“Get a grip, Shirl,” Alex said. “You are not a pariah. Turns out you are a mated crystal telepath with a shit load of power. Men on Ginkgo Terra have the power to decimate a city with just pushing a button. The issue is not about having the power, but showing the strength not to use it. There are times you are going to have to reach deep inside and figure out what you are not willing to lose before you draw that power forward again. That is what being a grown up and taking responsibility is all about.”
Shirl knew her friend was right. She just did not know if she could live with the death of all those men on her conscience. “I incinerated dozens of people, Alex. How am I going to be able to sleep at night?”
“First, you did not know you had the power that resulted in those men’s deaths. Had you been told about this power, you could have learned to regulate the energy blast. Jeryl Jarlyn has a lot to answer for. Secondly, would you have been willing to lose your brother and Starc if you had to do it all over again?”
Shirl did not have to consider the question, but answered immediately. “I would have done it all over again. That makes me a monster.”
“A monster would be able to sleep at night. The fact that you are struggling with what you did clears you of being a psychotic fiend. Would you have killed those men to save Cianan and Starc if you had a semi-automatic rifle?” Shirl nodded, although she had never even picked one up. “The difference is that one is an external weapon, while the other is internal to your genetics. You have a gift, Shirl.”
“Alex, all that was left of those men was ash. It is frightening the power I am able to harness.” Shirl shuttered, thinking about it. The scene played in her brain countless times since her return to Aster Province. She did not discount Alex’s recommendation of trying to harness the power. Bringing about another portal to practice controlling that power scared her to death.
“Those men would have killed every man in that village and then done God knows what to you”, Alex said. “They got what they deserved. The only difference is that the villagers will not have to bury shot up bodies.”
Shirl looked at Alex in disbelief. “That’s not funny, Alex!”
“I don’t mean to be glib,” her friend replied. “If I had that power and you were threatened, I would not hesitate to use it. I gave up Chartail to the Troyk Government in order to reduce patrols around the portal. My primary concern was bringing you here, regardless of what I had to do. That, I can live with. You have to figure out what you can live with.”
Shirl’s brain was wrapping itself around everything that Alex shared. Somehow Robert Oppenheimer, father of the atomic bomb, was able to live with what he unleashed. She was going to have to find a way to do the same.
“When did you get so deep?” Shirl said, needing to lighten things up a bit.
“A lot has happened since I arrived in the Troyk universe. Sometimes the things I have done scares the shit out of me. When things get too heavy or I question what I am doing, Tarsea and I have a conversation. We really open up to each other. I don’t know if it’s the whole soul mate thing or I just choose to be brutally honest. After we finish one of our discussions, I no longer feel dirty. It kind of cleanses my soul.”
Once again Shirl wished she had that close relationship with Starc. He was her protector and they had frighteningly great sex. She knew she wanted more, she was just not sure how to take the next step.
“Starc and I are not like you and Tarsea. He does not feel the same way about me as your soul mate feels about you. It’s all physical and about responsibility.” There, how was that for opening herself up!
“How do you know? From what I understand, the two of you let off some steam and then parted ways. True intimacy happens after the orgasm. You have to lay your soul out there for him and vice versa. Starc is taciturn. You are going to have to work to open him up. Take the risk, Shirl. It’s frightening, but the benefits are worth the discomfort in the beginning.”
“Starc wouldn’t want that, Alex,” Shirl admitted to her friend.
“I love you, Shirl,” Alex said. “But you have to stop playing the victim. Your whole life you complained about people not taking you seriously, only reacting to how you look. I’ve seen you drive forward since you arrived, only to take a step back. You need the mental fortitude to keep driving to what you want. Starc wants a deeper relationship with you, I guarantee it.”
“Then why isn’t he here instead of you?” Shirl answered in anger.
Alex did not seem taken aback by her friend’s violent response. “Frankly, I think he is scared to death he’ll lose you if he confronts you with his feelings. I see the way he looks at me and Tarsea. There is longing in his gaze. He wants the same type of relationship that Tarsea and I have.”
Shirl could not help it, she grunted at Alex’s comments. She wished what she was saying was true.
“You are soul mates,” Alex continued. “The physical part of the relationship is violently activated as soon as you first touch. That is the easy part. I think under normal circumstances we would have gotten to know our soul mates a little better before things turned sexual. In that period, our two souls would have gotten to know each other and been prepared for the next evolutionary stage once we made love. I think we just jump-started things a little early. Besides, you said Drake manipulated the soul mate connection. It’s time to play catch-up and get to know Starc. He is a wonderful man. I would not have been able to select a better soul mate for you if I tried.”
“You exhaust me, Alex.” Her friend seemed to suck the air out of the room as she threw one thought after another in Shirl’s direction. Their relationship had changed. Alex was not going to fix this for her, she was just showing her the way to do it on her own.
Her friend laughed. “Yes, I know. You have a lot to think about. Just prove to Starc you are not going to fall to pieces or break if you start having frank conversations. The trials that Jeryl Jarlyn has put you through would break anyone’s spirit, but you persevered. Starc never left your side when you returned with the snake bite. Prove to him you have the mental strength as well to tackle what life throws at you.”
Alex rose from the bed and kissed Shirl on the forehead. “I’m starving!” Alex advised her. “I am going to see what Tolfer has cooking and see if I can talk him into giving his niece or nephew a small portion before everyone sits down to eat.” She left the room, leaving Shirl to her thoughts.
Shirl did not want anything more than she wanted to get closer to Starc. She did not know if she could handle him turning away from her. They had not talked about the energy blast that she generated in Terra Nova. It scared her to death that he would now look at her through different eyes.
Starc looked up from the drink he held in his hand as Alex pranced into the kitchen. She immediately went to Tolfer and started chatting with him. He heard Tarsea groan next to him.
“If Alex had to choose between me and one of my brother’s keen dishes, I think I could come in second.” Tarsea kept his eyes on his soul mate as Tolfer dished out a small bowl of food for her. She joined them at the table. “How is Shirl? She must be better or you are really hungry.”
“Both,” Alex said, as she winked at Starc. “What happened on Terra Nova has really shaken her. She has always thought people judged her on how she looked and now she is afraid this new power is going to define her. I can talk ‘til I am blue in the face, but there is only one person’s acceptance she really needs.” As Alex took another fork full of food, she directly looked at Starc.
“Me?” Starc asked bewildered. Shirl had been avoiding him like the plague since they returned, barricading herself in her room. He was afraid to approach her. “I wanted to give her space.”
Alex gave him a knowing look. “The last thing Shirl needs is space. She will wallow in self-doubt until every ounce of her self-esteem is gone. Her greatest fear is losing you because of the power she can wield
. She won’t admit it to you, so you need to address it with her directly.”
Shirl was not the only one battling with self-doubt, Starc thought as he left the kitchen. He should not have left Shirl alone for so long. It should have been him who went to talk to her, not Alex. Once again, he failed his soul mate. These festering issues between him and Shirl had to stop. He needed to man up and talk to the woman he could not breathe without. She was now a part of him and he had to fix their failing relationship.
He stood in front of Shirl’s bedroom door. Taking a deep breath, he knocked. She immediately bid him to enter. Starc walked into the room and found Shirl lying in bed, wearing the clothes she had been wearing on Terra Nova when they left. She had not even bothered to change. Part of him wanted to continue to let her be, to gather her strength.
The part of him that knew he needed to confront his soul mate won out. “How are you feeling? You look a little pale.” Not exactly words that led to the discussion he wanted to have with her. Her wan complexion took him aback. The discoloration of her jaw also alarmed him. It was swollen, and yellow had joined the black and blue from earlier.
“I am just a little tired. My brain just won’t shut up and let me rest,” Shirl replied.
“What are you thinking or worrying about,” Starc said, “maybe I can help.” He hoped this was the opening he longed for to start a dialog. Alex had encouraged him to ask her directly. Starc just did not know what to say to Shirl. He did not want to disturb her any more than she already was.
“Starc, I am scared to death I will not be able to control my powers and end up hurting innocent people. I feel like I am a disaster waiting to happen. Plus, my brother sold me out to Jeryl Jarlyn. That man scares the shit out of me. Part of me wants to leave this universe, but what I’ve seen of other worlds, there is no place to go.”
He removed his shoes and joined his soul mate on the bed. Rather than just lying next to her, he decided to take her into his arms. Nothing was more important than comforting Shirl and not letting their sexual attraction derail the discussion they needed to have.
“You saved my life,” Starc shared with her. “I am supposed to protect you, yet it was you who saved the day. There was a big part of me that berated myself for putting you in the position where you had to discover your new power. But then I realized what a partnership was all about. Saving each other’s butts when one of us has the opportunity.”
She looked at him in wonder. He did not think he had strung more than a dozen words together when talking to her. His soul mate did not seem ready to continue the discussion. It was up to him to relieve the guilt she felt, or at least share it.
“Shirl, you had no idea what would happen when your brother directed you on how to manipulate the energy of the portal. You just knew that I was in danger and would have died had you not taken action.”
He brought her fully into his body. His left arm wrapped around her shoulder, while he massaged the small of her back with the other. There was nothing sexual about what he was doing, yet his body generated heat. It was a healing warmth that his soul mate soaked into her body. She sighed with contentment.
Shirl lifted her head and looked into his eyes. “I was chilled to the bone and you warm my soul, Starc. Alex asked if I was willing to lose you and not use my power to save you. I told her I would have done the same thing again. That scares me to death.”
“What scares you? How you feel about me or the ability to generate an energy blast?” He held his breath as he awaited her answer.
“That I would be willing to kill for you, Starc,” Shirl answered. “The thought that I could have lost you on Terra Nova makes me physically sick. I feel like I barely know you, but you are interwoven in my being. It was that feeling that powered the portal. I don’t know how to better explain it. My feelings for you generated that blast.”
There it was. The unexplainable bond between soul mates that scared them both. Alex and Tarsea reveled in it, while Starc and Shirl shrank from it. Those heart wrenching words gave him hope their relationship could develop into a true soul mate bonding.
“You are an amazing woman, Shirl,” Starc answered. “I am truly humbled by your words and feelings for me. Our feelings for each other can generate the specter of death. That is a burden that we must carry together. Shirl, you are not alone.”
Shirl let out a short burst of breath, a sort of half laugh. “I dreamed of traveling my whole life. It never dawned on me that it was not the journey that was so critical, but who I traveled with. I spoke in haste when I told Cianan I was never going through the portal again. I just wish we were not Jeryl Jarlyn’s puppets. He purposely put us in danger to test my powers.”
“We can add that to the ever growing list of why we need Benko Jarlyn to come home and challenge his father. Nothing would make me happier than exploring wondrous parallel worlds with you. In the meantime, we need to be wary of where Jeryl sends us. Based on the challenges we have had, I think I can negotiate more protection as we enter hostile worlds. The less danger either of us is in reduces the chance of a lethal energy blast being generated. But if we need it as a weapon, it can be a strategic tool in our arsenal. Like anything else, we need to learn how to control it. I doubt it always has to be such an incendiary blast. Let us try to bring it down to something that will just stun. Together we can make that happen.”
Shirl nuzzled Starc’s neck. “Thank you, Starc. I do not think I ever felt so alone in my life. In the orphanage I had Alex and Candy. But this power, it isolated me from everyone.”
“You are never going to be alone again, love,” Starc said before he took possession of her mouth. In a matter of moments he deepened the kiss. He could not get enough of her taste.
Shirl felt renewed, as well as totally turned on. His kiss consumed her. She lifted her hands and grabbed locks of his hair. For such a powerful man, he had baby fine hair. This time she was willing to stay on the bottom. She liked the feel of his strength, his weight, on her body. Shirl wanted to be dominated by this man and then meet it with her own need for dominance.
She grabbed at his tunic, pulling it up his torso. He broke their kiss in order to get the garment out of the way. His chest rubbed against the soiled tunic she wore. She wished she had showered and changed.
“Too many clothes,” she managed to communicate between kisses. She was so absorbed in what he was doing to her, Shirl forgot she could have shared those thoughts in their private channel. He pulled her tunic off with little effort and then started to remove her leggings. It was not long before she was naked beneath his body. His hands urgently explored her body, staying at no part of her body for long. There was a restlessness about his need.
Finally his eager fingers found the entrance to her sex. First one and then a second finger parted her folds and entered her body. He moved his fingers in such a way that he brought about immense pleasure for her with little effort. She wondered what he was saving his energy for. Shirl did not have to wait long to get the answer.
Starc entered her with one powerful thrust. She pulled back her head and called out his name. He drove in and out of her at a frenzied rate. By some miracle she was able to keep up with this pace. Her breathing quickened and she started to see stars. As before, they climaxed together.
Starc rolled over on his side, taking her with him. “I am sorry, love, it was over so quickly. The urgency I was feeling in worrying about you took over my control.”
Shirl closed her eyes and took an assessment of how she was feeling, both physically and mentally. She was exhausted, Starc had set an Olympic gold worthy pace. The amazing thing was she was content mentally. After all the doubt and self-loathing she went through this afternoon, peace had finally come over her.
“We needed to release energy and this was far more enjoyable and less lethal.” It amazed Shirl that she could joke about what had been haunting her since she unleashed the power of t
he portal, although Alex would have found wittier words.
“Give me a couple of minutes and we can release more energy. This time slower and more methodical.”
“Methodical?” Shirl questioned him. “That does not sound too promising.” It sounded too cerebral.
“I want to explore every inch of you and see what responses I can get out of you as I worship your body.” Starc caressed her ear as he spoke. “When I am done with my exploration, it is only fair I give you the opportunity.”
Starc was true to his word.
Chapter 24
Shirl dragged herself into the kitchen. She needed coffee. Once she had gotten over the initial symptoms of portal sickness, she exchanged drinking the herbal mixture for coffee. Once she finished her first cup, she would be able to do an assessment of all the aches and pains assaulting her body. She was sore in places she did not know could get sore.
Alex was already in the kitchen, sipping her herbal beverage. She looked up as Shirl entered the room and merely raised her index finger to acknowledge Shirl’s presence. Neither Alex nor Shirl were morning people. They normally dragged themselves into the kitchen when they visited each other, not saying a word until each had at least one dose of caffeine. Candy was the morning person. Shirl was going to leave for Ginkgo Terra later this morning and bring her friend here. Candy was going to take over the room Shirl had been using and Shirl was going to move in with Starc. After last night she wondered if she had enough energy to live with him. She took another sip of coffee and did some mental replays of their erotic activities.
Shirl glanced once again at Alex and noticed she appeared as exhausted as she was. “Late night?” she asked her friend.
“That man is insatiable. I don’t know whether to complain or thank my lucky stars,” Alex replied. “Starc and Tarsea are in the common room. They are probably high fiving each other’s performances. The walls are just too thin. When I saw Leenea this morning she just smiled and returned to her own bedroom. Amazing!”
The Crystal Telepath Page 20