that bitch keep pawing your man, it will happen every fucking time you come here. It’s your job to end it.” With her encouraging words, I knew what needed to be done. Sliding out of my chair, we walked towards them. My fists clenched so hard my nails dug into my palm. I was gonna try to be civil first.
“Excuse me,” I said, tapping the woman on the shoulder. She turned around scowling at me.
“What?” she barked as I brought my hands in front of me, holding them together… or more like holding them, so I didn’t punch the living shit out of her.
“You need to back off.” She eyed me up and down looking at the leather on my body, but not deterred. She even glanced at the women standing behind me, and it didn’t faze her. Stupid bitch.
“Fuck off,” she said as she turned back around, her hand going directly to Cruz’s arm. Looking up in his eyes, I tried to make him see the fiery rage that was burning inside of me. With a lift of his chin, I grabbed the bitch by the back of her hair, pulling her far away from Cruz. My sisters formed a circle around me, but stood back letting me have the control.
“Fuck off, huh, bitch?” I threw her down on the floor as she fell with a crash in those stupid heels. “Stand up!” I yelled. She got to her feet with a wobble.
“What the fuck is your problem?” she barked.
“You wanna know what my problem is? You’re touching my ol’ man. He told you to get the fuck off… and your dumbass didn’t listen. Then I asked you the same thing, and you didn’t listen. So now this …” I swung, my fist connecting with her pretty little face, sending blood flying.
“You bitch.” God, this woman, clearly fell off the stupid wagon.
Picking up my leg, I kicked her directly in the stomach, then took my right hand and pummeled her face twice, being sure the cut was nice and big. “Bitch, huh? No, I’m his ol’ lady, and this shit don’t fly with me.” After two more punches, I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. I could feel Cruz’s body become flush against mine. I stood there watching the idiot crawl over to her friends, chicken shits that never helped her once. At least I knew my sisters had my back.
“Let me see your hands,” Cruz said as I turned to face him, not knowing if he’d be pissed I caused a huge scene. His smile made my knees week. The pride in his eyes was so bright for me. I held up my hands as he touched them gently. Without them being taped up, they took a good hit. I had several scrapes and blood, and of course, the bruising, but nothing that wouldn’t heal.
Cruz let my hands go after inspecting them as his lips came down hard on mine. My arms instantly wrapped around his neck, pulling him tightly to me. As he pulled away, he whispered, “Thanks, Babe.” Then he smiled in his sexy way. “Let’s get you a drink, Slugger.”
Rolling my eyes, I followed him back to the table as he ordered me a shot of Jack.
“Damn, girl,” Legs said, sitting down. “Your Ma always said you could fight, but I’ve never seen you in action. Damn, you kicked ass.”
Smiling, I felt the burn of the liquor slide down my throat.
The night turned out to be a huge hit. And even though I was a bit tipsy, Cruz proved he could handle my ass just fine on the back of his bike. Another one of my worries smashed to smithereens.
Pulling up to the clubhouse, people were floating all around, which surprised me considering we were out with four of the brothers. Guess the others decided to have a party. Women were in abundance throughout the club, most of whom were eyeing Cruz like he was their next target. I felt the daggers darting out of my eyes at each one, making them turn away from my man.
Cruz never once let go of my hand, except when he hugged the brothers from the Davis chapter as he walked by them. I felt completely out of place here, for some reason.
As Cruz moved us to his room, he locked the door behind him. “You stay in here with the door locked. I’m gonna go get Cooper and bring him in.” I nodded my head as he left the room.
Stripping out of my clothes and putting my tight yoga pants and an ‘I Support the Ravage MC’ t-shirt on, I grabbed a bottle of water out of Cruz’s small fridge. Downing the bottle quickly, I went in search of some medicine to kick the headache forming in my head.
When the door opened, Cooper came flying in the room right into my arms. “I thought you’d be asleep, Buddy.”
“Ma watched movies.”
“Ahh… and she let you stay up, huh?” Coop nodded his head.
“I gotta go, Babe. Stay in here with the door locked. Be back in a bit.” With a peck on the lips and a ruffle of Coop’s hair, he left us.
“Wanna snuggle up with me, Buddy?” My eyes were beginning to droop. It’d been a long day, and if I couldn’t cuddle up with Cruz, I had the other man in my life.
“Mommy. I hungry,” Coop said, rubbing his tummy.
“We’ll sleep, and then we’ll have breakfast in the morning.”
“No… Mommy… my tummy’s making noise.” I smiled at the way he explained his feelings.
“Grumbling, Buddy. Your tummy is grumbling.” Walking over to the small shelf where we kept a few snack foods, I began naming things off to him, but he wanted none of them. “Then what do you want?”
“Peanut bubber and dwelly.” He smiled excitedly.
“I don’t have any, Buddy. Let’s pick something else.”
Cooper began crying, hard. Panic flooded me as I tried to figure out what to do. We haven’t really had moments yet where I told him no, or he couldn’t have something. We’ve been just learning together as we go. I’m guessing this was the first taste.
“Come here, Buddy.”
“No… me want peanut bubber!” he yelled in my face.
&nbs
p; “All right… all right. I’ll go to the kitchen and get you one. Sit here and watch that rabbit show you like. I’ll be right back.”
Exiting the room and locking it, I instantly felt that I was doing something wrong, and I should turn around, but looking back at the door, I knew there was a little boy on the other side of it that I needed to take care of.
Pulling myself together, I threw my shoulders back walking past the main room and into the kitchen. I quickly made Cooper’s sandwich, grabbing some chips and a soda for myself. Picking everything up from the counter, I screamed when a hand came and rested around my waist.
“Stop,” I said after the shock wore off.
“Why would I do that?” a deep voice I didn’t recognize said.
“Because I’m Cruz’s ol’ lady,” I said with force as I turned to face a man I’d never met before. He must have been a new patch member since going in the joint.
“Ol’ ladies aren’t here tonight, and you don’t have his patch,” he said, moving his hand up my body to my tits groping them. I moved out of his grasp flying to the other side of the room.
“I am his ol’ lady. I’m on lockdown here. I had to get my boy something to eat,” I said, quickly seeing the patches on the man’s rag. He was a full-out member. Shit.
“Bitch. You need to stop spreading lies about my brother.” His voice became angry as he stepped close to me. “You know what we do with dirty whores who lie around here.”
“I’m not lying. Go get him. He’ll tell you,” I pleaded, not knowing what was going to happen, and knowing that since he was a fully patched member, I’d needed to keep myself together.
“Bitch. Don’t fucking tell me what to do. Who the hell do you think you are?” The back of his hand came across my cheek hard, but I didn’t move. I stood there looking him straight in the eye.
“I’m Cruz’s ol’ lady,” I said, deadpanned.
“Yeah, we’ll see. I’ll call him in here, and when he tells me you’re full of fucking shit, we’re gonna take turns fucking every single hole of your body.”
It took every bit of my strength not to rip his balls off and feed them to him. I wanted to punch, kick, and kill this fucker in front of me. But at the sound of hearing he was going to get Cruz, I was relieved.
“Don’t fucking move,” he barked at me, and I didn’t move a muscle.
“Princess!” Cruz’s voice boomed in the room. I turned to the voice, feeling relieved. “What the fuck are you doing out here? And without your fucking rag?” he growled at me angrily.
I stood there, stunned, my stomach sinking to the floor. I didn’t even think of putting the rag on. I just thought of getting my boy some food.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Sorry? I told you to stay in my fucking room!” he bellowed as the other man came in, crossing his arms over his chest.
“This one yours?” he asked Cruz.
“Yeah. My ol’ lady.”
“Shit brother. That’s Princess? I didn’t know. She didn’t have your patch on.”
“No, she doesn’t. Can you leave us, bro?” Suddenly I felt like I wanted the psycho in the same room with us, so Cruz didn’t kill me where I stood.
I’d never once felt scared with Cruz, but I was feeling it now. I thought I should explain. “Cooper wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I just came to get him one.”
“I told you to keep your ass in that room. And then you come out without your rag on. That means your fair game to all the brothers. You want that? You want them all to take turns fucking you?”
“No.”
“Damn straight, no. I told you that pussy is mine. You are mine. Go back to the room. Now.”
Grabbing the sandwich only, I raced to the room, locking it behind me.
“Yea… Mommy. Tank you!” Cooper began gobbling it up as he watched his rabbits’ cartoon.
“Coop, I’m gonna go take a shower. Be out in a minute. Stay right there.” He nodded his head, his mouth too full to respond.
Sitting on the toilet, I buried my head in my hands, letting the tears free fall from my eyes. My first day as an ol’ lady and I’ve already fucked up. I embarrassed Cruz and myself in front of a brother, the one thing I didn’t want to do. I should have had the rag on, I should have known better.
Stripping out of my clothes, I washed away the tears, wanting to get them all out before going out to Cooper.
Coop was lying on the floor, his mostly eaten sandwich lying on the plate in front of him. His eyes were drooping almost to closing.
“Come on, Buddy.” Instead of putting him in his bed, I brought him in with me. Wrapping my arms around him, I listened to his slow breathing. I wanted more than anything to fall asleep. Call me a chicken or a pussy… I didn’t give a shit. I didn’t want to face Cruz. Not after this debacle.
As I watched the clock flash red numbers one at a time as each minute passed, my body wouldn’t relax enough to sleep, but when the door opened, I closed my eyes hoping he would think I was out.
The rustling of clothes was behind me along with the thump of boots hitting the floor. Keeping my eyes closed, I felt the dip on the side of the bed where Coop was laying, and then the removal of him. I evened out my breathing, knowing that he was going to be back any minute.
The bed dipped as his warm body slid beneath the sheets. “I know you’re awake, Princess.” I didn’t move, hoping he was wrong. “Come on, if you were asleep you’d have had a gun to my face when I moved Coop.” Letting out a sigh, I slowly opened my eyes, waiting for him to talk.
“You have to wear your rags. Whenever you’re in the clubhouse, you’ve got to wear them. It’s the only thing that’s gonna protect you.” He rolled over on his side, his voice calm and collected, nothing like earlier in the kitchen. With his anger gone, I relaxed a bit and listened. “That guy was Butch. He’s from the Davis chapter and didn’t have a clue who you were. If he would have, I’d have kicked his ass for hitting on my girl.” Letting out a deep breath, he continued, “I know you were taking care of our boy, but you gotta wear your rags.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, not wanting to say much.
“I’m sorry too, Baby. I just lost it.” Cruz pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me tightly. With my head nuzzled in his chest, I breathed him in, comforted by his gentle touch.
“I’ll wear it. I promise.” After lying there for quite some time, I spoke. “Cruz?”
“Yeah?”
“I was scared. I was afraid of what I’d have to do,” I whispered, feeling the need to let him know how I felt about the whole thing. I didn’t say a word about the man slapping me. I didn’t need to add more shit to the already burning inferno. But if it had gone further, I would have protected myself, brother or not.
“I know Baby. I know.” He rubbed my back, slowly lulling me into another restless sleep.
“Babe, gotta ride.” Cruz called out from the main room. I walked out with Coop in my arms and my rags on. Coop wiggled out to get to his daddy. “I’ll be back. Love you.” Cruz kissed him on the cheek as he squeezed him tight.
Looking deep in his eyes, there were many things I wanted to say. Like, be careful, stay safe, don’t get shot, but I kept it to myself. I knew exactly where he was going thanks to Stella, and I couldn’t say that I liked it. But it was club business, it just so happened to have me smack in the fucking middle of it. It pissed me off that I was putting the brothers in danger, and then on top of it; I didn’t know why the hell this was happening.
Cruz gave strict instructions for me to stay away from Studio X tonight, and I was completely fine with that. I didn’t want to be in the way or have anyone worrying about me as it was going down. I wanted to be here safe with my boy.
But I didn’t like it. I didn’t like sending him into something where he could be killed. I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. It would kill me. Even though I knew it was part of the life, it didn’t mean that I had to like it.
Cr
uz wrapped his other arm around me, “I’ll be fine, Baby. Love you.” He kissed me deeply with Coop still in his arms.
As he pulled away, he told Coop, “I love you, too.” Cruz handed me Coop, walking out of the clubhouse.
Ma’s firm arms were there to wrap around us. “He’ll be fine.”
I smiled weakly at her knowing she’s been around long enough to know what the hell goes on, too. This time, I wished I didn’t.
Ma took Cooper up to the shop for a while to give him a change of scenery and me a break. Even though he’s been a wonderful distraction from what’s been going on, I needed an adult time out. Walking around the compound, I loved seeing all the banners and paintings that graced the inside of the walls. Most had the Ravage MC symbols of flaming skulls, and others had Harleys.
As I glanced at the shop, I saw Casey bent over an engine, hard at work. It was killing me that we had not seen much of each other since I’d gotten out. I didn’t understand it. It’s like she was avoiding me at all costs. She knew I had been staying here, and even though she came to work here every day, she never came in to say hi.
Walking up behind her, my voice startled her as she jumped. “Hey, girl.”
“Shit. You scared me,” she said, moving away from the engine wiping her hands on the nearby shop rag, not making eye contact.
“Where you been, Casey?”
“Mostly here.” Her avoidance pissed me off.
“What the hell is going on?” She shrugged her shoulders. “Bullshit. Talk now.” My temper began flaring, wanting to know what the fuck was going on.
“There’s nothing to talk about. Just trying to get these rides done,” she said, waving her hand over the car in front of us.
“What the fuck is the deal? I get out of prison, get shot at, take on an ol’ man and kid, and you’re nowhere to be found. That’s not like you, Casey. You need to tell me.”
Casey looked around the garage seeing that we were the only two in the building. When her eyes met mine, I could see the pain in them deep, hard, and hurtful pain. I also saw the confliction she felt. She wanted to, but she didn’t. I stood there waiting to see which one would win in the end.