by Aimee Duffy
HarperImpulse an imprint of
HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
77–85 Fulham Palace Road
Hammersmith, London W6 8JB
www.harpercollins.co.uk
First published in Great Britain by HarperImpulse 2014
Copyright © Aimee Duffy 2014
Cover Images © Shutterstock.com
Aimee Duffy asserts the moral right
to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue record for this book is
available from the British Library
This novel is entirely a work of fiction.
The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are
the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to
actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is
entirely coincidental.
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Ebook Edition © August 2014
ISBN: 9780008106324
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For the ninja, super-graphic-girl and queen Catco.
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Contents
Copyright
Dedication
Dublin/Home
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-three
Chapter Twenty-four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Aimée Duffy
About HarperImpulse
About the Publisher
Dublin/Home
Chapter Twenty-Two
Week Two
Ciara flipped to the help wanted page of the third weekly newspaper she’d bought that day. She didn’t have much hope that this one would be any different from the other two but she had to try.
The café she’d chosen to wait for Gem was quiet despite it being a Saturday morning but then she guessed most people would be out at the shops or maybe even at home with their families.
Not that her da was around to spend time with. Business was booming and he was out working the weekend with two of his new employees. She couldn’t believe that even after he’d paid her tuition he was still working himself to the bone. Then again she could relate too. She wished she had something to keep her mind busy. Zack invaded her thoughts more and more as the days went on.
‘Another latte?’ the waitress asked.
‘Please,’ Ciara said, handing over her empty mug.
‘We’re looking for someone to cover maternity here if you need a job,’ the woman said.
She looked around the café, seriously considering applying since she’d still to find anything else. ‘Do I just hand in a CV? I’ve worked at a café like this when I was at university.’
‘Even better, it means you can work your way round a coffee machine. You wouldn’t believe how many people manage to block it by filling the thing in the wrong compartments.’
Instead of saying she knew exactly what the woman meant by doing the same thing her first time filling a coffee machine, she smiled. ‘I’ll drop it in on Monday.’
It didn’t take long until she had a fresh latte in hand and a glimmer of hope that her almost empty purse might see a penny or two in the near future.
‘Sorry I’m late,’ Gem said, when she burst through the door.
Ciara’s smile got wider. It had been almost two weeks since she saw her friend, despite texting and emailing. But it hadn’t been a happy fortnight. ‘Let me guess, you hung back again to see if you could catch a glimpse of the pilot?’
Gem rolled her eyes. ‘Any other time you’d be right, but not today.’ After dumping her brolly and removing her coat, she said, ‘Does it ever stop raining in Dublin?’
‘Not since I got back.’ It felt like the dingy sky and miserable weather was underscoring her mood.
Her friend sat down across from her and Ciara could tell by the serious expression she wasn’t going to like whatever Gem had to say. ‘I got a call from Elle when I landed and missed my taxi.’
Her heart started pounding fast until she blurted, ‘How is she? I haven’t heard from her since… well, you were there.’
She still hated remembering their argument, never mind talking about it but she had tried like mad to make things right to the point she could give a stalker a run for their money.
‘I do. Cia, she asked me to tell you to stop calling. She has nothing to say. I’m so sorry.’
‘Oh.’ It was hardly surprising. Elle had rejected every one of her calls, ignored her text and emails and even unfriended her on social media.
‘I told her to stop being a cow but you know Elle. That just made her mad.’ Gem wrinkled her nose. ‘This is getting ridiculous though.’
‘Don’t give her a hard time. It’s my fault. If I’d just gone to bed alone the first night we were in LA instead of kissing him, we’d still be friends.’
That’s the part she was struggling with the most. On one hand, she couldn’t regret what happened with Zack – just how it ended between them. On the other, she lost a friend and possibly the best thing that had ever happened to her.
‘You can’t help how you felt. I totally get the forbidden lust thing.’ Gem sighed.
‘Don’t tell me you met someone you can’t have?’ she asked with faux disbelief, more than happy to change the subject.
Gem nodded, then took a sip of Ciara’s latte. ‘This is really good.’
‘You can have it if you spill. Come on, I want gossip!’ For the first time in ages she actually did. She’d spent so long asking her da about the gossip in town and what happened at work at the end of each day just to keep her mind busy but this was different.
Gem studied her carefully, probably to make sure a story of boy-meets-girl didn’t set off the waterworks.
‘I’m fine, really.’
Gem nodded. ‘One of my dad’s lab assistants, Brian. I know, the name’s dishwater dull but he’s not. He’s older though, like 34 but the pheromone levels are off the charts. I swear I’m going home every night running through my vibrators like a sex craved maniac.’ Gem shivered. ‘I tingle just thinking about it.’
She wished Elle was there to stop Gem before she got into the lurid fantasy bit, but she wasn’t and Ciara refused to dwell on the whys. For now. ‘Surely he notices your hotness?’
Gem’s cheeks actually turned pink – which was a first. ‘I think he feels it too, and he’s definitely into me. I’ve seen him eyeing up my arse.’
‘So why are you blushing?’ She had to ask. It was the first time she’d seen Gem embarrassed about anything.
‘We were working late on some research and I couldn’t concentrate, I was too revved up! So I kissed him. Just as I thought he was getting into it I took things a step further and he pushed me away.’
‘He didn’t want anything to happen?’ That baffled her. Gem was gorgeous.
‘Oh he wanted it. His dick was so hard it was bursting out of his trousers.’ Gem’s eyes glazed over a
nd the shiver was back. ‘It’s. HUGE.’
This was just getting more and more confusing. ‘Why did he stop? Oh, is it because he works for your dad?’
‘Not even close. I tried again, even propositioned a night or two of hot, sweaty and kinky sex. I was that desperate! He said he was looking for more than a bit of fun, but if I wanted to date him he’d take me out. Can you believe the nerve? I practically throw myself at him and he says ‘no sex until we’ve dated first’!’
‘Isn’t that a good thing? It means he doesn’t want to use you.’ It was more than most guys would do.
‘I explained my super orgasm theory and that I reckoned with him it would be beneficial for us to get down and dirty as soon as possible. He laughed at me. Then said that might be true, but if I don’t agree to date him first I’ll never know for sure. Can you believe him?’ Gem fisted her hands, but the blush was brighter than ever.
‘Gem, do you want to date him?’ she asked.
More blushing. Right to the hairline. ‘No. Maybe.’ She threw her hands up in an Elle-like gesture. ‘How would I know? I’ve never dated anyone.’
‘Maybe it would be a nice change for you. And I think you really like him too, and not just for what his dick can do for you.’ It would explain the blush and why she was getting all worked up over a guy she hadn’t had sex with.
Her lips twisted in that way they did when she was thinking something through. ‘I could try it. Then record the progress, like an experiment.’
Ciara shook her head, wondering why she bothered at all. ‘Or you could just get to know him and he can get to know you, like normal people do when they’re dating.’
‘I like the experiment idea better.’
Ciara grinned, completely unsurprised. ‘I’ve missed your inner geek.’
‘Same here! Now are we going back to Blessington to hit the pubs? I can’t wait to be surrounded by Irish men.’ Gem’s eyes glittered again.
‘What about Brian?’ she asked, pulling her coat on.
‘We aren’t dating yet.’
Ciara rolled her eyes and left a few coins on the table.
Week Three
‘I bumped into Mrs Hodge this morning,’ her da said as he came into the kitchen.
Ciara had his dinner on the table for him coming home since she’d only worked the morning shift at the café. It felt good to work, even better to come home at the end of the day and spend some quality time with him.
‘Mmm,’ she said, not really caring what Mrs Hodge had to say but it was going to be a long depressing night where she’d send another email to Elle which would no doubt go unanswered, go over and over the reason why she’d lost her friend and end up crying into her pillow when she realised how much she still missed Zack. So she asked, ‘What did she say?’
‘You remember her son, Tony? He’s at the high school now but he’s struggling with math. She asked if you’d mind helping him some nights and said she’d give you something for your trouble.’
‘Like a tutor?’ she asked, skewering a hunk of cod with her fork and popping it into her mouth.
‘I suppose that’s what they’re called,’ he said, joining her at the table. ‘It would be nice if you could find a use for that fancy degree of yours.’
He dug into his own meal, letting her think things through. He was right of course, if she didn’t do something vaguely math related then she’d wasted four years of her life and a lot of her family’s money. And how hard could it be? She’d been working at college level by the time she hit high school.
‘I’ll help,’ she said, feeling a zing of excitement for the first time in weeks. ‘It could be really fun.’
He tried to hide his smile behind a hunk of fish but she caught it. ‘That’s great, because I told her you’d be round at seven.’
She rolled her eyes. It had been the same thing with Oxford. He’d applied and then, when she got accepted, planted the suggestion until she came round to the idea. At least this time there wasn’t an argument about it.
‘Can’t wait.’
***
To: Elle Muir, Gemma Howard
From: Ciara Bree
Subject: Catching up
Hi girls,
Just checking in to see what you’ve been up to? Gem, any progress with Brian yet?
Elle, I really hope you’re settling into the business. Gem tells me your granddad is really proud of how far you’ve come. I’m so happy for you and I bet you’re loving bossing around those interns!
This week has been crazy busy. I started working at a café in Dublin part-time and twice a week I’m tutoring a local boy in maths. I’m really enjoying it and have just discovered an open learning university are looking for part-time distance learning tutors! It’s got me really excited, but of course I might not get the job. Fingers crossed!
I miss you both so, so much. Sometimes I wish we were back at uni, chatting about this stuff over a bottle of something strong. Those days were the best. I’m so glad I met you girls.
Love you both,
Cia
xxx
***
To: Ciara Bree, Elle Muir
From: Gemma Howard
Subject: Zomifuckinggod!
Ladies, forget super hormones, even super pheromones. You need to find yourselves a Brian! After dating this fine specimen for over a week, I begged on my hands and knees for him to give me a go on his disco stick and what a go it was! I spent the weekend in his bed and we were late to work on Monday because I couldn’t get enough. I will give you the details later. I’m too knackered to get it right. Oh and the dating isn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, though it does include a LOT of non-naked time which is a shame.
Cia, that’s great! Did you get the job? Sorry I’ve been MIA.
Elle, what’s new? You’ve been quiet.
Love Gem
(Definitely not in a gay way. I’ll never turn now I’ve had a go of Brian’s dick)
xxx
***
To: Elle Muir, Gemma Howard
From: Ciara Bree
Subject: Re Zomifuckinggod
SEE? I told you dating wouldn’t be so bad! My retinas could have done without the page long description of his privates, followed by a verse on how talented his tongue is around your body – but I’m so happy that you’ve found someone you gel with, in and out of the bedroom.
Still, I feel like I know Brian better than I should… ;o)
I got the job! And the course I’ll teach starts at the end of this month – I can’t wait! Oh and I’ve got two more private students, one who’s struggling with the math part of his uni course in Dublin and another who’s in school. I really think this is my calling, I just hope it sticks.
I’ve been speaking with my da about the way I get sometimes. He said I should go to the doctor so I’ve made an appointment next week. I know it’s a waste of time, I am who I am and can’t change that but he’s worried about me so I’ll go.
Elle, I’m sorry for calling all the time. I know you don’t want to talk to me, so I promise I’ll stop. I’m always here if you ever want to talk, or anything. I miss you so much. You’re the glue that put us all together and you taught me everything about being a woman. I fucked up really bad and can’t ever put that right if you don’t let me try.
Love you both, always
(Maybe even in a gay way)
Cia
xxx
***
To: Ciara Bree
From: Gemma Howard
Subject: Just remember I love you too…
Cia,
I think visiting the doctor was a great idea. How did it go? I called earlier but I guess you’re working. Hope things are okay.
Sorry I didn’t get back over the weekend – I went down to London to visit Elle.
I wanted to tell you but with work and Brian I never seem to have much me-time anymore.
The silly cow has a stubborn streak to rival Hitler’s, I swear. She’s so thick-skulle
d that she’d probably survive if I swung a golf club full force at her head! I know you’re worried about her but don’t be. Remember Marco? The guy she met in Florence? Well, they’ve been hooking up every other weekend and I think she wants to get close to him. Still, you know Elle. She hates giving up the upper ground and refuses to admit she likes him. He’s the same so there’s no moving forward as far as I can see.
She does still care about you though, I can tell with how upset she got when I mentioned you. Please don’t give up on her. She needs time but she’ll come around eventually, I know she will.
Elle told me something I’m not sure you’ll want to know, but I can’t let you go on worrying. Zack didn’t stay to run the company. Elle says he’s off somewhere trying to start his own business doing what he loves. She didn’t give details. I actually think she told me so I could pass the info on. We both know how much you care about him.
I had to do this privately but include Elle in a reply about what the doctor said. Love never goes away completely.
Listen to me with all this love shit! It’s like I’ve quit science in favour of witchcraft.
LOVE Gem.
Mwah!
xxx
***
To: Gemma Howard, Elle Muir
From: Ciara Bree
Subject: The verdict
Sorry I haven’t replied, Gem. It’s been a rough couple of weeks and I didn’t feel much like talking to anyone.
The doctor told me it sounded like I had problems with anxiety. Me. Anxiety? Not that easy to believe considering all I’ve been through and managed to keep so calm that the slogan could be named after me.
He referred me to a feckin psychiatrist! Can you believe it? I’ve never heard so much shit come out of a GPs mouth before but there you go. I need help, apparently.
I’m only going to humour my da. He’s been pushing me to make the appointment so I did, on the condition he told me the real reason my mam left us.
He told me he’d loved her since he first laid eyes on her. He wanted a family so badly but knew deep down it wasn’t the right place for her.!